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kajigoddess
06-13-2010, 06:07 PM
It's been a while since I translated a song, and translating "Yakusoku" by MUCC has been surprisingly easy. However, there are a few points that confuse me a little, and I want to make sure I am translating them correctly.

This stanza is the most problematic:
限りある 明 日への記憶
サヨナラは君の腕の中

kagiriaru asu he no kioku
sayonara wa kimi no ude no naka

Towards memories of a limited tomorrow
"Goodbye" is within your skill

First of all, I am not sure of how to translate "he no," since I haven't encountered this compound before. Secondly, "ude" is normally translated as "arm" and this reading is definitely possible (since the palm of the "you's" hand is mentioned earlier). However, the "skill" reading seems to make more sense within the stanza (though it's still really awkward).

The chorus is a little confusing as well:
今 僕等 空高く君を守ってく
強さ 儚さのこの羽で

ima bokura soratataku kimi wo mamotteku
tsuyosa hakanasa no kono hane de


Now we’re high in the sky, and I’ll protect you
With these wings of fleeting strength


I've seen "with these strong yet fragile wings" in a fansub's translation of this song; however, I'm not sure if "yet" is an appropriate comparison to make when there's only "tsuyosa" and "hakanasa" and no intervening particles. Mainly, I'm just concerned about how these two words should relate to "hane." Do they both apply to it, or should it be translated more like "with the strength of these fleeting wings?"
*

My full translation and transliteration is below, just in case there are other problems I have not noticed yet.



僕等 空高く君を守ってく
強さ 儚さのこの羽で


bokura soratakaku kimi wo mamotteku
tsuyosa hakanasa no kono hane de



We’ll be high in the sky, and I’ll protect you
With these wings of fleeting strength


温もりを教えてくれた
悲しみを拭ってくれた

nukumori wo oshiete kureta
kanashimi wo nugutte kureta

You taught me warmth
You wiped away my sadness


愛情は君の手のひら
滲んだ空に 未来を想った



aijou wa kimi no te no hira
nijinda sora ni mirai wo omotta



Love was the palm of your hand
In the blurred sky where I imagined the future


ここから明日へ行こう
ずっと君のそばで
あの日 僕が胸に誓った約束さ



koko kara asu he yukou
zutto kimi no soba de
ano hi boku ga mune ni chikatta yakusoku sa



From here on, let’s go towards tomorrow
I’ll always be by your side
And one day, the promise I swore on my chest will be fulfilled…

今 僕等 空高く君を守ってく
強さ 儚さのこの羽で


ima bokura soratakaku kimi wo mamotteku
tsuyosa hakanasa no kono hane de


Now we’re high in the sky, and I’ll protect you
With these wings of fleeting strength


限りある 明日への記憶
サヨナラは君の腕の中



kagariaru asu he no kioku
sayonara wa kimi no ude no naka



Towards memories of a limited tomorrow
“Goodbye” is within your skill


どこまで行けるだろう?
遥か遠い夜明け
深く息を止めて最後の約束 さ



doko made yukeru darou?
haruka tooi yoake
fukaku iki wo tomete saigo no yakusoku sa



Where could we go to?
A dawn far, far away?
Stop breathing deeply for the last promise

今 蒼く 陽は昇り世界染めてゆく
君よ空高く永久になれ
小さな世界でさえ光 は射すんだと
そう教えてくれたね



ima aoku hi wa nobori sekai somete yuku
kimi yo soratakaku towa ni nare
chiisana sekai de sae hikari wa sasunda to

sou oshiete kureta ne



Now the sun ascends into the world, dying it blue
“When you’re high in the sky, you must become immortal
For as long as light shines in this small world”
Or so you taught me.



ここから明日へ行ける
ずっと君のそばで
深く息を止めて最後にあり がとう



koko kara asu he yukeru

zutto kimi no soba de
fukaku iki wo tomete saigo ni arigatou


From now on, we can go towards tomorrow
I’ll always be by your side
Stop breathing deeply for the last “thank you”

今 僕等 空高く君を守ってく
強さ 儚さのこの羽で
君の泣き顔も悲しみの夜明 けも
もう見たくはないから

ima bokura soratakaku kimi wo mamotteku
tsuyosa hakanasa no kono hane de
kimi no nakigao mo kanashimi no yoake mo
mou mitaku wa nai kara


Now we’re high in the sky, and I’ll protect you
With these wings of fleeting strength
Because I don’t want to see
Your tear-stained face or the dawn of sadness anymore

animeyay
06-13-2010, 10:07 PM
First I'll try to answer your questions.



への (e no) is basically a compound of the particle へ (e) and the particle の (no). So why the compound? I'm sure you are familiar with another compound particle との (to no).

君との記憶 = my memories of being with you
君への記憶 = my memories for/towards you

The reason that の is required is because と or へ can only be be followed by a verb or a verbal phrase. If they are to be followed by a noun, then they must be compounded with の in this case. Of course, compounds without a の are possible as well, (for example, へと.)

Anyway, for the line 限りある明日への記憶, first translate 明日への記憶 as "memories for/towards tomorrow", then add the 限りある, and the entire phrase translates into something like "Our limited memories for tomorrow."



腕 (ude) normally and regularly means "arm" when it's not used in a set phrase. It can be translated as "skill" in certain situations -- for example, 腕のある先生 (a skillful doctor/teacher). But in this case, 君の腕の中 is simply "in your arms/embrace."



Now, regarding 強さ儚さ... The word 儚い could mean "fragile", but only in the sense that something is short-lived and impermanent; it definitely does not convey a sense of weakness, so I agree with you that the translation "strong yet fragile wings" is not 100% appropriate.

I also agree that it is a little funny to see two nouns shoulder-to-shoulder without any particle. The most logical explanation I can come up with is that there is a hidden "、" there, meaning the lyrics could have been "強さ、儚さのこの羽で". The best translation I can offer would be something like "with these wings of strength and transience."



Also, for these two lines:

ずっと君のそばで
あの日 僕が胸に誓った約束さ

I think the actual meaning is more like:

I will always be by your side,
for that was the promise I made in my heart that day.

kajigoddess
06-13-2010, 11:51 PM
Thank you very, very much for all the help! I was actually unfamiliar with との, so that was a real eye-opener to me. And why didn't I think of "arms" earlier? D: But would "My (or our) memories are for a limited tomorrow" be an acceptable way to translate 限りある明日への記憶?

I also found out after I posted this that 息を止める has the meaning of "hold your breath," so my revised translation of the sections where it's used are now 「深く 息を止めて最後の約束さ」 "Hold your breath deeply, it's my last promise..." and  「深く 息を止めて最後にありがとう」 "Hold your breath deeply for the last 'thank you.'"