ok. i'm thinking twice about posting this but i really need your opinion on this guys. i never thought such issue would still bother me but i guess it still does...
(btw: this is somehow similar to mr. marvel's thread)
when i was still in high school i fell in love with this guy who (fortunately) felt the same way about me..for some reason, while he was courting me, he just stopped and even it was really hard for me, i just accepted his decision and matters were closed after that..so fate started working its weird ways of bringing two people together and it turned out that two people were us. we became classmates for 1 year and during that year we became really close friends..bestfriends to be exact. i admit i always asked myself if he still has feelings for me but because of that friendship, i never dared knowing the truth behind it. i just love the relationship we have (even way better than before) but what's confusing is..now that he has a girlfriend for almost 2 years he still keeps on giving me those mixed signals. i'm very sure of it cause when i tell people about it they all have the same reactions, "why would he do that?..what does he really want??" i guess they were even more confused than i am. haha
so guuys. what should a girl do when a guy, who's really special to her, turned out to be committed and still makes you feel that you're more than just a friend to him??
11-29-2011, 08:27 PM
Arrisu
Re: he's really confusing..
I think you have two options here:
1. Talk to him about it, when the girlfriend isn't present. This doesn't mean to try to take him away from his girlfriend. It may just be a good idea to let it off your chest.
2. Don't tell him, if your worried of it causing problems with the relationship on hand. Try to move on. I don't think it's a good idea to get in the way of a relationship. Even if you may wish he was yours.
Sorry if this comes off as rude, its just what I would do.
11-29-2011, 08:38 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
i actually did the second one. just trying to see if i did the right thing. i don't want his girl to get the wrong idea and i definitely don't want her to get hurt. she's not a friend of mine or anything but i respect her as a woman. and besides i believe that if you don't want the same thing to happen to you, then you shouldn't do the same thing to others. we're still bestfriends until now and his girlfriend accepts that fact. i didn't tell him straight to the face that i don't want that kind of relationship but i think he already gets it...well...i hope he does..
you're not ruude! in fact, i liked everything you said. thanks a lot! :) :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Kaitou+
I think you have two options here:
1. Talk to him about it, when the girlfriend isn't present. This doesn't mean to try to take him away from his girlfriend. It may just be a good idea to let it off your chest.
2. Don't tell him, if your worried of it causing problems with the relationship on hand. Try to move on. I don't think it's a good idea to get in the way of a relationship. Even if you may wish he was yours.
Sorry if this comes off as rude, its just what I would do.
11-29-2011, 08:40 PM
solidarmor
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
now that he has a girlfriend for almost 2 years he still keeps on giving me those mixed signals.
Absolute NO....he's moved on you said it yourself. And even contemplating it is not something to play around with. You should be better than this.
Its just odd that you would ask? Even if people say "hey I'm cool with you being her friend." She may be thinking that you might try to steal him....it's never a good idea to do something behind someones back.
11-29-2011, 08:44 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
i'm not really sure if he has completely moved on though. still, i don't want to hurt anybody especially his girlfriend just because of my own selfish confusion. i think we ended up as bestfriends cause that's what's really meant for us and what more can i ask for? im already happy with just being his bestfriend. i just don't know why he does that sometimes..i just don't get why he would do that when he's already happy with someone..
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidarmor
Absolute NO....he's moved on you said it yourself. And even contemplating it is not something to play around with. You should be better than this.
11-29-2011, 08:49 PM
Arrisu
Re: he's really confusing..
I know this must be emotionally hard for you as well, but you are being a great friend by not breaking his relationship at all. I believe that if it is meant to be, it will eventually happen. While you move on, may I suggest avoiding to hang around him and his girlfriend? Or if you do, bring along another attractive male. Perhaps this will get your mind off things.
Good luck, munchkin.~ Keep strong.~
11-29-2011, 08:55 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
hahaha! actually i don't need to move on cause i already did ;) but thank you so much for the tips! :) :) i'm just worried over the fact that someday i might need to stay away from him or sacrifice the friendship that we had because of what he's doing. my romantic feelings for him disappeared the moment i accepted the fact that we're just bestfriends. still....that gives me a good idea to try this - - - - > HAHAHAHA! i wonder how he'll react? :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Kaitou+
While you move on, may I suggest avoiding to hang around him and his girlfriend? Or if you do, bring along another attractive male. Perhaps this will get your mind off things.
