Tokimeki Memorial - Tokimeki Formation

[AceNoctali]

http://www.animelyrics.com/game/tokimemo/tomtf.htm

I'm rather satisfied with the translation I've just done, but a few checks from other Japanese-speaking members on some parts of it would be a good thing.

To get the full gist of the song, you must not forget this : it's a Saki Nijino Character Song. Saki's type of boys are the strong-willed and perseverant ones. Plus, she's a fan of soccer (and manager of Kirameki High's soccer club), explaning the theme of the song.


Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

If you want to seriously have in hand this love,
Follow only your own heart (1)

It's normal to fail sometimes
Aim for the goal with all your strength (2)

And my heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
And my body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 4-4-2, hang in there, I'm cheering you
Love is a 4-4-2, run, and take it without fail (3)

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

So, to protect this love from getting hurt
You covered with mud this face I love

I believe in you (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
But, you know, my heart trembles [for you] (4) (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, unpreparedness is the greatest enemy
Love is a 3-5-2, protect, and watch for it

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

Don't give up (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Please, once more (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 4-5-1, hang in there, you must get up
Love is a 4-5-1, it's not over, this is the last chance
Love is a 4-4-2, hang in there, without regrets
Love is a 4-4-2, realise it in this song of mine. (5)

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!


(1) & (2) : Those four lines are the main ones of the song I'm a bit unsure on the translation. A check of them would be nice.

(3) : That's the best I got with "kanarazu ubatte". Is this translation correct ?

(4) : That's the best I got with "harahara suru", as translating Japanese onomatopoeia in English is a quite hard task. Any better suggestions are welcomed.

(5) : Correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood this stanza as : "Realise my love for you via this song, which is my song". I couldn't translate this as better as this, so if you have a better suggestion, please don't hesitate.


Thanks in advance for your help ! :)

[AzureDark]

(1)Actually I think she's asking him to just be faithful : p
If you want to have my love for real,
You need to chase just this one single heart (of mine)

(2) Not "sometimes", because that means he _has_ succeeded in some odd times, unlike what it says in the lyrics, 'nando DAME', which means he hasn't done it yet.
>No matter how much you fail trying, that's a given

(3) You can use football terms to make the trans more exciting.
>Love is a 4-4-2, run, and make a clean interception
rofl this is fun...

(4) Not quite "trembling" I think (this etymology of a heart swaying means different in Japanese literature, something like having to change one's mentality by an external event, like falling in love) ... it's more like suspense or thrill or something, like football spectators.

(5) That's okay, 'cept it's probably a bid rigid to be using "realise".
>Love is a 4-4-2, so take notice, this song of mine.

[AceNoctali]

Understood on the (1), (3), and (5).

For the others...


(2) Not "sometimes", because that means he _has_ succeeded in some odd times, unlike what it says in the lyrics, 'nando DAME', which means he hasn't done it yet.
>No matter how much you fail trying, that's a given

Ok, I see the "no matter how much you fail trying", but I don't understand the "that's a given" part, and its role in the stanza. I guess that's how you translate "sonna no atarimae da mon", right ? Correct me if I'm wrong, but litterally, that means : "That's natural", no ?



(4) Not quite "trembling" I think (this etymology of a heart swaying means different in Japanese literature, something like having to change one's mentality by an external event, like falling in love) ... it's more like suspense or thrill or something, like football spectators.

I think I see what you mean, but I can't succeed to find a way to translate this idea into words in the song. Do you have a translation suggestion of this stanza, please ?


Big thankies already for those first corrections, Azu ! :thanks:

[AzureDark]

Okay, run-through time!

(continue from 2)
Ah right, it's better to use "natural" there, couldn't find the word that time.

(b1)
>And my heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
>And my body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Ohnononono. If you notice it's not just singular particle 'mo' but '-te mo', which means the "on-the-contrary" sentence form. Also, the subject is still the guy, because this is followed by '(...) ganbare' in the chorus.
(Even if/Although/Though) your heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
(Even if/Although/Though) your body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Pick your choice.

(v2)
>So, to protect this love from getting hurt
>You covered with mud this face I love
...mmm what? Subject problem in Japanese songs are our greatest enemy. But from the song's meaning we can often get who is who. Now, we have our guy playing football up until now, yes? Then this means
Yeah, take an injury, if it means to protect your love
I like that mud-stained face of yours
Look at how coherent the line becomes.

(4)
Okay, my stab on it is...
I believe in you (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Even though I feel tense (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, unpreparedness is the greatest enemy
What is 'yudan' in football?
Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, carelessness is the greatest enemy

Love is a 3-5-2, protect, and watch for it
What is 'mamoru' in football? >________> I think I'm going overboard with this...
Love is a 3-5-2, defend and (mark him/aim for the goal/get hold of the ball/get 'em)
Giving you those choices here. It swings on your definition of 'aitsu', which is often a person but can also mean anything. ('aitsu' is "that one" which is ambiguous as you can get).
1. person
2. goal
3. ball
4. ambiguous

The rest is okay to me.

