PDA

View Full Version : Sacrifice by Ali Project



Iatheia
07-12-2008, 03:14 PM
Yes, I know that it can be a nightmare translating Ali Project songs, but sometimes I am willing to give it a try...

ガラスの空の下
この都会は瓦礫の森

Under the glass sky
this city is rubble of forest

ネオン色の夢が散る
其処ここに 無惨に綺麗に
その間を渡ってく
いまあたしは あなたに逢いたい
生きるために

Dream of neon color scatters
in this place here, cruelly and beautifully
crossing over to that space
now I want to meet you
in order to live

地下室に潜んだ
子供らの 目には目を

The eye of child's eye is
hidden in the cellar

裁き合う許し合う
ひとりでは 穢れは拭えず
注ぎたい捧げたい
ただこの身の 赤い赤い血を
生きる証を

both judgement and pardon
(?)
I want to pour, I want to lift up
only this body's red-red blood
as a proof of life

堕落の楽園で
快楽は美徳の神
獣は肉体を喰み
少女らは虚無を孕む

At the paradice of degradation
Pleasure is a virtue of gods
(?)
Girls are filled with nothingness

もっと光を

More light

地下室に眠れる
子供らの 歯には歯を
御母の御胸は
あまりに遠すぎる

The tooth of child's tooth is
sleeping in the cellar
Mother's chest
is too distant

あふれる愛の炎を
さもなくば気高き死を
ガラスの空の下
この世中瓦礫の森

Flame of love floods
(?)
Under the glass sky
this world is rubble of forest

I couldn't translate some lines, and I would apreciate help with it, as well as a second opinion in paragraphs composition.
Thanks,
Ida.

EJTranslations
07-16-2008, 01:19 AM
>this city is rubble of forest

Something to keep in mind: XのY is "the Y of X," not "the X of Y." You've translated the line as if it says 森の瓦礫, but it's 瓦礫の森, so rather than "(the) rubble of (a) forest," it should be "a forest of rubble." (Personally I think "ruins" would sound nicer than "rubble," but that's up to you.)

>Dream of neon color scatters

"A neon-colored dream" would sound more natural

>地下室に潜んだ
>子供らの 目には目を

This is a tricky bit and it took me a while to figure it out, but I think I've got it now. First of all, it says 子供ら -- "children," plural. Second, 地下室に潜んだ is modifying the children themselves, not the eyes. Lastly, 目には目を seems to correspond directly to the English expression "an eye for an eye." So it's along the lines of "an eye for the eyes of the children hidden in the basement."

>ひとりでは 穢れは拭えず

Seems pretty straightforward to me -- "I cannot cleanse this impurity alone." If you tell me what part you were having trouble with, I may be able to explain it.

>At the paradice of degradation
It's spelled "paradise."

>Pleasure is a virtue of gods

As with the "瓦礫の森" line, you're translating as if it's 神の美徳 rather than 美徳の神. 美徳の神 would be "virtuous god," I believe.

>獣は肉体を喰み

"Beasts feed on flesh." Again, I'm not sure what part was tripping you up, but if you tell me I can try to explain.

>地下室に眠れる
>子供らの 歯には歯を

This follows the same pattern as the previous stanza with this structure -- it's really the same but with "sleeping" rather than "hidden" and "a tooth for the teeth of..." rather than "an eye for the eyes of..."

>あふれる愛の炎を
>さもなくば気高き死を

There's an omitted verb in both these lines, but I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, generally with omitted verbs, unless I have a very good idea what they are I don't translate the line as a full sentence. What I'd do here is "The overflowing flame of love... / The otherwise sublime death..." but if you'd rather do "the flame of love overflows / death is sublime" or something like that, it wouldn't be wrong.

Overall, I think you've done a good job, considering that Ali Project is, well, Ali Project. I hope my feedback was helpful to you.

Iatheia
07-16-2008, 10:44 AM
Thank you very much!
My Japanese is limited by a dictionary and an electronic translator, plus a highly vague knowledge of grammar, so when I can't translate something it is because at least one of those things failed me in a particular sentence. So, again, thank you. It is very appreciated.