View Full Version : Original Fiction: Raw

04-15-2007, 12:45 AM
This ia a story I wrote in Year. 9 for a Writting Workshop Class... I had real fun writting it, and if you took the time to read it, I'm sure you'll have a real fun time reading it. There are (I think) 3 or 4 more Chapters, but I didn't bother posting them until I know that the intoduction is liked... So if you like the Prologue then posts me a positive (or negative) reply, if it's liked I might post the next few chapters??? Thanks, ENJOY!!!



Death stalked her at every corner, and every turn.
Her shoes slapped the pavement heavily as she ran with great power. She was wearing a tight red dress and a pair of black stilettos, which made her look rather upper-class. A light rain had begun to fall from the night sky; it had formed a watery mat in her neatly pinned back –dark brown- hair. The street was mostly deserted, apart from a young -mid-twenty’s- couple. The woman had long, orange hair and the man had an unusually round face. The young couple headed into a cheap looking bar.
She took a quick glimpse over her shoulder with utter terror flooding her eyes. She turned into a dark alley, which had a dim light coming from around the corner at the end of the alley.
She side stepped, backing against the alley wall, trying to make as little sound as possible, hoping she could hide from who or whatever was hunting her down. She inched beyond a pile of timber and behind a huge black dumpster. She heard a deep, yet quiet voice. She realised she would be found out, these people -or whatever animals they were- had somehow been tracking her for at least the last twenty or so minutes. The voices were slowly lingering toward her, and within a panicked second she broke into a fast sprint.
The soles of her feet were burning in agony from her shoes. She paused for only enough time to rip her shoes from her feet and to start running again, knowing every second counted. Filth gathered beneath her stockings. There was a field of broken glass that glistened before her. She came to a halt, glanced behind, dragged in a long, calm breath and leaped swiftly, landing on the balls of her feet. She let out a small cry on each bound.
The bottoms of her feet were gashed and cut. Her torn stockings were soaked with blood, and there was a trail of it following her every stagger. She walked unsteadily around the corner; the dim light at the end of the alley began to flicker. The light blacked out, flickered once more and then became steady. She spotted a door at the end of the alley, which she figured was most likely the backdoor of a bar. She took a few painful steps towards it and began hammering on the door heavily.
“Help, somebody, anyone, please help me!” She cried out pleadingly. Faint footsteps sounded inside the building.
“Hello, is somebody there?” She said in a small voice, unable to shout in fear. A small “Flick” noise came from within the building, and the globe above her head exploded. She hastily crouched and shielded her face from the glass that fell, her wounds amounting up to a few minor scratches on her forearms.
She heard the crunch of glass beneath approaching feet. She slid up against the building door awkwardly to face whatever was coming. Two dark figures lurked out from around the corner. Their milky-white eyes glazed in the pure darkness.

“Why run? You know we’ll always be right behind you.” The man figure said in a husky and almost low growl type of tone.

To be continued...

Light Buster
04-16-2007, 11:41 AM
The last guy talking sounded like Paxton Fettel. This will be interesting.

04-21-2007, 10:31 AM
...must read more keep writing you are really good at it...now when is the next part coming up?

04-23-2007, 01:10 PM
...must read more keep writing you are really good at it...now when is the next part coming up?

yes i m wondering too >.< when is the next part coming..??
by the way, it is nice ~.*

04-25-2007, 05:49 AM
OKIE DOKIE... I'm glad people enjoy my writting I'll give you the next chapter or two!!!

04-25-2007, 05:58 AM
Chapter 1

(Phone Ringing)
“Claire, would you get that... Claire? Claire!” Sage yelled from the bathroom. “Its alright, I’m just doing my hair, no need to knock me over on your way to the phone!” She said sarcastically.
“Hello…? Yes speaking…. Alice , is she all right?” Sage asked with a look of fear on her face. “Oh my God!” She felt hot tears begin to stream down her face. “Who, when? Why would anybody ever hurt her? She never did anything wrong.” Sage felt a sinking feeling inside her stomach, as if somebody had pushed her off a cliff. She didn’t know what to think, what to feel or even what to believe, so many questions were running through her head. “Where was she found…? In an alley?”
Claire stepped out of her room; she was confused by her mum’s grief. She hadn’t seen her mum cry since dad had died, that was six years ago. “Mum what’s wrong, has something happened to Alice?”
“Just go to your room, don’t come out until I’ve finished my phone call.” Sage said in an angry, but heartbroken voice, she was taking her rage and pain out on Claire. Still prying for answers she continued her conversation.
“Do you know who, umm, well, killed her?” It hurt for her to say it. She found all of it so challenging to take in, it was just too hard to believe. There isn’t a soul in the world that deserves to live to see their child die. “There was another body…? A man, do you know who he is?”
A man? What was Alice doing hanging around a man, she was just a sixteen year old girl at an all girls catholic boarding school in England, no men!
“No, no I didn’t know anyone by that name… Yes, Ok.”
(Hanging up the phone)

