Being Shallow

[brolyx74]

A lot of people talk about how they hate shallow people, but to me, there is nothing wrong with being shallow. If good looks is high on your list of things needed in a partner, then so be it. Looks are a big part of someone. Why is wanting a good looking partner so bad? Also, I notice that the majority of people who think being shallow is a bad thing are the ugly/fat/etc... people. What do you guys think about shallow-ness?

[Finale]

Good looks have nothing to do with being shallow.
So please define what you mean by shallow.

[Ellxeeva]

Hmm, the people who like good looking people are shallow? and some people hate them because they think they are shallow?
I'm a bit confused YK.
Please be clear about your question. O_o


Wanting a good looking partner is not bad. As long as this partner is not "just good looking". He or she has to be responsible, honest, and loyal to the relationship.

[brolyx74]

By shallow, I mean someone who rejects another person because they aren't attractive enough. People say, your only rejecting me because I'm fat or ugly. Yeah, I am. So what. Apparently, if you reject someone because of their looks, and not their personality, then the person who is doing the rejecting is shallow.

[Finale]

By shallow, I mean someone who rejects another person because they aren't attractive enough. People say, your only rejecting me because I'm fat or ugly. Yeah, I am. So what. Apparently, if you reject someone because of their looks, and not their personality, then the person who is doing the rejecting is shallow.
I get it now.
Well they are the people who will be looked down upon so it all works out.

[Ellxeeva]

Well, I think they're not shallow. Maybe they just want someone who looks good with them? lol

[Finale]

Well, I think they're not shallow. Maybe they just want someone who looks good with them? lol

Yes, especially if it was high-school. then it isnt being shallow, its a simple matter of what damages your reputation.

[brolyx74]

Thank you ellx. That's how I feel. Why is wanting someone equal as attractive or more attractive than themselves. It's just part of human nature to want to be with someone attractive. In my opinion, there needs to be a physical attraction between 2 people for a relationship to last. Let's face it, if you can't stand to look at someone, you probably shouldn't go out with them.

[Anime-Prince]

Depends on what you want from the other person.

If you want a friend, and they aren't pretty and that makes you reject them, then that's pretty shallow.

But if you want a relationship with them, then part of the relationship will naturally be based on whether your physically attracted to them. So in that respect, it's not shallow.

[brolyx74]

Yes, especially if it was high-school. then it isnt being shallow, its a simple matter of what damages your reputation.

It doesn't have anything to do with a reputation. It has to do with the attraction between 2 people.

[Ellxeeva]

Hmm... well appearance is not really important. For other people. I think it's hygiene!! HAHAHAH.

*brushes teeth, goes mad*

[Finale]

It doesn't have anything to do with a reputation. It has to do with the attraction between 2 people.
No it doesnt, and anyway attraction between 2 people means nothing if you dont care about other peoples reactions.

[brolyx74]

No it doesnt, and anyway attraction between 2 people means nothing if you dont care about other peoples reactions.

Really. I don't know about you, but if I think someone's attractive, I think they're attractive. I pay nbo attention to how other people feel about it. I don't see how attraction is meaningless if you don't care about what other people think about you. I think its quite the opposite. Its meaningless if you let other people's thoughts run your life.

[Finale]

Really. I don't know about you, but if I think someone's attractive, I think they're attractive. I pay nbo attention to how other people feel about it. I don't see how attraction is meaningless if you don't care about what other people think about you. I think its quite the opposite. Its meaningless if you let other people's thoughts run your life.

Yes but not everyone is like you.

[Anime-Prince]

No it doesnt, and anyway attraction between 2 people means nothing if you dont care about other peoples reactions.

You can't base who you're attracted to just by taking into account what other people will think.

If so, then your artificially manufacturing attraction. It becomes fake.

People will never be impressed, and their reactions will never give meaning to something. Only two people liking each other, will give meaning to a relationship.

[Skylar1]

Hey, Imma like.. just throw this out there, but

Who is it that determines who is attractive and who is not again, exactly?

[brolyx74]

I decide who I think is attractive. You decide who you think is attractive. Not The media, not scoiety, but each and evry one of us, as individuals.

