View Full Version : Original Fiction: Brookie Ch 9

07-28-2007, 11:45 AM
XD Well, it didn't take me long at all to write this chapter (maybe that only makes it crappy?). But, I had an epiphany! As opposed to how I've written the last few chapters, which was with little insight into the charaters' futures, I now know where I want to take this love trio! I just hope ya'll are ready for the wild ride, and I hope you guys can appreciate what Mary is about to go through. Enjoy! ^_^

Note: Mary's thoughts in italics!


Nicole’s lips were softer than Mary remembered. Their kiss started out static, but after some still moments Mary tilted her head to the side, and Nicole’s went the opposite direction. Her lips slid beneath her own easily as they parted enough for Mary to slip her tongue into her mouth. As she did so, she met Nicole’s tongue, and they slithered against each other. Mary massaged Nicole’s tongue, using the tip of her own tongue to tease her, sometimes pressing its entirety against hers in a kind of wrestle. Then she withdrew slightly, enticing Nicole to follow into Mary’s mouth, then catching her between her lips, suckling on Nicole’s tongue. As she did so, she felt it vibrate as Nicole moaned into Mary’s mouth, and Mary felt a surge of something…...it was like pride. It made Mary feel more confident as well as more desirous of continuing their kiss. She placed her hand on Nicole’s cheek and tilted her head more, kissing still deeper and more passionately.

Soon Mary became aware that she had 2 heartbeats. One was strong and deep, and other rather faint. It took her a few moments to realize that this was Nicole’s heart, beating with pleasure against her chest. She felt the soft swells that were Nicole’s breasts against her own, and it made Mary blush for the first time since they started kissing. Her every cell longed to cup them in her hands and knead them lovingly in her palms. She remembered how that had affected Brooke, and she thought it would affect Nicole in the same manner.

Wait…why was she kissing Nicole? She wasn’t supposed to…she had come here to…

Panting for air, Mary withdrew from Nicole’s lips and opened her eyes. She knew she was sweating. Nicole was sweating too, and panting, but her eyes remained closed. Mary watched her lean her head back, exposing her strong and sleek neck. Mary gazed at the muscles beneath her skin. She saw them working to bring oxygen to Nicole’s brain, to bring nourishment to her body. She watched as her throat swallowed hard. Mary…was becoming hypnotized…but she must resist!

Nicole opened her eyes slowly. Her pupils focused on Mary’s face, which was still very near, and settled right on Mary’s eyes. As Mary looked back into those green wells, she knew she didn’t have the heart to say what she had, only an hour before, been so determined that she should say. Nicole was a joker, but she was such a sensitive girl. Mary wouldn’t have been able to forgive herself if she broke her heart. But at the same time, she knew this little thing they had could not continue. It was unfair to both Nicole and Brooke. Feeling thoroughly horrible, Mary moved away from Nicole and leaned against the wall at the head of the bed. Nicole looked at her curiously as she hesitated, then followed Mary. She leaned her back against the wall the same way Mary had.

"Hey…..what’s wrong?"

She sighed. Why was life so difficult? Where was her freakin’ instruction manual? Well, her own feelings be damned, why should she be permitted to hurt someone so dear to her?

"I just….think that what we have should be based on more than just….you know…"

Nicole looked at her oddly. "Why would you think it was only about that?"

"I don’t know. But it seems like, whenever we’re alone, it happens."

"It only happened once, and I certainly didn’t start tha-"

"No, of course not, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that…"

It was so hard to say just the right thing. The words seemed glued to her throat.

"It’s just…what?"

"It’s just that I’m confused. No, not about this," she added when she saw the look on Nicole’s face. "This is wonderful. I’m not confused about my sexuality. I mean…well….…I’m scared that by changing our relationship, we’ll lose the friendship we have."

Nicole smiled in a pitying kind of way. "Oh Mary, do you think I could be anything other than what I am?"


"And are you going to be changing anytime soon?"

"Don’t plan on it."

"Then why would we stop being friends?"

