Uki Uki New! My Way (More K-ON!! - This time it's Ui)

[nd1]

Hey guys, it's me again.

Since last time actually seemed to go alright, I've had another shot at translating.

Once again, Japanese lyrics are already on the site (http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/kons2/ukiuki.htm). One thing to note though is in the line beginning with "素敵な軌道修正".... yeah that's wrong. It should be "柔軟な軌道修正".

Anyway, like last time, the full TL:

 

Somehow, it seems I could [still?] meet(find?) a me that I don't know [of?] yet
I found myself thinking about such things(about that?) in front of the mirror this morning
Tying up my hair,　keeping it in place with a pin,　or letting it down
No matter how I do it,　I'm still just myself

Everyone smiles when they see a happy face
Hehe　What other kind of thing will also make me smile...?

My beloved older sister is completely absorbed in her guitar, doing her very best <-- still wanna play around with some stuff here -- "completely engrossed in", "completely focused on", "always focusing on", "losing herself in", "always lost in"... idk... any opinions?
I love her extremely earnest coolness　Going My Way
I got you to gently touch(play?) your guitar　and we played with me on the organ
The combined resonation made my heart race
That's the excitement of the first time!!

If only there was some kind of hint in the frypan,
--a slight(?) change to my path would be a step towards happiness
--that step would be a slight(?) change to my path towards happiness
++that would be a slight(?) change to my steps towards happiness
When your egg yolks run,　making you lose heart,
Stop making sunny-side-up eggs and make delicious scrambled eggs instead

If I want to change everyone's faces into smiles, <-- I guess I should really just say "make everyone smile", huh?
Lala　I surely must first have a smile myself...! (and if I do that, I might get rid of "have a" here)

I want to love something which I'll become completely absorbed in someday, doing my very best <-- actually, I'm a little bit lost on the best way to handle the 'isshoukenmei's too. I almost wanna just get rid of them, but that's probably not a particularly good idea.
I'll chase the budding ambitions I found　New! My Way
I tried having a bit of a jam session　I sang a children's song on a rainy day
I'm hooked on this lively breathing　it's filling me with enthusiasm
It's a new excitement!!

++Usually I can enjoy fun things,　becoming completely absorbed in them, doing my very best
Within this circle(group?),　within these chords,　everyone's smiles are amazing
Touch your guitar a bit longer　and I'll play the organ more
The combined resonation makes my heart race
My "love" is beginning!!

So, I guess this is still a fairly easy song as far as making sense of it goes (but I guess I've just gotta start simple until I learn more Japanese).
Although, as with last time, it would be appreciated if someone wants to check things other things I may have gotten wrong in addition to what's down below.


Anyway, so there's a few green words withing brackets spread throughout the piece that I've added, mostly to make the English nicer. Ones in square brackets - '[]' - are potential additions and parenthesis - '()' - are used for replacements.

My thoughts on them:

 

[still?] = add it
(find?) = yes (does change the meaning a little, but I like it)
[of?] = idk... seems a bit more in line with the overall meaning to me, but not 100% sure
(about that?) = yes, it definitely cleans the English up a bit
(play?) = yeah, I think that's a reasonable way to interpret the meaning here... although I'm not actually entirely sure on whether 触る can actually mean that....
(group?) = well, a circle of friends is a thing in English too, but I wasn't really liking that too much

Do you agree with those decisions? Anything you'd do differently?


And now that's done, we can look at "無我夢中、一生懸命".
This is probably one of the most awkward parts of the translation ("completely absorbed in __, doing __ very best").
Red notes in the lyrics somewhat sum up my thoughts, although the "completely absorbed in" is growing on me, so maybe that can stay.
Either way, 一生懸命 feels a little weird how I've handled it. Maybe I'm just not completely understanding how it contributes to the lines properly, but I think there has to be a better way to handle it even if I do have that right.....
Any ideas?


Now, "柔軟な軌道修正→幸せへのステップ".
This line had me pretty confused, but I think I have it pretty much right in the third version of it ("that would be a slight(?) change to my steps towards happiness").
Does that seem reasonable? The grammar just isn't working out properly in my head though for some reason.

Additionally there, I've settled on using 'slight' for 柔軟な. Does that seem reasonable given this context?


"Change everyone's faces into smiles" vs "make everyone smile" (as noted):
"Make everyone smile" is much nicer, isn't it...
And actually, that is what "笑顔に変えたい" means, right? Changing something to a smile.


And finally, "楽しいをただ楽しんで".
This might seem really stupid, but 楽しい is fine to translate as 'fun things', right? Or would it be better to interpret it as the concept of fun.




So, ummm.... yeah. Thanks for the help.
Sorry for all the work I'm making you do.

Just quickly though, the song's title. It's giving me some trouble too. Tranlating these short half-English phrases can be annoying, can't it?
I think that, considering the content of the lyrics, something along the lines of "The 'Exciting New!' is My Way" is somewhat appropriate.
Although at the same time, I feel that maybe "My 'Exciting New!' Way" is somewhat reasonable too.
Do you prefer one over the other? Perhaps you'd do it differently?

Thanks again. It really is appreciated.

[EJTranslations]

Between the cold I have and the decongestants I'm taking for it, my brain is too fuzzy to cope with translations right now, but I wanted to say I fixed the kanji--thanks for that.