I love you (Prince of Tennis)

皆さん、こんにちは！

Looking through the translation I have found something strange so I suggest some corrections.

1. I feel that the first line means «When summer is over (already)»: «when» is close to «if» in its meaning but is not the same, I think.

2. The 2nd and 3rd stanzas mean:

«I stopped the time
So that not to lose you
In the twilight that came before long

A lot of sadness sleeping insde the kindness —
The one who taught me the meaning of this
Is you»

3. The 5th and 6th ones mean:

«On the beach in the late evening
Passing people are few
And it's a little cold

Even so far apart and frustrated
The one who is always sharing a smile
Is you»

4. And the 8th stanza:
«...
There is warmth between us / that we share with each other».

*
Neither being native English speaker nor good in Japanese I may be very much mistaken of course and I'd be grateful if someone points me where. :confused:

Hi, I agree with your corrections (for the most part), but @bluepenguin will have to agree too before any changes are made.
Even though I'm a native speaker, my English is pretty clunky (fml) but I have some recommendations to make about the grammar:


Line 1: 夏がもう終わるなら seems more like "If/when summer is going to come to an end soon, then...", depends on your interpretation. I'd say 'if' though

Verse 2,3:
«I stopped time
To not lose you
In the soon approaching twilight

A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness- [don't use em-dashes, I don't think they display properly on the site]
The one who taught me the meaning of this
Was you»


«On the beach in the late evening
There are only a few people passing by
And it's a little cold

Even so far apart and frustrated
The one who always smiled for me
Was you»


Verse 8: I think the bit 伝わる温もりがある is more like "I can feel your warmth"


Just my thoughts though.

Thanks a lot! I'll bear it all in mind! :)

In the first line, if it were 終わったら it could be "when," but 終わるなら pretty strongly suggests "if" IMO.

Otherwise I agree with the proposed changes, but they're extensive enough that I would want to replace the translation entirely. It's a bit tricky since you're not approved to submit translations, but my #1 priority is to have accurate translations on the site, so I'm willing to bend things a little in service of that. So I think the easiest way to go about this is for you to post a full translation here, and then I (and @Fuukanou , if he wants to) can suggest corrections if necessary, and we can basically work on it until we have a version we're both satisfied with. Does that work for you?

Good day, Bluepenguin! Sorry for the delay. Well, I think, I could try to post it considering recommendations given above, in a day or two. :)

And here it is. And I failed to tie up the first line with the next two. :(

*

If summer is going to come to an end soon
Something you started to say
Disappeared in a wave

I stopped time
To not lose you
In the soon approaching twilight

A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness -
The one who taught me the meaning of this
Was you

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you

On the beach in the late evening
There are only a few people passing by
And it's a little cold

Even so far apart and frustrated
The one who always smiled for me
Was you

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you

When we walk along together
You are always on my right
And I can feel your warmth, ah...

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you

You can probably fix the first line by treating it as a 2nd person quote:

"If summer is going to come to an end soon..."
Something you started to say
Disappeared in a wave


In addition, I think "遠く離れてしまって苛立った時も" is probably more like "Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart"


But otherwise it looks OK to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fuukanou

...by treating it as a 2nd person quote...


In addition... "Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart"

---

Oh, I think that makes sense now, thanks!)

This looks good to me! So just to make sure, is the following the version to be posted?

"If summer is going to come to an end soon..."
Something you started to say
Disappeared in a wave

I stopped time
To not lose you
In the soon approaching twilight

A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness -
The one who taught me the meaning of this
Was you

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you

On the beach in the late evening
There are only a few people passing by
And it's a little cold

Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart
The one who always smiled for me
Was you

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you

When we walk along together
You are always on my right
And I can feel your warmth, ah...

Ah, I want to tell you frankly
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you

Yes, this is the one. :)

Thanks! The page has been updated.

That's great, thanks! :)

But... Is it OK I've been mentionted on the page as translator? I took the previous translation as a basis and just tried to fix it. I'd have never done this work from the beginning, really. :confused:

And @Fuukanou helped me a lot.

It was far enough from the original translation that it can be considered your translation. Also, nobody said no-one can help you out, else the Lyrics Discussion forum would be dead.

Well... If you say so... Thanks)

I'm super late here, but I just want to second everything Fuukanou said above. To be honest, some of my early translations were way more heavily workshopped on Lyric Discussions than this was. Getting feedback is one of the ways that you become a better translator, and it doesn't make the translation not yours.