Good luck, munchkin.~ Keep strong.~
11-29-2011, 08:59 PM
solidarmor
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loxaerion
i'm not really sure if he has completely moved on though. still, i don't want to hurt anybody especially his girlfriend just because of my own selfish confusion. i think we ended up as bestfriends cause that's what's really meant for us and what more can i ask for? im already happy with just being his bestfriend. i just don't know why he does that sometimes..i just don't get why he would do that when he's already happy with someone..
He does it, because YOU haven't set the parameters. Plus keep in mind he's been with this girl for 2 years (flashbacks). Depending on the type of girl she is, it may be you that gets hurt.
11-29-2011, 09:05 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
i know. that's why i told him that it's not a good idea to see each other anymore and i think he got it..but i couldn't control the fact that he told his girlfriend about us and even argued with her because of assuring her that nothing is going on between us. i did my part of avoiding him but he said he couldn't end our friendship because of that. i don't know why. i even told him that if he really loves his girlfriend he should know better and that he should forget about me but he just couldn't do it..
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidarmor
Its just odd that you would ask? Even if people say "hey I'm cool with you being her friend." She may be thinking that you might try to steal him....it's never a good idea to do something behind someones back.
11-29-2011, 09:08 PM
aerophobia
Re: he's really confusing..
heres my two cents even though its pretty much been solved...i dont know who said it in the other forum you were referring to, (and i dont feel like checking lol) but somone talked about people just misinterpreting signals which is just what i believe you are doing. But If you even wanted to find out if its true (its not my choice or anyone elses here to choose for you) that he has feelings for you, you could always ask him but just not straight up blatantly saying/screaming do you like me or something like that lol. Talk to him about how you used to be (how he was courting you before) and if he ever feels the same feelings about you sometimes... something like that.. Once again im not telling you to do that, and im not telling you not to either. Its your choice to make.....
11-29-2011, 09:13 PM
solidarmor
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
that he should forget about me but he just couldn't do it..
Lol now you know how felt about my crapstorm...
11-29-2011, 09:25 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
yup. but thank you for this :) i actually thought about it just to clear things between us and to stop him from getting the wrong idea that i still like him on a romantic level but for some reason, i think it will just complicate things. he's really special to me but not anymore as a lover. we've been through a lot (even more that with his gf right now) but as his friend, i only wish what's best for him. and about misinterpreting those signals?? i sure hope i am cause actually...he sometimes does things waaaay beyond just giving signals to the point that you don't need to be confused about it anymore. sometimes i think i'm a bit fortunate cause im not in love with him anymore. i just couldn't imagine what will happen if i still am..
Quote:
Originally Posted by aerophobia
heres my two cents even though its pretty much been solved...i dont know who said it in the other forum you were referring to, (and i dont feel like checking lol) but somone talked about people just misinterpreting signals which is just what i believe you are doing. But If you even wanted to find out if its true (its not my choice or anyone elses here to choose for you) that he has feelings for you, you could always ask him but just not straight up blatantly saying/screaming do you like me or something like that lol. Talk to him about how you used to be (how he was courting you before) and if he ever feels the same feelings about you sometimes... something like that.. Once again im not telling you to do that, and im not telling you not to either. Its your choice to make.....
11-29-2011, 09:38 PM
aerophobia
Re: he's really confusing..
the way you say it... makes me feel like he wants to keep you around for a backup replacement girlfriend if they break up or are having a tough time right now lol. i think the feelings could still be there for him if he refuses to give you up as a friend... he stills feels as if he could like you but he wont end it with his current girlfriend just to reassure those feelings.. thats my other 2 cents
---------- Post added at 10:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:30 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loxaerion
yup. but thank you for this :) i actually thought about it just to clear things between us and to stop him from getting the wrong idea that i still like him on a romantic level but for some reason, i think it will just complicate things. he's really special to me but not anymore as a lover. we've been through a lot (even more that with his gf right now) but as his friend, i only wish what's best for him. and about misinterpreting those signals?? i sure hope i am cause actually...he sometimes does things waaaay beyond just giving signals to the point that you don't need to be confused about it anymore. sometimes i think i'm a bit fortunate cause im not in love with him anymore. i just couldn't imagine what will happen if i still am..
oh my.... if hes giving off signals that strong.. and if what you say is true about you two being through more than his current girlfriend.. its makes me worried that he might be falling in love with you again... or feels as if he is falling in love with you again. Maybe thinking that he blew it with you a long time ago and now he wants you to be around him if he can bring himself to say his feelings about you..... or all of this is just in my head and not true at all..
