View Full Version : Naruto Fanfiction: Broken

06-21-2008, 06:06 PM
Okay, this is more of a temporary series. The main character is Miko Lavenski, who is a non-series Mist nin that is also a Dragon, something that a friend of mine came up with. Miko is the Air Dragon, the one that has power over wind, or air. This part takes place between the exams and when Itachi and Kisame show up. It introduces her and her sensi and sets a distinctive mood between Miko and the Sound.
Enjoy and give me advice and whatever else on my stories.
"Come on! Think about killing me! Fight me!" Miko's sensi, Sigoh, commanded, shoving her.
"Right!" Miko hacked at him with her kunai, causing him to step backwards or lose a finger. Miko lunged at him and brought a second kunai up to fend off his attacks.
From a distance, the Mizukage watched his daughter. Miko kept pace easily with Sigoh, despite the rank difference and the fact that Sigoh was one of the best ninja in the Mist village.
"My Lord..." ANBU member Xen appeared out of nowhere.
"Yes?" The Mizukage turned.
Xen whispered something in his ear and a troubled look fell across the Mizukage's face.
"Of course. Sigoh!" The Mizukage said, turning to the jonin.
"Yes?" Sigoh asked, gesturing to Miko to wait for a moment. The moon and a look from her father told Miko that it was time to go to bed.
That night, one of her teammembers knocked on Miko's door. When Miko answered she said, "What's going on? Is something wrong?"
"Well...Miko...Sigoh-sensi...he's dying!" Miko's commrade allowed tears to come to his eyes.
"WHAT?!" Miko screamed. She followed him to a battleground near the water.
"What happened?" Miko asked.
"I don't know. These Sound ninja just appeared out of nowhere and started killing everyone! I...I ran as soon as Sigoh was overtaken." He said.
"Bare your shame now that you didn't die with them while I search for Sigoh-sensi." Miko hissed venomously.
Miko found him quickly, ravaged and in a bloodied heap. She approached in silence, searching for any sign that he was still alive.
Sigoh's voice came weakly, and made Miko's body shudder, "M-Miko? Is that you?"
"I'm here." Miko fell beside him.
"I-I'm glad you're here. You trusted me and I failed you." Sigoh whispered.
Miko took his hand and shook her head, "There was nothing you could do." A tear slid down her cheek and landed on her hand.
"Miko...Don't cry...I want you to be strong...just like you always have been..." A coughing fit overtook him and blood seeped down his jaw.
"Sigoh..." Miko said softly. The area around the wound on his stomach was getting redder and redder.
"Miko, do you trust me?" Sigoh asked.
"Of-Of course." Miko nodded.
"Than...set out...and find Hoshgaki Kisame. Only he will be able to release your true potential." Sigoh said, releasing a deep breath.
"But-" Miko began.
A bloody finger touched her lips, "No more questions, no more objections, your mission now...is to make sure that Orochimaru...dies...no matter what." Sigoh closed his eyes and his chest stilled.
"SENSI!!" Miko screamed.
Crows and bats flew into the air as her scream echoed across the water.
Alright, that's a wrap. Feel free to comment. In fact, please, if you read this, comment in some way.

06-21-2008, 07:34 PM
Iīve got a question. Sensi. Do you mean the japanese word for teacher? sensei? or what did this mean?
However it sounds good. Go on with the next chapter.

06-21-2008, 07:37 PM
yeah, teacher. my spelling isn't always so good. but u liked it? great! next chapter, coming up.

06-21-2008, 07:38 PM
It's a little after the time Itachi and Kisame arrived in the Leaf village. Miko arrived in the village, with Kisaiu close on her tail. Her first meeting with Kisame ensues in the restaurant that she tells Kisaiu how she feels.
"So, you're just gonna leave?" Kisaiu asked.
"Why not? Our new sensei's probably slept with every single man Kiri. Besides, Sigoh gave me a mission. I'm not gonna give up on his teaching like you two have." Miko's voice was sharp, and edged with icy hatred.
"You still hate me, huh? For running?" Kisaiu asked weakly, his voice faltering slightly.
"Yes." That one, bitter word was enough to bring tears to his eyes. Kisaiu ran from the restaurant, sobbing. Miko stood up and turned to leave, crashing into a figure in black robes. She fell to the ground and cried out, "Watch, you dobe!"
Kisame laughed, which caused Itachi to look in their direction.
Miko's mouth contorted into a hateful sneer. "You!"
"Hm? Me? And what have I done to offend you, my dear?" Kisame said with mock cordiality.
"Don't play prim and proper with me or I'll rip your throat out!" Miko hissed, taking out a kunai.
"I know quite well that you've been searching for me ever since you left Kiri. But what we cannot find out...is why?" Kisame asked, grabbing her arm.
"Do you know a man from our vilage named Sigoh?" Miko asked, pulling away violenlty.
"Sigoh?" The name brought an odd look to Kisame's face that thus brought forth a brief look of concern from Itachi.
"Yes. He was my sensei and now he's dead. He told me to find you, that you might be able to do something for me." Miko replied curtly.
"I figured this would happen eventually. Hmm...So, he's dead? I suppose that's the only reason you're here? Sigoh...One of the best in Kiri. We used to be like brothers..." Kisame looked down.
After a moment, Itachi hissed, "We're going to have to leave. We've located Naruto once more."
"Wait! What about-?" Miko grabbed Kisame's cloak.
"I want nothing to do with you, Kid! You seem like a sweet kid and all, but...I'm not the man I used to be."
Kisame shook her off.
"Yes. You're right. You're just a coward." Miko said. Her voice seemed to be taunting Kisame.
Miko spun to the ground as Itachi's palm collided with the side of her head. Her vision blurred and Miko slipped into unconciousness.
Part two to Broken, and more to come! Someone asked, I delivered. Comments always welcome.