[Ellxeeva]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

YAY! :D

[Finale]

I decide who I think is attractive. You decide who you think is attractive. Not The media, not scoiety, but each and evry one of us, as individuals.
Actually the media decides and shows celebrities at their best and worst, so we cant personally know them yet people still say that they are attractive.

[Skylar1]

I decide who I think is attractive. You decide who you think is attractive. Not The media, not scoiety, but each and evry one of us, as individuals.
.. wait, so my left is not your left?

If one's view of attractiveness is completely subjective, then what is it that we are even discussing then? I'm very confused.

[brolyx74]

Actually the media decides and shows celebrities at their best and worst, so we cant personally know them yet people still say that they are attractive.

You don't need to know someone to know if you think they look good. The media says Megan Fox is attractive, but I will always look at her as Princess Toe-Thumbs. I don't think the media determines who is attractive.

[Meenah]

I don't consider myself shallow, I'm just picky with people and just being sensible about it.

[Finale]

You don't need to know someone to know if you think they look good. The media says Megan Fox is attractive, but I will always look at her as Princess Toe-Thumbs. I don't think the media determines who is attractive.
It does.

[Anime-Prince]

.. wait, so my left is not your left?

If one's view of attractiveness is completely subjective, then what is it that we are even discussing then? I'm very confused.

The thread isn't about how we decide on who's attractive, it's debating how influential that should be, and whether it could be viewed as shallow, to depend entirely on looks when judging a person.

[Ellxeeva]

Actually the media decides and shows celebrities at their best and worst, so we cant personally know them yet people still say that they are attractive.

The media doesn't decide for people who's attractive or not. They influence.

This. Is what I think Finale means.

[Masked Mantis]

It does.

How many people actually go out and specifically ask out people the media have labelled attractive?
Very few.

The media isnt always right, especially with people being attractive. Its all preference and opinion.

[Capernicus]

Hey OP, all this talk about people who are unattractive hating shallow people makes me think thou doth protest too much. I think you're ugly, and you probably smell funny.

[John Watson]

._. So mean...cant well all just get aloooong~?

If someone blatantly compliments themselves or shows off all the time, even if they are cute, I start thinking they're...well not so cute. Yay for modesty~!

Um...yes I believe looks do matter in a relationship but it shouldnt be the BASE of it. Things should even out. If you think someone else is attractive then to hell with everyone else. They're beautiful in your eyes right? <33~

But yeah..being easy on the eyes doesnt hurt now does it? ;3

[Mrmojorisin74]

I don't think being shallow is a virtue, anyone who thinks so is shallow. Couragous, fearless, common-sense, intellegent; those are virtues.

[Capitán]

I don't mind it if people are like that.... doesn't help if I want to ask a girl out but hey, if she wants that good looking dude then whatever.

[Saxima]

Shallow people and I don't get along very well. They tell me things as if it were so simple, and the way they say it is just....low.(?)

[SigmaSD]

Shallowness isn't just determined on whether you think someone is attractive or not.

And attractiveness is part of the reason most people start a relationship, so it wouldn't make sense to say that it is being shallow.

[Cobra Commander]

Being shallow is only looking out for oneself. Part of every romantic relationship is physical attraction, so if you reject someone for being repulsive to you, then you are not shallow, you are honest. Honesty is the best policy.

[-GAZKUL-]

good looks are pointless if they have a bad personality

[Furore]

Attraction is a big thing in most relationships - if you can't get turned on by your partner your sex life isn't going to be the greatest now is it?

That said, all things in moderation. I notice some take it so far as calling anyone who isn't a supermodel ugly (even if they're not much to look at themselves) and they rub me pretty badly (plus leave themselves wide open to virgin insults) but on the flip side you get those who seem 'to deep' and half the time they come off as a-holes.

[Maha Vailo]

I think most - if not all - people have a degree of shallowness. Who hasn't rejected a person or object based on looks alone at one point or another?

As for relationships, I could never be with someone I didn't find aesthetically pleasing, no matter how compatible their personality may be.