Mary frowned and looked away from Nicole. She felt the young girl place her soft palm on her cheek, then kiss her nose. Mary blushed slightly, not really knowing what she was supposed to do. Nicole was sweeter than she ever thought she could be.

She’s gotta girlfriend now. She’s gotta girlfriend now…

Mary looked over at her phone, which had apparently fallen out of her pocket unto the bed (probably during their pillow fight). She was really beginning to resent that ringtone quite a bit. Sighing, she reached over and picked it up. The outer screen displayed Brooke’s name in bold letters. She flipped it open.


"Mary! Hey, I just got out of Ms. Clawford’s room, and I wanted to know if you wanted to…like…hang out or something."

"Uhh…that sounds great. Where?"

"I don’t know…want to meet at the theater?"

"Yeah…I can be there in fifteen minutes."

Mary heard Nicole shift a little on the other side of the bed.

"Okay! We can decide what movie when we get there."

Mary closed her phone with a snap, but still kept her back to Nicole. She wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore: to stay here with Nicole and continue discovering how amazing she was, or go to Brooke and stew in her intense feelings for her. Regardless, someone was going to be disappointed. Feeling she better keep her promise, she turned around toward Nicole again and leaned in for another kiss.

"I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Nicole nodded, looking a little grumpy at her abrupt departure but at the same time pleased about the kiss. And, although Mary hated keeping her in the dark about things, she got off the bed and headed out the door, stuffing her phone in her pocket as she went.

As she walked down the shortcut she knew, through Vista Parkway, her mind was once again reeling. She knew perfectly well that she was acting like a man would. She was romancing one girl as she was fooling around with another. The thought disgusted her more than anything. But beyond that, there was another thing that was bothering her. She was beginning to lose sight of just who was the girl she was sincerely romancing. Before, she had known that the arcade visit with Nicole was purely sexual, aimed at taking her mind off Brooke. But now, the more intimate time she spent with her, the more she could see herself committing to Nicole. She really did know Mary inside and out. And Mary, in turn, knew Nicole’s hidden ambitions and painful memories. The only thing that had shocked Mary about Nicole lately was the feelings she had apparently kept hidden from her. Mary had not expected the girl to be in love with her.

And she obviously was. Mary could now read it in everything she did: every kiss, every touch, every word. She saw it in her eyes when she looked at her, and saw it on her face just before she kissed her. It was like a secret flame within her was finally unshielded and allowed to light up Nicole’s life. And Mary was happy for her, although she wished that she could be completely happy for her. But she had her own issues to cope with. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. For now, she simply went with the flow while her brain had time to sort things out on its own. Who knows? Maybe she’d wake up one day knowing exactly what to do.

It wasn’t long before she got to the theater, which was a little earlier than she had expected. She guessed that her feet traveled faster when she was lost in thought. With nothing else to do she sat on concrete bench, waiting for Brooke to show up.

The theater was a relatively small, modest one. Its design was plain and functional. The outside was painted all white, with a bright sign over the entrance with the names and times of the movies to be shown that day. Mary looked up at it, seeing if they were playing any movies she wanted to see. Not recognizing any of the titles, she gave up, opting to let Brooke decide what they would see. Instead she decided to watch the ticket saleswoman in her small chamber at the entrance. She appeared busy, typing away at her computer, occasionally checking a sheet next to her. Perhaps she was checking how full the screening rooms were. It was, after all, a Friday night, and even though it was a bit too early for the place to be packed, it was still probably necessary to double check seating availability before handing out tickets.

After a few minutes Mary grew bored of the woman and once again stared up at the bright sign. She noticed it was a bit aged and weatherworn. Then, someone tapped on her shoulder.

Brooke had arrived, looking absolutely beautiful in a red sweater and jeans. Oh wait…that was what she had been wearing earlier as well.

"Oh, have you already decided on the movie you wanted to see?" Brooke asked a little nervously. She bit her lower lip slightly.

"No, I was just gonna let you decide. I’ve never heard of any of these." She gestured at the sign vaguely.

"Great! Because I have been wanting to see Clinedale for a while now."

