Anime Humor

[Clayton_n]

Got links to any good anime humor? jokes only an otaku would understand?

http://issendai.com/silliness/silliness.htm

http://www.tapanime.com/humor/general/animelaws.php

http://abcb.com/misc/latt_00.htm



You know you're watching a bad dub when...


1) The viewers are in more pain than the characters.
2) The character's voice can cause glass to shatter.
3) Your VCR/DVD player spits out the video/disk as a warning.
4) Your VCR eats the tape less than five minutes into the show.
5) You scream curses and threats at the casting director.
6) You would rather watch it raw...without color...in the lowest possible quality, than watch the dub.
7) You threaten to burn down the studio responsible for the dub.
8) You end up actually carrying out that threat.
9) You send death threats and/or mail bombs to the English VAs.
10) The show actually gets cancelled from TV
11) Strange accents begin mysteriously appearing from characters' mouths.
12) No matter what the dub sounds like, you KNOW there are no British schoolboys in Japan. Hong Kong maybe, but not Kyoto or Shinjuku. Or Persia for that matter.
13) They manage to turn the gay male into a girl.
14) It's still blatantly obvious that the so-called "girl" is really a guy.
15) Any non-standard couple becomes family.
16) Any engaged family members are no longer related...Or engaged.
17) The crossdresser actually sounds male.
18) Cute, fuzzy animals go from sounding cute and fuzzy to sounding like NY cab drivers.
19) Your TV refuses to un-mute itself.
20) The power conveniently dies EVERY time the show airs.
21) The character's mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out.
22) Likewise, the character is still talking, but their mouth isn't moving.
23) The leading girl is given a whiney, irritating voice.
24) All of the girls are given whiney, irritating voices.
25) Ah. heck with it, ALL of the characters are given whiney, irritating voices.
26) Shoujo animes are "machoified".
27) It's a shoujo anime...You KNOW it's a shoujo anime...So why is the guy suddenly the leading character?
28) People wear swimsuits to bathe or take a shower.
29) The characters use phrases like, "I'll send you to another dimension" or "I'll destroy you."
30) The hero's famous 'last words' are "Your mother wears combat boots!"
31) There are random hops, skips, jumps, leaps, and bounds in a single conversation.
32) Episodes 1, 2, 3, and 4 are actually episodes 20, 7, 13, and 8.
33) The Chinese guy in the group suddenly sounds like every other character.
34) All-American names are given to clearly Japanese characters.
35) You need a translation for the dub.
36) You give up, mute the TV, and turn on the closed-captioning.
37) You'd rather not watch it AT ALL than watch the dub.
38) The openings and endings are completely redone...Badly.
39) Random and rampant commercial breaks. Lots of them...Lots, I tell you, LOTS!!!
40) The previews are better than the actual episodes.
41) The show is now half as long as it used to be. Or shorter than that even.
42) If people are so right about the voice actor being so awesome, why is it that he's sucked in every anime dub he was in?
43) The Almighty Prince of the Saiyajin says "Holy Smokes!"
44) "Na no da" is somehow translated into "Y'know".
45) The Hitokiri Battousai mysteriously develops Yoda's speech impediment.
46) You flee screaming from any piece of the English merchandise. Particularly if it talks.
47) You burst into tears upon seeing the first previews for your favorite show on American TV, because you've witnessed what the station did to the other foreign programs it aired.
48) You'd rather watch it in some other dubbed language (French, Spanish, Cantonese) than see the English version.
49) You refuse to eat or drink while watching it for fear of spewing across the room.
50) You twitch in pain, then scream corrections at anyone over 9 who DARES refer to the dubbed version as if it was the only one.
51) You bite your lip until it bleeds in order to keep from snapping at anyone under 9 who treats you like a moron for not using the dubbed information.
52) It lowers your IQ level every time you watch it.
53) On that thought, you can actually FEEL the brain cells imploding as you watch it.
54) The creator disowns the anime after seeing the dub.
55) The halfway decent characters become idiots and jerks.
56) The most irritating characters somehow manage to be even MORE so.
57) You can actually tell which stupid jokes were added in the dub.
58) Continuity? What is this strange word?
59) If they're going to change it the first and the fifth times, why can't they change it every time? Consistancy people.
60) You have yet to see any couple besides the main one show any reaction to each other.
61) For that matter, you KNOW the main couple was in love in the original, why aren't they showing any affection?
62) You ask a loyal fan of the original version what the dub is like, only to recieve in return a shudder, an EVIL hiss, and an onslaught of curses directed towards everyone involved in the dubbing process.
63) When you are reading reviews posted on a forum by fans of the dub, you realize that all of them only use words with five letters or less.
64) The original is bloody and angst-ridden, yet as soon as the first frame of the dub apppears on the screen, you notice there isn't a drop of red ink ANYWHERE.
65) Your dog howls along to the background music.
66) Your computer INSISTS that there is no more memory capacity after you get through your alphabetized and categorized list of things wrong with the dub. And this time it's not just being a pain, it's right!
67) You're actually willing to hire a hit man to get rid of one- just one to ease your pain a little- of the morons responsible for hiring the dub cast.
68) You've given up trying to protect your hands from cuts when putting your fist through the screen of your TV.
69) People outside of your little anime ring wonder why the conversation suddenly switches to sodium nitrate, nitroglycerin, TNT, and digital countdowns whenever the title of the dubbed version is brought up.
70) The biggest, baddest, coolest villain suddenly sports a name like "Dr. Creampuff".
71) After seeing, and especially hearing your favorite villainess in the dub (that is, AFTER you've regained conciousness) is a hyena who's just inhaled helium.
72) (going along with phrases characters say) "You're gonna be done like dinner!"
73) Somebody has (obviously) been cut in half, but they're still in one piece when they hit the ground.
74) The animation has been cut out...
75) ...to the point it disrupts the narrative flow/affects the plot.
76) Suddenly, boys are starting to sound like girls. (Note from Page Mistress: Actually, this one goes for the original versions of some animes too, but she sent it, so I put it)
77) Likewise, Girls are now sounding like boys.
78) You hyperventalate every time you watch it.
79) People say everybody's names wrong.
80) Now it's the other way around, there is more commercial time than the show, so you get up and go to the BathRoom, etc when the show is on, then come back to watch the commercials.
81) Somebody looks scared and the voice is laughing.
82) They change names so badly that they dubbed the last name to the first name, and the first name is now the last name (-.-;
83) They don't think it's right if a boy and a girl are no more than friends, so they make them cousins.
84) Then next morning you read the newspaper and on the front page it says they burned all the dubbed shows they were so bad, and the picture showed the people wearing safety suites, carrying all the films with prongs.
85) Every time you try and take a Screen Shot, the computer freezes, and when you consult the help, it says that them computer caught the flu looking at it.
86) Your I.M. Buddy Blocks you when you mention the dubbed name.
87) Your parents cover you eyes when the show comes on.
88) Your cat screams painfully when the show comes on.
89) The President wants to make a law that bans anybody from watching it.
90) You read all my reasons, agreed with me, and stopped watching it all together.