[Infinita]

Well, I am not gonna lie, I am shallow to a degree but after getting a good perspective, I got less shallow. Personality above all less wins top of my list. Yes, looks are important to a degree but really, if you like someone for only their looks, that gets nowhere. I believe having a deep connection with someone keeps a relationship alive.

I find that the media has labeled attractiveness in a bad way such as being really skinny is a good thing. (Well, unhealthy skinny) The media needs to embrace true beauty more than fake beauty.

[Cobra Commander]

True beauty is subjective.

I've rejected girls for their looks, as well as had it happen to me [I'm guessing anyway]. I don't expect them to be smoking hot models, but I do have standards. The beached whale crying "love me for who I am" isn't going to tug at my heart strings, because who she is, is a beached whale drowning in twinkies and diet coke. However, the average looking girl - oh how Average is cruelly nebulous - will get attention from me if she has a nice personality. She doesn't have to be gorgeous, she just can't be ugly.

[Miss Moonlight]

Well, humans are shallow and vain by nature, that's pretty much how we are wired (halo effect (http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/10/halo-effect-when-your-own-mind-is.php)). That doesn't mean everyone is always this way, though, or that they can't expand upon/change their prior standards or preferences.

However, "being shallow" doesn't just apply to the judgement of physical appearance - it can also apply to intellect, personality, understanding, morality, maturity, emotion, and so on.

Intellectual shallowness/laziness, overt egotism, and the personality of a coat hanger are huge turnoffs for me. I can handle talking to someone with a third ear and possibly a hump on their forehead, but regardless of how they visually appear, if at any point they annoy the crap out of me by talking about the OC, their sick cats, and their new Prada handbags, the more I feel like clocking myself to the forehead with a hammer than having anything to do with them.

Oh, and another deal breaker would be BO, or just an overuse of way too much cologne/spray/hair gel/body mist ... or whatever scent you smell like you've marinated yourself in.

The more I like you, the more pleasing to my eyes you (may) become depending (if you aren't already), the more annoying I find you or dislike you, the more distorted you look and become to me. At this point, your washboard abs and chiseled face no longer really do anything for me (if they ever did in the first place.) Case in point, if you come across to me as a bowl of diarrhea, your appearance really won't mean much to me.


I've rejected girls for their looks, as well as had it happen to me [I'm guessing anyway]. I don't expect them to be smoking hot models, but I do have standards. The beached whale crying "love me for who I am" isn't going to tug at my heart strings, because who she is, is a beached whale drowning in twinkies and diet coke. However, the average looking girl - oh how Average is cruelly nebulous - will get attention from me if she has a nice personality. She doesn't have to be gorgeous, she just can't be ugly.

Oh my, the lucky girls who must get "attention" from you.


Being shallow is only looking out for oneself. Part of every romantic relationship is physical attraction, so if you reject someone for being repulsive to you, then you are not shallow, you are honest. Honesty is the best policy.

This is true. Being shallow is selfish "looking out for one's self", but shallowness isn't always honesty. Most of the time, it's fear.

[Cobra Commander]

My attention is generally respectful and non-threatening. I say generally because there's always someone ready with a can of mace at the first "hello".

Fear? Maybe. I think it's knowing what you're looking for. Prerequisites. Now, you might see the person of your dreams somewhere and she'd have all the personality of a crushed beer can, or maybe she's just perfect. Or you could compromise and find someone decent looking that makes you happy. What I'm saying is there's a point down the line where there can be no compromise.

Would you date a one-eyed peg-legged leper? Or a really fat guy with grease stains all over his shirt that always smelled funny? Sometimes, it just ain't happening.

[Miss Moonlight]

My attention is generally respectful and non-threatening. I say generally because there's always someone ready with a can of mace at the first "hello".

Fear? Maybe. I think it's knowing what you're looking for. Prerequisites. Now, you might see the person of your dreams somewhere and she'd have all the personality of a crushed beer can, or maybe she's just perfect. Or you could compromise and find someone decent looking that makes you happy. What I'm saying is there's a point down the line where there can be no compromise.