11-29-2011, 09:45 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
I TOTALLY AGREEE!! :awe: that's the same thing my dad told me. it's not unlikely for things to happen this way, right? cause who knows what's happening to their relationship?? since then, i tried to keep that thought in mind that's why i was able to move on quickly. at first, i don't want to think that way cause i don't want to think badly of him. dad said it will be a matter of risk if i want to know the truth and i decided not to take that risk..but i did something which made things more complicated..i asked him once, if he's having problems with his gf that time and he told me that everything is fine and they're happy...when he asked me why? i told him that..(cause maybe you're trying to find someone...blahblah..and it turned out to be me..) i don't know why but he got so disappointed that he didn't talk to me for a few days..is that some kind of a guilty reaction??
Quote:
Originally Posted by aerophobia
the way you say it... makes me feel like he wants to keep you around for a backup replacement girlfriend if they break up or are having a tough time right now lol. i think the feelings could still be there for him if he refuses to give you up as a friend... he stills feels as if he could like you but he wont end it with his current girlfriend just to reassure those feelings.. thats my other 2 cents
---------- Post added at 11:45 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:39 AM ----------
unfortunately...this is the other fact that i can't help but think about :| :| and even if it was hard for my dad to admit it, he still considered this possibility..
Quote:
Originally Posted by aerophobia
oh my.... if hes giving off signals that strong.. and if what you say is true about you two being through more than his current girlfriend.. its makes me worried that he might be falling in love with you again... or feels as if he is falling in love with you again. Maybe thinking that he blew it with you a long time ago and now he wants you to be around him if he can bring himself to say his feelings about you..... or all of this is just in my head and not true at all..
11-29-2011, 09:50 PM
solidarmor
Re: he's really confusing..
Well, you know what my thoughts are however I would add, be a woman and confront him about it in front of his girlfriend. Only cowards do things when other people who are involved are not around. And yes I would say the exact same thing if it were a guy. That's all I'm saying about this.
11-29-2011, 09:57 PM
aerophobia
Re: he's really confusing..
If you still want to be friends with him... i dont know what else to tell you besides straight out confronting him.. tell him that you have to ask him a couple questions if you want to still be friends and ask him if he still has any feelings for you at all. if he asks why, tell him how its is, tell him about the signals you feel you are getting from him and that he has a girlfriend and that you dont have feelings for him anymore. if he does... i guess its just your choice on what to do..
11-29-2011, 10:00 PM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
this is really nice. thank you so much! :) :) i will keep this in mind..i know it will be really hard but i guess this is the only way to clear things up
Quote:
Originally Posted by aerophobia
If you still want to be friends with him... i dont know what else to tell you besides straight out confronting him.. tell him that you have to ask him a couple questions if you want to still be friends and ask him if he still has any feelings for you at all. if he asks why, tell him how its is, tell him about the signals you feel you are getting from him and that he has a girlfriend and that you dont have feelings for him anymore. if he does... i guess its just your choice on what to do..
11-29-2011, 10:00 PM
aerophobia
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidarmor
Well, you know what my thoughts are however I would add, be a woman and confront him about it in front of his girlfriend. Only cowards do things when other people who are involved are not around. And yes I would say the exact same thing if it were a guy. That's all I'm saying about this.
i dont really find that necessary at all.. it doesnt involve her, its not about being a coward or not.. if you involve her, whatever way his feelings go shes going to be out of the picture since his girlfriend will be thinking that its a possibility for them to become connected even though it may not be... honestly i think thats the worst thing you could do at this point.. There would also be alot more tension and pressure the whole time as well
11-29-2011, 10:11 PM
solidarmor
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by aerophobia
i dont really find that necessary at all.. it doesnt involve her, its not about being a coward or not.. if you involve her, whatever way his feelings go shes going to be out of the picture since his girlfriend will be thinking that its a possibility for them to become connected even though it may not be... honestly i think thats the worst thing you could do at this point.. There would also be alot more tension and pressure the whole time as well
I think this involves her more than you're wanting to see. She's been with him for 2 years, you don't think she doesn't have a say in this? That's pretty vested in someone if you ask me...and even if you don't. If he's trying to play both sides against the middle, then she does need to know. I've been the "last to know", and it didn't turn out well for all involved...I made sure of that first hand.
