@lairefaerie
So you want a dude similar to an anime character, but not as good looking because you don't trust good looking guys?
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@lairefaerie
So you want a dude similar to an anime character, but not as good looking because you don't trust good looking guys?
....
It very much is a thing. It is based on a principle that friendships which don't harbor romantic feelings in the early stages never will. Thus one has a choice of being straight forward about their feelings or giving up entirely, but this need to be done early on. In doing so, the friend zone is avoided.
People who do not understand this concept will often believe that if they continue to court, eventually it will end happily. It's obvious that you can't have a friendship when there is such an imbalance of power, that one part is going to be taking the other for granted, and that it's just going to lead to a lot of bitterness in the end.
Yeah, instead of calling Scooby-Doo a "dog", let's just call him an "animal" instead. That's all he really is anyway.
Honestly though, what do you have to gain by pretending the friendzone doesn't exist?
Last edited by Wio; 08-07-2013 at 01:01 AM.
... does a friendship always need to work under the pretenses of becoming something more?
That's why when your friend wants nothing more than friendship, you move on, even though it might be hard and painful to do so, instead of complaining about how they "friendzoned" you (which implies that you simply have problems moving on, and deserve something more.) Dealing with such disappointment is a part of life.People who do not understand this concept will often believe that if they continue to court, eventually it will end happily. It's obvious that you can't have a friendship when there is such an imbalance of power, that one part is going to be taking the other for granted, and that it's just going to lead to a lot of bitterness in the end.
If I like a guy and he's my friend -- but wants to only be friends with me, I don't consider that friendzoning. I consider that him just wanting to be friends.Yeah, instead of calling Scooby-Doo a "dog", let's just call him an "animal" instead. That's all he really is anyway.
Honestly though, what do you have to gain by pretending the friendzone doesn't exist?
And, I get nothing out of "pretending" it doesn't exist. It's my opinion it doesn't exist, for reasons i've already outlined above.
月の光は愛のメッセージ
I can't blame the OP for preferring Anime guys. The fake that has very few flaws of course will be much more loved than the real; people can pretend it's not true but it is. You see this in real life, people adore famous singers etc. They might have a good voice, good lyrics, good looks but they don't know them and they still want the singer. They (in this case seem to) have less flaws (if any) so people will be drawn to that..
It's a shame really, life will always suck. I can't blame you for preferring a fake world but your going to have to pull your head out of your donkey and face reality or your own life will deteriorate even more than it already has.
Last edited by Ayu 「あゆ」; 08-07-2013 at 12:28 PM.
No, all friendships need to work under the pretense of never becoming something more, that is the point. I think I made that pretty clear.
In denying the friend zone, the implication is that trying hard enough or waiting long enough might pay out. Is that what you think? Do you know that many people for which this has worked out? I know half a dozen horror stories. Hell, I have friend zoned people. I have also brought a guy who was in the friend zone to his senses, and now he has a girlfriend who actually cares about him.
I am not saying that one cannot become more than friends with someone, or that it never works out. I am only disputing the concept of "friendzone" because it kind of sounds like a ridiculous concept . As in a, "oh, poor me" victim kind of mentality.
"the implication is that trying hard enough or waiting long enough might pay out. Is that what you think?"
Might "pay out"? well no, I don't consider people slot machines. Some people (both men and women), do. The fact stands, that if you're nice to someone in the hopes of them "paying out" (in the form of a relationship/sex/whatever), and then get angry when the other person rejects you, that is kind of a backwards mentality because it assumes you were entitled to something you probably weren't entitled to in the first place.
You saint.I have also brought a guy who was in the friend zone to his senses, and now he has a girlfriend who actually cares about him.
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 08-07-2013 at 02:49 PM.
月の光は愛のメッセージ
how's it not a real thing? you pretty much just defined it.
---------- Post added at 04:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:44 PM ----------
No. A friendship is just that, friendship. There are plenty of girls i know that i'm fine just being friends with. If something happens, then something happens. If however, i get to know someone specifically to get more than just a friendship out of it, then it was never really a "friendship" to begin with. and therefore i believe i have a right to feel some level of disappointment when it turns out to be nothing more than a friendship.
Last edited by Kaleohano; 08-07-2013 at 03:49 PM.
Hmmm... Been a whileSit back some time and simply ask yourself, [Link]->"Do you even lift, bro?"<-[Link]
I refuse to say "whatever floats your boat" for this situation. I have met plenty o' kids like this at university. Outside you go!
