View Full Version : Love Hina Fanfiction: Angel Of Darkness: Chapters 3&4

Godess Azmaria
06-14-2008, 01:48 AM
Chapter 3

Shinobu Maehara was still missing, she had now been missing for 2 months.
They contacted Interpol because it wasn't the first time a girl under 18 years had gone missing in Tokyo.
But they didn't have one single clue about Shinobu or her whereabouts. The police was about to conclude her being dead, and probably that she was raped and killed.
It wasn't the first time something like that happened in Tokyo.
The chance of getting Shinobu back alive,safe and sound were slim.
Even thinner than air.
Sooner or later,they had to accept the fact; shinobu was most likely dead and wasn't coming back.
Her life was over, in a matter of 15 years.
The police were about to close the case, all they had to was, locating the body of Shinobu Maehara.

But neither Motoko, Su, Keitaro, Naru, Mutsumi, Haruka,Seta and Sara had given up hope on finding Shinobu safe and sound.
After all, there had been a case of a girl disappearing when she was 13 and when she was 20 she came back, with no bruises.
But lots of traumatic experiences.
Point was; when everyone assumed she was dead, she was alive all the time.
"We cant just give up! I know she's out there, somewhere!"
Su refused to give up the dying hope of hers.
"NO! If the police doesn't find her, i will personally go look for her, i wont give up!"
"Su, will you just listen..?"
"I wont give up,not if it takes the rest of life to find her!"
Naru kept quiet,it was useless.
"She is my friend!!!!!" Su had tears in her eyes.

Su picked up a picture of Shinobu, that were taken a year ago, on her 14th birthday.
A time when everyone was happy, and cheerful.
Everything about Hinata Sou, was changed, completely.
The whole atmosphere was different, the playful and energetic life in Hinata was changed into a dark and silent one.
It wasn't able to bear, it all changed to the worse when Shinobu went missing. Su wasn't full of energy as she used to be, Kitsune stopped drinking sake.
Motoko wasn't training.
Naru wasn't banging the **** out of Keitaro when he by accident saw her half naked.
Mutsumi didn't trip over anymore.
Haruka couldnt be found with a smoke in her mouth anymore, she stopped. Sara was sad, affected with the other people at Hinata

Somewhere else:

"Let me go!! i have no value to you!!! What do you want from me?!"
"Would your friends come look for you?"
The man used his hand,flat hand to hit Shinobu in the face. His hand left a burning and red mark on her cheek.
"No...i dont have any friends..i promise you!"
"You live in an all girls Dormitory."Shinobu knew it was wise to keep her mouth shut.
"I know who your friends are, and i know all of the people there are your friends."
Shinobu cried.
"How long will it take before they're on the trace of your whereabouts?!"
Shinobu refused to tell anything.
"Spill the beans!"
He grabbed Shinobu's t shirt and held it tight,and raised his hand, to beat her again.
"Tell me, and i might spare you and your pathetic life!"
"No, i wont tell you anything!"

"You're not worth a damn ****!"
Shinobu tried to make the wound on her cheek stop burning.
"Do you know that?
"You worthless piece of ****, it makes me wonder,why you ever had to be born into this world."
"Please let me go...."
"I don't know why someone was stupid to want to have a daughter like you! Do you miss them?!"
Shinobu didn't answer.
"Thought not, you don't love your parents, poor them, they have a daughter that doesn't love them, she doesn't even miss them!"
Shinobu opened her mouth to say something.
"You're a disgrace! You shouldn't be born, maybe i should just finish you off,right now?"
"NO!!! I BEG YOU!" Shinobu screamed in fear.

06-17-2008, 11:24 AM
Nice job^^ Sometimes you are repeating yourself but otherwise you did well :)

Godess Azmaria
06-17-2008, 12:06 PM
thank you^^

06-17-2008, 02:08 PM
Its getting intense. Lol! I want to read more!

06-20-2008, 06:32 AM
nice job =)

06-22-2008, 03:31 AM
This is a very intense chapter ^_^

I love it lots!!

