An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima
This is my attempt to translate "Right Light Rise" I am sure there are a ton of errors but making errors is the best way to learn.
This is a video with lyrics to compare to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd77HhDnkec
Here is the transliteration on this site:
http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dan...tlightrise.htm
EDIT: Suggested changes will be in teal with old text struck out
RIGHT LIGHT RISE
by Kanon Wakeshima
Quote:
ボクの見てた一人分の景色の中 君の色があたりまえになる
boku no miteta hitori bun' no keishiki no naka kimi no iro ga atarimae ni naru
Within my portion of the scenery that I was seeing Your appearance has become the commonplace
知らなかった心地いい距離や くだらない意地の張り合い
shiranakatta kokochi ii kyouri ya kudaranai iji no hariai
A comfortable distance I didn't know and competitions of worthless pride
ほらまたすぐに笑い合えてる
hora mata suguni waraiaeteru
Look, we are smiling together again
Look, we are able to smile at each other again
日常を重ね合って行く 途切れず強くなって行く
nichijou wo kasaneatte iku tougirezu tsuyoku natte iku
Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong
ボクの心はきっと君の半分が満たすんだ ぴったりと
boku no kokoro wa kitto kimi no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittarito
Undoubtedly half of you fills my heart completely!
Okay, This last line is the first part that really bugs me with my own translation. Half of you fills my heart doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe by "kimi no han'bun' " she means their half of them as a couple? If so, I could retranslate this as "your half of us fills my heart completely." That makes more sense to me.
Quote:
もっと寄り添って生きて行こう
motto yorisotte ikite ikou
Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other
If so, this fixes many of my issues in translating this song. For this verse, for example, I could translate it as "Do you want us to go stuggle some more?" Which makes way more sense.
Quote:
ボク等なんだか似てるね
bokura nan'daka niteru ne
We sorta resemble (each other) don't we
頼りないとこも 補ってちょうどいいとこも
tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo
In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place
the places that I can't be relied on, are precisely the places you make up for
ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう
chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou
Properly facing each other Let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other
Same issue here as above. At the 1:28 mark she says "ikitaika" not "ikite ikou." This changes the translation to "Do you want us to go to properly face each other?" Which sounds much less awkward.
It also makes the lyrics before it make way more sense too. In an unreliable place, in a well compensated place? It makes more sense if she is asking about facing each other in those places. Otherwise it sounds out of place.
Speaking of which, "a well compensated place" sounds wrong to me. Is there a better translation? Maybe "well maintained place?" I would greatly appreciate any suggestions :)
Quote:
偶然の引力は
guuzen' no in'ryoku wa
As for chance's attraction
A chance attraction
神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ
kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hitsuzen o shimeshiteru n'da
We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict
shows an inevitability not even god could predict
I am translating "datte" as the abreviated form of "to wa itte mo" or "even if it were..."
Quote:
ボクのピースは 不完全な形をしてて
boku no piisu wa fukazen' na katachi wo shitete
As for my peace, They say it is taking on an imperfect shape
脆くて弱い そんなものだろうね
morokute yowai son'na mono darou ne
Brittle and weak, Its that kinda thing huh?
出会ったこれまでの選択を 「間違いじゃない」って言ってくれた
deatta kore made no takusen o "machigai janai" tte ittekureta
You said for me that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake"
This last verse gave me a bit of trouble due to the "tte" followed by another "itte." According to what I have learned "tte" is short hand for "to iu" which is used to quote a person and can be translated as "I/you/he/she/they say." So I would think that "tte ittekureta" would be translated more or less as "you said (as a favor to me) that you said" which just sounds awkward. It would be "You said, for me, that you said that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake." However, if I am remembering correctly tte can mean more than just "to iu" or less. So I translated the "tte" here as a simple "to." If this is wrong I will change it.
