Complete French Military History

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Considering the French and their Military are in US news everyday, I decided to look into our longgest allies Military History. Boy I was SHOCKED when I found this...

Google's Response to my inqueiry (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html)

I thought "NAW! They had to had a world class military at one point." Boy was I wrong when I followed that link and got this...

Complete History of French Military Defeates (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html)

Now lets look at our French Rules of Warfare...

1.) Frances Armies are NOT victorious when led by a Frenchmen.

2.) France only wins when America does most of the fighting.

3.) "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's".

4.) We always lose to the Italians, Russains, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

5.) When in doubt, send an ally.

6.) French are bad***** when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

Proves how 'great' the French are. Thanks for reading and laughing.

PS: Yes, I'm aware this is pretty Anti-French considering she's our ally, but I thought's pretty much funny as heck. It's been updated quite a bit, the date it says it was last updated is wrong, it didn't have as much infor back in 2005 as it does now, I checked in 06 and was pretty close. Between then and now it's at it's current depth. I'm still on Frances side with "We choose to make love, not war." I choose to accept that as idea's for peace, lust, or plain love thy neighbor.

[Wio]

French Millitary Motto: Remember, it is not about whether you win or lose, but that you have fun.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

LOL! Great one User Name.

[Capernicus]

Hmmm....I wonder how the French became a country of power. Probably the Rome and the pope. :3 I'm sure Venice and Florence helped too.

[Wio]

I wouldn't know. You have to take into consideration that many modern European countries were formed during the feudal times. I know that with Napolean they were hot stuff for a while, even after the dude died.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Napoleon WAS NOT a Frenchman. He was Italian, you're forgetting the first rule of French Warfare.

[Eris]

Napoleon WAS NOT a Frenchman. He was Italian, you're forgetting the first rule of French Warfare.

He was born an Italian, but he was very much a Frenchman by the time he conquered half of Europe. France was, ironically the nazi-style steamroller nation of the time.

If you take your time to actually look into it all, it turns out they've actually had their share of victories (http://www.militaryfactory.com/battles/french_military_victories.asp).

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Eris you FORGOT! The majority of those victories have already been said if you READ the article. William of Normandy/King William the 1st/William the Bastard /William the Conqueror WAS NOT French, he's Norman. The French claim it as a victory ONLY because Normandy is part of France now. Third french rule: When inable to make victory, claim someone elses.

The french are ONLY capable winning battles, BUT NOT WARS. THEY CAN NOT WIN WARS. Look at the rules again Eris. Winning a battle does NOT win you the War unless it's a key battle. Read the French Rules of War before you bost thier battles. If you think you found a Frenchmen that helped them, better make sure at the point in time they were born if it was part of France or not. Napoleon was Italian by birth. Italain by Blood. He may have been a French Citizen but he IS ITALIAN.

[Eris]

The french are ONLY capable winning battles, BUT NOT WARS. THEY CAN NOT WIN WARS. Look at the rules again Eris. Winning a battle does NOT win you the War unless it's a key battle. Read the French Rules of War before you bost thier battles. If you think you found a Frenchmen that helped them, better make sure at the point in time they were born if it was part of France or not. Napoleon was Italian by birth. Italain by Blood. He may have been a French Citizen but he IS ITALIAN.

Where are you getting this information? Napoleon was born in Corsica, which at the time was under French control. He was a French national, received military training in France, and was born on French soil.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Italian PARENTS. The parents make the child, not he country. As I said, Napoleon may have been French Born or a French Citizen, but NOT of French Blood. I'm looking where I found the fact he was of Italian blood as we speak.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon_I_of_France

He was born Napoleone Buonaparte (in Corsican, Nabolione or Nabulione) in the town of Ajaccio on Corsica, France, on 15 August 1769, one year after the island was transferred to France by the Republic of Genoa. He later adopted the more French-sounding Napoléon Bonaparte. Napoleon was ethnically Corsican of ancient Italian heritage. He wrote to Pasquale di Paoli (leader of a Corsican revolt against the French) in 1789: "I was born when my country was dying. Thirty thousand Frenchmen disgorged upon our shores, drowning the throne of liberty in a sea of blood; such was the hateful spectacle that offended my infant eyes." This heritage earned Napoleon popularity among Italians during his Italian campaigns.

The family, formerly known as Buonaparte, were minor Italian nobility coming from Tuscan stock of Lombard origin set in Lunigiana. The family moved to Florence and later broke into two branches; the original one, Buonaparte-Sarzana, were compelled to leave Florence, coming to Corsica in the 16th century when the island was a possession of the Republic of Genoa.

His father Carlo Buonaparte born 1746 in the Republic of Genoa; an attorney, he was named Corsica's representative to the court of Louis XVI in 1778, where he remained for a number of years. The dominant influence of Napoleon's childhood was his mother, Maria Letizia Ramolino.[4] Her firm discipline helped restrain the rambunctious Napoleon, nicknamed Rabullione (the "meddler" or "disrupter").

