Gundam SEED Destiny - Primal Innocence

[EJTranslations]

This is on the site already, but I'm planning on correcting it, so... if someone would give this a once-over and make sure my correction doesn't need correcting, that would be great. XD

これ以上、なくしたくない　絆と云う僕らの証しを
傷付け合って彷徨える　永遠の行方をこの手で誘おう

kore ijou, nakushitakunai kizuna to iu bokura no akashi o
kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de izanaou

I don't want to lose any more of the proof of the bonds between us
Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity with my own hands

幾つもの時代を　見守ってる
何時もと変わらぬ　星達は
僕らが明日に　迷わないように
照らし続けてくれている

ikutsumo no jidai o mimamotte'ru
itsumo to kawaranu hoshi-tachi wa
bokura ga ashita ni mayowanai you ni
terashitsudzukete kurete iru

The unchanging stars
That have watched over countless eras
Continue to shine on us
So that we won't lose our way tomorrow

だけど歩き続けてく程に
人の優しさに　触れる度に
目の前のモノが　総てなんだと
思い知らされ　立ちくらむ

dakedo arukitsudzukete'ku hodo ni
hito no yasashisa ni fureru tabi ni
me no mae no MONO ga subete na n'da to
omoishirasare tachikuramu

But as much as I continue walking
When I'm touched by someone's gentleness
I realize that what's in front of me is all there is
And that realization is dizzying

「悲しみを力に変えてく」
それを強さと　云うのならば
何処に行けば　手に入る
揺るがぬ心　誰か教えてくれよ
tell me where to go

"kanashimi o chikara ni kaete'ku"
sore o tsuyosa to iu no naraba
doko ni ikeba te ni hairu
yuruganu kokoro dareka oshiete kure yo
tell me where to go

"Turning sadness into power"
If that's what strength is
Then someone tell me where I have to go
To obtain a steadfast heart
Tell me where to go

これ以上、なくしたくない　絆と云う僕らの証しを
傷付け合って彷徨える　永遠の行方をこの手で誘おう

kore ijou, nakushitakunai kizuna to iu bokura no akashi o
kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de izanaou

I don't want to lose any more of the proof of the bonds between us
Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity with my own hands

逸る気持ちを　押さえ切れずに
振り返る余裕を　無くしてゆく
そんな独りよがりじゃ　いつかは
大事なモノを　落してしまう

hayaru kimochi o osaekirezu ni
furikaeru yoyuu o nakushite yuku
sonna hitoriyogari ja itsuka wa
daiji na MONO o otoshite shimau

Without holding back my rash feelings
I lose the ability to look back
That self-satisfaction
Will someday cause me to lose what's precious to me

繰り返す出逢いと別れ
重ね合う夢を　紡いでいく
僕らはそんな　単純に
型成ていないから　独りじゃいられない　Yeah…
we belong together

kurikaesu deai to wakare
kasaneau yume o tsumuide iku
bokura wa sonna tanjun ni
dekite inai kara hitori ja irarenai Yeah...
we belong together

Repeated meetings and partings
Spinning together the overlapping dreams
Because you and I aren't made so simply
We can't be alone, yeah...
We belong together

見上げてるこの大空に　「願いよ叶え」と云うだけなら
誰でも出来る、怯えるな　高鳴る鼓動に未来を託して

miagete'ru kono oozora ni "negai yo kanae" to iu dake nara
dare demo dekiru, obieruna takanaru kodou ni mirai o takushite

Just saying "grant my wish" to the wide sky as you gaze at it
Is something anyone can do, so don't be afraid -- entrust your pounding heart to the future

僕らはこの世に生まれて　初めて触れた温もりと
寄り添いながら支え合って　生きていく　ただそれだけなのに…

bokura wa kono yo ni umarete hajimete fureta nukumori to
yorisoinagara sasaeatte ikite iku tada sore dake na no ni...

We are born into this world, and while drawing nearer to that first warmth we touched
We support each other and go on living; though that may be all...

tell me where to go
これ以上、なくしたくない　愛と云う僕らの証しを
傷付け合って彷徨える　永遠の行方をこの手で
Don't forget primal love　譲れない　心が剥がされそうになっても
誰の為でなく　自分の為に　人を信じていたいと願ってる

tell me where to go
kore ijou, nakushitakunai ai to iu bokura no akashi o
kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de
Don't forget primal love yuzurenai kokoro ga hagasaresou ni natte mo
dare no tame de naku jibun no tame ni hito o shinjite itai to negatte'ru

Tell me where to go
I don't want to lose any more of the proof of our love
Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity
Don't forget primal love -- even if the heart I won't relinquish is torn away
I want to believe in someone for no one's sake but my own

[ArtemisA]

>> I don't want to lose this proof of us called a bond anymore

I would probably word this as "I don't want to lose anymore of the proof of the bonds between us," which loses the と云う somewhat, but sounds a little less awkward. If not that rewording, I think the 'anymore' should at least go to the middle of the sentence. Same thing with the other occurences of this phrase/pattern.

>> To obtain an unwavering heart

I would change "unwavering" to "steadfast"... mostly because I like that word; or if you keep "unwavering," maybe change it to "will" instead of "heart." "Unwavering heart" just sounds a little strange to me.

>> Repeating meetings and partings
>> Spinning together the piled-up dreams

I think "repeating" should be "repeated," and "piled-up" should be "overlapping".

>> We support each other and go on living, just simply that...

I'd think I'd make this, "We support each other and go on living; though that may be all..." to accomodate the のに.


I just translated a song that required four vague and lengthy footnotes though, so maybe my head's just up in the clouds~

[EJTranslations]

Thanks!

Yeah, I was probably being overly literal with the first line there. I think putting "anymore" in the middle sounds a bit awkward, though. ETA: Oh wait, I get what you were suggesting with the "any more" now -- I misread it at first because you had it as one word (... I know I did first, I just don't tend to do that when I'm using it with "of"). Sorry!

And "steadfast" is a really good suggestion -- I was trying to come up with something for 揺るがぬ that actually sounded... like something someone might say in English, but "unwavering" was the best I could think of.

The other suggestions sound good, as well.