Quote:
今君の声が追い風に響く ゆっくりと
ima kimi no koe ga oikaze ni hibiku yukkuri to
Now, like chased wind, your voice reverberates slowly
Now, in the fair winds, your voice reverberates slowly
もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう
moto yorisotte ikite ikou
Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other
Again, at 2:23 it REALLY does sound like she is saying "ikitaika"
Quote:
ボク等なんだか似てるね
bokura nan'daka niteru ne
We sorta resemble (each other) don't we
落ち込む癖も すぐ立ち直って顔を上げるとこも
ochikomu kusemo sugu tachi naotte kao o ageru tokomo
Falling into habbit again, Soon we recover and are in a place we can raise our faces again
Despite being depressed again, soon we recover and are where we can raise our faces again
ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう
Chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou
Properly facing each other let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other
again this time at 2:40 sounds like she is saying "ikitaika"
Quote:
お互いの引力は
otagai no in'ryoku wa
As for our mutal attraction,
Our mutual attraction
神様だって不可能な 可能性を含んでるんだ
kamisama datte fukanou na kanousei wo fukun'deru n'da
It contains a "impossible even if it was god" possibility
This sounds awkward, but I think the translation is correct. The next part is in English.
Quote:
Raise right
Lower left
And both up
Shake it right to left,
So more
Lower right
Keep left
And both down
Let's try it more quickly
Raise right
Lower left
And both up
Clap your hands
You are not wrong!
Both up
Both down
And shake right
More shake left
Keep both and slow them down
日常を重ね合って行く 途切れず強くなって行く
nichijou wo kasane atte iku togirezu tsuyoku natte iku
Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong
君の心をそっとボクの半分が満たすんだ ぴったりと ぴったりと
kimi no kokoro sotto boku no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittari to
Secretly your heart fills my half completely! Completely!
Again, I suspect "boku no han'bun' " refers to them as a couple. She also repeats "pittari to" which doesn't seem to show in the lyrics.
Quote:
もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう
motto yorisotte ikite ikou
Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other
At 4:03 this time. Sure seems like the lyric should be "ikitaika" and not "ikite ikou"
Quote:
ボク等なんだか似てるね
bokura nan'daka niteru ne
We sorta resemble (each other) don't we
頼りないとこも 補ってちょうどいいとこも
tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo
In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place
the places that I can't be relied on, are precisely the places you make up for
ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう
Chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou
Properly facing each other let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other
Again, this time she says "ikitaika" at 4:18.
Quote:
偶然の引力は
guuzen' no in'ryoku wa
As for chance's attraction
A chance attraction
神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ
kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hituzen wo shimeshiteru n'da
We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict
shows an inevitability not even god could predict
示してるんだ
shimeshiteru n'da
We show it
It shows it
Okay that is my translation. Any problems, critiques, or suggestions?
EDIT: since my other post discussing the lyrics seems to have vanished I added my comments here via edit instead.
Re: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima
Your second comment got caught in the moderation filter. It happens sometimes, unfortunately; it's unpredictable and there's not much that can be done about it. When that happens, I prefer if people don't repost--if you wait, I'll approve it the next time I'm on.
Anyway, I'm just going to cover some broad points of grammar rather than really getting into fine details, which I don't think will be helpful to you at this stage.
The verb here is in the potential form--it's going to be very useful to you to learn to spot it.
I think 寄り添って is more figurative here and is intended as sort of a way of living, rather than being separate from 生きて行こう. This being the case, 生きたいか would also work for what she actually sings.
"-て行く" is a construction that means "to go on doing something" or "to do something from now on." Some examples here.
All of this also applies for ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう.
補う isn't really "compensate" in the sense of payment (which is what "well compensated" sounds like, though I don't know if that's what you meant), but rather to make up for something. I think, though the reciprocal 合う isn't present, that the idea is probably that the singer and the addressee complement each other, or make up for each other's weaknesses.
Quote:
偶然の引力は
神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ
A noun followed by "の" isn't necessarily possessive; sometimes it makes the noun function as an adjective (see the section here titled "'No' as a General Modifier"). "偶然の" specifically often functions in this way.
Also, while I know they teach you in Japanese class that "は" means "As for...", that's almost never a good way to actually translate it. In this case the noun phrase before "は" is functioning straightforwardly as the subject of the sentence, the entity that's doing the action of the verb (示してる).
You're correct about the usage of だって. 神様だって~できない is a pretty common phrase that you'll probably be seeing again.
