What do you think of my Manga Script?

Before you read on, I must let you know.

I'm quite new to Manga & Anime, and thought I'd give this a try.
So please don't flame me for being a rookie at it or anything, also I don't know how to actually write a manga script so, yeah, I gave it my best shot.

Alright, here's the main thing.

It starts as this company, who go to space to retrieve information on certain radioactive cells & atoms etc. And they deliver it to this space station to study on it, to find out more about Space.

Although, secretly the same company that finds the the cells etc. Also works for the military, to make sure they don't get any trouble from the Government, in favor though, the Company has to provide the data to the Military, so the Military can test it on their Soldiers, so they can be more powerful in War, (E.g. fast tissue regeneration.) And long story short, they find a perfect cell, but due to the risk of death from the cells, the Head of the company decides that he wants to shut down the whole entire operation, when he states that it is far to dangerous.

Eventually the Co-Head, who has always hated the Leader, kidnaps the Leader. After this, they put the cells into the Leader, and erase his memory & drop him in the desert, he has forgotten his entire life, and as the company watches over him for the next 10 years, he starts to remember & when he finally comes back to his senses, the whole world is under control by the company, because of all the stuff they can supply, like a cure for cancer, cure for aids, cure for amnesia etc. But the company never stated the Side-effects.

Long story short, sometimes the cells can give of emits of Power, like the main character, has these plasma emit rays, sort of like the same power of a Lightsaber from Star Wars. And he finds otu there are atleast another 400-500 people like this, because the Cells they originally found were modified to release the risk of death, but doing this also removes the chance of having these abilities.

And the leader eventually builds his own rebellion to try and track down the guy who kidnapped him, and take him down, except the person who kidnapped him has infected himself with the cells, and has become really powerful.

(The story is very bland, and was badly written because I was in a rush to finish it up, but I could really use a hand on how I should fix it up, to make it sound better, and please don't flame me for how bad it is.)

Anyway, here's the actual script:

Teroka Kataroshi (Head of the Kataroshi Corporation)
Ruuka Kataroshi (Head of the Kataroshi Corporation when Teroka dies)
Garaji Takowa (CEO)
Ken Datebao (CEO)
Scientist #1 (Lab Worker)
Scientist #2 (Lab Worker)
Scientist #3 (Lab Worker)
Scientist #4 (Lab Worker)
Scientist #5 (Lab Worker)
Scientist #6 (Lab Worker)
Engineer #1 (Lab Worker)
Engineer #2 (Lab Worker)
Engineer #3 (Lab Worker)
Engineer #4 (Lab Worker)
Engineer #5 (Lab Worker)
Ugozata Tommo (Head of UTSRC)
Board UTSRC Member #1
Board UTSRC Member #2
Board UTSRC Member #3
Xoken Buron (Sphyton Ops. General)
Ops Soldier #1
Ops Soldier #2

(First Square)
[Scene Starts at a Funeral, The death of Teroka Kataroshi]
[After the Ceremony is Complete, Garaji talks to Ruuka]

Garaji: He was a good man Ruuka, you should be proud.
Ruuka: I am Garaji, but who is going to take over the company?
Garaji: It's obvious isn't Ruuka? You will be taking control of the company, he left it in your name.
Ruuka: That's insane, I am only 19, I don't know anything about running a company.

[Ruuka becomes confused, and really shocked.]

Garaji: We trust you Ruuka, we all know you will do just as good a job as your father did.
Ruuka: I'll think about it.

(End of First Square)

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(Second Square)
[The Scene Says "3 Years Later"]
[And showing Garaji speaking through a Giant Monitor to Ugozota]

Garaji: Yes Ugozota-san, we will have the next shipment of research shipped straight away.
Ugozota: Thank you, tell Mr. Kataroshi all our thanks go to him.

[An Interruption followed by Ken, showing emergency problems.]

Ken: Garaji! Garaji! We have a problem in the Lab!

[Garaji is dazed, and asks for what the problem is.]

Garaji: What is it, it better not be bad.
Ken: The experiment has gone all wrong, it's a failure.

[Without saying a word, Garaji exits his office, and goes down to the hallway, which has a secret compartment, opened by only people who know the code to it.]
[Through series of secret pannels & doors, Garaji reaches the underground Lab, and asks what's going on.]

Garaji: What is wrong with the procedure, what happened?
Scientist #1: The cells from the collected radiation has failed on the Insect, the insect died almost instantly, and it was quite painful.
Scientist #2: And to make it worse, the Lt. called a few hours ago, and is waiting for the experiment to be finished.
Garaji: Damnit! This is not good, we need the next team to fly out, now!

=================================================
(Third Sqaure)
[The Scene Starts, in the top part of the Company Building, with the roof opening for the space shuttle to get through.]
[The Engineer's are preparing the Scientists in the Ship to check if they are secure.]

Engineer #1: Are you all secure?
Scientists #1 #2 #3: Check!

[The Engineer's at the top station command the countdown.]

Engineer #2: ALPHA-COUNTDOWN. T-MINUS 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Take off!

[The Ship exits the dock, and flies out of the hole of the roof.]
[The Ship eventually gets to the much-outer space, discovering new areas to look for radioactive cells.]

