Vocaloid - Romio to Shinderera

[Rei]

Romeo to Cinderella

I'm not a translator, but even some of these lines look weird to me:


[Sonna kibun yo]
That is such the feeling
Something like: Such is the feeling?

[mama no tsukuru okashi bakari tabetai sei ne]
Because I only ate sweets that mama only make
Because I only ate sweets that mama made(?)

[nigitteru sore wa kubiwa desho]
I am bind, it's this collar right?
Perhaps "I am bound"?

[isso anata no ibasho made mo umete shimaou ka]
Rather, won't you bury me to where you are now?
I'm not sure about this one...

[animeyay]

I took a brief look at the first half of the translation (tl;dr all. ehe)...
The majority of the lines were interpreted fine, but there were a couple of lines, as well as one entire stanza, that were off...but it's probably not inaccurate enough to warrant a complete replacement of the lyrics with another's though.

Hmm, not sure what to do in this situation. Have you tried contacting M★rvel yet? (He's marvelangga in case you didn't know he changed his name.) AzureDark can probably offer some insight as well...?

[Rei]

Yeah I know, I should probably just tag him. ^^"

[animeyay]

Oh yea, do that. =)
If he's around, I'll be happy to tell him where I saw problems and ask him to fix them.

[Rei]

Wow, has marvel not been on or what...?

[AzureDark]

He'll show up at least every 2 weeks he says. Probably having exams or something?

[Rei]

That explains it then, I thought something might've happened to him. I feel guilty now that I still came on every day even during exam period...

///I know that I should start doing [Fake] already, but all that text in the video isn't just gonna disappear by itself. -buries head in hands-
On the other hand, I lol'd at the weird english conversation they have at the beginning of every vid.

[animeyay]

Marvel was def on AL like 3 days ago, 'cause he did submit a song. Maybe he was in a hurry so he didn't even bother with the forum.

Ugh, at least FAKE is the last one in the series. I almost forgot about it lol.
PS I'll need to confirm with bluepenguin if he's doing Spy ga Oppai.

---------- Post added at 09:37 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 AM ----------

btw wasn't Silent Hill: Shattered Memories released in the US first before Japan?
What I'm saying is, its theme song "Always On My Mind" technically isn't even Japanese or Japan-related..., is it?

[AzureDark]

bp is a she.

[animeyay]

lol oops good to know.
when people don't specify their gender, I just default to "he"...XD

[EJTranslations]

It's cool, I'm not offended or anything. Actually, it's kinda interesting to me to see which sites/forums usually default to "he" and which to "she". Thanks for setting the record straight, though, Azu.

Anyway, real life has been holding me down and punching me in the face repeatedly of late, but I am still planning to do Spy ga Oppai. Soon! I promise!

[animeyay]

Wow that was fast!
Guess I'd better get working with FAKE, too XD.
(not gonna happen soon since I'm occupied with my new Pokémon game right now)

[EJTranslations]

Well, I was bored and had nothing better to do, so I figured I'd get it done before I forgot. And hey, take your time on FAKE. (Maybe if you do I'll feel a bit less embarrassed about how quickly you got through your Roman translations compared to me.)

[animeyay]

Ahaha, that's cool. As long as you're committed, speed doesn't matter since this is our self-initiated project =)
I'm just happy that you were willing to split the album with me. 5 to 6 tracks is normally how long it takes for me to start getting bored with an album XD. Now you know why I never bothered with their Moira album...(it has 16, SIXTEEN, tracks)

[Rei]

I guess that's right, but then again, the majority of Silent hill songs are in english. So while it may not be Japanese, it fits under the category games...(?)

[AzureDark]

We do have SH games up, but can we hold up while I ask an SH player (@Tsubomi Koneko) about this? /lazy

[Rei]

All right, thanks. I'm playing the english version, so I wouldn't know.

[EJTranslations]

Regarding Silent Hill, the first four games were made by a Japanese developer, and the subsequent three (Origins, Homecoming, and Shattered Memories) by an American one. Both the Japanese and the American games use music by Akira Yamaoka (who is Japanese) and Mary Elizabeth McGlynn (who is American).

tl;dr it's complicated.

[Rei]

Akira Yamaoka mostly does the BGMs, while songs are (mostly) done by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn and Joe Romersa. Fun fact: I found out that this 'Always on my mind' is based on the original. So they basically borrowed some parts of the music. No wonder it sounded familiar...Btw, that's an insert song.

Edit: It's also 'sort of' (un)confirmed that Akira Yamaoka has left Konami. Too much Silent Hill get to him...? rofl

[marvelangga]

Hey guys, sorry I was too busy with studies this last term but, it's finally my summer vacation~ XD And ohh... somebody finally checked my translations for error!~ I'm happy~~~ XD I am totally open for corrections because I've just started out in translating so... bring it on Mr. Meanie (animeyay)~

[animeyay]

ehe, let me go back and see... (this post's finally been revived haha)


kamitsukanaide yasashiku shite (I won't bite you, I'll treat you gently)
nigaimono wa mada kirai na no (I still don't like the bitter stuff)
mama no tsukuru okashi bakari tabeta sei ne (Because I only ate sweets that mama only make)

kamitsukanaide and yasashiku shite should be translated as requests.
and as Riichan mentioned, the translation of the mama... line needs a slight revision.



zenbu misete yo (I'll show you everything)
anata ni naraba misete ageru watashi no... (If you're here, I'll show you my...)

