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Thread: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

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    Default Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Hello, I have a little problem with a translation (Which I already sent in, foolishly enough)
    I'm rather confident in most of it but this part:

    Ohayou no kisu sasete negao ni muchuu MU CHU CHU
    Onaji yane no shita de itsumo
    Futari no Honey-Boy, Shy-Boy aijou hanbunko!
    Kimi no mirai mimamorasete

    Let us kiss you goodmorning on your sleeping face, we're addicted to it
    We're always under the same roof
    Our Honey-Boy, Shy-Boy we will split his love into two!
    Let us watch over your future

    The part I'm having issues with is "muchuu MU CHU CHU" I can't find a way it sounds good in in english.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    My first thought was writing, "We're addicted (dick-dick-dicted)." It's a sexual anime, but maybe that's... too much?

    The original lyrics are written in English letters, so I feel it doesn't really have a meaning, reminiscent of Cha-La Head Cha-La.
    Last edited by Grain; 08-10-2016 at 01:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Part of it is written in english. That's why I thought of leaving it out entirely.
    And just go with "寝顔に夢中 MU CHU CHU" as "...on your sleeping face muchuu MU CHU CHU"
    The part I'd me missing out on then is "muchuu" (夢中)

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    What about this?

    Let us kiss you goodmorning on your sleeping face, we're addicted to it (Mmm! Kiss kiss!)
    Last edited by Grain; 08-10-2016 at 01:55 PM.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Yeah, something like that would be good. I have already submited the lyrics and they're now up I'm pretty sure.
    If it wouldn't trouble you too much I'd like feedback on it. As it is my first translation. I never knew how different not to say how difficult it was to translate so it sounds good and keep the original meaning. I'm currently working on "Zetsubou Plantation" from Yousei Teikoku. And I'm sorry for the lack of links. I'm on my phone without access to a computer right now. :P

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    If somebody wants to look at it, here it is:

    ふたりの▼Honey-Boy Shy-Boy 愛情はんぶんこ!
    おなじ屋根の下でいつも
    Our Honey-boy, Shy-boy we will split his love into two!
    We're always under the same roof

    背も高くなったよね
    成長がうれしいよ(おねえちゃんは)
    これからは 甘えたい
    ぬけがけは しちゃだめだからっ
    Your stature too has gotten big
    I'm so glad you've grown (Your sister is)
    From here now on I want to fawn upon you
    Therefore stealing a march on me is a no no

    弟に恋(ホンキでLOVE) しちゃっています(いいじゃん)
    その笑顔をひとりじめ したくなるの
    I'm falling in love (earnest love) with my little brother (why not)
    I want to make that smile of yours mine

    おはようのキスさせて 寝顔に夢中 MU CHU CHU
    おなじ屋根の下でいつも
    ふたりの▼Honey-Boy Shy-Boy 愛情はんぶんこ!
    君の未来見守らせて
    Let us give you a good morning kiss on your sleeping face, we're addicted to it
    We're always under the same roof
    Our Honey-Boy, Shy-Boy we will split his love into two!
    Let us watch over your future

    たくましくなったよね
    甘えんぼうだったのに(なつかしいね)
    あの頃の 思い出は
    いつまでも 宝物だよ
    You sure have gotten strong
    Even though you were a spoiled child (Finally, huh)
    The memories from that time,
    I will treasure them forever

    弟なのに(ドキドキHEART) 誘惑したい(うずうず)
    四六時中ときめきが 止まらないの
    Even though you're my little brother (My heart is beating) I want to seduce you (I really do!)
    Day and night my heart is beating and it won't stop


    おかえりのキスさせて いつでも夢中 MU CHU CHU
    おなじ屋根の下でいつも
    おねがい▼Honey-Boy Shy-Boy 視線をそらさないで
    君と未来描きたいよ
    Let us give you a welcome home kiss whenever, we're addicted to it
    We're always under the same roof
    Please our Honey-boy, Shy-boy don't avert your eyes
    We want to paint our futures with you

    おやすみのキスさせて 朝まで夢中 MU CHU CHU
    おなじ屋根の下でずっと・・・
    Let us give you a goodnight kiss until morning, we're addicted to it
    We've always been under the same roof

    おはようのキスさせて 寝顔に夢中 MU CHU CHU
    おなじ屋根の下でいつも
    ふたりの▼Honey-Boy Shy-Boy 愛情はんぶんこ!
    君の未来見守らせて
    Let us give you a morning kiss on your sleeping face, we're addicted to it
    We're always under the same roof
    Our Honey-Boy, Shy-Boy we will split his love into two!
    Let us watch over your future

    ---------- Post added at 04:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:37 PM ----------

    Overall I think you did quite well, @CrimsonFlows .

    "We will split his love in two," sounds awkward to me. I would say, "We'll share your love."

    "Your stature too has gotten big," also sounds awkward. I'd say, "You sure have gotten big," so that it parallels with the fifth stanza.

    Why did you translate natsukashii as "finally?" Shouldn't it be something like, "Those were the days!"

    "The memories from that time, I will treasure them forever." Do you need to keep this in the Japanese word order?

    It might be better to translate dokidoki/tokimeki as "racing/throbbing," rather than using the word beating twice. YMMV.

    Minor thing, but there's no reason to include the word "our" in the seventh stanza, and it sounds awkward to me. "Don't avert your eyes," also sounds awkward, but it's your choice as the translator.

    "We want to paint our futures with you" could mean the boy is the paint. You might want to say, "alongside you," or something like that.

    About 寝顔に夢中, いつでも夢中, 朝まで夢中. I see these as, "We're entranced by your sleeping face. We're always so entranced. We're entranced all night long." I don't think they're connected to キスさせて.

    Is there a reason you switch between I and we? I assume it's because the girls are singing some lines individually, and some together.
    Last edited by Grain; 08-10-2016 at 03:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Thank you so much! I will definitely keep this in mind while translating other songs. And I'll change the current one, I wasn't happy with it yet I submitted it. I regret that and it won't happen again. About "natsukashii" I wanted to translate it as something that was dearly missed, as in that "Oh, he has finally grown up" I guess I misinterpretated the meaning there.

    That's actually what I originally thought too. But I still think they're slightly connected because おやすみのキスさせて 朝まで夢中 translates so well into "Let us kiss you goodnight until morning/all night long" and not so well to ex "Let us kiss you goodnight, we're entranced all night long/until morning) If that's the case I feel like it's better to leave it out completely and translate it as just "muchuu MU CHU CHU"
    What do you think?

    And yes, it's a duo between the girls. That's why I switch between "we and I"
    Last edited by CrimsonFlows; 08-10-2016 at 04:10 PM.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Yes, natsukashii is what Japanese people say when they remember something nostalgic. This is how I'd translate the muchuu mu chu chu stanzas. Maybe with is actually better than alongside.

    おかえりのキスさせて いつでも夢中 MU CHU CHU
    おなじ屋根の下でいつも
    おねがい▼Honey-Boy Shy-Boy 視線をそらさないで
    君と未来描きたいよ
    Let us give you a welcome home kiss. Always so entranced by you, mmm! Kiss kiss!
    Always under the same roof,
    Honey boy, shy boy, please don't look away.
    We want to sketch the future with you.
    Last edited by Grain; 08-10-2016 at 04:56 PM.

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    Default Re: Kiss x sis Honey-boy

    Thank you so much for your help. I will definitely take your advice into concideration! I really like your muchuu MU CHU CHU stanza solution. I hope you won't mind if I use it

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