Would you date a one-eyed peg-legged leper? Or a really fat guy with grease stains all over his shirt that always smelled funny? Sometimes, it just ain't happening.
Depends. Probably if he was bigger, I liked him, and without the grease stains/funky odor. Then again, you shouldn't make the assumption that all people of one generic group are slobs and don't take care of themselves.

[RaShayRitto]

People like what they like. If you arent physically attracted to someone why would you date them? Thats like dating someone you find physically attractive but dont like their personality. Both things have to line up for honest attraction. There may be special scenarios where this is not the case

[Skylar1]

People like what they like. If you arent physically attracted to someone why would you date them? Thats like dating someone you find physically attractive but dont like their personality. Both things have to line up for honest attraction. There may be special scenarios where this is not the case
So, if you happen to just be plain ugly, you're pretty much SoL?

[Nanobyte]

Shallow is about not being able to judge by what really matters, but only what benefits yourself.

[RaShayRitto]

So, if you happen to just be plain ugly, you're pretty much SoL?

Hardly. keep in mind that "ugly" is highly subjective. Everyone is beautiful to someone

[GrimStride™]

Shallow is about not being able to judge by what really matters,
And here i thought different people had different definitions of "what really matters"

but only what benefits yourself.
who else is supposed to to benefit from your relationship?

[RaShayRitto]

who else is supposed to to benefit from your relationship?

your partner, I hope

[GrimStride™]

your partner, I hope
Do you actually pick who you have a relationship with by their "level of neediness". If you ask me that's just naive

[Cobra Commander]

What matters and what the benefits are, are different depending on the people. According to Miss M's post, I can infer that she is looking for a deeper connection to someone, and it's okay if they're not perfect so long as she likes them. Some of us just aren't the same way. Physical attraction is very important to me, and I'm at least willing to admit that about myself, whereas a lot of people aren't.

There are many personality traits, some of which I undoubtedly possess, that are a major turn off. It's not worth it to name them all off, I'm sure they're pretty common.

[RaShayRitto]

Do you actually pick who you have a relationship with by their "level of neediness". If you ask me that's just naive

Thats not what I suggested at all. You asked who else is supposed to benefit from the relationship but yourself. It makes sense that if you're in a relationship with another person that you care about them enough not to be an unhealthy element in their life. You want to give AND receive, not just suck them dry for all your needs (i realize how naughty this sounded, but for once in my life i don't intend the dual meaning).

I mean if you arent looking for a relationship where you enhance someone's life as well as your own....then you might as well just buy a hooker or be a user

[Anime Forum]

Hey OP, all this talk about people who are unattractive hating shallow people makes me think thou doth protest too much. I think you're ugly, and you probably smell funny.

Capernicus, your this prince's hero.

[Miss Moonlight]

What matters and what the benefits are, are different depending on the people. According to Miss M's post, I can infer that she is looking for a deeper connection to someone, and it's okay if they're not perfect so long as she likes them. Some of us just aren't the same way. Physical attraction is very important to me, and I'm at least willing to admit that about myself, whereas a lot of people aren't.

There are many personality traits, some of which I undoubtedly possess, that are a major turn off. It's not worth it to name them all off, I'm sure they're pretty common.
lol

Physical attraction -is- important to me. After all, when it gets down to it, you want to desire them, correct? it would be a lie to say otherwise.

It's just not more important than themselves. After all, if you're going to spend time with this person and invest emotionally in them, they can't suck as a person.

Then again, if all you are looking for is arm candy and/or a booty call/a status symbol, then yea, none of that matters. It's different for every person, but as for me, I want both, or the "full package", as it's considered.

[Anime Forum]

Yea. I never understood the quote looks don't matter. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Fact is I wouldn't want to date some smelly 600 pound female. Does that make me shallow? Oh well. Either way its how most people on AF are. If someone thinks looks don't matter then your lying to yourself.

This prince knows want he wants! It doesn't matter if the person is hot or not, it just matters if she has decent phsyical attraction.