Godess Azmaria
06-25-2008, 02:51 PM
Chapter 4 (its not that intensive, i tried to make it good, but i dont think its that good)

Shinobu had got knocked out, by the man who took her, with a gun. He had hit, beat and kicked her, she was in pain.

She fainted because of the pain.
She threw up because of the beating. Her back was sore. She seriously thought she was going to die.
Shinobu was sleeping.
She was dreaming about happier times.
Back to when she lived in Hinata House. Where Sempai lived. Shinobu missed Keitaro.
"I hope he doesn't take this too hard."
Shinobu was tired.
"It don't matter that much, the only thing they will miss is my cooking. Other than that, life on Hinata House will go on."

She was dreaming about Keitaro:

Shinobu was cleaning up after breakfast. She finished with washing the table.
The window was open, and a warm wind was blowing.
Shinobu felt a couple of hands lay on her shoulders. This someone turned her around. It was Keitaro.
"Urashima Sempai...w-what?"
"I was just going to ask you....um....do you need any help with your homework?"
Shinobu began fantasizing about that Keitaro was going to ask her out. But if she knew right, it was never going to happen.
"I need a little help with....biology..."she smiled at him.
"Ok then, let's hit it."
Shinobu followed Keitaro back to her room.
"Where do you want to start?
"Well, we had this biology test last week.
And i wasn't the best one in class, i got a 17th score."

Shinobu sat down and opened her biology book. Keitaro was looking around in her room.
"Nice room, did you move something?"
"Oh, just the table."Shinobu took up her pencil, and wrote in her sketch book.
"Just let me know, if there is anything you need help with".
Keitaro took on his glasses.
"He's kinda cute with them on. No,I can't think like that! He's here to help me study! Nothing more, nothing less."

Shinobu tried to push the thought out of her head.
But it had decided to stay, she simply couldn't think about anything else.
"Why did i ask him to teach me?!"
"I'm sorry Keitaro, but I have an important thing to do."

"OK, shall we do this again? Is it just biology you need help with?"
"Well, I need help with...oh, nothing, its nothing."

"I have to go, bye Sempai!"
Shinobu hurried out of the room, Leaving Keitaro sitting there, alone.
"Wow, what was that all about?" He thought.

Shinobu stood with her back pressed against the wall.
"God, I'm so stupid!"

"Why did i even ask him to help me?! I only have dirty thoughts on my mind."
"Shinobu? I know you're out there.
Shinobu didn't move an inch.
Is there something you want to say to me?"Shinobu went from pale, to a tomato in the blooming time.
"Crap!"Shinobu wanted to bang her head into a wall.
"He knew i was standing here! How stupid can I be?!"Shinobu went back to her room.
"Well, Urash-"
"Please, call me Keitaro."

"K-Keitaro...there is something i need to say to you..."
"Are you still.....in love...with, with Narusegawa-san?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I have noticed you don't talk much to her."
"Well, we had a fight, about me."
"What was it about?"
"I'm not sure if i bother to aim for Todai again, I've failed twice, i don't feel its worth to try again, i had my chance, and i blew it."
"Do you mean your chance on Naru or Todai?" He was surprised by her question.
She was sitting, her singlet was red, and she pressed them together, by leaning her over to Keitaro.

Keitaro leaned close to Shinobu.
"I think you have something on your mouth." He held his hand on her face, and their lips closed together.
Shinobu woke up, because a man dragged her out of her sleep and back to the real world.
"What....what's happening?"
"We're there, we're leaving you here. It was ...a pleasure to know you, Shinobu Maehara."
He dragged her to a front door. He rang the doorbell.
Another man opened the door.
"This is her?"
"Yes, she's all yours,for you to do whatever you want with her." Shinobu looked at the man, with fear in her eyes.
Shinobu was dragged in the door.
The man threw her off, and locked the door. He took up a gun from his pocket. Shinobu stared paralyzed on it.
"What are you going to do with that?"
"You just wait and see".

06-29-2008, 06:38 AM
poor shinobu! poor her. a bit rough, don`t you think? but otherwise, well done again. cannot get enough of your story!

06-29-2008, 08:26 AM
nice^^ at the start you had very short sentences. but later they were better connected. From the storyline I think itīs really good^^ go on I want more^^