ArtemisA
12-25-2008, 02:17 PM
http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dbz/yuushanofue.htm
I won't say my version of this is perfect, but I think it flows better and is a bit more accurate than the existing translation.
Existing = Grey, Redo = Yellow
Title: 勇者の笛〜タイポンのテーマ
N/A
The Hero's Flute ~ Taipon's Theme
笛よ流れろ深く静かに
愛の力で怒りを閉じ込めろ
Deeply quietly flowing flute.
The power of love and anger trap
Oh flute, with your peaceful flowing song
Lock away hatred with the power of love
- I took a little liberty with the first line (there is no direct "song" and I ignored 深く). [Not sure to what extent artistic liberties are allowed.]
- The second line just was not parsed properly.
- Because it was 笛よ, it seemed like it should be addressing the flute (but again I could be wrong).
俺の命を神に捧げて
今日も奏でる伝説のメロディー
My life dedicated to God
Even today, the legendary sour note melody
Dedicating my life to God,
Even today I play the legendary melody
- The first line is just a rephrasing.
- I don't know where "sour" came from, but 奏でる is "to play."
*もしも眠ってしまったなら
邪悪な魔人が目を覚まして
街は地獄に変わるだろう
誰も止められない・・・
勇者のオカリナ響き続けろ
永久に・・・
* If �h sleep
The evil genie is awake
The city is going to turn into hell
Nobody unstoppable
Keep trying brave-sounding ocarina
Forever...
* If I fall asleep
The wicked demons will awaken
and the town will probably turn into Hell
No one can stop me...
The hero's ocarina shall resound
Eternally...
- The しまった of the first line gives more an idea of actually falling asleep, not just sleeping.
- 魔人 can be "genie," but it seems a little strange in this context.
- 目を覚まして is a gerund, not stative, which links to the next line (thus the "and").
- Interpreted the だろう as "probably."
- "Nobody unstoppable" is Engrish.
- 勇者のオカリナ is probably better parsed as "the hero's ocarina."
- 響き続けろ is something like "continue to echo."
- I just liked "eternally" better.
笛よ囁け夢に溢れた
星の思い出弟の面影
Flute whisper it to the brim with a dream
Stars memories of his brother's image
Oh flute, whisper me an overflowing dream
Memories of the stars and my brother's face
- This is just parsing issues, more or less. That and a bit of poetic license again.
遠い地球で今も祈ろう
宇宙全てが平和であるように
Earth still a distant hope so
All the universe is so peaceful
Even now, on the faraway Earth, let's pray
That all the universe may be at peace
- Parsing issues.
もしも心が挫けたなら
きっと魔同士が襲ってきて
人は涙に染まるだろう
俺は負けられない・・・
勇者のオカリナ響き続けろ
永久に・・・
If the mind is disheartened if
The Magic probably be another wave coming
People are stained with tears.
I am not losing
Keep trying brave-sounding ocarina
Forever...
If my heart should break,
Devils will surely come to the attack
And the people will probably be stained with tears
I am unbeatable...
The hero's ocarina shall resound
Eternally...
- "Heartbreak" seems a bit more poetic, for 心が挫けた.
- 魔同士 is more like "(demon) sorcerer," but that sounds funny.
- Just another だろう thing.
- "I am not losing" is Engrish.
*繰り返し
* Repeat
- This one is correct. =P
There are some parts I'm still iffy on meself, but this was my best stab at it for now. Compiled version is attached.
I won't say my version of this is perfect, but I think it flows better and is a bit more accurate than the existing translation.
Existing = Grey, Redo = Yellow
Title: 勇者の笛〜タイポンのテーマ
N/A
The Hero's Flute ~ Taipon's Theme
笛よ流れろ深く静かに
愛の力で怒りを閉じ込めろ
Deeply quietly flowing flute.
The power of love and anger trap
Oh flute, with your peaceful flowing song
Lock away hatred with the power of love
- I took a little liberty with the first line (there is no direct "song" and I ignored 深く). [Not sure to what extent artistic liberties are allowed.]
- The second line just was not parsed properly.
- Because it was 笛よ, it seemed like it should be addressing the flute (but again I could be wrong).
俺の命を神に捧げて
今日も奏でる伝説のメロディー
My life dedicated to God
Even today, the legendary sour note melody
Dedicating my life to God,
Even today I play the legendary melody
- The first line is just a rephrasing.
- I don't know where "sour" came from, but 奏でる is "to play."
*もしも眠ってしまったなら
邪悪な魔人が目を覚まして
街は地獄に変わるだろう
誰も止められない・・・
勇者のオカリナ響き続けろ
永久に・・・
* If �h sleep
The evil genie is awake
The city is going to turn into hell
Nobody unstoppable
Keep trying brave-sounding ocarina
Forever...
* If I fall asleep
The wicked demons will awaken
and the town will probably turn into Hell
No one can stop me...
The hero's ocarina shall resound
Eternally...
- The しまった of the first line gives more an idea of actually falling asleep, not just sleeping.
- 魔人 can be "genie," but it seems a little strange in this context.
- 目を覚まして is a gerund, not stative, which links to the next line (thus the "and").
- Interpreted the だろう as "probably."
- "Nobody unstoppable" is Engrish.
- 勇者のオカリナ is probably better parsed as "the hero's ocarina."
- 響き続けろ is something like "continue to echo."
- I just liked "eternally" better.
笛よ囁け夢に溢れた
星の思い出弟の面影
Flute whisper it to the brim with a dream
Stars memories of his brother's image
Oh flute, whisper me an overflowing dream
Memories of the stars and my brother's face
- This is just parsing issues, more or less. That and a bit of poetic license again.
遠い地球で今も祈ろう
宇宙全てが平和であるように
Earth still a distant hope so
All the universe is so peaceful
Even now, on the faraway Earth, let's pray
That all the universe may be at peace
- Parsing issues.
もしも心が挫けたなら
きっと魔同士が襲ってきて
人は涙に染まるだろう
俺は負けられない・・・
勇者のオカリナ響き続けろ
永久に・・・
If the mind is disheartened if
The Magic probably be another wave coming
People are stained with tears.
I am not losing
Keep trying brave-sounding ocarina
Forever...
If my heart should break,
Devils will surely come to the attack
And the people will probably be stained with tears
I am unbeatable...
The hero's ocarina shall resound
Eternally...
- "Heartbreak" seems a bit more poetic, for 心が挫けた.
- 魔同士 is more like "(demon) sorcerer," but that sounds funny.
- Just another だろう thing.
- "I am not losing" is Engrish.
*繰り返し
* Repeat
- This one is correct. =P
There are some parts I'm still iffy on meself, but this was my best stab at it for now. Compiled version is attached.