princessofpep
01-04-2008, 08:53 PM
I submitted this wrong at first, so sorry about that ^^;
I guess I have to do this verse by verse? The first translations are the originals, and then after is my translation~
I run past others with a parched heart.
Sorry, I can't do anything.
You won't even let me
Share our pain together.
--I run past you with a thirsty heart.
--Sorry, I couldn't do anything—
--you won't even let us share our pain with each other.The subject is implied (Kyon, ja?) so I changed that, cleaned up the tense and reworded the "au" part so that the subjects agreed.
To live on without tarnish,
I face your back and head out without looking back
on the lonely rail
--In order to live purely
--I face your back and leave without turning back.
--on the lonely railJust artistic differences here, except it is def. not "live on."
I will follow you.
No matter how agonizing the world is,
You will shine even in its darkest corners.
Cross over the end of the future,
My weakness will not shatter my spirit.
my way is overlapping with yours.
For the two of us, God bless...
--I’ll follow you.
--No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
--you will shine,
--and exceed the limits of the future.
--To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
--you converge with my way.
--Now, God bless us...Almost the whole chorus is referring to "anata," so I changed it to fit. Also, I fixed what "donna" and "sae" were modifying and reworded things.
This warming affection that reaches me,
It melts my reality and roams my heart.
I don't need a reason for wanting to meet you,
Just my overflowing feelings, Lovin' you
--I send my warming feelings—
--they melt reality, then just hover there suspended.
--There's no reason for me wanting to see you.
--I pour my feelings into you, lovin' youHaruhi is sending the feelings here, not the other way around. It's just "riyuu wa nai" so there is no need for "need." Fixed the tense of the last line.
For now, let's paint a beautiful dream
And chase after
for your lonely heart
--Let's at least chase after the beautiful dream we've imagined
--for your lonely heartYou need an "at least" here because of "semete." Changed the wording to convey the meaning a bit better.
Stop it, it's not like you to lie.
Look at my eyes and let's talk about our future.
I am prepared,
Even if the future is bleak,
I might be able to change destiny if I become stronger.
But for my wish to come true,
Everything is God knows...
--Stop it, lying isn't like you.
--Look into my eyes and let's speak of what will be.
--I'm prepared—
--even for a bleak future.
--If you become strong you might even be able to change fate, you know.
--Though I want my wish to be granted,
--God knows everything...Once again, I fixed what verbs were referring to, etc. In particular, the third to last line is directed AT someone else (hence the "ne") so it's subject cannot be I.
You are here, I am here.
Everyone else has disappeared.
While we paint the beauty of this fleeting dream,
We trace out the lines of our scars.
--You're here, and I'm here—
--all the others have disappeared.
--We trace our scars— sketching the beauty of our fleeting dream.This is all artistic.
That's why I will follow you.
No matter how agonizing the world is,
You will shine even in its darkest corners.
Cross over the end of the future,
My weakness will not shatter my spirit.
my way is overlapping with yours.
For the two of us, God bless...
--So, I’ll follow you.
--No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
--you will shine,
--and exceed the limits of the future.
--To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
--you converge with my way.
--Now, God bless us..."So" is just much more natural here.
My full translation:
I run past you with a thirsty heart.
Sorry, I couldn't do anything—
you won't even let us share our pain with each other.
In order to live purely
I face your back and leave without turning back.
on the lonely rail
I’ll follow you.
No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
you will shine,
and exceed the limits of the future.
To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
you converge with my way.
Now, God bless us...
I send my warming feelings—
they melt reality, then just hover there suspended.
There's no reason for me wanting to see you.
I pour my feelings into you, lovin' you
Let's at least chase after the beautiful dream we've imagined
for your lonely heart
Stop it, lying isn't like you.
Look into my eyes and let's speak of what will be.
I'm prepared—
even for a bleak future.
If you become strong you might even be able to change fate, you know.
Though I want my wish to be granted,
God knows everything...
You're here, and I'm here—
all the others have disappeared.
We trace our scars— sketching the beauty of our fleeting dream.
So, I’ll follow you.
No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
you will shine,
and exceed the limits of the future.
To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
you converge with my way.
