View Full Version : Original Fiction: Brookie Ch 13 (unlucky number =x)

08-28-2007, 04:44 PM
Well, here it is! I hope you all don't hate on my horrible writting yo! Just read it damnit.

Note: Mary's thoughts AND Mary's dreams are in italics.


The rest of the week was pretty much more of the same. Mary would get to school (late, more often than not) and suffer through her classes until school was over. Every afternoon was spent with Brooke since Nicole wasn’t speaking to her still, though Mary could not blame her at all. But she didn’t mind spending her time with Brooke. It became a kind of daily routine for the new lovers to take turns telling each other one of their fantasies, with the understanding that the other would fulfill it as soon as they made it to Brooke’s room. Mary told one of her’s on Tuesday, and Brooke told one again on Wednesday, and so on. And Mary had so many fantasies, she thought that they could continue the pace for weeks easily. Her afternoons were filled with pleasure that she hadn’t known existed, and her evenings were spent working on homework together with her love. Then, every night, Mary would return home afterwards and have even more fantasies to tell Brooke about when her turn came up again.

It was only during the day that she felt at all miserable.

Mary always spent her lunches eating with Brooke at the same table in the corner. And everyday, as soon as she finished eating, Brooke would leave to Ms. Clawford’s classroom to help with Like a Hummingbird. After she left, Mary would scan the crowd for Nicole, wondering what she did during her lunches now. But she could never find her. Today, after finishing her fruitless search, she thought perhaps Nicole was lost in a group of people. She was, after all, fairly popular. With a sigh, Mary longed for the days when they ate together, laughing and teasing Brooke about her drama obsession. She remembered Nicole disdainfully calling the play rubbish, and she smiled.

Mary knew nothing about the play at all, only that Brooke was very excited about it. She wondered vaguely if it was anything like Clinedale had been. The thought gave her a slight pulse between her legs, but it didn’t last long. The school was not likely to sponsor that sort of thing. The administrators were more concerned about improving the schools’ reputation than provoking thoughts about controversial issues. And besides that, it was common knowledge that the football team received the majority of the schools’ allotted extracurricular funds. Almost definitely the small production was going to be very low grade and pull in only a handful of people.

Ugh, why am I thinking about this?

Mary leaned back in her seat slightly, though not too far, as the bench did not have a back. She looked around at the other people in the cafeteria. Mostly they were tight-knit groups of students who were in the same social groups: the populars/jocks, the goths, the nerds, the skaters. She frowned at them all. Much to her displeasure, the whole school was still whispering about her and Mr. Phil wherever she went.

The dance was next Friday, exactly a week away, and she honestly couldn’t wait to just get it over with. All the attention she was getting was bugging her more than anything else; even the fact that she hated dances. Though, being there with Phil would make it more bearable. She wondered if he would be successful in making contact with Eva’s dad. Heh…I hope he speaks better English than his daughter.

At that, the bell rang. Mary listlessly gathered up her stuff and headed to math, looking for Nicole along the way.

That afternoon was Brooke’s turn to share a fantasy again. The mere thought of visiting her deepest and most secret desires was enough to make Mary squirm in her seat all through sixth period. It was almost torture. It seemed like decades before the bell went off, and Mary eagerly made her way through the gossiping crowd to the front hallway. Here, she was forced to slow her pace to match that of the rest of the jostling students.

Move idiots! she though. Being delayed by others’ slow movements really pissed her off.

Though, she needn’t have rushed. She made it out unto the front grounds first as usual (despite the fact that her classroom was much father away), and moved to the side of the front steps to wait for Brooke. It didn’t take long. Mary saw her step through the doors, chatting with the same tall senior Mary had seen her with on Monday. Feeling her jealousy creep up again, Mary bit her lip and tried to push them away.

Once down the steps, Brooke looked over at Mary and smiled. Then she turned back to the senior.

"Well, I’ll see you Monday then, Todd."

"Yeah, have a good weekend." He smiled at her, waved, and then walked down the sidewalk in the opposite direction that Brooke and Mary would soon set off on.

Todd eh… Mary thought curiously. However, she made no protest, remembering all too well what happened the last time she that let her foolish jealousy get the better of her.

