Shoujo Kakumei Utena—Tenshi Souzou Sunawachi Hikari

Hello all,

I'd like to submit corrections to the transliteration of http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/utena/rgutssh.htm . They're highlighted below.

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Manzou Banshou raito
Mozaiko raito
Akatsuki no ko Rushiferu tenshi
Mokushi raito
Mikaeru raito
Yami no ko Andorogyunusu
Honoo no raito
Eien raito
Tendou raito
Tenkai no Hierarukia
Gensou raito
Eien raito
Kuusou karakuri
Kimagure tanjou

Nikokusu (An'ya)
Erebosu (Yuumei)
Uranosu (Hoshizora)
Tanatosu (Shi)

Hakarikagayaku Hikari kagayaku karada kyuukei Gyunusu
Arayuru kiseki ni umare Gyunyusu Gyunusu
Kairaku gensoku
Niruvaana gensoku
Shi no hitsuzensei, sunawachi hikari
Ikite wa izu ni
Ugoite iru seimei no shou
Dainou uchuu ni
Tadayotte iru seimei no kei
Koumei Koumyou, kagen kegen
Eien wo ki shite! Sunawachi gensho ni modoru fukanzen

Ryousei Ryoukyoku
Futatsu no watashi
Jouge Sayuu
Futatsu no watashi
Saigo Zengo Tenchi
Futatsu no watashi
Tenshi Akuma
Futatsu no watashi

Naka wa kuudou utsuro (x15)

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You can check that this is correct by comparing with a kanij transcription e.g. this.

You can easily check that these are the correct readings by listening to the song:

video.

Note about the last line: It's true that the kanji 空洞 usually write the world kūdō "cave, hollow". However, in this case they're being used (irregularly) to write utsuro "hollow, empty", which is usually written 空ろ。 This is just the gikun stylistic trick of using kanji irregularly by their meaning, frequent in lyrics. Again, you can easily confirm that they sing utsuro (and not kūdō) by listening.

Quote:

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Note about the last line: It's true that the kanji 空洞 usually write the world kūdō "cave, hollow". However, in this case they're being used (irregularly) to write utsuro "hollow, empty", which is usually written 空ろ。 This is just the gikun stylistic trick of using kanji irregularly by their meaning, frequent in lyrics. Again, you can easily confirm that they sing utsuro (and not kūdō) by listening.

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You're saying it like it's a bad thing. Actually this what I call the figurative is great for the artistic soul like mine, and specifically from a transcribing point of view it helps you catch the people who don't check their translits with the song.

As for the correction itself I'm afraid we need Chirlind's affirmation, and maybe overwrite it with your complete translit if she's willing.

No, I might have expressed myself badly—I love this effect! I actually love this kind of kanji play so much, that it's the topic of my master's thesis. No, really :⁠)

I'm sorry I didn't read the guidelines closely enough. As per instructions, here's the complete revised romanization:

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Banshou raito
Mozaiko raito
Akatsuki no ko Rushiferu tenshi
Mokushi raito
Mikaeru raito
Yami no ko Andorogyunusu
Honoo no raito
Tendou raito
Tenkai no Hierarukia
Gensou raito
Eien raito
Kuusou karakuri
Kimagure tanjou

Nikokusu (An'ya)
Erebosu (Yuumei)
Uranosu (Hoshizora)
Tanatosu (Shi)

Hikari kagayaku karada kyuukei Gyunusu
Arayuru kiseki ni umare Gyunusu
Kairaku gensoku
Niruvaana gensoku
Shi no hitsuzensei, sunawachi hikari
Ikite wa izu ni
Ugoite iru seimei no shou
Dainou uchuu ni
Tadayotte iru seimei no kei
Koumyou, kegen
Eien wo ki shite! Sunawachi gensho ni modoru fukanzen

Ryousei Ryoukyoku
Futatsu no watashi
Jouge Sayuu
Futatsu no watashi
Zengo Tenchi
Futatsu no watashi
Tenshi Akuma
Futatsu no watashi

Naka wa utsuro (x15)

And here's the revised English translation to account for line changes, and if I might be so bold, a couple extra suggestions here and there:

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Universal light
Mosaic light
Child of morning, the angel Lucifer
Apocalyptic light
Michael's light
Child of darkness, the Androgynous
Fiery light
Heavenly light
The celestial hierarchy
Illusory light
Eternal light
A fanciful device,
A capricious birth

Nyx (Dark Night)
Erebos (Faint Darkness)
Uranus (Starry Sky)
Thanatos (Death)

Body shining with light, the spherical Gynous
Born from all miracles, Gynous
The Pleasure Principle
The Nirvana Principle
Death's inevitability, namely light
Without being alive:
The shifting image of existence
Wandering in the cerebral universe:
The shape of existence
Bright future, flimsy present
Seek for eternity! Namely the imperfection of returning to the source

Both sexes, both poles
Two of me
Up and down, left and right
Two of me
Front and back, heaven and earth
Two of me
Angel, devil
Two of me

Inside, a hollow (x 15)

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Rationale:

万象 Banshō as "universal": It's not that "natural" is wrong. But the "myriad phenomena" or "ten thousand things" is a Buddhist concept (the equivalent to Sanskrit bhāvāḥ), and means "nature" not in the sense of "spontaneous, non-deliberate" but in the sense of "all the things that exist". I find that "universal" express better this feeling of all-embracingness.

"Heavenly" and "celestial": These two close lines use tendō "the Hall of Heaven" and tenkai "the World of Heaven" in the original. I wanted to keep the feeling of two different words for Heaven, but there's not many synonyms for "heavenly" ("paradisiacal" feels clunky…)

"Fanciful device": While karakuri can mean "deception", I believe its primary sense evoke a feeling of a clockwork mechanism (and potentially a trick or trap). English words like "machination" or "device" would suggest both senses ("mechanism", and "deception"). "Fanciful device" has the advantage of being short enough to parallel "capricious birth" ("imaginary machination" would need, say, "capricious nativity"…)

"Body shining with light, the spherical Gynous": Closer to the original syntax.

"Pleasure principle": Might sound a tad less impressive than "principle of pleasure", but this is a Freudian concept, and in English this is the technical term (besides, it's the same order as the Japanese). I tried to suggest that it's a specific reference by using capitals.

"Namely": sunawachi. Used twice in the Japanese lyrics, and once more in the song title, so I think the translation too should repeat the same expression.

"Without being alive": I confess this part is a bit hard for me, & help would be welcomed. I interpreted ikite wa izu ni as the Classical negative form (nu/zu) of the progressive, made adverbial by ni (roughly similar to modern ikite inai nagara). Then the second verse falls into place as an imitation of life. I used "shifting" because "moving" sounds like "affecting, touching"; and "existence" to suggest the distinction between iki(ru) and seimei.

"Cerebral": Dainou "cerebellum" sounds more anatomical to me than "mind".

"Bright, flimsy": Dunno, man, it's what the dictionary says about kōmyō & kegen. 仮 is usually "transient, borrowed" but that's when it's read as kari/ka; apparently when it's read as ke it's a Buddhist term meaning "insubstantial". Kisu could be either "look forward to eternity", or "pledge yourself to eternity", I don't know which…

"Imperfection, source": Trying to make this verse less drawn-out :⁠)

"Hollow": Both utsuro and kūdō are concrete nouns like "hollow, cavity, cave".

And for completeness, the kanji lyrics, formatted to match the lines above:

万象ライト
モザイコライト
暁の子ルシフェル天使
黙示ライト
ミカエルライト
闇の子アンドロギュヌス
焔のライト
天堂ライト
天界のヒエラルキア
幻想ライト
永遠ライト
空想カラクリ
気まぐれ誕生

ニコクス（闇夜）
エレボス（幽冥）
ウラノス（星空）
タナトス（死）

光輝く肉体（からだ）、球形ギュヌス
あらゆる奇蹟に生まれギュヌス
快楽原則
ニルヴァーナ原則
死の必然性　すなわち光
生きてはいずに
動いてる生命の象（しょう）
大脳宇宙に
漂っている生命の形（けい）
光明、仮想（けげん）
永遠を期して　すなわち原初に戻る不完全

両性　両極
二つのわたし
上下　左右
二つのわたし
前後　天地
二つのわたし
天使　悪魔
二つのわたし

中は空洞（うつろ）（×15）