Hmmm... Been a whileSit back some time and simply ask yourself, [Link]->"Do you even lift, bro?"<-[Link]
I defined it as "disappointment". Obviously the TERM "friendzoning" exists. That's not what I meant. I mean the concept of "friendzoning" as a lot of people currently use it, shouldn't really exist as a thing because it's just disappointment -- nothing more. A lot of people go "aw, I just got friendzoned!" when they actually mean "I am in serious despair and disappointment because things didn't go the way I wanted them to."
The difference is, disappointment is an emotion as a result of something not going your way, which happens to everyone. "Friendzoning" sounds like someone put you there and now you must cry about you're there and don't deserve to be there, rather than just moving on.
Furthermore, the concept of the "friend zone" assumes that you're at point A, and you want to be a point B. Instead of just dealing with the disappointment and just seeing how things will work out (maybe he'll call me, maybe he won't, maybe she will go out with me, maybe she won't), it's kind of like "how do I get out the friendzone? how do I avoid the friendzone?" ... as you're automatically entitled to more than just friendship with that person, and you just have to "work" to get it. If someone isn't interested in you, they're not interested in you, and no amount of "working" to get them sexually or romantically interested in you is going to work ... unless they are actually interested in you.
Just my opinion, though.
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 08-07-2013 at 07:12 PM.
月の光は愛のメッセージ
Ah yee old friend zone. More commonly guys get placed in it than girls because it's simply easier to mistake female friendships for something more. One cruel little phrase I've heard floating around is that, "Girls aren't sex dispensers where you put in enough nice guy coins and you get laid." The phrase quite simply doesn't work because guys in the friend zone are not just looking for sex. They're looking for a relationship. And yeah it sucks for them. Sometimes it'll suck for the girl because she may lose a friend or two to it.
The friend zone is fairly easy to get out of anyway. Either stop being a friend or stop looking for a relationship with them. Both are perfectly fine ways out.
You keep using that phrase and I'm not sure if you understand what it means. A troll is not someone who disagrees with you. A troll is not someone who is mean to you. A troll is someone purely looking to get a rise out of others, with no ulterior motives. Stop calling people a troll when they are clearly not trolling. It just makes it look like you are trying to get a rise out of them.
That phrase only applies to Nice Guys who act "nice" to get what they want, not all guys. And yea, it "sucks" for those guys who believe they're entitled to a relationship with a woman just because they want it. That phrase isn't really "cruel", though, it's pretty accurate. "Nice Guys" actually treat women as if they are dispensers for what they want, and if they act "nice" (instead of actually being kind), enough, they will eventually get what they want. It's a very flawed and delusional thought process.
And anyone who treats people like that does not deserve to be called a friend.
"Nice Guys" aren't actual friends, though.Sometimes it'll suck for the girl because she may lose a friend or two to it
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 08-07-2013 at 09:19 PM.
月の光は愛のメッセージ
theres more than one way to skin a cat. "disappointment" is a very broad term that can be the result of many different things. "Friendszone" is a certain type of disappointment that has one and only one cause. its not a philosophical argument about whether or not the "friendzone" is real, its a simple definition for a word that describes a situation. All squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.
i'm a little confused by this statement. but i'ma try to respond to it. Just let me know if i completely missed the meaning of it.
Furthermore, the concept of the "friend zone" assumes that you're at point A, and you want to be a point B. Instead of just dealing with the disappointment and just seeing how things will work out (maybe he'll call me, maybe he won't, maybe she will go out with me, maybe she won't), it's kind of like "how do I get out the friendzone? how do I avoid the friendzone?" ... as you're automatically entitled to more than just friendship with that person, and you just have to "work" to get it. If someone isn't interested in you, they're not interested in you, and no amount of "working" to get them sexually or romantically interested in you is going to work ... unless they are actually interested in you.
Just my opinion, though.
Its not that i want to go from A to B. I want to go from A to C, but i'm stuck at B. Thats what friendzone is. More often than not, you have to go through B to get to C, but him/her not letting you past B creates the problem.
the last sentence of your quote describes it just right. "No amount of 'working' to get them sexually or romantically interested in you is going to work." In short, you just said "Friendzone."
Hmmm... Been a whileSit back some time and simply ask yourself, [Link]->"Do you even lift, bro?"<-[Link]
This post is awkward. Are you trolling or are you calling me a troll? Either way you fail o_o .. Trolling is an art or at least some believe it is. When you fail to get a rise out of the person you tried to troll or troll in awkward situations, was that really a good attempt? When is it a "troll" attempt or when is it a "stupid opinion" to make seem like a troll attempt?