"Ready?" Brooke asked semi-casually.


They held hands immediately and started down their usual path without speaking at first. It was their custom to tell their fantasy only when all potential eavesdroppers were out of earshot. Mainly, when they reached that empty field not too far away. It only took a few minutes, and when they were a good distance into it, Mary looked at Brooke expectantly. The shorter girl blushed, as she always did when it was her turn. Mary came to expect it, and was secretly turned on by her shyness. Perhaps she would share that bit of information on her turn on Monday. But for now, it was Brooke’s, and Mary could hardly wait to find out what they were going to be doing.

"So…?" she urged.

"Well…" Brooke hesitated, and the color in her cheeks deepened slightly. "It’s kinda silly."

"Don’t go shy on me now." Mary said, secretly loving it.

"I think…what I fantasize about a lot is…teasing. I mean, not the normal kind. I mean like, O deprivation." Her face turned scarlet. "To be teased for hours and hours without release is…such a turn on."

Mary could hardly believe her ears. Her face burned horribly from embarrassment and her heart thumped painfully in her chest and throat. She thought for a second that she would just die right there, the feeling was so powerful. But she didn’t. There was a fierce, persistent pulse below her waist, telling her that what she was feeling was a heightened state of arousal.

And I’m supposed to tease her and NOT let her finish? Oh man…I don’t know if I can do that. I’m so turned on that I’m not exactly in a position to be thinking clearly enough to walk that thin line. Crap…I hope I can do this…

When they made it into Brooke’s room, Mary knew it was all or nothing. If she could pull this off, it would give her more pleasure than anything else she had experienced that week. She had often fanaticized about orgasm deprivation, but she had yet to work up the courage to disclose it. It was a part of her that she was ashamed of because it wasn’t exactly a normal thing. But she couldn’t help desire it. As far as she knew, nothing else got her so worked up, so sweaty, and eventually, so satisfied. And now that Brooke had brought it up, she knew that it would happen. And she knew, too, that they both were going to have a phenomenal time tonight.

But only if I can control myself…

She swallowed hard as the bedroom door creaked slightly and shut. Even though she dreamed about such teasing, Mary was very aware that it went against every instinct she had. It was like…a faraway fantasy to her. Something she looked to but never really expected to achieve. "Kinda like guys and having two girls at once" was how she always thought about it.

But nowhere near as sociably acceptable. And yet…here Brooke is telling me to do that for her. Wow…how alike we are…

Brooke advanced on her.


Mary felt her vision clouding, as if the room was filling with mist. Brooke smiled. Mary’s hands took hold of Brooke’s and interlocked their fingers. Brooke blushed. Mary kissed her. Brooke moaned. Mary lost all consciousness of what was going on, her body going into autopilot.


I feel heavy. Like, almost lead. What the hell is going on?

Oh…it’s Brooke. She looks so goddamn beautiful all the time. I mean, hell, I could never be that pretty. How the hell does she do it anyway? Ah, well, no use trying for me.

Where are we? And why are we naked? Not that I’m complaining…

Mmmm…her lips are soft as ever…totally awesome. And she feels so vulnerable in my arms. This must be what heaven feels like, but less sexual. Hahaha Oh, damn, where is she going? Damn. She can’t just walk away like that. I’ll get her back, I’m stronger. Rawr! Heh… such soft lips…

Again? Argh, woman I am trying to seduce you! Gerrover here!

Mmmm…oooooh…her touch is amazing…nmph…doesn’t take much from her to get me going… God, I hope she feels the same way about me. I dunno if I’m any good, but I have a feeling I suck. Heh…that makes me nervous.

Ah, bright light! Damnit I almost had her. I just need to bring her back in. Don’t pay attention to the stupid light Brooke, look into my eyes. Just see me. Don’t look at the light. Come on, look at me! Please? Hey…I love you…

I’m going to kill whatever is making that light. Show yourself! Don’t hide like a coward! You interrupted my moment with my woman, you jerk!

Brooke! No, stay by me! I love you…where are you going? Aren’t I enough? What is it about that light? Don’t you love me too? Brooke!

Don’t leave me!


