Friend Issue (Need Advice)

[Black_Raven]

Alright my problem this time is about my friend Leo.

I know for a fact that he likes me more then a friend because he opened up to my other friend Kasey. She told me Leo liked me and now im worried because i dont really like Leo more then a friend, just a friend and thats it. But i dont know how to tell him i only like him as a friend, i dont wanna hurt him and then he hates me, i've known him for like 8 years of my life.... Can someone please tell me what i should do..

[Maledictis Voca]

Alright my problem this time is about my friend Leo.

I know for a fact that he likes me more then a friend because he opened up to my other friend Kasey. She told me Leo liked me and now im worried because i dont really like Leo more then a friend, just a friend and thats it. But i dont know how to tell him i only like him as a friend, i dont wanna hurt him and then he hates me, i've known him for like 8 years of my life.... Can someone please tell me what i should do..

Tell him politely, "I'm sorry, but I only like you as a friend." Just flat out the truth. If he's a true friend he won't hate you for it but that's life, can't always get what you want.

[Black_Raven]

The only thing is, Leo doesnt know that i know he likes me...My friend Kasey told me that i should wait until he asks me out, but i really dont wanna hurt his feelings....

[.Lovebeat]

Eh. Well I think it's better to wait until he asks you out or is trying to tell you that he likes you rather than just one day tell him "I'm sorry but I only see you as a friend" without him knowing that you knew that he likes you.

Wait for the moment and tell him the truth about how you feel. If he really is a friend then he won't hate you if you reject him.

[Maledictis Voca]

Agreed with Megami, wait until he asks you out then break it to him. But it's kinda like this, go out with someone you only like as a friend or possibly hurt his feelings.

I say better risk his feelings getting hurt than a possible worse case sinario, dating him, not in love with him, and later him finding out it was all a lie. Cause then technically you'll be dating him out of pity.

[Myrra]

The problem lies within that second sentence.
Until he tells you to your face that he likes you, you're going to have to make a non-issue of it. Cos until he actually tells you that he likes you for something more than a friend, you're still just friends. He may never ask you out for fear of losing the friendship, but if you scrutinise everything he says and does because you think it's motivated by the fact he may or may not be interested in something more, you're going to lose the friendship.

So, just get on and get over it until that day (which may never come) when he decides he wants to take a chance and ask you out.

[jewel2sparkle]

Oh...I rock at Friend Issues...
It's a must hurt feelings situation, unless he's a cool kind of guy. So either, you tell him now, hold off and tell him later, or go along with it and never tell him. Hard decisions are inevitable in life.

[Snarf103]

Oh...I rock at Friend Issues...
It's a must hurt feelings situation, unless he's a cool kind of guy. So either, you tell him now, hold off and tell him later, or go along with it and never tell him. Hard decisions are inevitable in life.

i agree :)

[Ikaruga]

Eh. Well I think it's better to wait until he asks you out or is trying to tell you that he likes you rather than just one day tell him "I'm sorry but I only see you as a friend" without him knowing that you knew that he likes you.

Wait for the moment and tell him the truth about how you feel. If he really is a friend then he won't hate you if you reject him.

Hmmm I kinda agree with you here, but not the last bit. Whether or not he is a friend, it would hurt him. If it's too much for him to bear, he might not want to be around the girl, in fear of bringing up the memory or start a confrontation.

If he still stays as friends, it might just be that he didn't believe what you told him, and that he just thinks now is not the right time...

Things are always complicated... :p

[Masali]

Well, coming from personal experience...guys can start just as much drama as the typical teenage girl. My friend, who will remain nameless had hooked up with this girl in 10th grade, went out for a couple weeks and then she dumped him to get back together with her ex boyfriend of 2 years or so. She recently dumped him for good, and I became the point of interest for her. We had long phone conversations, we had long im conversations, I really liked this girl and according my friend who she also talks to, she liked me. So I was like "Alright awesome, life is good" but then all of a sudden she decided she likes my unnamed friend again and they are now going out, and I got the "I only like you as a good friend" crock of crap. So I was like LIVID at her, at my friend, at my other friends, at EVERYONE. Pushed into the just friend thing.