06-22-2008, 12:00 PM
Nice^^ I like it. Go on.

06-22-2008, 07:35 PM
It's later that day, and Gai and his squad have just discovered Miko in th training grounds.
Pain...so much pain...Fire...What was going on? Why...why was this happening?
"Kisame!" The voice...it wasn't hers but it was oh, so familiar...A board cracked and crashed down behind her. Suddenly, she realized what was going on...It was all a dream...just a dream...And the voice...The voice was Sigoh!

"Kid! Hey! Hey! Are you alright?"
Miko opened her eyes, groaning. Four figures were standing over her.
"Finally. Are you okay?" The man asked, a concerned look on his face.
This man was so ODD! His black hair was cut like someone had put a bowl over it and cut the rest off and her wore green spandex! But, what really surprised Miko was the fact that she wasn't in shackles, since she wore her Mist headband on her upper arm. Surely he saw it?
"Is there anything she needs, Gai-sensi?" A boy identical to the man asked.
"I don't know. I don't know much about the Mist, so I don't know what would cause her to pass out like that." Gai replied, "All I know is that they're tough and ruthless."
"Exactly. So...Why are you guys acting like this to me? You're being far nicer than what I would expect from the Leaf..." Miko said, sitting up. She was in a clearing surrounded by trees with dummies up.
"Well, considering that you're at a disadvantage, with one against four, I don't see why we can't be civilized." A boy with long hair said.
"Never underestimate your opponent." Miko said simply.
"Don't worry. We don't." Gai replied, "Now, let's get you to the Hokage."
"Don't...!" Miko pulled away just as his hand brushed her bare arm, "Touch me."
Miko stood up and vanished.
"That's impossible! She could barely move!" Neji gasped.
"As she said, never underestimate your opponent. There's more to her than what we've already observed. The things I wonder most...Is why is she here...And who's side is she on?" Gai said, turning to leave.

06-22-2008, 08:58 PM
please, i would muchly enjoy hearing your thoughts on this thread. i would appreciate you pm-ing me or replying to my threads. thank you, have a great day.

06-23-2008, 09:15 AM
I think itīs good. there are some mistakes but thatīs natural. Something you could do better: this ... everytime is a bit annoyingly. However I think itīs nice.

06-23-2008, 07:44 PM
Kisaiu has just returned to the Mist village to tell the Mizukage of Miko's actions.
"SHE WHAT?!" Lord Mizukage demanded.
"She left and went to Konaha. I don't know anything else. We got into a fight, but I believe I injured her a bit." Kisaiu explained, lying about the fight.
"Hmm. Why would she do that? The Leaf are our enemy, and she knows it." The Mizukage said thoughtfully.
Miko's other teammember, goth-boy and Kisaiu's tougher brother Sakea said, "Miko knows a lot of things. But with Sigoh gone, I don't think anything will matter. He was more of a father to her than you've been lately."
"Excuse me?" The Mizukage said, his voice bristling with anger.
"You heard me. Just because Miko was a girl and wasn't willing to slaughter people, you've been hoping she'd leave for a while!" Sakea shouted, standing up.
"How dare you talk to me like that!" The Mizukage hissed.
"I dare. In fact, I'd kill you if I were strong enough. But why waste my energy. I'm leaving to find Miko. This village is worthless." Sakea turned and left.
The Mizukage sat down and shook his head.
"Are you okay, Lord Mizukage? Would you like me to fetch him back?" Kisaiu asked.
"Get out of here." The man snapped. Kisaiu, taken by shock, merely stared at him.
A few minutes later, he came flying out a window. Sakea shook his head at his brother's stupidity. He then turned and headed towards Konaha.

06-24-2008, 09:33 AM
one hint I have to you.
" ." Kisaiu explained "

write ....", explained Kisaiu.

That would be correct. However go on^^

07-14-2008, 06:43 AM
Hmmm.... great story. I like your way of writing. It really makes it easier for me to read compared to some fanfics.

Good luck with your story!!:p