I like this girl but.....

Well basically I really could use some advice since I'm at an impass right now instead of boring you with the long details the run down is this...I just came back to college for my 2nd year and I have a group of nerdy, anime loving people that I hang out with well one of the freshman this year is a girl that has joined our group and she is amazing and very pretty I really like her but here is the catch other guys in the group like her as well now I hate competing over a girl like she is a piece of meat but I'm also a jealous person :/ so it bothers me when I see other guys flirting with her anyway I text her at night just to ask how her day was and if she needs someone to talk with stuff like that but a few days ago one of my friends came up to me and asked how I felt about her since I've been texting her so much and he just told her that is what I do in general but I feel like saying I like her but on the other hand I don't want things to be awkward between us if she declines to date me since she did sort of mention she wasn't really interested in anyone among the group and just was looking for friends of course I've heard that before in the past and it didn't last long before they changed there minds anyway what should I do because I want to tell her I like her but I'm just a little nervous about how she will respond and if there will be any awkwardness between us afterwards stuff like that because I have been flirting with her a lot even though it might not be the standard flirting people think of and I think she has a feeling I like her but she might just be playing it off or is she waiting for me to confess or make a move? I'm just so confused I'm not sure what I should do....

Well, from personal experiences, anytime you date a person your friends like, things don't go well. Friends can be nice, and then they can be mean. There is a possibility that if you two start dating, your friends will try to get you guys to break up. They'll tell lies just to do that.

If she's only putting off vibes to be in the friend zone, 9 times out of 10, she only wants to be friends. For example, if you flirt with her and she flirts back then she probably likes you or could be leading you on (depends on the girl). Another example would be "You're really pretty," and she replies back with "Thanks. I think you're pretty cute." She probably likes you if she says a comment like that.

Dating is a choice. Only you know what you really want to do.

There's a pretty snazzy feature called making a blog.

Oh and this.

Sigh, but anyway. If she really means that much to you, you should really just go for it. Make sure you're straightforward and confident, none of this "oh well what if she doesn't say yes?" issue. That makes you seem hesitant, and it will make the confrontation a lot more awkward than it needs to be. Hell, what if she's been waiting for you or someone else who she could relate to (in terms of her interest with anime) to say something? Even if she said she didn't have an interest in anyone in the club, you can't very well take all of a woman's words to heart, lol.

The worst she can do is say "no", but even then, she'll most likely keep the fact that you asked her out in the back of her mind.

Just make sure you still keep on friendly terms, even if she says no. The most dickish move you can pull is ask a girl out and then start acting like she doesn't exist when she says "no" or "I dunno". I experienced that in High School, and it was a really retarded mistake.

Women are generally straight shooters (make any pun of that you can).

If she wants to be friends then sorry but your friendzoned and you have to respect thats her decision.

Isn't this standard fodder for romcoms? "Group of guys enjoy hanging out with each other until...a girl shows up! Now, the guys must compete for her affection. Will one of them win her heart or will she turn them all down? Will their friendship hold together or be shredded like lettuce in a salad? Find out on [insert cheesy, worn out, title here]!" Yeah, I think I've seen this before....

At least you admitted that you are a jealous person; that solves the issue of having me point that out to you. Considering that it is September, assuming that you returned to school in mid-August, you have known this girl for less than a month. To be jealous of ANYTHING that other people are doing with her is a sign of possessiveness, something that you may want to reign in; it is not a very attractive trait. If you are jealous now, I can only imagine the issues that might pop up if you were actually in a relationship.:glare:

She just started college, a difficult step already. Its understandable that she would want to make friends, JUST friends. Could she change her mind? Yeah, plenty of girls do. But the change usually doesn't happen for a while.

Be careful about looking into "flirting signs". Positive response to flirting doesn't always mean that a girl wants to be in a relationship with you (maybe a date, but not a relationship); it means that she likes you enough to actually respond to it. As a girl who play flirts among her friends, I've done this a bunch of times. I'm around a bunch of guys all day (studying engineering and being in anime clubs kinda makes sure of this) and they flirt with me quite a bit. I respond back to be friendly and as a social tactic; I don't want to be marked as "the girl" in the group.

Your lady friend might like you or just be using a social tactic. However, no matter which one it is, it is going to awkward in your group if you admit your feelings for her, whether she dates you or not. If she dates you, then your friends feel scorned since you are dating the girl in the group and they were flirting with her too. If she rejects you, she feels awkward for having heard you gush out your feelings, you feel awkward for saying anything, and your friends feel awkward because of the two of you (for two seconds anyway; then they will attempt the same thing).