91) you build a shrine to your fan-subs, and worship before it everyday, praying they never wear out.
92) You get really really angry because commercial DVD's always start up in English and you have to switch them to the CORRECT language.
93) You pray everyday that Linda Ballentine will lose her voice, permanently, thus saving Sailor Moon from her.
94)You decided to kill the script writers for Angel Sanctuary, because they had no clue, and lost the whole plot in under five minutes.
95) You decide to kill the casting director of Angel Sanctuary, because he obviously had no clue what he was doing either.
96) You decide to kill the dub cast of Angel Sanctuary for the same reason you wanted to kill the casting director and the scriptwriters, sparing Chris Freeman, since he at least tried, and starting with Setsuna's voice actor. Alexiel is not a "Broad."
97) You change your mind about sparing Freeman after seeing what he did to Touga in SKU. (can we say NAH-nah-mee?).
98) You give up and decided to move to Japan, and thereby spare yourself the pain of ever having to watch another bad english dub.

99) People can't understand why you shun the dub like the plague
100) People know you only watch the Japanese version, and they ask you to explain why the 2 female cousins are acting like lesbians
101) The fourth-grade female lead sounds like she should be in high school
102) You cross yourself every time you're channel surfing and happen upon the dub
103) You watch the dub only to see any details in the animation you might've missed while reading the subtitles
104)Your roommate can't understand why you're screaming and rolling on the floor in pain as he's watching the dub