why do women have to be difficult?

Ok I have recently started dating a girl who has a son my sons age and having lots my ex fiancé and my son I love him like my own and trying to buy him stuff and even trying to survive on an apprentices salary is hard so I'm revering back to cage fighting to support the 3 of us but when I mention cage fighting or even train in front of her she gets depressed and tells me we don't have to care about money we can survive and she doesn't want me to get hurt . I'm doing it for the 3 of us and I feel like she doesn't support me

that is the nature of women. I don't think it is the cage fighting but the thought of you putting your body through all of this just for her sake is what is probably doing her in.

Yeah, she obviously cares about you. If you have the physical body to cage fight, then there's a million other, safer things you could also do. You may have to go out of your comfort zone, but in the end, your family will be better off for it.

I don't see her as being difficult. I see her as worrying about you. She obviously loves you or she wouldn't be worrying about you. She loves you enough not to care about money but your safety.

Your wife is not being difficult, she is being worried about your health. Surely, the fact that you are thinking of going back to cage fighting means that you have some potential at other forms of work related to physical strength. Why don't you look for jobs related to it? Like maybe an instructor or a coach?

Well I have been fighting for a very long time now to me its a talent that I have enough physical strength to pickup a 180 lb opponent trying to lock me in an arm bar and run around the cage for 5min+. Yeah I know she cares but I need to pay the bills I want to see her son go to a great school and I tried can only achieve that by fighting in my free time . I have tried looking for an extra job but its hell on earth to find one that pays as well as fighting does

"....that pays as well as..." <- this statement is your problem. Do not worry about how much you make, just make something. You want to know what our family income is? roughly 700 dollars every two weeks. We have four kids out of six still at home, and we are all healthy and happy. Stop trying to compete with your wife for equality in earnings, or make excuses for going back to fighting. It may not seem like that is what you are doing, but underneath it all, you are. There are a lot of people living on far less, and wealth is not everything. Time to swallow your pride.

What happens if you have a severe concussion, or die, during a fight? What about slipping into a coma? You aren't making anything at all then. Do you want that for your wife and kids?

*I apologize if that sounded harsh or judgmental, but I've had experience in the psychology and advice department. I'm just putting things in perspective for you.*

Also, don't just buy her son stuff; you'll spoil him. Show him you're a supportive father figure: spend time with him and learn a few things about/from him.

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Originally Posted by Konimimaru

Ok I have recently started dating a girl who has a son my sons age and having lots my ex fiancé and my son I love him like my own and trying to buy him stuff and even trying to survive on an apprentices salary is hard so I'm revering back to cage fighting to support the 3 of us but when I mention cage fighting or even train in front of her she gets depressed and tells me we don't have to care about money we can survive and she doesn't want me to get hurt . I'm doing it for the 3 of us and I feel like she doesn't support me

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holy run on sentence batman.

I don't see how she's being "difficult" here, in any case it helps not to generalize an entire gender based on one experience; maybe you're just having trouble understanding her behavior based on her intentions?

Maybe the problem is you?

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/ggma...in20070709.jpg

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Originally Posted by Metaphasic

"....that pays as well as..." <- this statement is your problem. Do not worry about how much you make, just make something. You want to know what our family income is? roughly 700 dollars every two weeks. We have four kids out of six still at home, and we are all healthy and happy. Stop trying to compete with your wife for equality in earnings, or make excuses for going back to fighting. It may not seem like that is what you are doing, but underneath it all, you are. There are a lot of people living on far less, and wealth is not everything. Time to swallow your pride.

What happens if you have a severe concussion, or die, during a fight? What about slipping into a coma? You aren't making anything at all then. Do you want that for your wife and kids?

*I apologize if that sounded harsh or judgmental, but I've had experience in the psychology and advice department. I'm just putting things in perspective for you.*

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Sanctioned cage fighting/MMA isn't really that dangerous..

Unless OP is doing some crazy fight club thing. If that is the case, get life insurance. :tongue:

Well first, I respect his right to choose his own path. Dangerous or otherwise. I merely felt a need to say what nobody has said so far. A wise decision comes from considering all possibilities. I won't condemn a person for making a decision I do not agree with. Does that make my input clearer?

^^

Seems to me she cares more about you than she cares about money.

Money isn't everything.. While it is nice it isn't everything.

She probably just doesn't want you to get hurt. Quite frankly I wouldn't date someone who fought for a living since I wouldn't want to deal with the baggage that comes with it. She does so that's her thing but eh.. It's your profession so she's being supportive but I can see where she's coming from.

This sort of takes me back to a story my dad once told me. Back in the early '80s he did amateur auto racing. He was pretty decent at it too, came in 3rd in a national race the year my brother was born. The next year he got a larger and more powerful car, going from a MG-B to a Datsun Z. One race early that year he miscalculated a turn and smacked the wall at 120+ MPH, and the car was pretty much done for the rest of the race (And probably several months, as amateurs do just about everything out of pocket). When they go home, my mother looked him dead straight in the eyes and told him that she needed a husband and a father for her child more than she needed a race car driver (amateur or not).