Having no idea what Clinedale was about, Mary shrugged and lead Brooke over to the ticket booth. She bought two tickets for the movie from the woman, who eyed the two girls suspiciously when she heard the title of the movie they were seeing. But, she handed them their tickets without comment, and the two girls went inside to find their theater.

Clinedale, it turned out, was a movie with slight lesbian overtones. Two childhood friends, both girls, were extremely close. After entering college, Mary thought the girls’ relationship changed slightly. They were roommates, and although the movie never showed any such scene, but Mary had a feeling the girls experimented on each other. But, near the middle, one of the girls was spending a lot of time with a tennis player, making the other feel abandoned. There was a scene where she asked her friend why she was choosing a guy over their friendship. The girl only replied that people were beginning to whisper about them, and left.

There wasn’t a moment during the movie that Mary did not long to kiss Brooke. The beyond twilight atmosphere provided them with sufficient cover to pull it off without being noticed, but every time Mary came nearer to Brooke she blushed and lost her nerve. This is really pathetic she thought miserably. Compromising with herself, she instead held Brooke’s hand tight in her own, and stroked her forearm lightly. As the movie reached its climax (the girls had a huge argument), Mary became bolder with her stroking, and was now lightly caressing up and down Brooke’s arm. It made Mary feel…seductive…and in control. And it made her insides burn with passion. Though, Mary couldn’t see if and how it affected her companion.

The movie ended with one of the girls finding that her former roommate had committed suicide. Behind she left a note, explaining that she could not survive in this world without her (Aha! I was right!), and that she hoped to see her in the afterlife. The credits started to roll, the lights undimmed, and many people around them started to stand up and stretch as they conversed about the ending. Mary quickly removed her hand from Brooke’s arm, not sure if she wanted other people to see what she had been doing to her. For a while Brooke remained still, but after almost everyone else had gone she stood up and led Mary down the stairs. Just before the door, there was a slight nook in the wall, and she pulled Mary into it.

Their faces were rather close, and Mary was pinning Brooke against the carpeted wall. They stayed there for a while, not quite kissing but almost. Mary felt the fire between her hips flare to life and sting painfully. She almost couldn’t believe how much she wanted her. But just then, one of the theater employees opened the door. He was holding a broom and dustpan, and Mary guessed that he was going to clean up. He stopped dead when he saw the two girls locked in an intimate moment. Highly embarrassed, Mary took Brooke’s hand and led her past him and out the door. They held their laughter all the way to the front doors, where they could no longer keep it inside.

Mary walked Brooke home, wanting to be with her as long as possible and not wanting to return to her own home. Her parents wouldn’t notice anyway. She doubted if they even knew she wasn’t home. Brooke invited Mary up to her room, which Mary had only ever visited once before. It was a relatively clean room, with the closet being pretty much the only messy thing about it. The walls had movie posters from old musicals, some of which were so old they were in black and white. Mary could pick out Annie, The Wizard of Oz, and Snow White among them, but the rest were completely unknown to her.

No sooner had the two young girls entered the room and closed the door were they locked in each other’s arms, passionately kissing and hurriedly stripping off clothing.

Just like after their first time together, Mary felt drowsy and completely drained of all energy and thought. She lay there in Brooke’s bed, with Brooke using her chest as a pillow. Well, she was using Brooke as a blanket (the comforter had been knocked to the floor), so she supposed they were even. Mary looked down at Brooke’s still slightly flushed face. She was smiling in her sleep. Mary brushed a few stray locks of her tawny hair from her eyes and admired her lovely face. Her eyelashes seemed to flutter in the stillness of the room. Mary really wanted to stay like this forever and ever.

And as she looked at Brooke’s face, she thought that it somehow changed right before her eyes. Her features grew sharper and slightly fuller, and her hair less fine. She resembled…Nicole. As Mary stared at the girl, she found that, instead of being alarmed, she was rather comforted. She would have liked very much for Nicole to be sleeping on her like that. That was the last thought she had before she drifted off to a deep, dreamless sleep.

