View Full Version : Original Fiction: Instinct

08-27-2007, 08:14 AM
[SIZE="4"]The story so far: The academy Arckaum has just finish it's traditional ceremony by graduating ten scouts,and sending them out into the world to bring back thirty new freshman to Arckaum. The ten scouts are: Keladorm: Hashuto,Naliaa,Khalipso,Halbard,Odhin,Vulcan,Douze ,Grimm,and Nahissar. ( see bio's to learn about charaters!)[/
1st page* (Bells Ringing and Crowds of hundreds cheer the scouts on as they leave off the stage and exit through the side doors of the auditourium.)Keldorm:This year will be the first time in twelve years since we've all been outside of Arckaum.
Naliaa:Yeah, I see why this is only done every six years.
Khalipso:Aw I'm gonna miss you guys.
Halbard: Heh, I'm looking forward to some alone time
Odhin:Oh, is that really? you were Just telling me that this will be the first time we've been apart from each other.
Vulcan: Even so he's right I can't wait to see whats outside Arckaum I wonder how much has changed since we've been here ,also I wanna see how my family is doing.
Douze: heh heh , yeah I know I think might be bringing my lil bro here as one of my students ...I'm still giving it some thought though.
Hashuto: Why give it that much thought either he wants to be like us or he wants to be a Norm.
Nahissar: (confused and annoyed) Norm? what the hell is that Hashuto?
Douze: ( annoyed glare in his eye he looks over at Hashuto)?
Hashuto: ( not bothered by their looks))It's what I call people with normal lives.
Douze: Yeah well I often wonder what my life would of been like normal.
Naliaa: (trying to stop the argument)Douze I think that has crossed all of our minds at one point or another.
Khalipso: (helping to keep the peace) With that been said I think I'll be on my way now I gotta get more girls to lighten this place up.( walks through portal.)
Keladorm: like wise ,I would like to see that.
Harbard: Anyone seen Grimm?
Hashuto: He went the other way , said he wasn't wasting anytime saying goodbyes.
Vulcan: That's Grimm for ya he's always been that way, not a big talker great person though.
Odhin: ( (sighs) Well I guess I'm off see ya guys(walks in portal)
Nahissar: Right behind ya buddy(walks into portal)
Douze: Count me in too! ha ha (walks through portal)
Habard: Guess this is goodbye for now (walks through portal)
Keladorm: Just for a year people it'll be over before you know it.....(runs in portal)
Naliaa: Yeah just for one year gonna have myself a blast! whooo!(dives into portal)
Vulcan: A blast huh? I hope she remembers that she can't inneract with the child until we return and have them enrolled. Still even then she can only give the invitation.Nothing can really begin until the children are all here...well I'm outta here too.(walks in portal)
Hashuto: ( looking back at Arckaum)Cya...looks like I'm the last to leave I'm gonna miss this place ha ha ..I'm talking as if I won't be back, but it's just like leaving from Home the first time its crazy, on top of that I wonder if I can actually get three children to come here sure it's three outta like a million,but what if I end up with more than three.
Grimm: You talking to yourself again?
Hashuto: Grimm! I thought you had gone ahead already?
Grimm: I was watching the whole time from the trees...I wanted to be the last one to leave I guess.
Hashuto: Lets both walk through.
Grimm: heh heh ok ..(looks at Hashuto)don't worry you'll do fine man
Hashuto: (smiles) I guess you're right (they both walk in)
NOW ARRIVING AT DESTANATION POINT>>>Keladorm: well that portal thing sure is fast I wonder where everyone else went, so this is Doeraun huh? well kiddos here I come!
Khalipso: Ahh my home town Vailor It's good to be back. (begins to look sad) Even though I'm only left with a bleak memory of the past I had here..well time to get to the scouting,show me the girls!
Naliaa: (arriving in Nhethia) Oh Yeahh! the world outside seems like it will be alot more adventurous than Arckaum.
Nahissar: (Arrving in Nhethia spotting Naliaa in the distance) Naliaa! over here! him.
Naliaa: Hey you! wanna help each other scout?
Nahissar: My pleasure ,but it looks like I've already spotted my first pupil better keep an eye on him...

Just A little bit of whats to come^^

08-28-2007, 07:25 PM
Someone reported this, saying it hurt their eyes with the color changes. however, I can't do anything about that, but I have to ask you to post your chapters in seperate posts. And you should probably label it too. Is it a fanfiction, or a short story you wrote? Also, I'm going to make some suggestions...

Script stories are TERRIBLY hard to read, and get into. To me, it says "I can't write, so I'm not going to try." To really write something so people will enjoy it and get into it, you gotta get discriptive with actions. I mean if you're going to do a script, it can't just be all talking, that's not a script. You have to include the blocking, where the users are, the narrator... I don't really know much about scripts to begin with.

But yeah I'm going to let ICHIRO take care of seperating this post.

You spelled my name wrong!! ;___;

Ichiro Matsuchani
08-28-2007, 07:39 PM
Alrighty then. <_<

Yeah, as Dorian said, you have to separate your chapters into separate threads. I'll go ahead and do that now.

As for your literature, I'm not really into reading scripts. Mainly the reason is because they don't really do a good job at describing what's going on. Tends to miss out on most of the details about where they are, what they are doing, and what is happening.

08-28-2007, 08:10 PM
You should use real names like Tom, Bob, or Chris. Japanese names are so overused. Or name people by color. Like, "Crimson said as he stared at Purple in disbelief."

08-30-2007, 03:18 PM
XD Ai, you wrote a script fic once! Remember, borderline hentai? hahaha

08-31-2007, 12:18 PM
Thank you all for pointing that out , I had forgotten this was taken directly from my manga XD so it's just the dialogue without pictures, but I will help you guys get into it! I do have regular names LOL just haven't seen them yet.