You know what...I'm putting too much of my personal experience in this. You handle it how you want....like Pontius Pilate, I wash my hands of the matter.
11-29-2011, 10:34 PM
aerophobia
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidarmor
I think this involves her more than you're wanting to see. She's been with him for 2 years, you don't think she doesn't have a say in this? That's pretty vested in someone if you ask me...and even if you don't. If he's trying to play both sides against the middle, then she does need to know. I've been the "last to know", and it didn't turn out well for all involved...I made sure of that first hand.
You know what...I'm putting too much of my personal experience in this. You handle it how you want....like Pontius Pilate, I wash my hands of the matter.
You have your points, but i still dont believe she needs to be involved... it really doesnt concern her if its just a misunderstanding... NOW as i say that, if the position was flipped and it was the guy going to a different girl seeing about mixed signals and such than it would be wise to clue her in on the situation because that would turn out bad if she was the last one to find out and something possibly controversial happened... but as the way it stands now... i dont believe she needs to be involved, If you REALLY want her to be involved than maybe id say talk to her first by herself before you even confront the boy at all and explain the situation that you feel you are in. But if you are doing that i would say it is VERY crucial to explain the situation thoroughly..
12-03-2011, 08:07 PM
Kanjoudakai_Ira
Re: he's really confusing..
I'm sorry if I'm going to sound mean with this, but keep this in mind: men are efficient and they don't waste their time with useless moves. This is the meaning of what I've said: if he keeps giving you "on-off" signals he's doing it to keep you by his side as a backup plan, or a resort for when something goes wrong with his girlfriend.
But apart from that, there are very few chances he might still like you more than a friend. When men like someone, they go for her most of the times, so if he has a girlfriend for such a long time, you can draw the conclusions, yourself. True that people have reasons and reasons - maybe he needs you as a comfort zone and because he can trust you.
Yet, if you want my word for it: move on. It isn't as easy as it sounds, I know, but it's better not to get involved with people who are already in a relationship, very bad things can come out of it. And plus, don't waste your feelings on him. If he chose someone else, he's not worth your time. Be strong!
12-03-2011, 09:21 PM
Wio
Re: he's really confusing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loxaerion
hahaha! actually i don't need to move on cause i already did ;) but thank you so much for the tips! :) :) i'm just worried over the fact that someday i might need to stay away from him or sacrifice the friendship that we had because of what he's doing. my romantic feelings for him disappeared the moment i accepted the fact that we're just bestfriends. still....that gives me a good idea to try this - - - - > HAHAHAHA! i wonder how he'll react? :P
You sound pretty obsessive for someone who has moved on. Why are you cackling about an attempt to make him jealous? If you're not going to respect him like a normal person, then leave him alone.
12-03-2011, 09:42 PM
blueangel06661
Re: he's really confusing..
I'm sort of in the same boat... Of course he knows I like him and has since the beginning of time lol. But yeah... He waited until AFTER I had a bf of a year to say anything. Just go with the flow.. Good things come to those who wait.. Trust me.. Just be there beside him and support him and he'll roll around eventually.
12-03-2011, 09:48 PM
Derrick Remon
Re: he's really confusing..
I cannot stand these discussions because they make me get angry, upset, and confused. I will endure it as a true forumer.
I loved a person who was more dear to me than myself. Waking up to see her at work and at school was what I really wanted during the day. When I saw her talk to her friends about whatever girls did then I always hoped that it was about me or how she was happy to be with me. I never treated her as some possession that can put away or use when I wanted. She was a person of good virtue, intelligence, and a prosperous future in store, that my only wish was to be a part of. We may have argued a couple times by I would always give in just to make her feel better and even say that I was sorry when I wasn't, but it made her feel better.