It's a tough decision, choosing between what you love and who you love. And it never comes easy. As much as one may dislike having their other forcing them to choose, it's needed. Many times we think we can still make both happen and be alright. But usually that's just a fantasy, and we need our other to bring us back to reality. They probably wouldn't be good lovers if they let us continue on as if nothing is bad. Sure the money is good, but is it really worth it? I'm not even talking about the risk of injury or death. Is it worth the worry in her eyes, or the fear in her mind? Is it worth potentially missing out of things with the kids just to travel for fights?

And those are only questions you can answer.

She is just concerned, she's just afraid she might lose you, women need to feel secure, she needs more than just a guy who could spoil her with money, she needs a partner who she could live the rest of her life with, not someone who would one day disappear on her for whatever reason.

Imagine yourself one day suddenly losing your loved one from an accident or so.
.. yeah, no one wants to be in such situation.

You should switch jobs like security. You got the fighting skill, so why not?

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Originally Posted by Albear

You should switch jobs like security. You got the fighting skill, so why not?

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Because even the best security jobs don't pay that well... Most of them are at or just above minimum wage, and the best ones aren't but 3-4 bucks per hour more.

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Originally Posted by DeathBlade/13.666

Because even the best security jobs don't pay that well... Most of them are at or just above minimum wage, and the best ones aren't but 3-4 bucks per hour more.

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Reconcile I say. Less pay from his cage matches, but easier for his girl to handle.

Ted get the belt out when da wommernz does thangs like feel she has an opinion or allowed to leave da kitchen. We be livin ole testament at Ted crib. I whip dat little booty. Bruh, I gib her dat Stone Cold Stunner when I come home, sometimes just to keep her on her toes. I go Bret Hart in da bedroom. My theme song start playing and she know she bout ta get it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqMNuit1dM0

Another possibility beside her being concerned about your safety maybe the effect that fighting might have on her child. You didn't specified exactly how old is he son, so I don't know how old he is, but this is a thing you should take in consideration. She might be afraid that your job might influence her son in a way that he too could choose to be a fighter or she is afraid that if he's being exposed to too much violence that might later show in his behaviour, like being aggressive, having tendancy to fight with peers etc.

But all I can give you and everyone else is an assumption. The only way you could know for sure is to ask her. Have a talk about it. Let her say what's on her mind and be sure to express your true feelings and thoughts on the matter as well.

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Originally Posted by Albear

Reconcile I say. Less pay from his cage matches, but easier for his girl to handle.

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Almost, with a girl and 2 kids to take care of he'll have to look at a second job to cover bills, which will eat up his time with the family. If she had a job, it'd be easier so he may not have to get two, but it'd rob the kids of having more time with both parents.

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Originally Posted by Konimimaru

Ok I have recently started dating a girl who has a son my sons age and having lots my ex fiancé and my son I love him like my own and trying to buy him stuff and even trying to survive on an apprentices salary is hard so I'm revering back to cage fighting to support the 3 of us but when I mention cage fighting or even train in front of her she gets depressed and tells me we don't have to care about money we can survive and she doesn't want me to get hurt . I'm doing it for the 3 of us and I feel like she doesn't support me

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I'm afraid I don't know much about the state of "cage fighting" in South Africa (presuming you've accurately represented your location). I think we'd all be curious to know more about it though.

In the US the pay isn't so great. Actually there are occasionally articles about how bad it is. Lemmi try and find one:
http://www.bjpenn.com/5-shocking-fac...ufc-pay-scale/

Now, 30k is about double the minimum wage, and they can probably have a job on the side to boot.

However you said you were getting a "apprentices salary " which implies you're on the path to a skilled trade. I'd suspect that focusing on that would likely have a better payout long term. Especially since any injury could end your cage fighting, and you'll age out in any case.

However there is something for admitting that you're doing something as much or more for yourself. If you've got a passion for the sport then maybe that's right for you. Just be honest with yourself about it.

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Originally Posted by Konimimaru

Ok I have recently started dating a girl who has a son my sons age and having lots my ex fiancé and my son I love him like my own and trying to buy him stuff and even trying to survive on an apprentices salary is hard so I'm revering back to cage fighting to support the 3 of us but when I mention cage fighting or even train in front of her she gets depressed and tells me we don't have to care about money we can survive and she doesn't want me to get hurt . I'm doing it for the 3 of us and I feel like she doesn't support me

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I feel you. Not an easy time in ZA. I think it would be more worrisome if she didn't feel that way about it. Key thing is just to talk about it with her and see what your options are together. This may not be her perspective but it's another perspective (food for thought). She could support you bringing in income but she doesn't support the damage on your body or the amount of risk involved.

Switch to 2D op.