Now, God bless us...
I guess I have to do this verse by verse? The first translations are the originals, and then after is my translation~
I run past others with a parched heart.
Sorry, I can't do anything.
You won't even let me
Share our pain together.
--I run past you with a thirsty heart.
--Sorry, I couldn't do anything—
--you won't even let us share our pain with each other.The subject is implied (Kyon, ja?) so I changed that, cleaned up the tense and reworded the "au" part so that the subjects agreed.
To live on without tarnish,
I face your back and head out without looking back
on the lonely rail
--In order to live purely
--I face your back and leave without turning back.
--on the lonely railJust artistic differences here, except it is def. not "live on."
I will follow you.
No matter how agonizing the world is,
You will shine even in its darkest corners.
Cross over the end of the future,
My weakness will not shatter my spirit.
my way is overlapping with yours.
For the two of us, God bless...
--I’ll follow you.
--No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
--you will shine,
--and exceed the limits of the future.
--To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
--you converge with my way.
--Now, God bless us...Almost the whole chorus is referring to "anata," so I changed it to fit. Also, I fixed what "donna" and "sae" were modifying and reworded things.
This warming affection that reaches me,
It melts my reality and roams my heart.
I don't need a reason for wanting to meet you,
Just my overflowing feelings, Lovin' you
--I send my warming feelings—
--they melt reality, then just hover there suspended.
--There's no reason for me wanting to see you.
--I pour my feelings into you, lovin' youHaruhi is sending the feelings here, not the other way around. It's just "riyuu wa nai" so there is no need for "need." Fixed the tense of the last line.
For now, let's paint a beautiful dream
And chase after
for your lonely heart
--Let's at least chase after the beautiful dream we've imagined
--for your lonely heartYou need an "at least" here because of "semete." Changed the wording to convey the meaning a bit better.
Stop it, it's not like you to lie.
Look at my eyes and let's talk about our future.
I am prepared,
Even if the future is bleak,
I might be able to change destiny if I become stronger.
But for my wish to come true,
Everything is God knows...
--Stop it, lying isn't like you.
--Look into my eyes and let's speak of what will be.
--I'm prepared—
--even for a bleak future.
--If you become strong you might even be able to change fate, you know.
--Though I want my wish to be granted,
--God knows everything...Once again, I fixed what verbs were referring to, etc. In particular, the third to last line is directed AT someone else (hence the "ne") so it's subject cannot be I.
You are here, I am here.
Everyone else has disappeared.
While we paint the beauty of this fleeting dream,
We trace out the lines of our scars.
--You're here, and I'm here—
--all the others have disappeared.
--We trace our scars— sketching the beauty of our fleeting dream.This is all artistic.
That's why I will follow you.
No matter how agonizing the world is,
You will shine even in its darkest corners.
Cross over the end of the future,
My weakness will not shatter my spirit.
my way is overlapping with yours.
For the two of us, God bless...
--So, I’ll follow you.
--No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
--you will shine,
--and exceed the limits of the future.
--To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
--you converge with my way.
--Now, God bless us..."So" is just much more natural here.
My full translation:
I run past you with a thirsty heart.
Sorry, I couldn't do anything—
you won't even let us share our pain with each other.
In order to live purely
I face your back and leave without turning back.
on the lonely rail
I’ll follow you.
No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
you will shine,
and exceed the limits of the future.
To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
you converge with my way.
Now, God bless us...
I send my warming feelings—
they melt reality, then just hover there suspended.
There's no reason for me wanting to see you.
I pour my feelings into you, lovin' you
Let's at least chase after the beautiful dream we've imagined
for your lonely heart
Stop it, lying isn't like you.
Look into my eyes and let's speak of what will be.
I'm prepared—
even for a bleak future.
If you become strong you might even be able to change fate, you know.
Though I want my wish to be granted,
God knows everything...
You're here, and I'm here—
all the others have disappeared.
We trace our scars— sketching the beauty of our fleeting dream.
So, I’ll follow you.
No matter where you are in the darkness of this bitter world
you will shine,
and exceed the limits of the future.
To prevent your spirit from being broken because of your weakness
you converge with my way.
Now, God bless us...