EJTranslations
05-25-2009, 01:33 AM
http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/zetsubosensei/zesseibijin.htm
>Mousou dakeno jukaino taibisuru
MOUSOU DAKE no jukai o tabi suru
>Kage wa onna-tachi no kirei ni shiteyukuno
kage wa onna-tachi o kirei ni shite yuku no
>Kurai sekai ni shinobiyoru shisen
kurai senaka ni shinobiyoru shisen
>Mika tsuki no yoru
mikazuki no yoru
>Hushiro mukitte suteki na koto ne
ushiromuki tte suteki na koto ne
>Sore ga kyuukyoku jyunkan sakai yo
sore ga kyuukyoku junkan jakai yo
-------
I also have a few issues with the translation; they're too few and possibly too nitpicky to merit a full retranslation, but some of them would be hard to fix without at least reworking the whole line, so I don't know how you want to handle it. It's not a horrible translation, I probably wouldn't have paid the errors much mind if I weren't already fixing the translit, but... I don't know, I'm a nitpicky person, I guess. :/ I've attached my translation anyway just in case.
うれしい悲鳴が 今日も聴こえる…
>I got to hear the delightful screams again today...
They've translated this line in the past tense, but it's actually in the present. Also, it's not so much "get to hear" as "can hear," really.
美人薄命 月下美人
>Unfortunate beauty, under the moon
"Gekkabijin" is a kind of flower; per Jim Breen's and ALC it's called "queen of the night" in English, though I've never heard of it. I understand there's a double-meaning/pun going on here, but the current translation seems to miss the "flower" meaning entirely.
暗い 背中に 忍びよる死線
>The deadline that approaches from the dark behind
This is possibly the only legitimate complaint I have -- "死線" doesn't mean "deadline," it means "verge of death" or "near-death."
人が失くした お金も落ちてる
>There's even some change that someone dropped
This line's in the present progressive; the change is falling.
毒を喰らわば 皿まで召しあがれ
>If you plan to drink poison, eat up the dish too
I know this is an idiomatic expression, but does 皿まで really mean "eat the plate too" or is it more "eat down to the plate"/"lick the plate clean"? The latter would make more sense to me.
くるしい期待が 胸を惑わす
>The agonizing wait disorients my mind
胸 is "chest;" it can be "heart" if you want to get poetic, but "mind," I think, is stretching it.
>Mousou dakeno jukaino taibisuru
MOUSOU DAKE no jukai o tabi suru
>Kage wa onna-tachi no kirei ni shiteyukuno
kage wa onna-tachi o kirei ni shite yuku no
>Kurai sekai ni shinobiyoru shisen
kurai senaka ni shinobiyoru shisen
>Mika tsuki no yoru
mikazuki no yoru
>Hushiro mukitte suteki na koto ne
ushiromuki tte suteki na koto ne
>Sore ga kyuukyoku jyunkan sakai yo
sore ga kyuukyoku junkan jakai yo
-------
I also have a few issues with the translation; they're too few and possibly too nitpicky to merit a full retranslation, but some of them would be hard to fix without at least reworking the whole line, so I don't know how you want to handle it. It's not a horrible translation, I probably wouldn't have paid the errors much mind if I weren't already fixing the translit, but... I don't know, I'm a nitpicky person, I guess. :/ I've attached my translation anyway just in case.
うれしい悲鳴が 今日も聴こえる…
>I got to hear the delightful screams again today...
They've translated this line in the past tense, but it's actually in the present. Also, it's not so much "get to hear" as "can hear," really.
美人薄命 月下美人
>Unfortunate beauty, under the moon
"Gekkabijin" is a kind of flower; per Jim Breen's and ALC it's called "queen of the night" in English, though I've never heard of it. I understand there's a double-meaning/pun going on here, but the current translation seems to miss the "flower" meaning entirely.
暗い 背中に 忍びよる死線
>The deadline that approaches from the dark behind
This is possibly the only legitimate complaint I have -- "死線" doesn't mean "deadline," it means "verge of death" or "near-death."
人が失くした お金も落ちてる
>There's even some change that someone dropped
This line's in the present progressive; the change is falling.
毒を喰らわば 皿まで召しあがれ
>If you plan to drink poison, eat up the dish too
I know this is an idiomatic expression, but does 皿まで really mean "eat the plate too" or is it more "eat down to the plate"/"lick the plate clean"? The latter would make more sense to me.
くるしい期待が 胸を惑わす
>The agonizing wait disorients my mind
胸 is "chest;" it can be "heart" if you want to get poetic, but "mind," I think, is stretching it.