polaris 北極星
03-14-2009, 10:15 PM
ive often wondered what it is that makes people behave the way they do. im beginning to beleive that is has alot to do with our self identities, or our perception of it anyways. people are so out of touch with themselves that we often live our lives in a flat spin with no sense of direction and inevitably die without knowing who we are. i sometimes ask myself; "what is it that would make me happy?" it really is a difficult question to answer. i know some of the things that will temporarily make me happy... like going shopping or getting a bag of weed, but what is it i want ultimately. if u ask yourself, u may be surprised on how hard it is to answer. someone once said to me as i was mad at them at something they did, "things that matter to you now may not matter so much tomorrow" at first i took it as a cop-out or a poor excuse for an appology. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that she was right. my point is that i have no idea what it is that would fill "the void" that we all have in our lives. some people try to fill the void with other people. some fill it with drugs, or sex, or gambling, etc. some people try so hard that they end up only caring about what they want or need. and anyone who stands in the way of acheiving that goal will most certainly get stepped on. in essence, we are all ultimately selfish. when i do something nice for someone, is it because i really wanted to do it for their sake, or did i do it because it makes me feel good about myself to do something for someone else. if my answer was the latter, does that make me a selfish person? is it really the thought that counts, or the deed?
why is it that we constantly lie to ourselves? are we afraid of who we really are? if so, then why dont we do something to change the things that we are so afraid of being, or becoming. i think its because we are so unwilling to sacrifice our wants and desires to accommodate a change. we all know that old habits die hard, and changing our way of thinking, and/or lifestyle is much easier said than done, and rarely happens unless one is faced with a crisis situation. yet still we find it so easy to fall back into the same ol groove that we've worn so deep and so well into the path of our lives. most of the decisions we make in our lives are fueled by emotions. id say that the two most powerful emotions that we have are love and fear (with hate taking a close third) and it is these two emotions that cause us to make some pretty stupid decisions in our lives(im sure you could think of one or a hundred examples of this in ur own life) like when ur all googly over some girl(or guy) and even tho u know u shouldnt jump into anything too fast, u find urself floating away on a cloud. how easily we forget where rain comes from, until ur falling from ur cloud in the midst of all the grey. who wants to feel like that? nobody. so we put up our walls and dont let anyone in close. until they find themselves falling just like u did. very rarely can u find that someone that is just as willing as you to let down their guard and not let their fears inhibit them from taking a chance. its a game that no one can win.
when u meet someone, and get to know them, are u getting to know the real "them" or a different version of themselves. we all wear masks, whether we put them on consciencely or subconsciencely, we all approach new relationships with caution. im guilty of it myself; especially when it comes to my emotions. if u havent figured it out already, im a pretty emotional guy. i try hard to keep them from affecting my life too much, but those attempts usually always end up in failure. how much are u supposed to let emotions rule ur life? where is the happy medium? im pretty positive that there are many others that have these revelations, and feel the same as i do. ud think that if i found someone like me, then we could identify with each other and a healthy relationship could be a result, but i often find that our fears keep us from allowing ourselves to be happy. like i put up roadblocks in my own life and sabotage my own happiness. f$#king insanity!!!
who am i? who am i really? its a question ill be trying to answer my whole life prolly. as i get older, i have revalations and "moments of clarity" and gain wisdom from each experience i have in my life. i know that knowing one's self is the key to happiness, but knowing one's self.....is another story
why is it that we constantly lie to ourselves? are we afraid of who we really are? if so, then why dont we do something to change the things that we are so afraid of being, or becoming. i think its because we are so unwilling to sacrifice our wants and desires to accommodate a change. we all know that old habits die hard, and changing our way of thinking, and/or lifestyle is much easier said than done, and rarely happens unless one is faced with a crisis situation. yet still we find it so easy to fall back into the same ol groove that we've worn so deep and so well into the path of our lives. most of the decisions we make in our lives are fueled by emotions. id say that the two most powerful emotions that we have are love and fear (with hate taking a close third) and it is these two emotions that cause us to make some pretty stupid decisions in our lives(im sure you could think of one or a hundred examples of this in ur own life) like when ur all googly over some girl(or guy) and even tho u know u shouldnt jump into anything too fast, u find urself floating away on a cloud. how easily we forget where rain comes from, until ur falling from ur cloud in the midst of all the grey. who wants to feel like that? nobody. so we put up our walls and dont let anyone in close. until they find themselves falling just like u did. very rarely can u find that someone that is just as willing as you to let down their guard and not let their fears inhibit them from taking a chance. its a game that no one can win.
when u meet someone, and get to know them, are u getting to know the real "them" or a different version of themselves. we all wear masks, whether we put them on consciencely or subconsciencely, we all approach new relationships with caution. im guilty of it myself; especially when it comes to my emotions. if u havent figured it out already, im a pretty emotional guy. i try hard to keep them from affecting my life too much, but those attempts usually always end up in failure. how much are u supposed to let emotions rule ur life? where is the happy medium? im pretty positive that there are many others that have these revelations, and feel the same as i do. ud think that if i found someone like me, then we could identify with each other and a healthy relationship could be a result, but i often find that our fears keep us from allowing ourselves to be happy. like i put up roadblocks in my own life and sabotage my own happiness. f$#king insanity!!!
who am i? who am i really? its a question ill be trying to answer my whole life prolly. as i get older, i have revalations and "moments of clarity" and gain wisdom from each experience i have in my life. i know that knowing one's self is the key to happiness, but knowing one's self.....is another story