View Full Version : Original Fiction: Brooke ch 1 WARNING LESBIAN SEXUAL SITUATIONS

05-21-2008, 03:06 PM
So, about 2 or 3 years ago I started this and it really took off. However, the first chapter was not well received and was deleted. Now that we have a new mod, I thought it prudent to ask if I could repost it (I think it will be better received now...), and was granted the permission. So here it is! Please enjoy, and if you don't like lesbian sex then please GET OUT! I don't want complaints to be filed again ending in the deletion of this...again. ^_^

Note: Words in italics are Mary's thoughts.


Perhaps it was just a trick of the light. She couldn’t tell for sure if the young girl before her had smiled or not. But if she had…… Her mind raced with the possibility.

She hadn’t known this girl long, but for as long as she had known her, she’d been entranced by her. Her eyes glanced automatically to her slender neck, wrapped in such pale, delicate skin. As she looked she bit her lower lip, trying not to think about what that soft skin would feel like against her lips. She failed miserably at that. So she tried not to blush as she thought about it. Failed again.

She turned her head away, trying to hide her flushed cheeks in the semi-darkness of her room.

“Umm….what did you say Brooke?”

“I said I turned down Drake. You remember, he asked me out. I said no.”

Brooke’s voice was soft and gentle. It permeated the room, despite how quietly she had said it. And no matter how calm the words came out, it sounded as though she had been dying to say this all day.

“Is that a good thing?” She tried hard to mask her joy at this and make her voice just as calm.

“Oh, well yeah, Mary. I’m past the thing I had for him. He’s a bit annoying.” She giggled. “Now I’m free for someone else.”

Mary kept her face turned away, positive that looking at her friend now would fill her mind with even more hope, hope that quite possibly could be false. She didn’t want to be hurt like that again, so she kept looking in the opposite direction.

“Anyone in particular?”

Brooke hesitated. For a moment, nothing was said. Mary could sense that she was on the verge of saying something, but was still unsure if she should say it. Trying to help her along, she spoke again.

“Oh come on, you can tell me. Who am I going to tell?”

She tried not to, but she looked back at Brooke as she said these words. And she was soon glad she did, for at that very moment, her cheeks also flushed. A pale tint of pink surfaced on her beautiful countenance. Seeing her embarrassed expression, her eyes staring down at a leg of a chair to her right, her hands in front of her, twisting her fingers slightly, made her heart beat faster. Could Brooke possibly be talking about…?

No! Mary told herself. She didn’t want her heart to beat like this. She didn’t want to be filled with joy, only to have that joy cut down by disappointment. But…… A small voice inside her spoke out. She might have meant…..you.

Feeling foolish, she ran her hand over her own head, trying to push the thought off her mind. Then she tried to look anywhere but Brooke’s blushing face.

Her eyes fell on the box for the DVD they were supposed to be watching: American Beauty. Mary had told Brooke that she rented it, and Brooke had said she wanted to see it. So Mary invited her over her house to watch it after school. And now here they were, in her room. She had just turned the lights off (for theatre atmosphere) and was about to turn on her TV when Brooke had started talking about Drake.

Mary didn’t like Drake at all, he was a conceited little bastard. Damn jock. He only asked Brooke out to make himself more popular, since it was widely known that she was the prettiest girl in school. All the guys wanted to get with her so they could screw her. But Brooke was surprisingly kind and conservative for someone so popular. She managed to keep them all at bay and not earn the image of being a tease or a slut. Mary liked that about Brooke. She imagined that, had any boy ever bothered to pay attention to her, she would not be able to handle him so well. She smiled at the ridiculous thought of male attention.

Mary was not anything like Brooke at all. She was tall, skinny, with blonde hair and brown eyes. She dressed in a combination of punk and biker, and had the reputation of being an angry dyke. Brooke was pretty, with bright blue eyes and long tawny hair. She was a little on the short side, yet her legs had the appearance of slender longevity. Her features were slight and delicate, and her face thin and beautiful. But by far her best feature was her neck, which seemed to be the only part of her body she liked to let show. Her dress generally covered her arms and legs and stomach, but her smooth neck was something that was always visible, a fact that continually irked Mary. She had always had a thing for necks.

As Mary stared at the cover of American Beauty, not really seeing it, a thought occurred to her.

“Oh, did you like that necklace I got you for your birthday? Sorry if you don’t like it, I didn’t have much time to think about what to get you.”

It was a lie. She had spent weeks and weeks thinking about what to get her, what would stand out from the rest of her presents, and what she would love the most. She had finally decided on the necklace she saw in Black Market Minerals one day. It was choker, made up of pure black quartz beads sewn together. It was a plain gift, but she thought it had a certain charm to it. She had hoped that, maybe, she would one day see Brooke wearing it.