07-28-2007, 12:04 PM
Fantastic as usual Mary. I luffed it. You did a great job. . .=3 Can't wait 'till the next chapter. <3 Keep it up.
-Devoted to Brookie!!!- :P

07-28-2007, 12:07 PM
Once again, first rate job, Capernicus. You have a wikked gift and I keep wanting to see more of it.


Princess Cupcake
07-28-2007, 08:34 PM
Mary is always wrapped up in a moment. Far from innocent. I know that if I found out she was with someone else, I'd be livid.

But this one is def. not crappy. I wonder what'll happen in the next chapter. I draw a blank on any idea what might happen. It makes me ichy. And I love the part where Brooke is sleeping on Mary. My favorite sentence is in the paragraph.

Loved it, Cap. Keep it up, sweets.

07-29-2007, 09:07 PM
Werent my eyes green in ch. 3? Lol, small detail <3
I really enjoyed this chapter...cause aparently Im winning you over =D

But I really liked how there was insite on both girls and how different they are, espically with the details of their rooms. Im super curious to see how this continues...the suspense is killing meh!

Yugure's Goddess
07-29-2007, 11:59 PM
Oh my! That chapter was beautiful and definately not the slightest bit crappy. I really really enjoyed it and I'm more anxious than EVER to see what comes next. I liked the ending; quite suspenseful and now I think I might die from it all.

Please post the next chapter soon! Or at least before I die from anticipation!


07-30-2007, 04:36 AM
Mary is always wrapped up in a moment. Far from innocent.
lol It wouldn't be fun if Mary was innocent! :3

I'm glad you liked the detail, and I will fix the eye discrepency for our picky star. [such a diva] You should stay tuned then Maaaaru, as this race is becoming anyone's game. *totally has worked out how it's ending and won't tell a SOUL!*

07-30-2007, 07:32 PM
lol It wouldn't be fun if Mary was innocent! :3

I'm glad you liked the detail, and I will fix the eye discrepency for our picky star. [such a diva] You should stay tuned then Maaaaru, as this race is becoming anyone's game. *totally has worked out how it's ending and won't tell a SOUL!*
Yeah, Im a huge diva =D.
And I want detailssssss!!! Its KILLING meeeeeeeeeee!!!


07-30-2007, 11:13 PM
Finally read it, not that I was forced to or anything...

I can definitely pick up little "Maryisms" in there, I read through it pretty quick actually,*gives thumbs up*

08-01-2007, 11:52 AM
Sorry it took me so long to finish reading all nine chapters but I finally did it. I can't do a word for word correction since there are several parts to point out even from the previous chapters. But what I can do is to provide you with general comments to help out with your writing abilities and I hope you'll forgive a humble amateur who's comments may be less than professional....

1) I thought that the plot was fairly interesting, what with Mary's frequent struggles that forced her to choose between friend or all time crush. Although this isn't the newest plot in the book it was still intriguing as it kept and is still keeping your readers hooked to see who she'll pick in the end. Unfortunately, I felt that there wasn't enough depth given to Nicole's and Brooke's characters which I think need to be added in so that people who read would be thrown deeper into the story. I found myself being unable to relate to the extras in your story because their backgrounds were just too lightly painted compared to Mary's. Understood that Mary's the star here but supporting roles should be given some limelight as well.

2) You improved throughout the chapters in terms of spell checks, grammar and punctuation, something which was needed to make the read smoother.

3) You also improved in your descriptors. Compared to the first 2 chapters your later chapters allowed me to imagine your characters and the situation surrounding them a little better. I still find some parts of the story lacking in this but no major falters on this one for now. Also, since each chapter is rather short and this is after all a post on the forum, keeping fairly straight forward might be the better path to take.

So I'm done with my comments. I hope they helped in some ways. I'm not the greatest at reviews and being a semi-writer myself, I think you should take my comments with a pinch of salt. Keep writing though. I don't want you to end this without me finding out who Mary ends up with, that would be a real bummer.

08-01-2007, 01:24 PM
*joy* Well, I am going to get deeper into the two characters, believe me. I haven't completely unfolded the storyline either, as Mary's main conflict has yet to reveal itself. I'll try to be sure to give Nicole and Brooke some spotlight in future chapters. ^^