って言う means the same thing as と言う. It may be redundant, but languages do that--they're not perfectly textbook-grammatical in actual use.
追い風 has its own specific meaning rather than being two separate words--you should be sure to look combinations like this up when they're unfamiliar to you to see if that's the case. Same issue with 落ち込む.
Re: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bluepenguin
Your second comment got caught in the moderation filter. It happens sometimes, unfortunately; it's unpredictable and there's not much that can be done about it. When that happens, I prefer if people don't repost--if you wait, I'll approve it the next time I'm on.
Sorry about that. When I got another thread approved but not that reply I assumed it got lost. I will be more patient next time.
Quote:
The verb here is in the potential form--it's going to be very useful to you to learn to spot it.
Ah! I should have spotted that! You are completely correct
Quote:
I think 寄り添って is more figurative here and is intended as sort of a way of living, rather than being separate from 生きて行こう. This being the case, 生きたいか would also work for what she actually sings.
"-て行く" is a construction that means "to go on doing something" or "to do something from now on." Some examples here.
All of this also applies for ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう.
補う isn't really "compensate" in the sense of payment (which is what "well compensated" sounds like, though I don't know if that's what you meant), but rather to make up for something. I think, though the reciprocal 合う isn't present, that the idea is probably that the singer and the addressee complement each other, or make up for each other's weaknesses.
I see, so 「寄り添って」might mean to get to know each other better maybe? Thus「もっと寄り添って生きて行こう」would roughly mean "let's go live close to each other" and 「ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう」could be interpretted as "lets live properly facing each other?" That does sound much better.
To be completely honest, I did learn 補う as monetary compensation, but I assumed the singer was being figurative. Especially, in context of an "unreliable place," I assumed the song meant that they were in a metaphorical situation that was not likely to cause them problems.
Saying that they are compensating for each other makes a lot of sense. I guess I was being too exact here and not thinking figuratively enough. So maybe a better translation would be:
"the places that I can't be relied on, are precisely the places you make up for
Let' live properly contrasting each other"
Quote:
A noun followed by "の" isn't necessarily possessive; sometimes it makes the noun function as an adjective (see the section here titled "'No' as a General Modifier"). "偶然の" specifically often functions in this way.
Also, while I know they teach you in Japanese class that "は" means "As for...", that's almost never a good way to actually translate it. In this case the noun phrase before "は" is functioning straightforwardly as the subject of the sentence, the entity that's doing the action of the verb (示してる).
You're correct about the usage of だって. 神様だって~できない is a pretty common phrase that you'll probably be seeing again.
って言う means the same thing as と言う. It may be redundant, but languages do that--they're not perfectly textbook-grammatical in actual use.
追い風 has its own specific meaning rather than being two separate words--you should be sure to look combinations like this up when they're unfamiliar to you to see if that's the case. Same issue with 落ち込む.
I was unaware that 偶然 was often used that way. Thank you, I will make a note of that for future translations. I will also try and not translate は as "as for" as much (if at all) in the future.
Ah! That is what I was hoping on the "tte" part meant!
Sorry about those combinations. The first one I totally messed up on. The second one I honestly thought it just meant to "fall into." I will be more careful about that next time.
Re: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima
Quote:
I see, so 「寄り添って」might mean to get to know each other better maybe? Thus「もっと寄り添って生きて行こう」would roughly mean "let's go live close to each other" and 「ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう」could be interpretted as "lets live properly facing each other?" That does sound much better.
Yes, that's how I would interpret it.
Quote:
Sorry about those combinations. The first one I totally messed up on. The second one I honestly thought it just meant to "fall into."
Yeah, a lot of the time a compound verb just means what you'd expect based on the meaning of the individual verbs, but not always, so I find it's better not to assume.
---------- Post added at 11:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:18 AM ----------
Also, sorry your post got caught in the moderation filter again--I guess the filtering software just doesn't like this thread?
Re: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bluepenguin
Also, sorry your post got caught in the moderation filter again--I guess the filtering software just doesn't like this thread?
I think it is my own fault. I chose the name Lost for my ID so the software must think it is perfectly okay for my posts to become lost too! ;)