Second situation was halloween where this girl who had never kissed a boy kissed me on the lips while we were playing truth or dare (these kids did not know how to be teenagers...), but not under the context of a dare so I was like "Ok, you do not kiss a guy if you don't have some feelings for him" especially considering I was the most marginally good looking guy there. Then I got the "I don't like you in that way cause I like so and so" now, she's not even hooking up with so and so, she's hooking up with this short, fat, shrew of a guy who, in comparison to him, I look like a sex god. Literally, I'm better than him in every way. Funnier, better looking, more talented, more athletic, better personality, more charming, more talented (He plays guitar and so do I, but I'm a god and he's just a dick) but she went for him and I got, again, the just friends thing.

So long story(s) short, DON'T. LEAD. A. GUY. ON. If you do, it hurts about 5x worse, which could be reduced a lot if you just tell him before he gets his hopes up too much. But this is a different situation. You definitely need to be delicate with this one, cause you'll loose a friend. Unless he's like me, then he'll be emo for about a month and a half and get over it and be friends with you again. So chew that over for a bit.

[Black_Raven]

Masali, that made me feel worse, the thought of him cutting and being emo/suicidal, Now that just scares me....u.u I dont wanna hurt him, but i dont like him like that either, i dont know what to do anymore when it comes to guys *sigh*....

[Ikaruga]

Masali, perhaps it's because they're young, and so are you for the matter.

Lemme ask you, if he was a dick, how come he's got the girl? It's not really all about looks and stuff, but emotions, understanding and crap.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to place you in the wrong, just trying to give an alternative view point.

You're right about leading a guy on, but it's not the girl's fault too, it's also that of the guy actually believing he has this chance with the girl. Bascially it's the guys delusion.

Lol Black_Raven, if you don't know what to do with guys, what do guys know how to deal with girls?

[Hideki Motosuwa.]

Well, I'm not sure if I'm good with this kind of stuff, but I will write my best. Okay, one thing: do you guys consider eachother's feelings with compassion and understandng and is he really sensitive? I mean, like Masali said above, young teen guys can be just as, or more, sensitive to these types of things as young teen girls can! I know this from personal experience, 'cause I'm a senstive guy, and I'm in an all boy's carpentry class. Of course, the direct approach is to just tell him, 'cause he's probably just burning and urning with desire on the inside! I never asked a girl out, so I wouldn't know what rejection feels like. Anyways, you should be honest and(like what was mentoned above) yes, if he was a true friend, then he'll understand the rejection, and move on. Just make sure he's not obsessed with you(example: thinks about you all the time, can't stop talking about you, smells your picture, or just can't stop writing about you) 'cause I can't help you with this situation. The reason being, that I haven't even gotten over obsession and have trouble dealing with it! Oh well, good luck with that!{No pressure here!!!!!}

[poison.ivy]

Raven, I agree that you shouldn't lead him on, but u must know that once u turn him down, there's a huge chance that you'll loose him as a friend. Because he'll feel humiliated and embarrassed towards u and he'll think that u think that he's a looser or something like that... But if u stay friends, you'll never know if he still loves u and if he's still hoping and that stuff. So I'll say, wait 'till he asks u cuz maybe he won't even ask u out, and it's better if he doesn't know that u know. Get it? :)
*sigh* love's a messed up thing

[Exquiro]

First: I wish you'd use capitcal "I"s when refering to yourself. It's a shame to see such well phrased sentances that start in capitals and end in full stops, ruined by such a simple mistake.

That aside I would go with Megami. She seems to know what she's talking about, and there's nothing worse than telling someone you don't like them only to have them say "I don't like you either...?" Then you just look like a dolt in denial.

Masali is surprisingly educated in this area of life o.o What have you been up to Masali, eh?


