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EJTranslations
12-20-2007, 10:56 PM
Well, since I was the one who requested that this board be split off from Lyrics Requests, I might as well actually use it, huh? Here's a seasonally appropriate translation I'd like some help with.

雪が降る
白い吐息の 巴里の街
ソリが行く
走る子供の はしゃぐ声
ピカピカと
色とりどりの 電球が
街中を
クリスマス色 染め上げる
もみの木を買う パパとママが 
子供のような 笑顔浮かべてる

yuki ga furu
shiroi toiki no Pari no machi
SORI ga yuku
hashiru kodomo no hashagu koe
PIKAPIKA to
iro toridori no denkyuu ga
machi-juu o
KURISUMASU-iro someageru
momi no ki o kau PAPA to MAMA ga
kodomo no you na egao ukabete'ru

Snow falls
The white-breathed city of Paris [1]
Sleighs go by
The merry voices of running children
The glittering
Multicolored lights
Dye the whole city
In Christmas colors
The mama and papa buying a fir tree
Are smiling happily like children

街は行く
三角帽子 揺れている
赤い鼻
酔った大人が 千鳥足
プレゼント
恋人たちが 選んでる
喜びを
ショーウインドに 飾ってる
ご馳走作る ママが歌う 
暖炉の前に ツリー飾りましょ

machi wa yuku
sankakuboushi yurete iru
akai hana
yotta otona ga chidoriashi
PUREZENTO
koibito-tachi ga erande'ru
yorokobi o
SHOO UINDO ni kazatte'ru
gochisou tsukuru MAMA ga utau
danro no mae ni TSURII kazarimasho

The town moves (?) [2]
With their three-cornered hats swaying
And their noses red
Tipsy adults stagger along
Lovers
Are choosing presents
The display windows
Are decorated with joy
The mother making a feast is singing
In front of the fireplace, let's decorate the tree

雪が降る
歌が聞こえる 路地裏に
ヒイラギと
花売り娘 踊ってる
教会の
鐘が鳴ります 美しく
街中が
クリスマス色 染め上げて
サンタがソリで やって来るよ 
さあ靴下の 準備出来てるか?

yuki ga furu
uta ga kikoeru rojiura ni
HIIRAGI to
hana urijou odotte'ru
kyoukai no
kane ga narimasu utsukushiku
machi-juu ga
KURISUMASU-iro someagete
SANTA ga SORI de yatte kuru yo
saa kutsushita no junbi dekite'ru ka?

Snow falls
You can hear a song -- in the back alleys [3]
The girl who sells
Holly and flowers is dancing
The church bells
Are ringing beautifully
The whole city is dyed
In Christmas colors
Santa is coming in his sleigh
Say, are the stockings ready?

輝く笑顔 みんなの笑顔
街中がキラキラと光ってる
輝く笑顔 みんなの笑顔
街中がクリスマスで みんな幸せ

kagayaku egao minna no egao
machi-juu ga KIRAKIRA to hikatte'ru
kagayaku egao minna no egao
machi-juu ga KURISIMASU de minna shiawase

Sparkling smiles, everyone's smiles
The whole city is twinkling with lights
Sparkling smiles, everyone's smiles
Because it's Christmas, all through the city, everyone is happy

雪が降る クリスマス
ららららん ららららん みんな幸せ
雪が降る 今日はみんな楽しい夜
ららららん ららららん みんな幸せ

yuki ga furu KURISUMASU
rarararan rarararan minna shiawase
yuki ga furu kyou wa minna tanoshii yoru
rarararan rarararan minna shiawase

Snow falls on Christmas
Lalalala, lalalala, everyone is happy
Snow falls, tonight is a night everyone enjoys
Lalalala, lalalala, everyone is happy

輝く笑顔 みんなの笑顔
街中がキラキラと光ってる

kagayaku egao minna no egao
machi-juu ga KIRAKIRA to hikatte'ru

Sparkling smiles, everyone's smiles
The whole city is twinkling with lights

雪が降る クリスマス
ららららん ららららん みんな幸せ

yuki ga furu KURISUMASU
rarararan rarararan minna shiawase

Snow falls on Christmas
Lalalala, lalalala, everyone is happy

輝く笑顔 みんなの笑顔
街中がクリスマスで みんな幸せ

kagayaku egao minna no egao
machi-juu ga KURISUMASU de minna shiawase

Sparkling smiles, everyone's smiles
Because it's Christmas, all through the city, everyone is happy

巴里の街 今日はみんな楽しい夜
ららららん ららららん みんな幸せ
メリークリスマス!