Why do so many groups of guys have to gang creep on any girl that enters their circle of friends? Or generally do the whole stalker friend/"nice guy" game?

You're in college. You are probably surrounded by thousands of girls within a couple years of your age, many of whom are single or are freshmen that "have a boyfriend back home" which is usually about the same as single.

There is also probably an anime club, or some other group that does something with that niche, and in the highly unlikely event that such a club doesn't already exist where you are it might be a good experience for you to start one.

Go there, chat up some girls, and see if one of them might be interested in getting some pizza and renting something to watch at your place later. Or if you're in the dorms maybe just have dinner with her and then decide if you feel like asking her to go to one of the dozens of events likely going on at your university.

Do nothing, that's what you're going to do anyway. You either have the skills to tell her you like her and overcome the awkwardness, or you don't. We can't tell you if you have those skills. If you need reassurance from a herd, that's also not really going to help you. Grow a pair, make a decision and live with it.

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Originally Posted by OminousCloud

Do nothing, that's what you're going to do anyway. You either have the skills to tell her you like her and overcome the awkwardness, or you don't. We can't tell you if you have those skills. If you need reassurance from a herd, that's also not really going to help you. Grow a pair, make a decision and live with it.

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Well I give you points for being short, sweet and to the point about it but you really should consider my position I can grow a pair and just go ask her but i'm trying to take precautions and think this out if I did it your way I would get more backlash than I would care for so yes your idea would work if this was just some random girl that didn't hang out with the same group of friends I hang out with =__=

NNEEEERRRRDDDD RRRAAAAGGGEEEE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUTY5aFdN-4

Heres what you do,
Grab you crotch. You know what you're feeling? That your balls bro. Now use them and just straight up tell her how you feel. theres a rule that states "A$$holes finish first." You can't be nice because you don't want to hurt the feelings of your friends. If they don't have what it takes to ask her, then they deserve to be hurt by your superiority.
The worst thing that can happen, it that she says "no" that she doesn't like you. And then you can move on to tracking down a different slampiece.
So.
step 1. Grab your balls, remind yourself that you still have them.
step 2. JUST ASK HER ALREADY!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uUjGeAOMVa.../nerd-rage.jpg

jeez...for once i actually agree with @wolfgirl90 lol

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Originally Posted by Rainguardian

Well I give you points for being short, sweet and to the point about it but you really should consider my position I can grow a pair and just go ask her but i'm trying to take precautions and think this out if I did it your way I would get more backlash than I would care for so yes your idea would work if this was just some random girl that didn't hang out with the same group of friends I hang out with =__=

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So pretend for a second that you didn't decide on getting obscure advice from some random strangers on a forum who have no idea how you work or think. How would you have handled it on your own?

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Originally Posted by OminousCloud

Do nothing, that's what you're going to do anyway. You either have the skills to tell her you like her and overcome the awkwardness, or you don't. We can't tell you if you have those skills. If you need reassurance from a herd, that's also not really going to help you. Grow a pair, make a decision and live with it.

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http://i48.tinypic.com/adna4j.jpg

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Originally Posted by Cecily Cambell

~img

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That's the thing though, planning and planning and planning doesn't really get you anywhere when it comes to these things. If anything it just makes you more apprehensive and anxious, which can end up screwing up what you had been so religiously preparing for. Not only that, but it increases your expectations beforehand as well as the disappointment and humiliation afterwards. If you're worried about rejection, my advice is to either passively wait for the right time without psyching yourself up about it, or just get it over with as soon as possible so that you don't mope about it for weeks or months on end.

What I would do anyway. Depends on the circumstance.

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Originally Posted by Rainguardian

Well I give you points for being short, sweet and to the point about it but you really should consider my position I can grow a pair and just go ask her but i'm trying to take precautions and think this out if I did it your way I would get more backlash than I would care for so yes your idea would work if this was just some random girl that didn't hang out with the same group of friends I hang out with =__=

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No bro, I said 'grow a pair, make a decision and live with it', as in make up your mind, decide what you're going to do and deal with the aftermath as it comes. You either tell her and things can get awkward or you can not tell her and things can also get awkward, cos you know people have already started noticing you like her. So what if she hangs with the same people you hang with, have those people never liked someone? Will they not get that sometimes you gotta just let out your feels? Face the world, or crawl back in your hole.