Oh...I rock at Friend Issues...
It's a must hurt feelings situation, unless he's a cool kind of guy. So either, you tell him now, hold off and tell him later, or go along with it and never tell him. Hard decisions are inevitable in life.

I just wanted to point out that even if he's a "cool kinda guy" he's gonna be hurt. 'Cuz to not be would just show he never liked you that much in the first place, and that he put you in this predicament without good reason.

[King_Shadow89]

The only thing is, Leo doesnt know that i know he likes me...My friend Kasey told me that i should wait until he asks me out, but i really dont wanna hurt his feelings....
Take hime in secret to a place and lead him on in your own way and then tell him I realy enjoy you but we could never be more than what we are.

[Khanxay]

I know for a fact that he likes me more then a friend because he opened up to my other friend Kasey. She told me Leo liked meDon't believe till he actually tells you that. Seriously. There's one girl in my school who apparently likes me (according to her friends and mine... for over 8 years in a row? wth.) but there's no sign of such from her. (Unless total avoidance and a myspace friend request denied mean anything).


i dont wanna hurt him and then he hates me,
If he suddenly hates you because you don't like him that much... there's something wrong.

My advice: Just go ask him whether he likes you or not. If he does, let him down easy and at least make it seem the he has some kind of chance later on.

[╬Karami Mew~Meow]

If I were you, I'd go with the flow. What I mean is, that he doesn't know that you know how he feels, so that would be breaking a secret (that ur friend told you). But if there is a time that he's gonna tell you, well, just say it politely, and just tell him, you don't wanna break the friendship.

[Masali]

Lemme ask you, if he was a dick, how come he's got the girl? It's not really all about looks and stuff, but emotions, understanding and crap.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to place you in the wrong, just trying to give an alternative view point.

First situation is understandable, she had feelings for my friend years ago but gave them up for her ex. She had feelings for me and gave them up for her ex.

I guess I'll just wait for the next turnaround.

The second situation is almost a little less understandable. I am that kind of guy who is understanding and perceptive and can feel out emotions pretty well, but I don't think she was looking for the kind of guy I am. I'm a really adventurous, sarcastic, funny kind of guy with a poorly suppressed sensitive side. All he has is a sensitive side. He's quiet, introverted, mopey, sometimes goofy, kind of guy. I guess I just wasn't her. But I've come to accept that.

Believe me, I know you're right. But I'm not gonna go around thinking "I have no chance" or else then I'm doomed. I've defeated myself before I even gave myself the opportunity to lose fairly. So If I have confidence, my chances are better. I am confused though, the guy who's having the delusion...is that me? Or him? Because me thinking I had a chance is not a delusion. I was "In her league" so to speak.

oh and to Black Raven, where did I mention suicidal and cutting? I just was implying if he's like me he'll be down in the dumps for a bit and then bounce back.

[Ikaruga]

First situation is understandable, she had feelings for my friend years ago but gave them up for her ex. She had feelings for me and gave them up for her ex.

I guess I'll just wait for the next turnaround.

The second situation is almost a little less understandable. I am that kind of guy who is understanding and perceptive and can feel out emotions pretty well, but I don't think she was looking for the kind of guy I am. I'm a really adventurous, sarcastic, funny kind of guy with a poorly suppressed sensitive side. All he has is a sensitive side. He's quiet, introverted, mopey, sometimes goofy, kind of guy. I guess I just wasn't her. But I've come to accept that.

Believe me, I know you're right. But I'm not gonna go around thinking "I have no chance" or else then I'm doomed. I've defeated myself before I even gave myself the opportunity to lose fairly. So If I have confidence, my chances are better. I am confused though, the guy who's having the delusion...is that me? Or him? Because me thinking I had a chance is not a delusion. I was "In her league" so to speak.

oh and to Black Raven, where did I mention suicidal and cutting? I just was implying if he's like me he'll be down in the dumps for a bit and then bounce back.