Am I troll? No. My opinion seems to have gotten a rise out of you though. Either way, your reputation on here keeps dropping and you were barely relevant to begin with.
Last edited by Anime Forum; 08-07-2013 at 11:22 PM.
Nonon Jakuzure - Best Kill la Kill baePretty damn great! #spoke2soonOta "The Cutest Otaku" 2016 - Lol, how's your account doing lately? Oh wait.
Maybe you're misunderstanding me, slightly ...
It's disapointment with a different name. It's not a "zone". There is no "zone". The "zone" is imaginary."Friendszone" is a certain type of disappointment that has one and only one cause.
Right. So, if someone just isn't interested in you, and they've made that clear, you should probably stop trying. This means if I like a guy romantically, and he's my friend, but he wants to remain just friends, I shouldn't pester him to see me as more than a friend, because a) that's annoying, and b), that's not how relationships actually work. He didn't actually put me in some sort of zone ... he just was not interested in me the way I was in him.its not that i want to go from A to B. I want to go from A to C, but i'm stuck at B. Thats what friendzone is. More often than not, you have to go through B to get to C, but him/her not letting you past B creates the problem.
An odd (but good) example is from the show "Family Matters". Basically, throughout the entire show, Steve Urkel annoys Laura endlessly into dating him. She never does, because she sees him as an annoying and nerdy guy who is constantly wreaking havoc around her and her family. Urkel has a girlfriend at some point, but his "true love" is still Laura. The point is, he doesn't take "no" for an answer. He keeps on trying, pouring his heart out to her, even though he knows she doesn't like him. He became so desperate later on that he transformed himself into the much more handsome and suave "Stefan", and then this works for a little while until Laura realizes that Stefan is too perfect and she doesn't really love him. She ends up with Urkel at the end ...
It sounds "romantic", but the fact remains that he didn't stop at hearing "no" ... he just kept bugging the crap out of her until she relented. Which is a little creepy and obsessive.
But I digress. Anyway ...
I was talking about disappointment in relationships in general. In the context of a "friend zone", it's different. Perhaps if I explain further.the last sentence of your quote describes it just right. "No amount of 'working' to get them sexually or romantically interested in you is going to work." In short, you just said "Friendzone."
It is precisely this:
Disappointment is one thing. "Friendzone" just sounds bitter. It's kind of like "aw, man ... I really like this person, and all I got was their crappy friendship ..." or at least that's how it comes off to me. As in, you don't really value their friendship or them as a person, because you wanted something more.
Basically ... persecution complex, persecution complex everywhere. The "Friendzone" mentality appears to be blaming the person you're interested in for not being interested in you, for not letting you attain another "level", and for putting you in this imaginary "zone", and it reeks of insecurity and not being able to properly deal with rejection.
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 08-07-2013 at 11:29 PM.
月の光は愛のメッセージ
I'm one of those who thinks the term "friendzone" is a just copout word people use to whine and complain because she's just not that into you right now.
Hmmm... Been a whileSit back some time and simply ask yourself, [Link]->"Do you even lift, bro?"<-[Link]
I'm sorry the phrase is cruel and bullshit. Most of these people are not tricking friends into sex. They are searching for relationships. To state that they are searching for sex is just plain old wrong. Sex isn't that difficult to find. A good relationship is. They just don't know how to look for a relationship.
They don't "believe they're entitled to a relationship". A lot of them believe they are on the way to a relationship. They're just too socially inexperienced to understand they are going nowhere. I'm a big fan of Hanlon's razor. Don't put to malice what could be put to stupidity. To me the friend zone has been more of a construct of inexperience and stupidity than it has of people being entitled. I honestly think you are to harsh on such a large section of people who are merely seeking love in the wrong place. I feel sorry for them.
Deserve, not deserve... does it matter? They aren't manipulating peoples friendship to steal love. They think they are using the appropriate path. You are correct I suppose. They are not a friend. This doesn't make them evil though. Just wrong.
Sure it's a bit of a copout term for some kids struggling to understand why he/she likes you as a friend but nothing. Still it's an understandable position. You want a romantic relationship, you think its leading somewhere but infact you've been moving towards long term friendship the whole time. People make this error all the time.
Still, everything you've described is just disappointment. Being in a friendship and having feelings for someone and not having them reciprocated is a particularly painful type of disappointment. Still don't understand why this needs to be called a "friendzone". It isn't actually a zone.
"disapointmentzone?"
月の光は愛のメッセージ
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