[GrimStride™]

Thats not what I suggested at all. You asked who else is supposed to benefit from the relationship but yourself. It makes sense that if you're in a relationship with another person that you care about them enough not to be an unhealthy element in their life. You want to give AND receive, not just suck them dry for all your needs (i realize how naughty this sounded, but for once in my life i don't intend the dual meaning).

I mean if you arent looking for a relationship where you enhance someone's life as well as your own....then you might as well just buy a hooker or be a user

The way i see it , just being in a relationship means that you give the other party something they need (since they chose to get together with you). Whether it's sex , companionship , money or whatever. Caring or not doesn't change that. A normal human being wouldn't get into a relationship unless they benefit from it in some way . So on topic - do i think people should be labeled as shallow because they only consider their own needs?Nay. I don't think it's such a big deal nor do i I see anyone getting into relationships without gaining something.

Yeah they should contribute to their better half's happiness more than they do. They should care and make the other person as happy as they can but this ain't happening. Maybe you care a lot and try to make your girl friends as happy as possible but there's a million more different types of people who have different values and understanding of what's right and wrong.

[3pleT]

Preferring good looking partners doesn't make you shallow (or a bad person or anything). It just makes you human.

If I don't find you attractive, I could be your friend, but no matter how much I enjoy your company, I'll never want to be anything more than that.
And trust me, there isn't a single person here who doesn't feel that way, it's just that some of them are hiding it for some reason.

[brolyx74]

Question:

How is breaking up with someone because of how they look any different from breaking up with someone because they have a bad sense of humor or bad personality?

[Miss Moonlight]

Question:

How is breaking up with someone because of how they look any different from breaking up with someone because they have a bad sense of humor or bad personality?

Simple:

Breaking up with someone because of how they look: you just don't like to look at them, or want someone who looks the way you want them to.
Breaking up with someone because their personality sucks: you simply can't stand to be around them, or find them annoying.

[brolyx74]

OK, but why would you stay in a relationship with someone you can't stand to look at. That's like saying you could just not listen to the person who's not funny.

[Yuki Atsuma]

It's not all about looks. It's about the persons actual personality. Which is the only thing that really matters in the long run.
>__>

[brolyx74]

I'm sorry, but nobody would want to be in a relationship if you can't stand to look at the person. It's of equal importance as personality.

[Miss Moonlight]

I'm sorry, but nobody would want to be in a relationship if you can't stand to look at the person. It's of equal importance as personality.

True, but there are degrees of tolerable and intolerable unattractiveness.

[brolyx74]

True, but there are degrees of tolerable and intolerable unattractiveness.

As there is for personality and sense of humor.

[Yuki Atsuma]

Well, I have never met a person that was unbearable to look at. . So. . xD

[3pleT]

I'm sorry, but nobody would want to be in a relationship if you can't stand to look at the person. It's of equal importance as personality.
Why start a relationship with someone you can't stand to look at in the first place?

[Miss Moonlight]

Why start a relationship with someone you can't stand to look at in the first place?

Usually they don't, but when looks decline, I guess that's why someone would jump ship.

[3pleT]

Usually they don't, but when looks decline, I guess that's why someone would jump ship.
Falling in love turns a 6 (passable) into at least an 8 (great looking). Aging can subtract two points, tops, so your significant other will still be a 6 to you.
Now, if they choose to get fat or stop bathing or something to subtract more points, it's their own fault.

The only debatable thing whether or not you'll leave them if they get disfigured somehow, in which case I would probably stay with a girl to help her through the tough times and then comes the big "let's be friends".
Am I shallow or a bastard or anything for that? No, I'm just human and I can't get turned on by a damn scarecrow, no matter how great person it is.

[Miss Moonlight]

Falling in love turns a 6 (passable) into at least an 8 (great looking). Aging can subtract two points, tops, so your significant other will still be a 6 to you.
Now, if they choose to get fat or stop bathing or something to subtract more points, it's their own fault.

The only debatable thing whether or not you'll leave them if they get disfigured somehow, in which case I would probably stay with a girl to help her through the tough times and then comes the big "let's be friends".
Am I shallow or a bastard or anything for that? No, I'm just human and I can't get turned on by a damn scarecrow, no matter how great person it is.

