Ted, I know that you don't know me, but I have to intervene. My uncle committed suicide right after my fifteenth birthday. I'm 21 now, and my family is still dealing with the after effects of his suicide. I was not even emotionally close to my uncle, but his suicide had a butterfly effect that ended up reaching dozens of people including me. For starters, it completely destroyed the relationship between me, my aunt, and my cousins whom I used to see on a regular basis. His suicide sent my mother and grandmother into depression, which in turn had a traumatic effect on me and my brother. Now the two of us are going to carry this trauma for the rest of our lives, and it will affect our children if we have any. The wheel never really stops turning, and remember, I wasn't even that close to him. You can't see the future; you have no way of knowing what the consequences of suicide will be.
Even if you've convinced yourself that absolutely no person will be affected by your death, it will at least traumatize the person who has to discover your corpse. Related example: my best friend witnessed her roommate get hit by a truck and had to get psychotherapy. And unfortunately her therapist was lousy and made the problem worse. Do you see what I'm getting at? Every action we make has an infinite number of unpredictable consequences.
And of course, I'll be sad if you commit suicide. I'm already sad just to read your post. I have very good memory, so I'll probably remember this thread ten years from now, wondering if I made a difference.
As long as you're alive there's a chance your life can get better. Why would you take that away from yourself? I hope this post makes you reconsider things. Please call a suicide hotline.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
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