Her body was covered in sweat, yet she was shivering. She couldn’t control her muscles’ many tiny convulsions. It wasn’t a violent shiver, it was more of a deep down kind of shiver, where your body never stops fiercely vibrating. Like a car idling. But she didn’t pay much attention to it. She was still seeing that bright light and Brooke’s frame moving away from her. The image was burned into her mind, and she still saw its horrible reality when she opened her eyes. But it wasn’t reality, it couldn’t be. Brooke was sleeping on her arm.

Mary shifted slightly and became aware of just how much sweat her body had produced. The sheets felt damp beneath her unclothed body and limbs, and the arm Brooke clung to was moist. She pulled it out easily from beneath her sleeping beauty as she got out of the bed. Beads of sweat dripped slowly down her arm and chest, but still she shivered. It didn’t make sense to her.

Ugh…what the hell was that?

The tile felt cool and smooth beneath the soles of her feet as she stepped into Brooke’s bathroom. The low light cast by the nightlight was enough to give her a fairly good look at herself in the mirror. She was pale. Her long blonde hair was thrown this way and that from their passionate lovemaking. The isolated beads of sweat on her brow and neck had nothing to do with lovemaking and everything to do with that dream.

What had it meant? Why did she have that kind of dream now?

Mary slid a hand through her hair, not succeeding in tidying it at all. She noticed her hand was shaking still, though most of the shivering had gone away. It seemed that stretching her muscles on her way to the bathroom had calmed them for the most part. Trying to forget about it, she splashed lukewarm water on her face. It washed away the sweat but left her face looking white and fearful still. She stared at herself for several moments, captivated by her own hollow eyes. She thought she could still see the visages of the backside of Brooke and that bright light. Finally she convinced herself that it was just a combination of the reflection from the nightlight and her fierce imagination.

What a silly dream she thought as she climbed back into bed, hearing Brooke whimper softly and search blindly for the comfort of her lovers body. Mary smiled, and her lips found Brooke’s forehead as she wrapped the girl in the safety of her arms.

08-28-2007, 04:58 PM
Aww, no me
[snaps fingers]

lol, Im just kidding. Great chapter. I love how Mary's dream revealred how insecure she is, even though she doesnt show it.
I cant wait until the dance though XD

08-28-2007, 05:57 PM
Is it just me...or do these keep getting more.. risque'? >.<

Also, I think we should change Brooke's name to Trisha or something. It just makes it weird for me to read. O.o

Nice job Capernicus.

08-28-2007, 07:37 PM
Haha! Dont see why I keep posting, I just put the same thing every time (even though its true). [shouts] I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! Keep it up. Hurry with the next one!!


08-28-2007, 07:46 PM
o_O; Wow, those chicks are... energetic? Enthusiastic? Perveted? Anyway, I thought the dream sequence was a little wierd to read, it didn't quite flow well to me.

08-30-2007, 01:13 PM
ooh...er...v-very nice.lol.i hope its not too obvious from this post that this is the first time im reading any of ur works.oh wait, i just said it didnt i?0.o

uhm..very nicely done chapter.i dont normally read these kinds of fanfics but what the heck.first time for everything.keep it up!XD

08-30-2007, 03:38 PM
hah Sorry baka_black, this chapter was particularly...well.. sexual. o_O The other chapters aren't like that. Well...most of them. ^^;

09-07-2007, 01:45 AM
Believe it or not, I printed both chapters and took it with me to the bathroom for a read. Lol... Otherwise, I wouldn't have the extra time to review.

However, the review won't be long since you've been improving remarkably.

1) The first paragraph sounds rather redundant. When reading it, i found myself being told several times that Mary and Brooke were sharing fantasies with each other. I also found the sharing fantasy issue popping up again midway and I hate to admit it but I skipped that paragraph. Not sure if you're agreeable to this tip, but sometimes, juicy plot bits to a story like this are best kept sweet and simple. Otherwise, it'll affect the suspense that you're trying to build for what exactly those fantasies are and true enough by the time I finally got to what the fantasy was exactly, it was more of like, "oh... ok." I was pleasantly surprised but not entirely wowed.

2) "Move idiots! She thought"

That's all :)

09-07-2007, 04:23 AM
Oh, goddamnit, I missed that! ;__; I'll correct it in my copy. haha