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lumine
11-19-2009, 12:05 PM
(This song is awesome, help me translate it properly, please?)

赤の修羅場を 駆けぬける
街に棲みつく少女たち
さらいたいなら すればいい
そんなの全然 こわくはないわ

aka no shuraba wo kakenukeru
machi ni sumi tsuku shoujotachi
sataitai nara sureba ii
sonnano zenzen kowakunai wa

Running through the reddened battlefield,
The girls are coming to settle in this town
It's okay if you want to steal one of them away
That kind of thing doesn't scare them at all


甘酸っぱいような感情
潰れちゃってた ザクロみたい
わるいコトはそれ以上 ないでしょう

amazuppai youna kanjou
tsuburechatteta ZAKURO mitai
warui KOTO wa sore ijou nai deshou

A bittersweet sort of feeling,
Reminiscent of crushed pomegranates
I suppose things can't get much worse than that

花を召しませ ポワゾン キスの後
希望のトゲが 舌に突き刺さる
ここで死んだら 死に損 まっぴらよ
このタマシイは 誰にもあげない

hana wo meshimase POWAZON KISU no ato
kibou no TOGE ga shita ni tsukisasaru
kokode shindara shi ni zon mappira yo
kono TAMASHII wa dare ni mo agenai

Take the flower, after the poison kiss (1)
The thorns of hope slice into your tounge
If I were to die here, nothing would be lost
I won't give this soul to anyone

あなたが教えてくれた
絶望、それがオマモリよ

anata ga oshiete kureta
zetsubou, sore ga OMAMORI yo

You were teaching this to me all along:
Despair, that's my good luck charm

もしも願いがかなうなら
悪いようにはしなくてよ
神や仏が 在るのなら
全身全霊 お護りなさい

moshimo negai ga kanau nara
warui youni wa shinakute yo
kami ya hotoke ga aru no nara
zenshinzenrei omamorinasai

If your wish is granted,
Then that's not so bad
If things like gods and Buddha exist,
You'd best protect your entire body and soul (2)


くすぐったいような後悔
ちぎれちゃったら ピアスみたい
センチメンタルな穴が あいてる

kusugutta youna koukai
chigirechattara PIASU mitai
SENCHIMENTARU na ana ga aiteru

A ticklish sort of regret,
Reminiscent of a piercing that was torn out
Sentimentally keeping the old hole opened up


私のなかの ユニゾン 夢をみる
やさしいひとに くるまれてみたい
少女と女 共存 爪を噛む
子猫は眠る 枯葉のベッドで

watashi no naka no YUNIZON yume wo miru
yasashii hito ni kurumarete mitai
shoujo to onna kyouzon tsume wo kamu
koneko wa nemuru kareha no BEDDO de

I'm dreaming in unison (3)
With nice people who are all tied up
Girls and women coexisting, biting their nails
While a kitten sleeps on a bed of dead leaves


おいしい匂いがしてる
媚びない 夜がひざまづく

oishii nioi ga shiteru
kobinai yoru ga hizamazuku

Something smells nice
It's not flattery, I continue to kneel through the night (4)


ここで死んだら 死に損 まっぴらよ
このタマシイは 誰にもあげない

koko de shindara shi ni zon mappira yo
kono TAMASHII wa dare ni mo agenai

If I were to die here, nothing would be lost
I won't give this soul to anyone

私のなかの ユニゾン 夢をみる
やさしいひとに 噛みついてみたい
少女と女 共存 爪をとぐ
苛めたい程 たしかめたいのよ

watashi no naka no YUNIZON yume wo miru
yasashi hito ni kamitsuite mitai
shoujo to onna kyouzon tsume wo togu
ijimetai hodo tashikametai no yo

I'm dreaming in unison
With nice people who try to bite
Girls and women coexisiting, polishing their nails
I'm sure they are tired of being tormented


花を召しませ ポワゾン キスの後
希望のトゲが 舌に突き刺さる

hana wo meshimase POWAZON KISU no ato
kibou no TOGE ga shita ni tsukisasaru

Take the flower, after the poison kiss
The thorns of hope slice into your tounge


あなたが教えてくれた
絶望、それがオマモリよ

anata ga oshiete kureta
zetsubou, sore ga OMAMORI yo

You were teaching this to me all along:
Despair, that's my good luck charm


1: 召しませ has too many meanings, and I'm not sure if I understand the "-mase" ending correctly, either...

