View Full Version : Original Fiction: Betrayed

05-08-2008, 12:59 AM
Bright specks of light glimmered in the night sky. Illuminating the dominion, a round orb hung above. Littering the ground were pieces of rubble and debris. Moonlight brightened the center of the destroyed room, but had no effect on the lurking shadows nearby. A slight breeze drifted by and lifted the fallen leaves from their resting place, forcing them to dance and twirl in the air.

Hatred flowed from every pore in his body as he raised the blood-stained knife to his shadowed face. Dark, chocolate-brown eyes shined with rage. A spark of doubt lit behind the anger, only to be extinguished by the inferno of his soul. Tonight was the last night she would ever hurt him again. No longer would she torture his heart with her lies. Her pull would never affect him again. One hand of his rested gently upon the face of a pretty girl at his feet. Kneeling down near her, he softly stroked the side of her warm face. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and slid down as the cold touch of death seemed to seize her heart and roughly tug.

Blood welled up from the wound in her chest, beside her broken heart. Glaring at her from above, yet seeing the hurt in her eyes, it was all he could do to not collapse to the earthen ground below and let go of all the pain he felt. There had once been a time when he had cared for her so much he would have killed for her. Though he never truly changed, her dark betrayals had led her down this path of no return.

Glistening tears rolled down his cheeks as he took one final look at her face. Darkening eyes stared back, pleading with him, for she could no longer speak. The pain and hurt he viewed in her final moments, before he raised the dripping knife above his head and plunged it into her heart, would never be forgotten.

Dark Wolf 09
05-08-2008, 02:33 AM
San this is amazing, very good with sentence fluency. A+ =D keep it going.

05-14-2008, 03:11 PM
Alright, just skimmed through all your pieces. Is it just me or are all your written works similar? I apologize if you were purely trying to express yourself but wouldn't collating all of your materials into one effective piece be better than seperating them into seperate short stories? Since they're all just scenes and not really moving plots. Just an idea :)