Tokyo Ghoul - Munou

https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/tokyoghoula/munou.htm


Please refer to the above link for the lyrics I wish to correct. Let me begin by saying thank you to the original translator. Happyblossom, I am a professional translator, and I got my start doing what you did here. You should be proud of your efforts, and I encourage you to keep at it.


That said, this translation has some significant issues. Here is my proposed alternatvie translation:


let me tell you what I saw / when I dreamt of my own birth
“live a beautiful life” / the city of the womb / we clapped our hands and laughed

we drank every last drop of the paint / and the rainbow’s colors changed
I started wanting to be held / I lost the ability to walk on my own feet

we were laughing together
we gave our love away to toys
o untouched children
I want to destroy you with a word!

the girls lit the fire / in a far-off city, someone died

tempted by the lemmings / we reach the ends of this world
please don’t grow strong / amidst the corruption, the sirens cry drove me mad

I’ll be waiting in the amusement park
you *know* the architecture of heaven

I suppressed the urge to vomit / the clouds rained iron
mommy and daddy were wrong / you can’t put the numbers back how they were

you kept praying, didn’t you?
giving water to fake flowers
we laughed together
I want to give my love away to you
I want you to feel the breath of lambs
and I want to burn your worthless little picture book!

I’ve lit fire to your body
the sound of it is driving you mad, isn’t it? the words, “go *live*”


*******


Thank you for listening! I hope this is helpful.


fall rose

Sorry for the late reply.

Firstly, thank you for your corrections. However, to be able to submit such large corrections, you will have to pass our translation test (which can be found here: https://www.animelyrics.com/index.php?action=jptest). In addition, while looking through your revised lyrics, I agree with many of your suggestions, you cannot jump immediately to the "replace" stage- you have to point out precisely what bit is wrong, and in the case it's a translation you're correcting, you have to explain why this isn't a subjective matter of interpretation and why the original translation of the line is unlikely to be the lyricist's intent (e.g. by pointing out the incorrect tense usage, misreading of particles etc.). It is only in the case where significant changes are required from a non-subjective viewpoint that a full translation replacement (allowing you to make whatever subjective changes you want) is needed. In cases where a large number of lines will require corrections, you can narrow your justifications down to only the ones that require the most major corrections.

I am not authorised to approve translation corrections and so can @bluepenguin please look at this? In addition, if @Happyblossom is still around, could you please weigh in on the suggestions?

Oh hello! (I logged in randomly after like 3 years so didn't expect such a timely summon lol)

As for the translation, I tried to make it out to be as cohesive while retaining the vibe of the original text as much as I, a Japanese native understood the song. With all due respect your alternative translation just seems like a different interpretation in the way it's been executed. (or maybe just personal style?)

That being said, that translation is 5 years old and middle schooler me was obviously incompetent, while you're the pro. I personally still wouldn't change much of my interpretations majorly but I clearly do not know better so I'm leaving it up to the admins @Fuukanou and @bluepenguin to make whatever changes/replacements that seem fit.

Thanks!

I have nothing to add to what @Fuukanou said--that's the process for doing corrections here, whether or not you're a pro. If you'd like to take the test and do a post in which you pick out some of the significantly misinterpreted lines and explain your reasoning as to why it's not just a difference of interpretation, I would be happy to consider this correction.