Pari no machi kyou wa minna tanoshii yoru
rarararan rarararan minna shiawase
MERII KURISUMASU!

The city of Paris -- tonight is a night everyone enjoys
Lalalala, lalalala, everyone is happy
Merry Christmas!

[1] This was the best way I could come up with to translate the line, but it still doesn't sound quite right. Anyone have any other suggestions?

[2] The way I have it can't be right, but I can't figure out what else it would mean. Unless "machi wa yuku" could mean "going through the town" or something like that? Or is it an idiomatic thing?

[3] I'm not absolutely certain whether the "rojiura" belongs to "uta ga kikoeru" or to "hanaurijou odotte'ru".

AzureDark
12-21-2007, 05:18 AM
Don't you just hate the disability of this forum in double-spacing... but oh well. Can't do anything about it.

[1] For metaphors that seem to be incompatible in English, I use brackets to put in helping words that may look wrong in literal translation, but is needed to give the meaning across. In this case, the white breaths are depicting the temperature of Paris at that time. I'll try to do this with some rearranging...
Snow falls
In the city of Paris, (where people exhale) white breaths


[2] I came across this "moving town" expression once in a Yuinyan song, to me it means how a city "moves on" or "moves along" in daily action.

[3] You can find the clues on who possesses what in a stanza by looking at its sentence structure. Here, the sentences go in pairs, so I guess it's owned by the song, again with this "ending verb in the middle" structure which is valid but puts many people off.

Datenshi
12-26-2007, 01:46 AM
A magnificent translation. I think you did beautiful work with the lines, especially in the more tricky parts.

>白い吐息の 巴里の街
Note that 吐息 means not just a breath but a sigh.
Additionally, to be faithful to the usage of の in 「吐息の街」 (the city of sighs) (e.g. 読書の秋=the season [=fall] of reading、常夏の国=the land of year round summers) the line should be something along the lines of "the Parisian city of white breaths (sighs)"

>街は行く
Basically what AzureDark-san said. I offer "the city moves along".

>プレゼント
>恋人たちが 選んでる
>喜びを
>ショーウインドに 飾ってる
>Lovers
>Are choosing presents
>The display windows
>Are decorated with joy
Note each of the two of the four lines symmetrically correspond to each other (「プレゼント…選んでる」 /「 喜びを…飾ってる」) so it makes sense to arrange the lines accordingly.
"Lovers
Are choosing presents
Decorating,
The display windows with joy"
Note also that 選んでる and 飾ってる are both verbs associated with the 恋人たち. My first impression was that the line is a metaphorical allusion to the faces of the 恋人たち mirrored on the display windows, i.e. "the reflections of the faces of the lovers mirrored in the display windows are themselves decorations of joy".

>雪が降る
>歌が聞こえる 路地裏に
>ヒイラギと
>花売り娘 踊ってる
>Snow falls
>You can hear a song -- in the back alleys [3]
>The girl who sells
>Holly and flowers is dancing
If I were to break the lines down, it would go as so:

「雪が降る+歌が聞こえる」→「路地裏に(=で)」 -> In the back alleys, where snow falls and singing can be heard.
「ヒイラギと花売り娘」(が)「踊ってる」 -> The flower girl and hollies are dancing.

Again, the line 「ヒイラギ…踊ってる」 looks suspiciously like a metaphor to me. The holly is dancing with the flower girl, i.e. "So lively is the flower girl's dance that the holly she holds in her hands look like they are dancing with her".



ほほー、これはクリスマスイブは暗い部屋で一人でギャルゲーやってたらいつの間にか日付が変わってた僕への あてつけですか?(コ-ティカルテ可愛いよコ-ティカルテ…)
クリスマス?それ、食えるの? (´ A `)

EJTranslations
12-28-2007, 02:39 PM
Thanks, both of you!