Oh no, I meant the guy Black_Raven is talking about, Leo.

I can understand what you're saying Masali, it seems to me most girls often go out with someone who you might think "what has he got that I don't have?". Hell even I thought like this for a little while. However, you just gotta keep at it, be who you are and keep giving your time to other girls.

Lol I read up on a the "niceguy" person, just type it into Google and you should see hundreds of angst ridden sites. Turns out the guy who calls himself the "niceguy" is actually a jerk 99% of the time, and that the jerk is actually a nice guy, being the girl's best choice for a relationship.

I don't know whether or not to believe this...

[Khanxay]

Lol I read up on a the "niceguy" person, just type it into Google and you should see hundreds of angst ridden sites. Turns out the guy who calls himself the "niceguy" is actually a jerk 99% of the time,
Hah! Minority FTW!!


and that the jerk is actually a nice guy, being the girl's best choice for a relationship.

Chicks dig jerks?

[Masali]

Well, everyone says I'm a nice guy...

Maybe I'm a jerk!

Oh noes, existential crisis!

[Exquiro]

Masali -is- a nice guy. As for jerk... well >.>

[Ikaruga]

Lol I get called a nice guy too..

I'm sure the trick here is that being called a nice guy is alright, however, you can't use that and promote youself as a "nice guy" because that would make you look like a jerk...




Chicks dig jerks?

Lol well if not "nice guys", who else?

It's all on Heartless (female dogs) International, find it as the first hit with a Google search on "nice guy".

[MysticEntity]

Okay let's see.
First of all, waiting till he ask you out might be troublesome. Because before he even he even asks, you'll be thinking about whenever you talk to him.
What I normally do...well..might be a bit mean..but works out for the most part. (although it might be different...since you had this friend since...ever)
Anyhow, I suggest giving him hints and "provoke" him when necessary (meaning give him a little push) Like pretend to be dense and talk to him about the kind of girls he like or related matters.
I'll be really surprised if he could still hold it in. But um...you decide....because he might not ask you for a long time depending on his personality.
I just think that you should talk about it openly. Make him understand that you still care about him as a friend no matter how things end up. :)

[Opinionated]

That nice guy stuff? Forget it. I highly doubt the niceness of most of the guys who claim to be so. Nice guys don't want attention. Nice guys are polite. Nice guys don't care if you don't think of them as more than friends. I am a nice guy. It's not easy. You don't immediately score. You just avoid all the drama.

Also, chicks dig jerks, but only if they're good looking.

Anyway, my advice is to still be friends with him, regardless of what your other friend told you. Because friends do pull pranks on each other. If he brings it up, tell him no in a polite manner.

[Yurka]

Go break his spirits, TC. Make him your little play-thing and then dispose of him in the worst way possible. As to make his poor soul snap. Drama's fun.

But if you don't feel like doing that just tell him you don't like him that way, if he ever tells you he likes you, that is. Which he probably won't.

[Sasuke&Itachi's girl]

i have never had a boy friend so i'm going for what i would do in a situation like this
U should wait until he tells u like alot of the others said if he does tell him u just wanna be friends and hopes he understands
or u could ask him if he likes u but don't get so worried because he might start likeing another girl before he asks u out
or mabey some day u'll like him like that u never know

[demon_girl_]

well, what you should do is, tell him, "hey you may not like this but i know and have heard that you like me more than a friend....but i think of you as more like a best friend, i'm sorry that i don't like you like that, please don't hate me, if you could only understand."

[daft]

Call Dr. Phil ^_^

[rf switch]

I agree with whats been said already..Don't really worry about it until he actually comes forward to you...He may keep it bottled up and even eventually move on to like someone else and you wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

If you're afraid that you turning him down may cause him to get all emo and start cutting himself then really..Thats his problem...As his friend you can offer your support. Thats about it. Now by support I don't mean going out with him and being miserable just so he doesn't do that...You still gotta think about yourself...

