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Thread: Slayers Try - Stand Up!

  1. #1
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    Default Slayers Try - Stand Up!

    The translation of this song that's on the site has been low-key bothering me for... probably years, at this point, and today I finally got around to attempting my own translation, but there are some things I'm not sure of, so here I am.

    ポケットから溢れそうだね 抱きしめてる夢はダイヤモンド
    気持ちばかり 空回りして どこか違う わかるけど

    POKETTO kara afuresou da ne dakishimete'ru yume wa DAIYAMONDO
    kimochi bakari karamawari shite dokoka chigau wakaru kedo

    The dreams I'm embracing are like diamonds overflowing from my pockets
    My feelings are just spinning their wheels, though I know something's different

    流行りの店 ルーズな会話 自由の意味 間違えないで
    楽しいこと 流されてても 大事なもの 見えないよ

    hayari no mise RUUZU na kaiwa jiyuu no imi machigaenaide
    tanoshii koto nagasarete'te mo daiji na mono mienai yo

    Don't mistake trendy stores and careless conversation for the meaning of freedom [1]
    Even though the fun things are washed away, I can't see what's really important

    迷路の真ん中 憧れは遠いけど Visionを変えたら 明日に会えるよ

    meiro no mannaka akogare wa tooi kedo Vision o kaetara ashita ni aeru yo

    Though I'm in the midst of the maze and the thing I yearn for is far away, if I change my vision I'll be able to find tomorrow

    ※Stand up and be Yourself 夢をつかむなら
    Stand up! 今すぐ本気出さなきゃ
    Stand up! チャンスはよそ見していたら 逃げて行くから
    少しくらいの涙の跡は ピカピカの勲章に変えて
    あきらめない気持ちがいつかは 奇跡を呼ぶよ Taking on a chance※

    * Stand up and be Yourself yume o tsukamu nara
    Stand up! ima sugu honki dasanakya
    Stand up! CHANSU wa yosomi shite itara nigete yuku kara
    sukoshi kurai no namida no ato wa PIKAPIKA no kunshou ni kaete
    akiramenai kimochi ga itsuka wa kiseki o yobu yo Taking on a chance

    * Stand up and be yourself--if I grab hold of my dream
    Stand up! I'll have to give it my all right away
    Stand up! Because if I take my eyes off my opportunities they'll run away
    After just a little time, my tears will turn into sparkling decorations
    And my feelings that won't give up will one day call forth a miracle--taking on a chance

    グラビアから飛び出たみたい 誰かの服 誰かのメイク
    自分の色 探したいけど 変われないね いつだって

    GURABIA kara tobideta mitai dareka no fuku dareka no MEIKU
    jibun no iro sagashitai kedo kawarenai ne itsudatte

    Instead of wearing someone else's clothes and makeup that look like they've just jumped out of a poster of a swimsuit model
    I want to find my own colors, but nothing ever changes[2]

    クロゼットの中にしまった 泣きたいほど素直な気持ち
    好きなものを 好きといえたら きっと生まれ変われるよ

    KUROZETTO no naka ni shimatta nakitai hodo sunao na kimochi
    suki na mono o suki to ietara kitto umarekawareru yo

    My feelings that are so true that it almost makes me cry are shut away inside a closet
    If I could tell the one I love how I feel, I'd surely be reborn

    飾らないままの きらきらしてる笑顔 そんな笑い方 出来たらいいよね

    kazaranai mama no kirakira shite'ru egao sonna waraikata dekitara ii yo ne

    A smile that sparkles without decoration... I wish I could smile that way

    Wake up and be your smile 素敵になるなら
    Wake up! 自分に自信もたなきゃ
    Wake up! ライバルは誰でもなくて 昨日の私
    恋をしたり たまには泣いたり 毎日のハードルを越えて
    頑張ってる視線が本当の 宝物だね Looking for the dream

    Wake up and be your smile suteki ni naru nara
    Wake up! jibun ni jishin motanakya
    Wake up! RAIBARU wa dare demo nakute kinou no watashi
    koi o shitari tama ni wa naitari mainichi no HAADORU o koete
    ganbatte'ru shisen ga hontou no takaramono da ne Looking for the dream

    Wake up and be your smile--if I'm going to be fabulous
    Wake up! Then I'll have to have confidence in myself
    Wake up! I have no rivals except my own past self [3]
    Falling in love, sometimes crying, overcoming each day's hurdles
    Having a determined gaze is the true treasure--looking for the dream

    (※くり返し)

    * repeat

    [1] I want to say "don't mistake trendy stores and careless conversation for the meaning of freedom," but I'm not sure the grammar supports that interpretation. It's so unwieldy the way it is right now, though.

    [2] I feel like I understand what this stanza is getting at, but I have no idea how to phrase it so it's less disjointed without taking major liberties?

    [3] I'm basically assuming the choruses are the singer pep-talking herself, so I'm not sure what to do with this line--should it be "you have no rivals..." for consistency, should I leave it as is, or should I put the choruses in first person entirely? (Am I worrying too much about being consistent with the Random Cool English?)

    Of course, as always, I also welcome feedback on stuff I haven't specifically asked about. I feel like this translation is a bit sloppy in general, honestly.
    Last edited by EJTranslations; 08-22-2016 at 11:22 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Slayers Try - Stand Up!

    [1] I want to say "don't mistake trendy stores and careless conversation for the meaning of freedom," but I'm not sure the grammar supports that interpretation. It's so unwieldy the way it is right now, though.
    I think your hunch is accurate; I see it as "don't mistake [those things] for the meaning of freedom."

    [2] I feel like I understand what this stanza is getting at, but I have no idea how to phrase it so it's less disjointed without taking major liberties?
    Japanese is a vague and disjointed language, while English isn't. I think it shows more respect to the lyricist as an artist to translate the intended feeling of the song.

    For number [3], I would write it like this:

    Wake up and be your smile--if I'm going to be fabulous
    Wake up! Then I need to have confidence in myself
    Wake up! I have no rivals except my past self
    Falling in love, sometimes crying, overcoming each day's hurdles,
    The real treasure is having a determined gaze--looking for the dream

    "I/You become wonderful" sounds too Engrishy to me.
    Last edited by Grain; 08-18-2016 at 11:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Slayers Try - Stand Up!

    Thanks!

    >"I/You become wonderful" sounds too Engrishy to me.

    Haha, yeah, I didn't really like that, but I couldn't think of a translation for 素敵 that wouldn't sound equally awkward. "Fabulous" is great, though! Thanks for the suggestion.
    Last edited by EJTranslations; 08-21-2016 at 09:39 PM.

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