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Thread: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

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    Default How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    I just translated this song called 綺麗な夢のその果てに. I decided to translate the title as At the End of Your Lovely Dream. But, I'm kind of wondering if a better translation might be After Your Lovely Dream, or maybe even When You Awake From Your Lovely Dream. What do you think? Of course it depends on the context, so I'll copy-paste the song for reference.

    "Embrace your wounds with my star" sounds really weird, but I think that's what it's supposed to mean. I don't know how to re-word that, except maybe to say starlight.

    「こころに残ったちいさな気持ちをまもりたい。
    大切な場所をまもりたい。
    大切な人をまもりたい。
    私にもできるなら…こころを信じて進んでみよう。
    恋…友情…、想いは、合わせ鏡。」

    "I want to protect the small feeling that's stayed deep inside of me.
    I want to protect the place that's important to me.
    I want to protect the person important me.
    If I can do it too... I'll have faith in my inner self and try to move on.
    Love... Friendship... Emotions. They're mirrors that let us see our other side."

    幸せ望む力 なくした心にも
    やさしい風が吹いて 明日が見えるまで

    Even in my heart, which had lost the ability to wish for happiness,
    A gentle breeze blows until I can see tomorrow.

    私の星であなたの傷を
    抱きしめて進もう
    運命わかるはずないよ 変わる未来

    Let's move on while I embrace
    Your wounds with my star.
    You're not supposed to understand fate. The future is always changing.

    綺麗な夢のその果てに
    悲しみが舞う世界を
    あなたのために許したい
    失う痛みなど怖くない

    At the end of your lovely dream,
    For your sake, I want to forgive
    This world of dancing sorrows.
    I'm not afraid of the pain of losing you.

    微笑み忘れたなら 夜通し寒いなら
    私を呼んで欲しい 気ちを預けてよ

    If you forget your smile, if it's cold all through the night,
    I want you to call out to me. Trust me with your feelings.

    戸惑うほどにあなたの背中
    少年の切なさ
    何度泣いたら休めるの?
    走る日々は

    The more you feel confused,
    The more youthful woes you bear on your back.
    How many times do you have to cry before you can rest?
    The days are racing away.

    流れる時も去る人も
    同じ空の下を行(ゆ)く
    愛だと知ればつらくなる
    守りたくなるからつらくなる

    Ticking time and passing people
    Both travel under the same sky.
    If I realize I'm in love, it'll be heartbreaking,
    Heartbreaking because I'll want to protect you.

    瞼に映る 小さな月は
    懐かしい想い出光る deja vu…ah!

    The tiny moon I see when I close my eyes
    Is a dearest memory of mine, a shining piece of deja vu... ah!

    綺麗な夢のその果てに
    悲しみが舞う世界を
    あなたのためにこわしたい
    新しい命で会うために

    At the end of your lovely dream,
    For your sake, I want to destroy
    This world of dancing sorrows,
    So that we can meet in a new life.
    Last edited by Grain; 10-16-2014 at 07:49 AM.

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    Default Re: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    'At the end of your lovely dream' seems to fit better, although I'd say beautiful instead of lovely. Well that's up to you.
    Again, it's just my suggestions, but I think
    失う痛みなど怖くない
    should be 'I'm not scared of the pain of losing '
    and
    新しい命で会うために
    'To meet you in a new life'

    Hope that helps.
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    Default Re: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    Thank you for the suggestions. I've updated the lyrics.

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    Default Re: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    Glad I could help
    SoundCloud: Angery
    Short covers on Instagram: @project_mercury
    YouTubes: Angery Project Mercury

    - views and any interaction all appreciated.



    \_(ツ)_/

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    Default Re: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    If the question is still open, let me put my two cents in it.

    綺麗な夢のその果てに
    I would translate as "At the end of a beautiful dream". Or "After a beautiful dream" is acceptable, too. But there's no determiner "your". I mean "At the End of Your Lovely Dream", here shouldn't be "your" in front of "Lovely".

    失う痛みなど怖くない
    Like Happyblossom, I would translate as "I'm not scared of the pain of losing".
    I think your translation "I'm not afraid of the pain of losing you" is a bit misleading. There shouldn't be "you" at the end. Because it has not been clarified, the pain of losing what she is not scared.
    For example, I got the impression that
    失う痛みなど怖くない implies "beautiful dream", ie "I'm not scared of the pain of losing the beautiful dream". Ie "For you, I want to forgive this world where sadness dances at the end of(after) a beautiful dream. I'm not scared of the pain of losing the beautiful dream in order to gain something more real" Since she shows a desire to forgive the world where sadness at the end of a beautiful dream,as in she is finally ready to say goodbye to the beautiful dream and face(accept) reality, ie the world where sadness dances.

    I did study Japanese in high school. But I'm not an expert by any means. So I consulted a native Japanese speaker. She said,

    > 失う痛みなど怖くない
    > I'm not afraid of the pain of losing.

    I think your translation is correct.I'm not afraid of the pain of losing (a beautiful dream/you/something). We don't know what the object of the verb "lose" is.

    But I'm afraid you're parsing it wrong; it's parsed as:

    [{(綺麗な夢のその果てに)(悲しみが)舞う}世界を]、
    あなたのために許したい。
    失う痛みなど怖くない。

    I mean, 綺麗な夢のその果てに modifies (悲しみが)舞う, not (あなたのために)許したい.

    The whole object of the verb 許したい is 綺麗な夢のその果てに悲しみが舞う世界(the world where sadness dances at the end of a beautiful dream).
    Like, "(For you,) I want to forgive/accept (the existence of) the world where sadness lies after/beyond a beautiful dream." or, "For you (or, To have you), I would accept the world where I would experience sadness after a beautiful dream."


    Shines on my dearest memories. Deja vu... ah!
    Instead of "dearest " I would translate "懐かしい" as "Nostalgic" or "Dear".
    Last edited by TheLastUnicorn; 10-28-2014 at 01:29 PM.

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    Default Re: How would you translate 夢のその果てに?

    http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/myhime/kireinayume.htm

    I've already submitted a translation. The submitted translation and kanji lyrics are different than when I made this thread. I feel fine with my translation the way it is, but if someone offers a new translation written in verse that the community feels is superior, I'll accept the change. There's always room for improvement.
    Last edited by Grain; 10-28-2014 at 09:57 PM.

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