“Oh yes, I love it. Thank you.” She sounded sincere.

“Then….why aren’t you wearing it?”

“Well…I wanted to wait until you could put it on for me. The clasp is a little small for me to do myself.” she added. It sounded like an excuse. But then she pulled the necklace from her jean pocket and held it out for her to take.

“You’ve been carrying it around with you?” Mary asked, eyeing its odd glow through the gloom.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to find a good time to ask you. But it’s kinda hard to ask with Drake drooling everywhere.”

Feeling suddenly miserable at the sound of Drake’s name, Mary stepped forward and took the necklace from her hand. The hard beads felt smooth in her palm. Trying not to think about how wonderful her skin smelled, she wrapped the necklace around Brooke’s neck and did the clasp easily. Too easily. As she returned her hands to her sides, Brooke cringed slightly.

“Ah, the beads are cold.” But she smiled at her with such sincerity, it was hard not to smile back.

“You know, I really do love this necklace.” she said checking herself in the reflection in the window to her right. “Such a simple pattern, but lovely in that simplicity. It’s not at all like the gaudy one Rick gave me. That one is gold, and you know I hate gold.” She turned back to face her. “Do you think it looks good on me?”

She blushed, a little embarrassed at being asked her opinion, but even more so at being invited to gaze upon her neck. Brooke generally scolded people for gawking at it. Wondering about this vaguely, she turned her attention to her slender neck again. Her skin looked even fairer as the backdrop for the choker. The beads gleamed jauntily once more, giving her a kind of glow that had previously not been there. It made Mary’s insides lift a little.

“You look good in anything, Brooke. Everyone knows you’re the prettiest girl in school.”

Brooke didn’t say anything for a moment. She looked off in the opposite direction in another sudden show of shyness.

“People say that, but do you…really think that Mary?”

Mary felt slightly surprised that Brooke didn’t already know the answer to that.

“Yes….” she said, in a low voice. Brooke instantly blushed again, this time deeper.

“…forget the school. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Every time I see you, I’m reminded. Your hair always falls together in that casual elegance, your cheek bones perfectly shaped and colored, your neck.…”

She broke off, completely embarrassed to be suddenly admitting all of this to her. The thoughts, the private thoughts she had had since first meeting Brooke now spilled out of her mouth this way. She felt her face grow very hot. In shame, she turned and made a movement toward the door, but a voice behind her stopped her.

“Oh…please don’t…stay…”

Brooke’s voice was no longer calm. It was pleading, anxious, a little frightened. Mary turned back around to face her, looking directly in her eyes. And as their eyes met, she saw the loneliness in Brooke’s eyes. They shone with tears, even in the opaque darkness in which they stand. The two girls looked into each other’s eyes for only a split second before Brooke’s suddenly turned to look at the floor in front of her.

Mary moved slowly closer. She reached her hand out. The backs of her fingers brushed against her slender neck, feeling the soft flesh. Brooke shivered beneath her touch, but did not look up, nor say or do anything to stop her. She only breathed slowly. Taking this as permission to continue, Mary moved still closer, speaking in the same gentle voice as before.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to tell you….” She moved her hand a little so as to caress her skin with her palm. “…that I like you…” She slide the hand to the back of her neck, placing fingertips at the base of her head. Brooke continued to look at the carpet, but her cheeks flushed suddenly. “…I’ve wanted to touch you like this ever since that day when you first came here. You were so timid and cute.”

Mary closed her eyes a little and tilted head to her right side as she leaned in closer. Her lips drew near, almost quivering with anticipation. She was only conscious that a fire exploded on her lips, bursting into an inferno fueled by all the pent up desire for Brooke she had held inside herself for so long. Both seemed to be absorbed in red-hot embarrassment, perhaps by how much they both wanted this to happen, or that they had waited so long, or that they were completely alone together, or that this easily could be a huge mistake, or that the other might know how much she was over-thinking this.

Mary vaguely sensed that Brooke’s entire body beginning to shiver. Her fleshy cheeks were burning as she they had never before, almost glowing red in the gloom. A hand was holding unto Mary’s forearm, the one that was extended out to touch her neck, but Mary could not remember feeling Brooke ever place it there.

She tore her lips from Brooke’s flesh with more reluctance than she had ever thought possible.

“You…want me to stop?”

Brooke did not answer right away. She moved her eyes, which had rolled back into her head, to look down at the carpet in front of her again. But Mary’s body obstructed that part of the floor, so she instead looked toward the DVD player’s remote. And in a voice so quiet and timid, she spoke again in a voice not completely devoid of the breathy, sensual quality it had just had moments ago.


Mary’s heart leapt at the simple word. It was like the feeling one gets from missing a step down the stairs. The immediate sensation of loss of balance, lightheadedness, and confusion as to what exactly had just happened. But this feeling was so much more satisfying. Accompanying all those other feelings were the slight dulling of her senses, lump in her throat.