Same as previous, misete yo is a request.
The anata ni naraba... line actually means something like "if it's to you, then I'll gladly show you my..."


zutto koishikute shinderera (Your long beloved Cinderella)
seifuku dake de kakete yuku wa (With just my dress I will cast)


I know it's tempting to link kakete and mahou and translate them as "cast s spell", but the kanji for kakete here, 駆, means to run or dash. so the first two lines there: "Cinderella, yearning long for love, begins to dash only in her dress."


kuroi reesu no kyoukaisen (My black lace as the boundary line)
mamoru hito wa kyou wa imasen (My knight is not here today)
koetara doko made ikeru no? (If he'll come, how much farther should he go on?)

This stanza is more suggestive than you think: My black lace is the boundary line (between my skin and the outside world). There's no one guarding this boundary today, so just how far can you cross this line and do naughty stuff to me?


watashi no tame to sashidasu te ni (For my sake, hold out your hands to me)
nigitteru sore wa kubiwa desho (I am bind, it's this collar right?)
tsuredashite yo watashi no romio (Take me away, oh my Romeo,)
shikarareru hodo tooku e ('Til somebody sees us, take me to afar)

First two lines: "The hand you're holding out for me is gripping a collar, isn't it?"
Last line: "to a place so far away, that I'll surely get scolded (by my parents, if they ever see me again, that is.)" ;D


usotsukisugita shinderera (You have lied too much Cinderella)
ookami ni taberareta rashii (You will be eaten by the Wolf)

"Cinderella, who told too many lies,
is said to have been eaten by a wolf."


Uh, I'm half-asleep right now, so I might've made mistakes here and there, but just go from here, and let me know what you think. G'night for now. zzzzZzzzzZZzzZ

[marvelangga]

Lol... I was even laughing at meh stupid mistakes; some were so obvious that I still get them wrong =.=' I guess I should stop the bad habit of translation by intuition... geez, gotta be more careful next time!~ XD

Most of you suggested gave me a better idea/picture of the song; really thanks about taking note of them animeyay!~ Gotta work on it right away~~ XD

EDIT: Is it alright for me to start from scratch so i could also improve the translation as a whole?

[animeyay]

lol sure, it's your translation after all, so you can certainly revamp the whole thing. =)

[marvelangga]

So, after applying the corrections in translation and grammar, and adding more sense and fluidity, here's the newly improved translation for doriko's [Romeo and Cinderella]. Still open for improvement though, and needs approval of xRiikox and animeyay before posting it in the AL site, so please check! :

Don't turn my love into a Juliet's tragedy
Take me away from here...

That is how I feel

A “Goodnight” to papa and mama
Dream of the sweetest dreams
Because it’s already time for adults to sleep

I’ll stuff myself with the alluring caramel
And curl up my hesitant, bare feet
How far are we going tonight?

Don’t bite me; do it gently
I still don’t like the bitter stuff
I’m only used to eating the sweets mama make

If there’s something unknown to me
I would like to know it; isn’t that normal?
Show me everything
If it’s to you then, I’ll show you my…

The Cinderella that yearned for love all this time
Begins to run with just her dress
The magic shall stop the time
Or else the bad guys will get in our way

I’m the “Juliet who likes to run away”
But you don’t have to call me by that name
That’s right; I have to get in touch with you
If not, then it won’t be any fun

Hey, won’t you live with me?

I applied a little too much mascara
But I’ll be a good girl when tomorrow comes
So please let me off the hook for now

The boundary line is just this black lace
And there’s no one to guard it today so,
If ever, how far are you going beyond it?

Until you bite me, until it hurts
I’m the one you fell in love with, right?
But papa doesn’t seem to like you that much

You say you’re holding out your hands for my sake
But isn’t that a collar you’re holding?
Just take me away, oh my Romeo,
To afar, until they condemn us

The bells are going to sound and
Cinderella has to leave her glass shoe
Obviously, you have to look for her quick
Or she’ll be haunted with nightmares

Definitely, even she, did it like that—
She lied when she said she “accidentally” dropped it
That is right; I’ll do the same
Since I want to be loved by you more

Look, I am just right here

Won’t you gently peek inside my heart?
Isn’t it filled with just everything that you desire?
I’m still hungry; stuff me hardly more and more
So much that you might bury everything into me

But is that all there is to it?

It’s said that you’ll find happiness more in a smaller box than in a larger one
What should I do? If this goes on like this
You’ll eventually start to dislike me

My papa and mama that are greedier than me won’t even change today
That is right; it’s better to be meek
“I have dropped that Golden Axe”

The Cinderella that had lied too much
Is said to have been eaten by the Wolf
What should I do? At this rate, even I
Will be eaten someday

Before that happens, come to my rescue ‘kay?

[animeyay]

Yay! It's sooooooooooo much better now!
Let me see:


I’m only used to eating the sweets mama make
"make" would need to be either "makes" or "made" lol


I have to get in touch with you
musubareru literally means to be tied together with (by the red string of fate), or by extension, to get married with, or at least to do a certain unmentionable act together ;D I don't know, "get in touch" just doesn't seem to have enough impact.


stuff me hardly more and more
I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi, but "hardly" here should be "hard", since "hardly" means "almost not", and is NOT the adverbial form of "hard". "hard" is both an adjective and an adverb.


it’s better to be meek
The word sunao is more like honest, frank. it's better to be honest will make more sense here, since the stanza makes a reference to the golden axe, a story that's ALL about honesty and lies, you know?


Now to see if Riichan will offer any suggestions.