[Eris]

Italian PARENTS. The parents make the child, not he country. As I said, Napoleon may have been French Born or a French Citizen, but NOT of French Blood. I'm looking where I found the fact he was of Italian blood as we speak.

How is this even relevant? He was born in France, and he spent his youth in French military school, and that's what really matters in this case.

[Capernicus]

I think he's just trying to justify his racism of the French.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

How can I be racist of the French if I'm of French Heritage myself? I'm 1/4th French. Let me guess Eris, you want to claim that Alexander the Great was Greek and Not Macadonian even though he ruled all of Greece at one point. Just because you were born one place, does not men you're of that place. Whites in America aren't Native Americans. Napoleon Bounaparte was born to an Italian Mother and Italian Father. May have been born and raised in France, hey may have french Citizen ship but he does NOT have French Bloo running in his viens. That's what matters. WHY do people have make me make my topic arguments/flame wars when my topics are soully meant for comedy factor? Is it that hard to say "Un/Funny find. I know the turth, but still good find Benoit." Is that really hard to do?

[Atrumrox]

LOL! You should hear yourselves argue! I say past is the past judge them not for it. But it is funny. And i understand that was what it was supposed to be. It is pretty intense anti-frenchtisim though. Heh. I cant say i agree with all that but this post was good for a laugh.

[Manhattan_Project_2000]

How can I be racist of the French if I'm of French Heritage myself? I'm 1/4th French. Let me guess Eris, you want to claim that Alexander the Great was Greek and Not Macadonian even though he ruled all of Greece at one point. Just because you were born one place, does not men you're of that place. Whites in America aren't Native Americans. Napoleon Bounaparte was born to an Italian Mother and Italian Father. May have been born and raised in France, hey may have french Citizen ship but he does NOT have French Bloo running in his viens. That's what matters.

Nationality is more then just blood. It’s where you are raised, who you associate with, and what nationality you think of yourself as. The genetic distinction between French people and Italians is almost nonexistent, and even if that wasn’t the case and genetic differences mattered as far as your nationality was involved, it would still be a silly point to argue. Everyone would have to have African citizenship via ultimate descent. Last I checked, this wasn't the case.


WHY do people have make me make my topic arguments/flame wars when my topics are soully meant for comedy factor? Is it that hard to say "Un/Funny find. I know the turth, but still good find Benoit." Is that really hard to do?Being critical over the validity of comedic subjects that have been done to death is fun, though.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Yeah but it makes douches out of people to. Noone unless you're black or arabian claims african citizenship. There are subtel differences between teh french and the italians. I'm not going into that lecture. This is mean for humor, and I'm no longger going to debate this. THANK YOU Atrumrox THANK YOU!

[WhatIsAUserName]

William of Normandy/King William the 1st/William the Bastard /William the Conqueror WAS NOT French, he's Norman. The French claim it as a victory ONLY because Normandy is part of France now. Third french rule: When inable to make victory, claim someone elses.

The Duke of Normandy was a vassal of the King of France. I would think that it kinda-ish makes inhabitants of that Duchy French citizens (if the concept of citizenship was around in the Dark Ages).


Now that I look over that article, I did find a bunch of mistakes. For one, at the battle of Plassey, most of the "French" forces were actually that of the Nawab of Bengal's.

As for WWI, I don't think anybody could look at France or Germany in 1917 (before US entry), and actually know which one was going to win. I would take it as a tie.

One overlooked battle: the battle of Tours. At that time, the Islamic world was at one of its several peaks. They were among the most advanced societies on Earth at that time, and had conquered the Middle East, threatened Constantinople (center of the European world at this time, IMO), destroyed Spain (populated by the descendants of the Visigoths who trounced Rome repeatedly), and even then they still had enough power to invade France, which they did with a good deal of success, until a Frankish (read: French) force tied with them at Tours. I think Charles Martel should be applauded for the fact that he wasn't wiped out by the leading military power of the day. It's a battle that some people (not including me) credit with having saved Europe.

[███]

Google.com > Type; French military victories > Press; I'm feeling lucky.

Edit: Sorry the link doesn't come up for me, feel free to delete.

[Storm Strife]

That's the first link Chris Benoit put in his first post

[ChicxWithxWingsxAndxBlood]

wow... that was fun to read. But like Atrumrox said, dont jugde them completely on their past. I mean it is not like the Germans are cold-blooded killers just because of the Holocaust. Sometimes we have to forgive and forget.

[~Mithrosent~]

Okay, I am just gonna say that I did not find that funny. It was a tad racist too. Which, is totally not funny. O.o; This thread gets me mad for some reason. no offense. Maybe if I read this another day it would be more on the funny side but today I am not really into it.
~M~

[Saiyan Destroyer]

At that time, Normany was it's OWN country. Not a part of France. The French were heavily on the taking side, but still you could consider it a draw I guess. Constantineople was the biggest city and non-relgious center of Europe at that time, but the center of Europe was Rome. During those times being atheist/agonostic was pretty much unheard of. Almost everyone in Europe was Christian.

