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Saiyan Destroyer
07-10-2007, 11:24 AM
Men's Rules Women Need To Learn

1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Something else I found, I thought it'd be worth a laugh. I had Women's Rules That Men MUST Learn Somewhere, but I don't remember where. Thought it was a pretty funny find. FOUND IT!

Women's Rules That Men Need To Learn

1. Call.

2. Don't lie.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

14. Her cooking is excellent.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

21. Two words: clean socks.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.

23. Burping is not sexy.

24. You're wrong.

25. You're sorry.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

43. Her haircut is never bad.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.

45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

I have to agree with the silk boxers. They're nice to feel and on the gludusmaximus (butt). Also of sex-chovanism (SP?) I know is here. This is meant for laughs, NOT flames. Any of you flames WILL be reported. I have a Zero Tolerance Policy for those who cause my topics to get closed because "They wanted to flame it up becuase they don't like it."

*~Lily_Gemini~*
07-10-2007, 11:30 AM
ummmm wow....being a female reading this, it looks like alot of the stuff that my dad told his friends gf, because she was so high matenance and she wouldnt get off the guys back. lol. it was actually sorta funny tho. im gunna go look for the female rules men need to learn, unless your posting those ones

Hamashimura
07-10-2007, 11:35 AM
I really do believe that this thread will be closed,for it can only start flaming wars,which will eventually produce massive spams...

Eris
07-10-2007, 11:38 AM
As for what the guys need to realize:

Be guys. Don't try to be girls. Nothing bugs me more than a guy acting like a wanna-be girl, all on about feelings and emotions and sentimental crap.

Saiyan Destroyer
07-10-2007, 11:40 AM
My intention is NOT to start a Flame War. I better make some REAL quick edits, I found womens rules.

mitsuki tensei
07-10-2007, 11:51 AM
you actually created that thread it promotes abuse to women. that's such an offense;well if women need to know the men rules what about men knowing the women rules..........this is such a blurrrr:angry1:

Hamashimura
07-10-2007, 11:53 AM
That's good to hear...
Anyway,Eris,you're right...there is no need for backseat moderation,but I am like that...I always say what I think...

~sorry for off-theme posting~

Saiyan Destroyer
07-10-2007, 11:59 AM
Mitsuki WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? How am I promoting spousal/woman abuse when these jokes are clearly made for fun and kicks. They're not serious rules. You're analizing something that DOES NOT EXISIST.

Sword
07-10-2007, 12:38 PM
Um a lot of the guy rules aren't true for me...just so you girls know we aren't all like that lol. Funny though haha. The women rules scare me though O.o;

keezy.
07-10-2007, 01:36 PM
Um a lot of the guy rules aren't true for me...just so you girls know we aren't all like that lol. Funny though haha. The women rules scare me though O.o;

they should scare u.... O____o;; j/k.
but this is kinda wierd... -.- glad to know that not every1's like that

Saiyan Destroyer
07-10-2007, 08:42 PM
Doi you silly girl above me. I'm willing to bet most of guys ya'll know aren't like the above.

Tetsanosuke
07-10-2007, 09:03 PM
As for what the guys need to realize:

Be guys. Don't try to be girls. Nothing bugs me more than a guy acting like a wanna-be girl, all on about feelings and emotions and sentimental crap.

But what if you are intoned to your emotions by nature?

And care in general?

As well as feel sentimental about things?

As for me, I can't help but be attentive to my emotional psyche and those of others. Because for some reason I was brought up to care and respect others. Does this make me a wanna-be girl? I think not.

And I'm not interested football (or sports in general)... Watching it might be amusing only if it's all that's available to me at the moment. (Ex: Somehow has control of the TV when I'm visiting.)

So what better than to talk to my Love about then how I feel about things and my views?

In fact my GF loves football, so I know I'll have to watch it or listen to her talk about it.

Ichiro Matsuchani
07-10-2007, 09:10 PM
Rules for girls about guys.

1. For the most part, we don't care about every single solitary detail about the day you've had.

2. We generally don't care what your "girlfriend" did the other day.

I'll post when I can think of more.

Tetsanosuke
07-10-2007, 09:37 PM
1. For the most part, we don't care about every single solitary detail about the day you've had.

2. We generally don't care what your "girlfriend" did the other day.


Makes good conversation starters, in my personal experience. In fact I'd love to know every detail about my GF's days, because I wish I was there with her.

=D

Queen-of-Mars
07-10-2007, 09:52 PM
Mmm..silk boxers. >)

*.:Endless Sky:.*
07-10-2007, 09:56 PM
Eh...

We're not all like this, you know...

Sometimes my own gender irritates me...V_V;

Saiyan Destroyer
07-11-2007, 12:12 AM
Silk Boxers OWN.

The Dom
07-11-2007, 12:36 AM
you actually created that thread it promotes abuse to women. that's such an offense;well if women need to know the men rules what about men knowing the women rules..........this is such a blurrrr:angry1:
put your glasses on

The Dom
07-11-2007, 12:40 AM
But what if you are intoned to your emotions by nature?

And care in general?

As well as feel sentimental about things?

As for me, I can't help but be attentive to my emotional psyche and those of others. Because for some reason I was brought up to care and respect others. Does this make me a wanna-be girl? I think not.

And I'm not interested football (or sports in general)... Watching it might be amusing only if it's all that's available to me at the moment. (Ex: Somehow has control of the TV when I'm visiting.)

So what better than to talk to my Love about then how I feel about things and my views?

In fact my GF loves football, so I know I'll have to watch it or listen to her talk about it. if i dident know you, from what you just said i would have guesed you wer a girl.

demon_girl_
07-11-2007, 12:42 AM
i don't follow guy rules..i am a girl,that means men bow down to my gender..j/k but i don't care about their guy rules..this is how it works.put the dang seat down,if i fall in...u die.when we on pms,we blame u.deal with it.boxers r hot.suck up to my dad,he can and will kill u if he wants to.what women say is always right,never be a idiot,rock on with foot ball invite a girl like me to watch it w/ u.um..be clean or u don't get a thing.wear somthing that doesn't have a stain on it.run in the store to get us our "products." be afraid off ur new inlaws.thats all i got for now.oh and guys don't heed to be a**holes to us when we want candy.

genericusername2
07-11-2007, 12:54 AM
Haha I found this thread amusing. Although there is 28 to an opposed 45.

Saiyan Destroyer
07-11-2007, 01:12 AM
We won't follow your rules either Demon Girl ;)

███
07-11-2007, 08:28 AM
What is so special about silk boxers?

I won't get into the statistics about why I avoid boxers.

Bean Bandit
07-11-2007, 11:50 AM
closed.