Make a random bad pun thread

[Skylar1]

Though, this thread is kind of like running with scissors, I don't know if it will make the cut.

[Gjallarhorn]

I have a daily quota of one bad pun. I always make sure I meet it.

From earlier in chat today:

tteed: i'm watching the karate kid.
tteed: lol @ in china everyone knows kung-fu.
Gjallarhorn: They're an...
Gjallarhorn: [drumroll]
Gjallarhorn: asian kung-fu generation
Gjallarhorn: [/awful pun of the day]

[SigmaSD]

Last night I slept like a laywer. First I lied on one side, and then I lied on the other.

[Capernicus]

Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.

[Anoleis]

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs660.snc4/60023_1489886699203_1595052022_31209012_8335324_n. jpg
Sorry I had to~

[Psyco_Panda]

I can't seam to say any good puns. Lol. I'm lucky when I do. Lol. I'm really horrible at it. So.....idk where to start on my bad puns...........wow I just realized I'm horrible at remembering my own bad puns.....hmmmmm maybe I am doomed to it forever....o well

[SigmaSD]

I can't seam to say any good puns. Lol. I'm lucky when I do. Lol. I'm really horrible at it. So.....idk where to start on my bad puns...........wow I just realized I'm horrible at remembering my own bad puns.....hmmmmm maybe I am doomed to it forever....o well

Don't worry, these are bad puns, not good puns.

Besides, when it comes to humor, some of us are like a prostitutes underwear. We have our...ups and downs. :p

[Finale]

I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them -- they'd already bin and gone.

[Meenah]

The Earth is so bipolar.

yeah, thats mine.

[Señor Nobody]

Did you hear about the two peanuts that got on a New York subway? One was assaulted!

[Matty]

I've been meaning to open my own bakery, but I don't got the dough.
*Kapow* That double meaing there, that was no accident!

[Nanobyte]

Happened to find this once;
10 best puns ever?

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad
breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
various people, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.

[-GAZKUL-]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!