She leaned in close and pressed her lips against Brooke’s. They were amazing. Just like rose petals right after they’ve been plucked off: moist, soft, thin, beautiful. And as Mary moved the tip of her tongue gently against those angelic lips, she felt them part ever so slightly to allow entrance. She took the invitation and began to kiss her deeply, passionately, yet slowly. But her body yearned for more, more freedom to explore her body completely, every curve and crevice.

The pressure mounted, and Mary guided Brooke gently to her bed, and, as she did, vowed to herself to take this young girl to a higher plane of consciousness.

05-23-2008, 03:38 PM
Its been such a long time since Ive read this, that its really refreshing to read it again.

I espically love the imagery used, my favorite being the feeling you just just before you eat the stairs. I know that feeling all too well, lol.

I really hope you do continue the series. Because it does get very addicting <3

05-23-2008, 03:40 PM
The imagery would have been better if Rei Rei hadn't had me take out like a third of it. -___-

05-23-2008, 07:59 PM
I'm not stopping you from posting it elsewhere, am I? They aren't my rules, but the forum rules ;p

06-30-2008, 10:03 PM
I can't describe what I've felt by reading this in words....

amasing...amasing...awesome...awesome...sugoi...su goi...and I can go on and on...

keep on...you really are amasing

PS: can please someone tell me by PM how do I bookmark this topic to my user account (at least on the other forums it is possible)

07-01-2008, 12:14 AM
The imagery is pretty good, I know it can be tricky to get detailed when writing because some get into it and it starts to get choppy from focusing too much on getting the detail but this flows pretty well.

When I saw that this was lesbian based I thought this was gonna be another cliche love story (don't get too excited its only chapter one and it could still happen) but the intro was perfect and kept me hooked to the climax of the first chapter.

Also I like the ending..."The pressure mounted, and Mary guided Brooke gently to her bed, and, as she did, vowed to herself to take this young girl to a higher plane of consciousness."

Choosing to end like that instead of with details of their sexual encounter would have destroyed it by way of cliche and just drug the story out.

Its simple yet detailed, imagery is on point, the description of what both are feeling is on point (I know I've felt that way before)...It makes sense and it just flows

I can't find anything to complain about..YET, so 5/5

07-01-2008, 12:38 AM
This is awesome! The images are all too clear! Keep up the great work!!!

07-01-2008, 02:39 AM
Also I like the ending..."The pressure mounted, and Mary guided Brooke gently to her bed, and, as she did, vowed to herself to take this young girl to a higher plane of consciousness."

Choosing to end like that instead of with details of their sexual encounter would have destroyed it by way of cliche and just drug the story out.

Its simple yet detailed, imagery is on point, the description of what both are feeling is on point (I know I've felt that way before)...It makes sense and it just flows

I can't find anything to complain about..YET, so 5/5
This was mostly due to the fact that anything more detailed would have been deemed too graphic to post on this site. lol I do get more detailed in a chapter I'm not able to post here.

This was a repost of the first chapter of a fiction I have running here. The first time I posted it, it was deleted because of content, but I edited it and was allowed to repost it. The other chapters can be found simply by searching for them by name: Brookie. I know they are all probably closed, but feel free to PM me your thoughts (even if it DOES turn into a cliche love story... XD).

Thank you all for reading! *reps*

07-02-2008, 03:25 PM
Very nice. The detail was good. I really enjoy it.

07-04-2008, 01:25 AM
boa! it was so great. so much described in detail! very good! please, go on! i want more, really!

Jagan Eye
07-05-2008, 10:13 AM
I think I'm on chapter 8 right now, but I have to say, I normally don't read things unless they're in book form, but this has kept me hooked. I really like your characters and you write really well. <3Brookie

07-05-2008, 10:20 AM
I think I'm on chapter 8 right now, but I have to say, I normally don't read things unless they're in book form, but this has kept me hooked. I really like your characters and you write really well. <3Brookie
I really appreciate it! -^_^- Do you have any advice for me? My writing over the course of this has changed quite a bit, so I know it's choppy, and I know there are still small typos. Anything else?

09-20-2008, 06:35 PM
Amazing.The imagery is unbelieveable.I've never looked at this part of the forum.I really would've liked to see the unedited version.

09-25-2008, 11:24 PM
I was wondering where all those brookies went!!! Update girl!!! Update!!!I want the next chapter >_< :P

09-26-2008, 12:06 AM
lol Would that be ch 2 or ch 17? Ch 2 has been up for ages, and ch 17 is still (hah, yeah I know) in the works. I'll get to finishing it after I complete my current obsessive project. (22 pages and totally not postable without editing *_*)