Well, realistically, that's not always how life works.

A lot of people choose to let themselves go out of laziness, while others fall into life's circumstances.

A good example is when someone gets a serious illness and their looks suffer, cause you know, um, their life is more important. Even at these times, leaving your partner because they have cancer (or are bedridden due to something else), have lost all of their hair, possibly lost too much weight and look gaunt-ish (or taking medications and in addition, not moving and piling on the pounds) and therefore, no longer look like the sparkling beauty they once were, makes you a craptastic person.

Then again, staying in that situation out of guilt (and not care) isn't good either, so. Also, I dislike the number rating system for people.

Sorry to be so through, but yea. Sometimes shallowness is part of immaturity.

[Wio]

A lot of people talk about how they hate shallow people, but to me, there is nothing wrong with being shallow. If good looks is high on your list of things needed in a partner, then so be it. Looks are a big part of someone. Why is wanting a good looking partner so bad? Also, I notice that the majority of people who think being shallow is a bad thing are the ugly/fat/etc... people. What do you guys think about shallow-ness?
You don't have to prove anything to these ugly masses that hit on you. They think it's wrong that you use looks as a criterion and you think it's fine.

Personally, I think the lack of physical attraction is usually one of the easiest things to overcome in a relationship. Generally it's issues of character than really ruin relationships. So if, when looking for a mate, you are willing to overlook appearances you'll increase your chances of finding a lasting relationship.

If you're not even looking for a lasting relationship, then you're right not to care. However it's considered shallow. I don't think this will change soon.

[Diocletian]

I think if you're extremely superficial you should go to hell. Like if a guy has a slight scar under his chin or if a girl has weird dimples. Now if you're flat out ugly and fat, you can't expect people to look through all of that to talk to you. I don't care how nice you are, if you smell bad and such, most people won't date you.

[Miss Moonlight]

I think if you're extremely superficial you should go to hell. Like if a guy has a slight scar under his chin or if a girl has weird dimples. Now if you're flat out ugly and fat, you can't expect people to look through all of that to talk to you. I don't care how nice you are, if you smell bad and such, most people won't date you.

I'm always amused how people lump these things together. I mean, this is a topic about shallowness and some stereotyping is to be seen, but lol.

If I have to "diminish" my own ego and vanity just to talk to someone with excess bodyfat, i'll do it. If they smell horrible, obviously not. Bad scents are harder to deal with than simply a bad visual image. Maybe get a photoshop filter for your eyes?

Also, i'm sure most perceptive people realize, but

people who are fat = don't always smell
people who are fat = aren't always ugly (although that is a matter of simple perception)
people who are within your visual tolerance range aren't always necessarily the nicest (or even meanest) people
someone can be very put together physically and look great, but can also live in a craphole and have poor hygiene

talking to people who only make your eyes sparkle leaves too wide of a gap in which you might have met some otherwise pretty awesome people. (I say "might" because awesome people are pretty rare.)

I mean, it's all very relative. Looks are important for as long as they are sustainable. In my personal opinion, I find it a bit creepy when women in their 60's get cosmetic surgery to at least (try) to look like they are in their 30's. And women who lie about their age, what is that?

I guess it's their choice to look and feel as they please, but when i'm "old", i'm not going to pretend i'm younger.

[3pleT]

A lot of people choose to let themselves go out of laziness, while others fall into life's circumstances.
What uncontrollable circumstance could possibly make you fat?


A good example is when someone gets a serious illness and their looks suffer, cause you know, um, their life is more important. Even at these times, leaving your partner because they have cancer (or are bedridden due to something else), have lost all of their hair, possibly lost too much weight and look gaunt-ish (or taking medications and in addition, not moving and piling on the pounds) and therefore, no longer look like the sparkling beauty they once were, makes you a craptastic person.
That doesn't impact looks so much as far as I'm concerned. And if she's having a terminal disease, I will stay by her side until the end and do whatever I can do to help her. If I didn't, it would make me a massive jerk.
I was just saying, if she was somehow disfigured so much that I no longer find her attractive, what do you expect me to do? Stay with her just so she can be happy, even though I'm not? I will be there as a friend if she wants me to, but if there's one thing I learned from my family's misfortunes, it's to never sacrifice my own happiness out of some idiotic sense of guilt or obligation. Look at it this way: she was a victim of circumstances. Why should I suffer indefinitely just so I can minimize her pain just a little bit more than I would as a friend? It's like I gave my entire damn house to some relatives who lost everything in a flood and became homeless instead of them.