You'd probably like to be with a guy whose emotionally stable I would think. So going out with him just so he wouldn't cut himself wouldn't be an option.

[███]

Don't do anything, it's not your issue, if he asks you out say no. Unless you feel inclined too as a friend, which would just be retarded.

[Hideki Motosuwa.]

I don't consider myself a "Nice Guy", it's other people who generalize me that way. The truth is, I am sort of jerk and can be sensitive sometimes. Girls don't date nice guys, they want a guy with an attitude, maybe even a jerk. They want a badass, because that tells the girl that "there's something I need to do for him". I have an attitude problem too!-_- Sorry for getting off topic!

[Yurka]

^Lol. Whut?

[Hideki Motosuwa.]

^Lol. Whut?
I know, my posts are weird sometimes, but you'll get used to them!

[hanababy]

ok, the same thing happened to me not too long ago with a friend I had known for about 7 years. I don't think you should come right out and say anything, because then he will know that your other friend told you, and that could creat a rift and major trust issues (although, as girls, we do talk..) Anyway, what I did with my friend was hint around with him that I only want to be friends and that I think of him like a brother. I might say something like, "someone at school told me that they wanted to vote us best couple, and I told them that would be weird because you're like my brother". Also, I would talk about other guys that I was interested in (even if I really wasn't) and ask him advise because he's such a good friend/brother to me. I don't know if that will work for you, but after saying things like that, my friend soon got the hint, or at least he never said anything to me about liking me. I think there's ways of letting your friend know you're not interested, without really having to come out and say it. If you do, just make sure he knows that he is still very important to you as a close friend, and that you want to stay friends for as long as possible.

[MysticEntity]

ok, the same thing happened to me not too long ago with a friend I had known for about 7 years. I don't think you should come right out and say anything, because then he will know that your other friend told you, and that could creat a rift and major trust issues (although, as girls, we do talk..) Anyway, what I did with my friend was hint around with him that I only want to be friends and that I think of him like a brother. I might say something like, "someone at school told me that they wanted to vote us best couple, and I told them that would be weird because you're like my brother". Also, I would talk about other guys that I was interested in (even if I really wasn't) and ask him advise because he's such a good friend/brother to me. I don't know if that will work for you, but after saying things like that, my friend soon got the hint, or at least he never said anything to me about liking me. I think there's ways of letting your friend know you're not interested, without really having to come out and say it. If you do, just make sure he knows that he is still very important to you as a close friend, and that you want to stay friends for as long as possible.

Yup. Exactly my point. :)

[gaburieru]

I've been in the same situation as your friend. The best thing you can do is to just tell him how things really are. yes he will get hurt, but it's just useless to hurt him even more. Trust me, if you lie to him he'll find out the truth sooner or later. And that hurts...

Just tell him that you like him as a friend.

[Akira Kogami[LC]]

When the time comes, Tell him you don't like him like that.


I sure he wont hate you.

If hes known you for that long, I'm pretty sure he wont hate you.

He can't.

You can't really hate someone just because they don't like you like that.

__________________________________________________ _____________


Maybe I'm just a bad person to ask.

I turn down people every day.

[Shia_san]

my advice (which is probaly not very good) :
just walk up to Leo casually and say, "Hey, Kasey told me that you like me..." and if he makes a face like "omg!" then just continue,"don't worry, i like you.....just not as a boyfriend. i'm sorry. i hope we can still be friends."
like i said, my advice is not very good.

[Ari_86]

Something like that is happening in my life except someone told me they liked my best friend and she has someone. Well he only told me. He wont tell her cause her boyfriend is his bestfriend. Really I wouldnt worrying about doing anything till he says something to you about it. If he says something then youll have to tell him you like him as only a friend. If he doesnt say anything then just go on being friends.

[Black_Raven]

Well Leo finally asked me out, I told him i just want to be friends and he actually took it better then i thought...Now the thing is im starting to like him -.- So lets hope the drama is over..