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AzureDark
05-19-2009, 09:41 PM
25/5 Final draft~

I think I'd need expertise on this since I wanna make it as credible as I possibly can. I took a few days to reflect on this, but as it stands it's not yet polished, maybe not even close to being right.

Please don't say "You are lazy"
だって本当はcrazy
白鳥たちはそう
見えないとこでバタ足するんです
本能に従順 忠実 翻弄も重々承知
前途洋々だし…
だからたまに休憩しちゃうんです
Please don't say "You are lazy"
datte hontou wa Crazy
hakuchoutachi wa sou
mienai toko de BATAashi suru n desu
honnou ni juujun chuujitsu honrou mo juujuu shouchi
zentoyouyou dashi...
dakara tama ni kyuukei shichau n desu
Please don't say "You are lazy"
'Cause seriously, this is crazy!
When even the graceful swan
Thrashes its legs about underwater*
We're only following our instincts, open to criticism anytime*
We got a bright future anyway
That's why we need to take a break at times

この目でしっかリ見定めて
行き先地図上マークして
近道あればそれが王道
はしょれる翼もあれば上等
kono me de shikkari misadamete
yukisaki chizujou MAAKU shite
chikamichi areba sore ga oudou
hashoreru tsubasa mo areba joutou
Judge the course carefully with your very own eyes
And mark your destinations on the map
Where there's a shortcut (take it), that's a given
Got wings to take you there? That's better

ヤバ 爪割れた グルーで補修した
それだけでなんか達成感
大事なのは自分 かわいがること
白分を愛さなきゃ 他人も愛せない
YABA tsume wareta GURUU de hoshuu shita
sore dake de nanka tasseikan
daiji na no wa jibun kawaigaru koto
jibun wo aisanakya hito mo aisenai
"Oh crap, I broke my nail!" and you fix it with glue
And just that can make you feel so accomplished
You need to take good care of yourself, that's important
You can't love others if you don't love yourself first

Please don't say "You are lazy"
だって本当はcrazy
能ある鷹はそう
見えないとこにピック隠すんです
想像に一生懸命 現実は絶体絶命
発展途中だし…
だから不意にピッチ外れるんです
Please don't say "You are lazy"
datte hontou wa Crazy
nou aru taka wa sou
mienai toko ni PIKKU kakusu n desu
souzou ni isshoukenmei genjitsu wa zettaizetsumei
hattentochuu dashi...
dakara fui ni PICCHI hazureru n desu
Please don't say "You are lazy"
'Cause seriously, this is crazy!
When even the wise eagle
Hides away and peeks at corners
Imagination is everything because reality is doomed
We're not the finished article yet
That's why we inadvertently sing off-pitch at times

その目に映らないだけだって
やる気はメーター振リ切って
いつでも全力で夢見て
その分全力で眠って
sono me ni utsuranai dake datte
yaruki wa MEETAA furikitte
itsudemo zenryoku de yumemite
sono bun zenryoku de nemutte
The fact that (what you want) isn't in front of your eyes
Can break your motivation limits
So when you go dream a lot, with all your might
You're also sleeping, with all your might

ヤリ ちょい痩せた 調子づいて喰った
それだけでなんで? 敗北感
すかさずに目標 下方修正して
柔軟に臨機応変 七変化が勝ち
YARI choi yaseta choushi'zuite kutta
sore dake de nande? haibokukan
sukasazu ni mokuhyou kahoushuusei shite
juunan ni rinkiouhen shichihenge ga kachi
"Alright! I got a bit thinner" but in victory, you ate
And just that can make you feel so defeated
You need to lower your expectations quickly
Be flexible with your aims, those who adapt will win

Please don't say "You are lazy"
だって本当はcrazy
孔雀たちはそう
ここぞというとき美を魅せるんです
五臓六腑 満身 邁進 願望は痩身 麗人
誘惑多発だし…
だからやけに意志砕けちゃうんです
Please don't say "You are lazy"
datte hontou wa Crazy
kujakutachi wa sou
koko zo to iu toki bi wo miseru n desu
gozouroppu manshin maishin ganbou wa soushin reijin
yuuwaku tahatsu dashi...
dakara yake ni ishi kudakechau n desu
Please don't say "You are lazy"
'Cause seriously, this is crazy!
When even the charming peacock
Shows its beauty when it feels the time is right
We work on every single cell inside our bodies, wanting to be slim, pretty women
Our attractive points are in so many places
That's why we get awfully distracted at times

ヤパまさか赤点!? いや ギリクリア!
それだけでなんて全能感
大事なのは自分 認めてくこと
自分を許さなきゃ 他入も許せない
YABA masaka REDDO POINTO!? iya GIRI KURIA!
sore dake de nante zennoukan
daiji na no wa jibun mitometeku koto
jibun wo yurusanakya hito mo yurusenai
"Oh no, is that a red mark? No, I barely made it!"
And just that can make you feel so smart
You need to keep appreciating yourself, that's important
You can't forgive others if you don't forgive yourself first

Please don't say "You are lazy"
だって本当はcrazy
白鳥たちはそう
見えないとこでバタ足するんです
本能に従順忠実 翻弄も重々承知
前途洋々たし…
たからたまに休憩しちゃうんです
Please don't say "You are lazy"
datte hontou wa Crazy
hakuchoutachi wa sou
mienai toko de BATAashi suru n desu
honnou ni juujun chuujitsu honrou mo juujuu shouchi
zentouyouyou dashi...
dakara tama ni kyuukei shichau n desu
Please don't say "You are lazy"
'Cause seriously, this is crazy!
When even the graceful swan
Thrashes its legs about underwater*
We're only following our instincts, open to criticism anytime*
We got a bright future anyway
That's why we need to take a break at times

* intended to be poetic license where a literal version will be posted in the footnotes. If taking the literal meaning looks to be the better option please tell.

bluepenguin
05-23-2009, 12:53 PM
[1] I think it's fine.
[2] Enthusiasm? Determination? Motivation?
[3] Man, I never realized it was a figurative expression rather than a proper word. Anyway, I think you've got it right here; as far as I know, it basically just means "changing."
[5] I hate to mess up your solution to the "yake ni" problem, but that sounds a little awkward in English. If a native speaker were going to throw a "damn" into that sentence anywhere, it'd be before "focus," but that would change the connotation somewhat. You could also say "we damn well lose our focus," but that's also a slightly different feeling.

>Hence we go and take a break at times
"Hence" is a bit of a stuffy, archaic word; I don't think it fits the tone of this song very well. I'd just say "So we go..."

Also, with the swan etc. lines, I don't think the "when" is really necessary, but that could just be me.

AzureDark
05-24-2009, 03:35 AM
[2] I'll take "motivation"...
[5] I just need an adverb(?) which 1) loosely translates to 'yake ni' and 2) is informal enough in usage to fit the song. I was gonna put either "damn" or "darn", but I guess the latter is kinda the same problem.

I put the "when" to join the line with the previous one ("it's crazy"). I felt the need for this song to explain _why_ "it's crazy" and it lies in the following proverbs.