[AceNoctali]

Okay, run-through time!

(continue from 2)
Ah right, it's better to use "natural" there, couldn't find the word that time.

Ok then. :)


(b1)
>And my heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
>And my body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Ohnononono. If you notice it's not just singular particle 'mo' but '-te mo', which means the "on-the-contrary" sentence form. Also, the subject is still the guy, because this is followed by '(...) ganbare' in the chorus.
(Even if/Although/Though) your heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
(Even if/Although/Though) your body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Pick your choice.

Oh god, another really stupid error of mine... I'm ashamed. :banghead:
I think I'll pick "even if".



(v2)
>So, to protect this love from getting hurt
>You covered with mud this face I love
...mmm what? Subject problem in Japanese songs are our greatest enemy. But from the song's meaning we can often get who is who. Now, we have our guy playing football up until now, yes? Then this means
Yeah, take an injury, if it means to protect your love
I like that mud-stained face of yours
Look at how coherent the line becomes.

Aya, indeed, it's much coherent now. I admit, I was totally off the board on this one. T_T


(4)
Okay, my stab on it is...
I believe in you (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Even though I feel tense (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Ok, I see. Thankies, Azu. :)


Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, unpreparedness is the greatest enemy
What is 'yudan' in football?
Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, carelessness is the greatest enemy

Dunno, sadly. That being said, I think "yudan" could be translated as "overconfidence" in there as well. And it's true that cocky teams who go on field thinking they'll torch the other team they think weak can get beaten badly. Now, is "overconfidence" too technical of a term, and would risk to lose the mood of the song ? >_>


Love is a 3-5-2, protect, and watch for it
What is 'mamoru' in football? >________> I think I'm going overboard with this...

No no, you're right. "Defend" is a MUCH better term to use in there. I can't believe I didn't though about it before. T_T


Love is a 3-5-2, defend and (mark him/aim for the goal/get hold of the ball/get 'em)
Giving you those choices here. It swings on your definition of 'aitsu', which is often a person but can also mean anything. ('aitsu' is "that one" which is ambiguous as you can get).
1. person
2. goal
3. ball
4. ambiguous

Me thinks that, since that part of the song is already voluntarily ambiguous, we should go with the ambiguous translation. At first opinion, "get 'em" would be my choice.
But, I'd like to have your opinion on this one. What is the one you would choose, and why ?

[AzureDark]

(Oh the comment didn't get through this morning... -_-)

Yes, you could use "overconfidence" there, that's okay by me.

As for the last one, well, I gave you the choices to see how you interpret the line, because all 4 cases couldn't really be wrong, and as the translator it's your interpretation that is important. I'm just helping. I'd pick the last one anyway, because of the same reasons you gave.

Okay, we can make a final draft and set it still for a few days. Then I think you're going to resubmit this to fit it into the collection yes?

[AceNoctali]

Thanks for those last corrections and opinions. And, seriously, thank you for helping me so much Azu, you're the greatest. :love:



Okay, we can make a final draft and set it still for a few days. Then I think you're going to resubmit this to fit it into the collection yes?

That's the plan. As my Christmas holidays are over since yesterday and thus back at university. I have a hole in my week's course on Thursday afternoon (French hour time ; I'll also have a bit of free time on week-end as well if we need it), so we can let set it still until then, and I'll resubmit it the collection at this date. Is that fine with you, Azu ?


As for the final draft :


Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

If you want to have my love for real,
You need to chase just this one single heart of mine

No matter how much you fail trying, that's natural
Aim for the goal with all your strength

Even if your heart beats fast (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Even if your body shakes (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 4-4-2, hang in there, I'm cheering you
Love is a 4-4-2, run, and make a clean interception

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

Yeah, take an injury, if it means to protect your love
I like that mud-stained face of yours

I believe in you (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Even though I feel tense (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 3-5-2, hang in there, overconfidence is the greatest enemy
Love is a 3-5-2, defend and get 'em

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!

Don't give up (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)
Please, once more (Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale, Ale)

Love is a 4-5-1, hang in there, you must get up
Love is a 4-5-1, it's not over, this is the last chance
Love is a 4-4-2, hang in there, without regrets
Love is a 4-4-2, so take notice, this song of mine.

Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!
Ale, Ale, Ah! Ale, Ale, Ah!


If there's still an error or something that bothers you in there, don't hesitate to tell. ;)

[AzureDark]

...*looks at it* you know, this song is such a fitting anthem for WAGs... orz

I'll be free until next week when I go back to uni and can only sparsely check. (I can still do my work here though, don't lay off me yet) so yea okay.

[AceNoctali]

Had to check what meant "anthem" and "WAGs", by now that I understand those words, lol, I so agree with you. ^^

Ok, as promised, song is submitted.
A thing that worries me a little, is that, at the selction box of the game's collection, "Niji no Litograph"'s wasn't displayed, thus I had to tape it on the box. Hope that won't give you troubles.