Also, I dislike the number rating system for people.
Just so you know, it's only for looks. Or rather, your perception of it. Everyone has a rating system. Some simply have a yes/no, some have good/average/bad... I chose the universally accepted 1-10.

[Miss Moonlight]

What uncontrollable circumstance could possibly make you fat?


Not many. I explained one possible circumstance. Usually, your bodyweight is up to you. When it isn't (http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/antidepressants-weight-gain), it just isn't.

I'd never want someone to stay with me out of guilt. But, if they are a shell of their former selves and you find yourself lusting over the new hooter's barmaid/male stripper/both, you should at least come up with a believable and realistic excuse.

And, in my opinion, you should sacrifice your happiness as much as possible to balance it out with someone you potentially care for "oh, I can't go to school because dad's hospital bills are too expensive" ... etc. etc. But that's just me.

Happiness can always come back.

[3pleT]

Not many. I explained one possible circumstance. Usually, your bodyweight is up to you. When it isn't (http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/antidepressants-weight-gain), it just isn't.
It can make you chubby, not fat. And chubby I can handle. Besides, if she's having a rough period, I'll be there for her, not the damn antidepressants.


And, in my opinion, you should sacrifice your happiness as much as possible to balance it out with someone you potentially care for "oh, I can't go to school because dad's hospital bills are too expensive" ... etc. etc. But that's just me.
I will... by being with her as much as I can, by giving her as much as I can, but AS A FRIEND. I guess it's kinda like "you can stay in our house" in that flood metaphor. Or I could pay for her reconstructive surgery and stay with her, because if she gets offended by that proposition, she's an idiot anyway.

[Wio]

I'm sorry, but nobody would want to be in a relationship if you can't stand to look at the person. It's of equal importance as personality.
You're getting a bit silly here. If you can't even stand to look at certain people because they are so ugly, you're a bit weak. There are much more difficult things to overcome in a relationship and ugly things.

It's one thing to say you don't want to start dating someone because they're ugly. It's another thing to say that someone's looks are something which cannot be overcome. Looks are very easy to overcome when you become accustomed to them. If you haven't figured this out yet then I've got nothing.

[Miss Moonlight]

It can make you chubby, not fat. And chubby I can handle. Besides, if she's having a rough period, I'll be there for her, not the damn antidepressants.

I will... by being with her as much as I can, by giving her as much as I can, but AS A FRIEND. I guess it's kinda like "you can stay in our house" in that flood metaphor. Or I could pay for her reconstructive surgery and stay with her, because if she gets offended by that proposition, she's an idiot anyway.

No, as the link describes, many medications can cause significant (http://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/articles/weight-gain-in-a-pill/menu-id-64/) weight gain for many people. Of course, this depends on a number of variables and other issues in addition to the medication/person so it varies, but the fact stands that there is more than one way to gain weight unnecessarily.

And really, if you had a wife and she was scarred from an accident, she would instantly become your "friend"? getting a divorce over such an issue seems outright ridiculous.

And I guess you can be supportive and stay with her because you desire to, which I imagine would be a lot cheaper than paying for surgery. Then again, if she wants the surgery (considering it would be her body), that's an altogether different issue.

But, telling her "you need this surgery because I can't stand to look at you" probably wouldn't work well in your favor.

[GrimStride™]

I don't see why we need to call anyone silly or be so defensive about this matter. Truth is , a lot of people value what they perceive as beauty , just as much as personality(like YokoKuwabara said).
And i don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe judging by looks alone can be a considered "shallow" but otherwise it's pretty normal to prefer a more aesthetically plasing partner.
@Miss M
Things aren't black and white. If you enjoy being with 500 pound , smelly gamers , that's fine. I think you should get off your moral high horse and stop judging people for not wanting to settle for someone whose looks they don't like.

