View Full Version : MST3K Fanfiction: m-O and Kaitou's Closet.

03-27-2008, 11:59 PM
This is a really really really really old mst3k me and a friend did of a story a former miscellaneous moderator posted back in the day.

I found it, and I thought I would post it for laughs. Enjoy.

Heyo there, it's m-O.

Mud: Uhm, Can I start calling you a-I?
Anarchy: But I thought that I was a-I?
Mud: Who cares…Let's go find some lettuce…
Anarchy: And p00p? we gotta find some p00p to smear on the lettuce!!
Mud: Yeah….we gotta finish reading this thing first…
Anarchy: ::Whines:: But I dunno wanna!!!
Mud: ::SMACK:: Come on…. I ain't reading this by myself… fanfic demons might eat me..
Anarchy: I wonder what would happen if……

Now, what I'm saying here might make you think I'm whacked in the head, but I swear it's all true. Just trust me for a second.

Mud: Well, maybe a millisecond…No wait… nevermind… remind me, what's trust again?
Anarchy: Trust… uhm uhm uhm UHM!!!! I know this one! It's something like guilt!!!
Mud: Guilt? Oh yeah, that thing that makes you feel bad about…uhm…
Anarchy: Lettuce?

Well, last week, I was walking by Kaitou Ace's place and I immediately knew something was up. In the garbage can sitting out in front was a huge pile of identical wrappers. I took a stick and raked through. Top Ramen. Top Ramen. All Top Ramen.

Anarchy: What?? A Man can't eat his Ramen now-a-days without some PUNK kid rummaging through his trash?!
Mud: Too true… everyone is expected to be anorexic in this generation…(nasally girl voice) 'Look, Martha you can see all of my ribs!'
Anarchy: HEY! I resent that! You don't have to be anorexic for your ribs to show!! ::Pulls cloak around waist:: I feel so used…
Mud: 'Look Martha! My hair's all falling out!'

I rang his doorbell, but he didn't come to the door for a while.

Anarchy: ::in detective like voice:: He was busy, I could see him through his windows, shoving a girl into his closet…
Mud: (Old Geezer voice) TARNATION! Ya can't go anywhere without adolescent children poppin' outta dem closets!
Anarchy: And that's the story on how Ace Met Kiki!!
Mud: Tear.

There was a sound that reminded me of a power drill, and another that sounded vaguely like welding. When he came to the door, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except that his hair had been smashed up, as if he had just taken off a hat.

Mud: He wanted a new identity after the AG homicides which sadly included the deaths of Sarah and Dennis…
Anarchy: And their was much rejoicing… ::YAY!! Waves flag around::

When I took a short peek around, I saw a small fish tank, a desktop computer,

Mud:…a collection of old paper dolls he tried to keep hidden…
Anarchy: Is that where my dolls got off too… Anarchy is angry…
Mud: Belhelmel is FURIOUS!!!!

and a pair of legs, sticking out from a partially closed door behind him.

Anarchy: SEE? I TOLD YOU! He had a dirty blow up doll in there!!!
Mud: I'm sorry I ever doubted you…

Those two legs, they didn't look dead, but they sure as heck didn't exactly look like they were alive, either. But I'm sure they were real. And I think they were a girl's.

Anarchy: Yes a girls.. those were long slender half dead, half alive legs that belonged to….
Mud: William Shatner! That Rascally Old Kaitou! I always knew he was up to something!
Anarchy: I was going to say Princess Minako, but whatever floats your boat man…

I pointed to them. "Hey, Kaitou, what're--"
The door slammed in my face. I just stood there for a seconds,

Mud:…wishing he'd open the door back up to release my chibi precious.
Anarchy: the pain… the PAIN! MY CHIBI PRECIOUS!!!! And my avatar…. Have been stolen… my honor… lost….

wondering what all that was about. Then it opened again.

Mud: (William Wallace Voice) FREEDOM!!!!!! FREEDOM!!!!
Anarchy: ::Takes away Braveheart movie:: Sometimes I worry… ::Burns it::

"Hey, m-O, could you throw this out for me?" He stuck an empty Cup O' Noodles into my hand.
I guess he must have wanted to try something different today. But he could have remembered to take out the spoon.

Anarchy: There is no spoon.
Anarchy: Although I didn't blame him, the spoon was bent at an odd angle… as if someone shoved it up there…
Mud: Chibi Hoodilly?
Anarchy: I was going along the lines of silly drumstick…

I knocked on the door, rang the doorbell a few times, but to no avail.

Anarchy: I knew he had once again left me… for those damn dolls….
Mud: I want some cheese…

I just put the spoon in front of his door and left. He didn't hear me, he was just drilling and welding away in whatever room that was.

Anarchy: The torture chamber in which he mutilates Ti's dolls? THE HORROR!!! Someone stop this fic before it's too late!!!
Mud: Armageddon Approacheth.

I toss the cup into the garbage can outside and walk off, down Benson Avenue and toward a subway station, somewhere

Mud: (Obnoxious childlike singing) OUT THERE! Beneath the pale Moonlight!
Anarchy: (Chimes in) SOME ONE'S thinking OF DEATH because THIS FANFIC REALLY SUCKS!
Mud: ::sniffles:: This was supposta be a happy moment…
Anarchy: Skim down, it's happy when it ends!!

[It's coming...]

Anarchy: What? The end?
Mud: Who? What ? Where? Did I miss something?
Anarchy: Anarchy and Mud are coming… to free the lettuce!
Mud: If you don't get us the million spacebucks, than we're gonna send out…for Youuuuuu… or something.

End of Part 1

Anarchy: THERE'S MORE??? DEAR GOD NO!!! The children… someone…….
Mud: Someone let them out of that damned closet!!!