Lol...there's plenty fish on the sea and especially in college........A LOT OF IT. Nice booties and bewbs everywhere that you don't have time to lament over one girl.

@OminousCloud is completely right stop being a pussy and just tell her you like her, if you get friendzoned deal with it and just get another girl, you're in College for fawk's sake so you will LIKE another girl. There's plenty of cute girls and hots out there to catch.

And if you get friendzoned, act normal and don't make it a big deal out of it, act as nothing has happened and it won't be really be as awkward as you make it be since you moved on. Treat her as a friend (or groupmate), you know with respect, you know like anyone else and just don't ever mention it.

You're acting as this girl was the god gift of some divine universe, Which leads me to another quick tip, when you go talk to her, act as she was just some nobody or average girl instead of this "goddess" because that's when you get nervous. Don't get hyped up either what @Cecily Cambell posted it's true too....all this hype will make rejection worse so just get it over with.

Your probably a shy person, but to be honest..
you should respect the fact that she specifically said that
she's simply looking for friends. Besides, just because a girl
is pretty (hot, cute, etc) it doesn't mean that everyone
needs to pounce on her in your group. To be honest, this
situation sounds more like everyone likes her because of
her physical apperance.

Yes. It's important that the person is pretty in your eyes,
but don't you think there's a little bit more that you need
to have in common?
Don't just treat her as a "showcase" piece of girlfriend. That's
just wrong.

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Originally Posted by Rainguardian

Well I give you points for being short, sweet and to the point about it but you really should consider my position I can grow a pair and just go ask her but i'm trying to take precautions and think this out if I did it your way I would get more backlash than I would care for so yes your idea would work if this was just some random girl that didn't hang out with the same group of friends I hang out with =__=

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Punctuation is your friend, kind sir. I suggest you look into it.:glare:

Anyway, like I said, no matter what decision you decide to make, there is going to be some awkwardness in your group. If you tell her your feelings and she accepts, your friends feel awkward around you because they like the same girl (the only girl in the group). If she rejects, both you and the girl are going to feel awkward. If you do nothing and one of your other friends snag her up, then you are going to beat yourself up for not taking the chance in the first place.

At least take the chance of at least asking her. Standing on the sidelines hoping that she will do something is not going to work (it rarely does). She barely knows you and you barely know her and as far as she knows, the two of you are just friends. She probably has a feeling that you like her, but she probably isn't going to make any assumptions on the matter; if she said that she was only looking for friends, your sudden attraction to her isn't going to change this opinion, particularly if you are going to play the confusing role of the "nice, yet possessive" male friend.

Going out with someone in your immediate group is going to change the dynamics a bit, so no matter what, there is going to be some awkwardness among you guys. If you want her to know how she feels, tell her; the worst thing she can do is say "no".

If she does, move on and find some other "kitties" to play with.:wink:

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Originally Posted by Kaleohano

jeez...for once i actually agree with @wolfgirl90 lol

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Probably a sign of the Apocalypse. The world is supposed to end in three months....:unsure:

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Originally Posted by wolfgirl90

Probably a sign of the Apocalypse. The world is supposed to end in three months....:unsure:

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could be, but if you're going by the Mayan calendar, the Apocalypse should have happened about 6 years ago. The mayans never accounted for leap years. But still, we need to tread lightly :P

you do know that i don't actually dislike you, right? You're just fun to argue with haha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ribbon

Your probably a shy person, but to be honest..
you should respect the fact that she specifically said that
she's simply looking for friends. Besides, just because a girl
is pretty (hot, cute, etc) it doesn't mean that everyone
needs to pounce on her in your group. To be honest, this
situation sounds more like everyone likes her because of
her physical apperance.

Yes. It's important that the person is pretty in your eyes,
but don't you think there's a little bit more that you need
to have in common?
Don't just treat her as a "showcase" piece of girlfriend. That's
just wrong.

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I agree completely. I've dated so many guys that have done that to me, and that kind of spoiled the relationship because I found more and more things I disliked about him.

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Originally Posted by Kaleohano

you do know that i don't actually dislike you, right? You're just fun to argue with haha

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I never really made that assumption. I don't really dislike you either.

 

Your head, I mean.

 

Gnawing on your head, I mean.

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Originally Posted by wolfgirl90

I never really made that assumption. I don't really dislike you either.

 

Your head, I mean.

 

Gnawing on your head, I mean.

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hah. my mind is the worst :P

but good to know.
we cool http://angelslayer.my1.cc/wp-content.../fist_bump.gif