2: This sounds stupid, better wording?

3: I don't think I've gotten either of the stanzas starting with "watashi no naka no YUNIZON..." correct. Mostly the first line, but the rest sounds funky too.

4: I think I missed something?

If there are any other things, please let me know~ And thanks!

EJTranslations
11-19-2009, 06:42 PM
>ここで死んだら 死に損 まっぴらよ

It's not an expression I'm familiar with, but I looked up 死に損 and Jim Breen's said it meant "to fail to die; to outlive; to survive," so wouldn't this be more like "if I died here, no one would survive" (or if you want to get creative-license-y, "if I died here I'd take everyone with me")?

Also, to be horrendously nitpicky, it's spelled "tongue."

>神や仏が 在るのなら
>全身全霊 お護りなさい

I actually assumed the singer was asking God or Buddha, if they existed, to protect her body and soul... but SZS being what it is, I wouldn't be that surprised if she was saying to protect yourself from God or Buddha, so.

>やさしいひとに 噛みついてみたい
The singer's trying to bite the nice people, not the other way around.

Also, I think with all the talk of thorns slicing tongues, 召しませ is pretty clearly being used in the "eat" sense.

lumine
11-23-2009, 04:39 PM
Why can't I spell tongue? I even tried to spell it incorrectly right there, haha.

Changes so far:


花を召しませ ポワゾン キスの後
希望のトゲが 舌に突き刺さる
ここで死んだら 死に損 まっぴらよ
このタマシイは 誰にもあげない

hana wo meshimase POWAZON KISU no ato
kibou no TOGE ga shita ni tsukisasaru
kokode shindara shi ni zon mappira yo
kono TAMASHII wa dare ni mo agenai

Eat the flower, after the kiss of poison
The thorns of hope slice into your tongue
If I were to die here, no one would survive
I won't give this soul to anyone"Eat the flower" sounds bland, but everything else sounds too... purple. And it's not like I am writing poetry or something. For a while I had it as "Take in the flower", maybe that is better?

"If I were to die here, no one would survive" does that mean that there is no one else left? For some reason the way I understood it was "If I were to die here, it would be just like no one had died (so nothing would be lost)" but looking at it again, I am not sure how I got that. Lots of stretching, maybe.


もしも願いがかなうなら
悪いようにはしなくてよ
神や仏が 在るのなら
全身全霊 お護りなさい

moshimo negai ga kanau nara
warui youni wa shinakute yo
kami ya hotoke ga aru no nara
zenshinzenrei omamorinasai

If your wish is granted,
Then that's not so bad
If Buddha or any gods are out there,
They'd better protect me, body and soulIs this better?
Probably I watch too much anime because I associate "-nasai" with ordering people around. And doing that to gods and stuff doesn't seem like a good idea?

...I kind of lost my train of thought. Thanks, though.

ArtemisA
11-24-2009, 01:08 AM
花を召す, if the interwebs are to be taken as correct, would mean to take or buy a flower. Src: 1 (http://detail.chiebukuro.yahoo.co.jp/qa/question_detail/q137644563), 2 (http://bulo.hjenglish.com/question/43025/). 花を召しませ itself appears in multiple results in this song (http://8.health-life.net/~susa26/ikoi/hanaurimusume.htm).

And なさい usually is a command form, I'm pretty sure.

EJTranslations
11-26-2009, 11:35 AM
花を召す, if the interwebs are to be taken as correct, would mean to take or buy a flower. Src: 1 (http://detail.chiebukuro.yahoo.co.jp/qa/question_detail/q137644563), 2 (http://bulo.hjenglish.com/question/43025/). 花を召しませ itself appears in multiple results in this song (http://8.health-life.net/~susa26/ikoi/hanaurimusume.htm).

Oh, oops. Sorry for the misinformation! Considering the "thorns cutting into your tongue" thing, though, I do still think the song's playing on the "eat" meaning as well. But yeah, the line probably shouldn't be translated the way I had it.

ArtemisA
11-26-2009, 01:05 PM
Considering the "thorns cutting into your tongue" thing, though, I do still think the song's playing on the "eat" meaning as well.
Yeah I'm sure it is. That's why I don't touch songs like this; too many dang wordplays. -_-