[Miss Moonlight]

I don't see why we need to call anyone silly or be so defensive about this matter. Truth is , a lot of people value what they perceive as beauty , just as much as personality(like YokoKuwabara said).
And i don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe judging by looks alone can be a considered "shallow" but otherwise it's pretty normal to prefer a more aesthetically plasing partner.
@Miss M
Things aren't black and white. If you enjoy being with 500 pound , smelly gamers , that's fine. I think you should get off your moral high horse and stop judging people for not wanting to settle for someone whose looks they don't like.

Hm, I didn't think I was "judging" anyone or being rude. I was simply explaining my own opinions. That's what discussion forums are for ...

I also said nothing about "500 pound smelly gamers" nor did I say "you need to be with someone who you find unattractive". I simply pointed out the connection between certain traits don't always fit, and how over-generalizations aren't always true to reality.

Also, I think I explained pretty well in my posts how things aren't always black and white.

I'm not entirely sure of what "moral high horse" i'm on. Maybe you need to learn how to comprehend posts.

[Sanosuke23]

If you value form over functionality, in people or in objects, to the point where functionality is practically irrelevant, you are shallow. This is an observation not an insult, and anyone that uses it as one or interprets it as one when it isn't is stupid. If you value functionality over form, to the point where form is practically irrelevant, you are practical. This is an observation not a compliment, and anyone that uses it as one or interprets it as one when it isn't is stupid.

That being said, most people favor practicality and depth in a person. If this matters to you, feel free to change this about yourself. Complaining about how unfair or mean people are because they do not find these qualities(or lack thereof) endearing in you makes you whiny in addition to shallow/deep and impractical/practical. Similarly, if your standards for attractiveness are too high, good luck finding and keeping someone.

As for finding a romantic partner or partners, there is nothing wrong with basing your choices entirely or mostly upon looks PROVIDED ALL INVOLVED UNDERSTAND THIS. Implying otherwise through word or deed is duplicitous. In addition, if you come to a situation where you are no longer physically attracted to the person SO LONG AS YOU ARE OPEN AND HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT IT AND ATTEMPT TO DISCUSS IT WITH THEM, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Hell, if you want to lie and cheat I guess that's up to you, but don't expect people to think you're all that trustworthy. Untrustworthiness is another one of those traits which people typically find unpalatable. If this is a problem for you, well, it's your choice.

[brolyx74]

One thing I should clear up. I'm not really talking about marriage. I'm talking about like high school, college, bar dating. You know, it starts out dating, and could possible turn into a long term relationship, but that may or may not be your first goal. Its somewhat different when your in a long term commitment with someone, because you have formed a bond with them, but for like boyfriend girlfriend, college, bar scene, that sort of stuff, I see nothing wrong with it.

[Bugsiee]

I think it's okay to be shallow to a certain extent. I think you should draw the line when you start putting people down just to make yourself feel better or to make yourself seem perfect.

[3pleT]

And really, if you had a wife and she was scarred from an accident, she would instantly become your "friend"? getting a divorce over such an issue seems outright ridiculous.
Exactly in what part of my sentence did I say the word "instantly"? It's not like I would run for the door or form a quick verbal strategy to dump her. I just couldn't be satisfied with her looking like that and I would probably consider the alternatives after a while.


And I guess you can be supportive and stay with her because you desire to, which I imagine would be a lot cheaper than paying for surgery.
Desire to be romantically involved with someone who now barely looks like a woman? No, I would desire to be there for her because of what we had, but permanently sacrificing my sex life for her would be a bit too much.


Then again, if she wants the surgery (considering it would be her body), that's an altogether different issue.
Someone willing to suffer this much because of some crazy principle is an idiot and I don't associate with idiots.


But, telling her "you need this surgery because I can't stand to look at you" probably wouldn't work well in your favor.
Again, you appear to think of me as the real life version of some It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia character. I'm not an idiot, I would be subtle, take it slow, and start with the ways it would benefit her, not me.