One day her brother came over, which was odd since he only comes over with her. I asked him what was wrong because he looked like he was in trouble or scared. He looked at me so confused and upset I really thought for a second someone died. He told me that there was someone over his house with his sister and that I should know. Next thing I know I'm at her doorway (houses were walking distance) with the most disgusted look a person that was 16 years old could possibly make. She was with someone else... someone I didn't know. I talked to one of her friends and she said they have been seeing each other for years now almost the same amount of time we were going out. In fact (We grew up together since birth, but not in the same school) her friends didn't even know "we" were going out together.
I received a confession two weeks later around Christmas when I demanded it.
Did I waste four years of my life? Not four years no, did I waste my entire (up to that point) life trusting someone, loving someone, enduring this companion's problems or issues to see that image of her with him (they were holding hands so don't did get a weird graphical idea) to realize I... was only a tool for the shed, to be used when needed and put away when not. To only imagine what they did in their relationship during ours? To think of how she could possible hurt me and not care? To think that he was WORTH TAKING THE RISK. That night truly broke me into pieces. No not pieces... but ashes. Broken by her and burnt later by her confession that she truly loved him more.
I've been pulverized in hockey, participated (unwillingly) in a car accident, converted the most precious memories of love into hate, I've even been in brawls which is why my nose is now broken, but... that moment at her house, that night after, and that confession did more damage to me than I will ever endure again.
"so guuys. what should a girl do when a guy, who's really special to her, turned out to be committed and still makes you feel that you're more than just a friend to him??"
I'm not prophet and surely not wise, but with that information I put in this stated, you go up to said person and you look into their eyes and tell that person you live one life and you don't have time for that person to firetruck up. That you want to live happy and you want that person too also, and all this person needs to do is to be faithful and loving, there through the greater times and worse, and to do their best as a human being. If this person agrees then take the chance and see.
12-04-2011, 12:01 AM
Loxaerion
Re: he's really confusing..
i don't mean to sound rude but please don't judge me as if you know me personally. i do admit that thoughts like that would go inside my head but i never actually did it because first, i love and respect my bestfriend as a person. second, i can't see any reason why i should do that. i don't care how other people would be misled by just a simple statement but please don't rush into a conclusion that can offend somebody because of your misjudgements. all i need is an honest opinion in the general matter and not some criticism about me and my bestfriend as a person..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wio
You sound pretty obsessive for someone who has moved on. Why are you cackling about an attempt to make him jealous? If you're not going to respect him like a normal person, then leave him alone.
---------- Post added at 01:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:35 PM ----------
haha. it's hard, isn't it?? the same thing happened to me. when i had a boyfriend, he did stuffs that were so unexpected of him. he completely changed but i turned him down because i loved my boyfriend that time. then i just realized that it's one way of telling us that we're never meant to be lovers. still, i am thankful 'cause we're both happy with just being bestfriends. i never really planned on waiting cause i accepted things as they are and i'm already happy :) :) like what you said, i'll just go with the flow and see who i'll meet in the future..who knows, the next guy i'll meet might be mr. right? :p
i'm happy that you already found your mr. right ;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueangel06661
I'm sort of in the same boat... Of course he knows I like him and has since the beginning of time lol. But yeah... He waited until AFTER I had a bf of a year to say anything. Just go with the flow.. Good things come to those who wait.. Trust me.. Just be there beside him and support him and he'll roll around eventually.
---------- Post added at 02:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:52 PM ----------
you didn't sound mean at all! that's exactly what i need to hear :) :) i'm just happy that i did what you think i should do. all i want now is a little confirmation that i did the right thing and i guess i did. thanks a lot!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanjoudakai_Ira
I'm sorry if I'm going to sound mean with this, but keep this in mind: men are efficient and they don't waste their time with useless moves. This is the meaning of what I've said: if he keeps giving you "on-off" signals he's doing it to keep you by his side as a backup plan, or a resort for when something goes wrong with his girlfriend.
But apart from that, there are very few chances he might still like you more than a friend. When men like someone, they go for her most of the times, so if he has a girlfriend for such a long time, you can draw the conclusions, yourself. True that people have reasons and reasons - maybe he needs you as a comfort zone and because he can trust you.
Yet, if you want my word for it: move on. It isn't as easy as it sounds, I know, but it's better not to get involved with people who are already in a relationship, very bad things can come out of it. And plus, don't waste your feelings on him. If he chose someone else, he's not worth your time. Be strong!