Emperor Charlemane (Charles Martel) of the Holy Roman Empire did draw with the Muslims in Spain. Do keep in mind, the Muslims saw this defeat as a sign from Allah to stop expanding there. However if the Muslim leader had changed his mind, he could have called reinforcements and I garantee you the entire world would PROBABLY be Muslim right now. He did save Europe by drawing with the Muslims. He did NOT have the forces to advance into Spain. If memory serves right, the Pope (I forget which one) would NOT grant military power to Charlemane. The Pope commaned pretty much ALL the power in Europe until the 15/16th centuary. If the Pope excommunicted you, by Christian Law, you could not aonly not get into heavy, but noone had to respect you. A King who got Excommunicated (I believe John Lacklund who succeded Leon De Core Leon/Richard the First/Richard the Lion Heart) had to beg for forgiveness so his vessells would obey him again.

Chicx: Of course. I'm not comdeming the French, I just laugh at their Military "Victories"

Mithro: Hey everyone has a different view. Thank you for yours.

Do note everyone, as easily as I found all this, I can just as easily find stuff to give the French some grats.

[Lunafreya Fleuret]

Chris. >>' I'll say this ONCE and ONLY once. What you have said is partially untrue. Yes the child doesn't make the country, it's the people as a whole that make the country. As a few people stated you trying to justify your racism against the French is.. well.. dunno how I should say that. Anyway yes, it wasn't part of France at that time. And true that almost everyone was Christian. O.o'

[Saiyan Destroyer]

I'm not racist. I maybe coming off as an *******, but I'm not a racist. There's a difference from being a douche bag like I was doing, and being a racist. If I was a racist, I wouldn't have even posted this or have given any props to the french for their discovers in science such as discovers in AIDS, Radiation, Arts, and Architexture. I'm knocking down their Military want their Military Claims, not them as a who people. Think what you want. I know I'm not a racist, think whatever ya'll what. I don't give half a horses head at this point.

[WhatIsAUserName]

At that time, Normany was it's OWN country. Not a part of France. The French were heavily on the taking side, but still you could consider it a draw I guess. Constantineople was the biggest city and non-relgious center of Europe at that time, but the center of Europe was Rome. During those times being atheist/agonostic was pretty much unheard of. Almost everyone in Europe was Christian.

Emperor Charlemane (Charles Martel) of the Holy Roman Empire did draw with the Muslims in Spain. Do keep in mind, the Muslims saw this defeat as a sign from Allah to stop expanding there. However if the Muslim leader had changed his mind, he could have called reinforcements and I garantee you the entire world would PROBABLY be Muslim right now. He did save Europe by drawing with the Muslims. He did NOT have the forces to advance into Spain. If memory serves right, the Pope (I forget which one) would NOT grant military power to Charlemane. The Pope commaned pretty much ALL the power in Europe until the 15/16th centuary. If the Pope excommunicted you, by Christian Law, you could not aonly not get into heavy, but noone had to respect you. A King who got Excommunicated (I believe John Lacklund who succeded Leon De Core Leon/Richard the First/Richard the Lion Heart) had to beg for forgiveness so his vessells would obey him again.



First note, the only reason I'm arguing what I am is due to the fact that the Battle of Tours is what some people consider the (only) time that the French saved Western civilization. Yep, I bet that's a new one.

Charles Martel was not Charlemagne. Charlemagne was Charles' grandson. The reason the advance into Western Europe was halted was, beside the death of an excellent leader (if not always an excellent general) Abd al-Rahman's, was because the Berber nomads and Arabs in the Caliph's army exploded into revolt in part because the Franks halted their rate of conquest, leaving them without enough land.

And despite what you are thinking, Rome during the Dark Ages consisted of a small town, compared to Seville or Baghdad. The Pope's relations with Charles Martel were irrelevant at this time. The Papacy needed the Franks, for one, because, the Byzantine Emperor would have secured both of the capitals of the Roman Empire if it wasn't for the Franks. The only real army in Europe at this time was Martel's, for another. At Tours, the Arabs learned to back off, and under Charles, the Franks adapted, and managed to drive the Arabs out of France completely.

In conclusion, the Franks (ancestors of the French if you want to be picky, but if you want to be so technical, I can point out the Gallic peoples of early centuries before Christ weren't exactly French either) not only won a war against the Muslims, but if they hadn't, we'd be seeing minarets over the Parthenon and sharia rule stretching from Sicily to Scotland.

On a sidenote, I refuse to acknowledge the Duchy of Normandy was an independent nation. It was clearly under the vassalage of the King of France.

[Twig Ee]

Calm down, Chris, The French can be as powerfull as any country in the world they just need the resources like guns and trainning and other military things. They may not be powerful now, but, who knows? they could be rulers of the Earth in one hundred years

[Saiyan Destroyer]

WHen that day comes, I will be very scared and extreamly shocked to the point of amazement.

[Manhattan_Project_2000]

You'd be 120. I don't think you'd mind all that much.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Yes I would. I'd be shocked for that and I SOMEHOW REGRITIBALLY lived that long. I want to die around 40 or 50. I don't want family heart disease or colon problems kicking in.

[Elvore]

I agree