Some issues in Ai think so,

I've been looking at Ai think so, by DECO*27 and I think the translation has some mistakes.


v1

sekkaku dakara

I've been waiting

Isn't it more like "since we're here now", "let's not waste this chance"?

docchi ga ooku nakeru ka shoubushiyou ka
Or rather, argue with each other or cry a lot?

I think it means "Shall we have a contest on which of us can cry the most?" Shoubu is about who can cry, not a separate suggestion.



v2

boku wa ikite ikeru kamoshirenai
I might still continue living

The kanji for ikeru in 生きて逝ける usually refers to dying. How I interpret the song is that it's from the imagined viewpoint of someone who has passed away visiting the surviving partner in their dreams. So maybe it means they can "still continue living" in their partner's memories even though they're dead, but I'm not sure the best way to express that. Any ideas?

ai think so,
I think so,

The kanji for ai is 愛, so I believe it's simultaneously expressing the speaker thinking so and love being what compels them to think so, so I thought maybe "Love lets me think so," is a way to express it. Alternatively, maybe indicate this in a footnote.



v3

ato sanjikan no tsukiai
After three hours of get-together

Ato means 3 hours left: "We have three more hours together" (until morning comes).

asahi to yara
The morning sun and such

Doesn't it mean the "so-called morning sun"? It's a morning sun to the one sleeping, the start of a new day, but it's ends the time available to the speaker.

dame na boku wo ... utsushidasu toki made
will reflect, in time, the hopeless me

I think this is incorrect. It's saying "[treat me well] until the time the so-called morning sun reveals my hopelessness" because he can't help disappear when morning comes.



v5

hareta menoshita no hoo no / yogoreta kawa wo kimi no yubi ga nagaredasu
The swollen cheeks below my eyes / You pour onto it the tainted river from your fingers

"Your fingers begin to move along the dirty river on my cheeks below my swollen eyes" It's the fingers (が) that "flow" along (を) the "river". And though it's ambiguous it's eyes that are usually said to be swollen from crying more than cheeks.



Last line has a typo "worl.." → "world."

Please could you check this @marvelangga , @EJTranslations ?

For the line

boku wa ikite ikeru (逝ける) kamo shirenai

how about

maybe I can still live on

as an English way of expressing a similar idea?

I forgot to mention this other translation which I think is a useful reference

http://vocalochu.blogspot.ru/2009/10...-think-so.html

for 生きて逝ける: maaaaybe 'live out my life' ?

EDIT: lol jk I was apparently illiterate when I decided to post this

For 生きて逝ける I'd make it "I can still live on in death" or "I can still live on vicariously" to distinguish it from "I can still live on" which sounds a lot more to me like non-nuanced 生きて行ける (which I guess is intentional but I feel like a reader could easily miss the 'vicariously' nuance without making it clear in English) but this could just be my lack of subtlety talking. My only problem with "You can live out my life" would be that it means switching subjects (which obviously is fine, but personally I'd want to stick close to the original phrasing if it's still reasonable)

I don't think it means "live out my life". I think it means "even though I've died, I can live on in your memory". I suggested "live on" because we often say things like "such-and-such still lives on in blah-blah".


"I can still live on in death" works for me if you want to avoid misinterpretations.

Is marvelangga still active? If not, can someone else maybe review my suggestions?

It's been about a month since I've atted marvelangga and they've not replied, so it would be reasonably safe to assume they're not active at the moment. Unfortunately, I am only authorised to make romanisation corrections (I'm still technically a junior mod so I'm not allowed to make translation corrections under my own judgement yet). EJTranslations and AzureDark are the only ones who can approve this and they come online infrequently for various reasons... but I've already atted EJTranslations so it will eventually be corrected the next time they come online. I assure you it hasn't been forgotten (per se) and kindly request your patience. It's been about 2 months, so if another 2 or so months pass without any other mods looking at this (looking at past trends, this is unlikely), I will assume they are not going to be active for the time being and start making translation corrections too.

@Raichu @Fuukanou If you two are still alive, I would like to apologize for my long inactivity and my lack of Japanese understanding when I did this.

I will have to let you know that I have only passed JLPT N5 and N4. I was about to take N3, but life happened and I have to change course.

Anyway, I shall look into your suggestions and prepare a revised translation soon.

Dear Lyric Corrections Moderators (@LavaBug @EJTranslations @AzureDark @Fuukanou ),

Please find my revised translation as below:

A lonely night and a lonely me
I realized it’s just the two of us in the world
Shouldn’t we get along while we’re at it?
Should we bet which of us can cry harder?

Hey, just a thought
Even if you’re not here
I’ll just live on and die eventually
Hey, another thought
Even if I’m not here
You’ll exist forever and ever
My heart thinks so

Let’s make the most of the last three hours of us together
Until the morning sun and whatnot reveal how pathetic I am

Hey, I’m terrified
Of you just fading away
There’s no way I can go on living
Hey, I’m terrified but
You stay with someone like me
Showering me with love and affection

Your fingers wipe away
The dirty river of tears beneath my swollen eyes

Hey, just a thought
Since you’re existing
I’m also able to live with a smile
Hey, another thought
Even without someone like me
You’ll live on, not needing me
My heart says so

A lonely night and a lonely me
I realized it’s just the two of us in the world

***
Translation Notes:
1. 生きて逝ける - The て here can be translated as "and" so it becomes live and die
2. 愛 think so - I used my translator freedom here to interpret 愛 as the heart
3. 朝日とやら - Based on my reference (see attached images), やら has a use similar to や for listing.
4. 腫れた目の下の頬の汚れた川を　君の指が流れ出す - The literal translation as @Raichu pointed out just doesn't make sense in itself, so I used context here.

Attachment 86359Attachment 86360Attachment 86361Attachment 86362Attachment 86363

If @Raichu is okay with the corrections, I can replace the translation.

Damn, I should have had this handbook ten years ago. I should correct myself again:

A lonely night and a lonely me
I realized it’s just the two of us in the world
Shouldn’t we get along while we’re at it?
Should we bet which of us can cry harder?

Hey, I think that
Even if you’re not here
I’ll just live on and die eventually
Hey, I think that
Even if I’m not here
You’ll exist forever and ever
My heart thinks so

Let’s make the most of the last three hours of us together
Until the morning sun (or whatever it's called) reveal how pathetic I am

Hey, I’m terrified
Of you just fading away
There’s no way I can go on living
Hey, I’m terrified but
You stay with someone like me
Showering me with love and affection

Your fingers wipe away
The dirty river of tears beneath my swollen eyes

Hey, I think that
Since you’re existing
I’m also able to live with a smile
Hey, I think that
Even without someone like me
You’ll live on, not needing me
My heart thinks so

A lonely night and a lonely me
I realized it’s just the two of us in the world

***
朝日とやら = Based on the handbook (see attached image), Nとやら construction means "called something like", and is used after a name that the speaker does not remember precisely.

Attachment 86365

The final version looks great to me! Thanks for putting in the effort.

Okay, now we're all in agreement, I've replaced the translation. Thanks everyone.