================================================== ==============================

(Fourth Square)
[The scene starts 4 weeks later, with Garaji & Ruuka in a meeting with the Military (Sphyton Ops.) General, Xoken. Along with 2 other Soldier's. ]

Xoken: Ruuka, you know I have a limit with patience, where are my samples.
Ruuka: General, we need a little more time. These tests could be really harmful to human bodies, if we use them to hastly on your soldier's, they could die.
Xoken: We know Ruuka, that's why your testing it on your men first. To see if it is okay with our Soldier's.
Ruuka: No! You want the tests done, you do it on your men, we won't risk our lives for you.
Xoken: Oh fine, we can go your way, but then the Government will find out what your doing, so I suggest you rephrase. I'll leave you to it.
Garaji: We'll have the tests shortly.

[The General leaves, with the Soldier's exiting the room, thus leaving Garaji & Ruuka alot of thinking.]
[They make their way back to the company, to check the Lab on the reports the Space Scientists have done.]

(Mic) Scientist #1: Sir! You won't believe what we found here, we think you'll be surprised.
Ruuka: Spit it out already!
(Mic) Scientist #2: We've discovered a rare organic radioactive cell, within the Iced Asteroid Belt near the old Vertah 56 Space Station. The rad levels are 463.09! Plus with living organisms, it's once-in-a-life time chance of finding this!
Ruuka: Of course! With the old emissions of Gas it produced, plus the fluids from the corpses, infused with the radiation of the engine spill.. this.. why haven't we thought of it before!
Ruuka: Bring it home, as soon as possible, we'll see you back in a couple of hours, we have tests to run!
(Mic) Scientsist #2: Will do Sir! Sqaud 12, out!
Garaji: Ruuka, they have loads of the fuel that they used 100 years ago, at the Vertah Dock, we can use those barrels they have there!
Ruuka: No, Garaji don't you understand, this is a one-time thing, we can't just make it, millions of chemicals would've combined to make something like this. Blood, flesh, fuel, emissions, phytonic rays, Ultra Rad Rays, the list goes on and on.
Ruuka: We'll never be able to make it, it's impossible, but we have the discovery, that is enough for Xoken to get off our backs.

================================================== ================================================== =

(Fifth Square)
[The scene begins, after the Scientists return with a sealed box, containing the samples. Along with Garaji & Ruuka, and a box of 5 mice.

Ruuka: Let me see the box.

[They hand Ruuka the box, without a word, he takes it towards the large piece of machinery.]
[The machine opens it up, and inside the box are little purple glowing stones, with little shiny silveric glitter.]
[The machine starts to melt the stones with an ultra GY Beam, causing it to become liquid.]

Ruuka: Give me a few needles, and pour the liquid into them. Put the mice on the table here.
Garaji: I hope you know what your doing, Ruuka.

[After injecting the Mice with the Liquid, they wait a few minutes for the effect.]
[After waiting, the liquid takes effect, and sadly the mice die.]

Ruuka: Damnit.. well, we tried men.
Garaji: Sorry Ruuka, this is really unfortunate.

[The unfortunate results of the test, really devasted the underground corporation.]

================================================== ==================
(Sixth Square)
[The next day, Ruuka forgotten his wallet in the lab, when they were testing the mice.]
[He drove over to the Lab and went to take his wallet.]

Ruuka: What the hell?!

[Ruuka looks over to the Mice within the Boxes, and they are all alive, perfect & moving about, except for two.]
[Ruuka calls over Garaji & The Scientists.]

Garaji: Unbelievable, how did they come back to life? We can tell the General we are ready for testing.
Ruuka: I don't think so Garaji, we still have to test the side effects on this.

[After a brief conversation, they decide to test on the effects the liquid gave the mice.]
[They test the first mouse.]

Ruuka: All mice seem to look normal, except for this one, his body size is gotten larger, bigger than a rat.
Ruuka: Hmm, let's see here.. Let's see if it's brain is functioning normally.

[Ruuka creates a small maze, with one-way path going towards cheese, and 4 other paths blocked by rocks.]

Ruuka: Go on, go get the cheese.

[The mouse sniffs the air, and can smell the cheese, he runs up towards the path with a rock in the way.]
[The mouse thinks he can't get through, but strangely, the mouse pushes the rock so hard, it flies of the side of the maze, and flies out of maze, thus collecting it's cheese.]

Ruuka: Superior strength. Amazing.

[Writing down the results, Ruuka goes onto testing the second & third mouse.]
[The second & third have Super-hearing & One can turn chameleon like]
[He goes towards the last mouse, and can't find the answer to it.]

Ruuka: Let's see what you have, I wish you could talk, it'd be so much easier.
Ruuka: I cannot be bothered testing right now, want some cheese buddy?

[Ruuka gets curious after he witnesses this act. After Ruuka asked if he wanted cheese, the mouse stands up and taps on the glass.]

Ruuka: Hmmmm, would you like some cheese?

[The mouse taps the glass again.]

Ruuka: Do you NOT want some cheese?

[The mouse taps twice.]

Ruuka: Smart.

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