Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari [ryo/supercell]

[aWhimsicalStar]

ahm...first try at translating? Never did this before so I'm nervous...hope I did reasonably well...
*braces self for the flood of corrections ._.*

--

君の知らない物語
The Story You Don't Know

作詞：ryo
作曲：ryo
Lyrics and composition: ryo

いつも通りのある日のこと
君は突然立ち上がり言った
『今夜星を見に行こう』
On that ordinary day
You suddenly said,
"Let's go stargazing tonight!"

『たまに良いことを言うんだね』
なんてみんなして言って笑った
明かりもない道を
馬鹿みたいにはしゃいで歩いた
抱え込んだ孤独や不安に
押しつぶされないように
"You get good ideas once in a while, huh?"
Everyone said and laughed.
We joked around and walked
Like fools on that unlit path
so we wouldn't be crushed
by the loneliness and anxiety we held.


真っ暗な世界から見上げた
夜空は星が振るようで
Gazing up from the pitch black world
the night sky seemed like it was raining stars.

いつからだろう
君の事を追いかける私がいた
どうかお願い
驚かないで聞いてよ
私のこの想いを
Since when I wonder,
have I been chasing after you?
Somehow, please,
Don't be surprised and listen
to these feelings of mine.

「あれがデネブ、アルタイル、ベガ」
君は指差す　夏の大三角
覚えて空を見る
やっと見つけた織姫様
だけどどこだろう彦星様
これじゃひとりぼっち
"There's Deneb, Altair, and Vega."
You pointed out the summer triangle.
I remember and look at the sky.
Finally found Orihime-sama (Vega)
But where's Hikoboshi-sama? (Altair)
That's a bit lonely.

楽しげなひとつ隣の君
私は何も言えなくて
Next to you, who was having fun,
I couldn't say anything.

本当はずっと君の事を
どこかでわかっていた
見つかったって
届きはしない
だめだよ　泣かないで
そう言い聞かせた
In truth, I had already
realized my feelings for you some time ago.
I found them,
but they won't reach you
"It's no use. Don't cry."
That's what I told myself.

強がる私は臆病で
興味がないようなふりをしてた
だけど
胸をさす痛みは増してく
ああ、そうか好きになるってこういう事なんだね
I bluffed in my faint-heartedness
Acting like I had no interest
However,
That prickling pain in my chest, growing...
Mn...that's right.
Falling in love is like that.

どうしたい？言ってごらん
心の声がする
君の隣がいい
真実は残酷だ
What do I want to do? Please tell me.
There was a voice in my heart.
Being next to you is enough.
The truth is harsh.

言わなかった
言えなかった
二度と戻れない　
I didn't say it.
I couldn't say it.
Can't go back for a second chance.

あの夏の日
きらめく星
今でも思い出せるよ
笑った顔も
怒った顔も
大好きでした
おかしいよね
わかってたのに
君の知らない
私だけの秘密
That summer day,
Those sparkling stars.
Even now I still remember
That laughing face,
and that angry face,
I really loved them.
Strange isn't it?
Even though I knew that...
You didn't know,
The secret only I knew.

夜を超えて遠い思い出の
君が指をさす
無邪気な声で
That night long ago in a distant memory,
You pointed,
and with an innocent voice...

--

Some comments...
- The title is usually translated as 'Your Unknown Story', but I took it as 'The Story You Don't Know' because of the "I love you, but I didn't tell you." theme...thing...
- Orihime-sama and Hikoboshi-sama are also called Vega and Altair respectively. Go Wikipedia.
- 見つかったって / 届きはしない
I found them, / but they won't reach you
I don't think I translated the "届きはしない" line very well. The implication is that they won't reach the guy because she won't tell him, but I didn't convey that very well in English.
- 真実は残酷だ
The truth is harsh
This line sticks out. A lot. It doesn't fit in with the rest of the stanza.
- 二度と戻れない　
Can't go back for a second chance.
Another line that seems abrupt and unnatural.

come feedback ~(' v ';)
Unrelated: Is there a way to disable smiles in my post?

[AzureDark]

Yeah, there is a way to disable smilies on the Post Edit page

>君は突然立ち上がり言った
>You suddenly said,
Where's the part where he stands up?

>- 見つかったって / 届きはしない
>I found them, / but they won't reach you
>I don't think I translated the "届きはしない" line very well. The implication is that they won't reach the guy because she won't tell him, but I didn't convey that very well in English.
Yea I thought about this for awhile but I kinda accepted your t/l.

>- 真実は残酷だ
>The truth is harsh
>This line sticks out. A lot. It doesn't fit in with the rest of the stanza.
'shinjitsu' also means "reality", and from there you can start to get what she wants to say: how reality is too harsh for her to even tell her feelings.


>- 二度と戻れない　
>Can't go back for a second chance.
>Another line that seems abrupt and unnatural.
To put it simply, 'nidoto' means "never". If taking it literally, though somewhat correct but it doesn't sound so right, you can always say "I'll never get the chance to say it again" or something.

As a t/l beginner you must note that sometimes songs have 'hanging nouns', just like poetry in some ways. I didn't find an example here, but since you really mind about some of the abruptness in this one, I should point it out just in case.

Overall, GJ seriously, just skimming through it, would have been the way I did it myself. You expressed the meaning more than just being literal.

[aWhimsicalStar]

Smilies have been successfully disabled ~(' v '~)
--
立ち上がり
I thought he stood up before too, but when I ran it through Denshi Jisho and Babelfish they gave "start; beginning; build up", "start up", and some baseball stuff. Didn't know how reliable they were, so I ran the phrase through Google, and came up with http://www.proz.com/kudoz/japanese_to_english/automotive_cars_trucks/2996437-%E7%AB%8B%E4%B8%8A%E3%82%8A%E4%BB%95%E6%A7%98%E3%8 1%8B%E3%82%89%E9%81%A9%E7%94%A8%E4%B8%AD%E6%AD%A2. html which had it as 'start up'. Other sites also used it for things like booting up your computer and such.
So when I translated, it became "You suddenly said," instead of "You suddenly started to say" (because it's clunky and a bit redundant).
But now that you mention it, I guess it could be taken literally instead of as a phrase...I'm confused...w/e...dude stands up in the PV and standing up does sound nice.
"You suddenly stood up and said,"

届きはしない
mm...how about "but they'll never reach you"? It's stretching the translation a bit, but at least it doesn't sound like the guy's ignoring her. This way it sounds more like she doesn't believe it'll work out and has already half given up.
...what does it sound like to a person who hasn't been saying it over and over again for the past 5 min? :<

真実は残酷だ
"Reality is harsh."

二度と戻れない
"I'll never get another chance."
--
Thanks for all your input!

[Julio3]

Hey everyone! I will be moving the wallpaper contests here starting this month. To get everything prepared, I would like to open it up for suggestions on what the contests themes should be and how the contests should be run. What do you like? What don't you like?

Thanks!