Chapter 2

Continued from Prologue...
Two dark figures lurked out from around the corner. Their milky-white eyes glazed in the pure darkness.
“Why run? You know we’ll always be right behind you.” The man figure said in a husky and almost low growl type of tone.
“Well, I always knew you’d find me someday, I just didn’t know how much fun I’d have on the way.” The young woman named Gaia said, with a look of deception on her face.
The tall man had dark brown hair, which was about ear-length, he looked around twenty-five years old, he was standing with a woman who was ten or so cm’s shorter than him, she had red hair and looked fairly shy, she still looked like she was in high school.
Theron, the famous Vampire hunter, and it looks as if he’s brought along a friend. If he’s going to play hard, then I’ll stir things up a bit.
“Your wife, Mm, she was sweet. What was her name again? Jenny, Genevieve.” Gaia said cruelly, intending to upset him.
“Guinevere!” Theron said hastily and seeming quiet hurt. “Her name was Guinevere,” Theron tried to relax and block out his frustration, after all there was more important thing to do, like deal with Gaia, the cold-blooded murderer that killed his wife.
“Hmm, yes I remember now! She tasted so good, she smelt of vanilla and honey, her neck was smooth and warm.,” Gaia said licking her lips. Her face changed to something that almost looked serious.
“She was something special, wasn’t she?” She had an earnest and sincere look spread across her face. Then a look of question swept across her face. “Your friend... She's not just a girl is she? She's one of the gifted one's?! How predictable, you could never win a fight against one of us if you were fighting for the world; you couldn’t even win when you were fighting for your own wife, Guinevere.”
Theron turned to the young red headed girl and whispered something into her ear.
"Just go, I can handle this myself." With hearing like Gaia's, whispers were no challenge. The girl shook her head, while starring at Gaia. "Alice, do as I say!" She slowly walked from the alley to the street; she looked so tense and nervous.
Theron watched her until she was out of view.
“So… now we fight like men, or was there something you wanted to ask me first?” She looked at him expectantly, still waiting for him to snap.
“You said you thought my wife was something special. Then why, why couldn’t you have just... left her dead?” Theron said with tears welling in his eyes. She looked at him blankly, like as if she was staring at nothing. Her eyes looked drowned with sadness.
“I didn’t feel, I… I can’t feel. I have no soul, no soul to give, which means I can not love.” She clumsily laughed her sorrow off, “Where would the fun be in that anyway?”
He looked at her almost sympathetically, but still in mind that all she was, was a wild beast with nothing other on her mind than the hunt and the kill. He somehow had a feeling she was different, different to the rest.
“Well, I’m sorry.” He said as he stepped into his fighting stance. “Truly, but now you must die!” He looked at her with a wicked smile that reached across his face.

Chapter 3

“You will come along with me, willingly or not. But if you chose to fight, I can be certain you will die.”
Theron knew it was all for the best, she was evil and if he let her live they would find her and the whole world would come to its end; the apocalypse. He had been sent to stop it, by eliminating their weakest link. For without her they could never finish what they once stared.
Gaia laughed, although her laugh seemed to sound more like she was teasing him, stringing him along. He realised he was merely her toy, and she had played him right from the start. Gaia never had feelings, she doesn’t care about love, her heart was broken a long while back. Now all was left of her was her shell, nothing but a body that called itself Gaia.
Gaia shut her eyes and she clenched her fists in balls. She brought them together in front of her chest, all in a sudden her head was throw back with the power she was summoning, wind gushed through the alley and the ground began to shake.
“This is Gaia calling. She summons the powers, the powers from Zephyr of the air. She summons the power from Wayde of the water. She summons the power from Pyralis of the fire and she summons the power from Avak for strength.”
Her eyes snapped open, only blackness filled them. She had become something truly strong; she was now in the form of her most pure evil. She hauled her arms down to her side; it seemed moving took much effort with all the power flowing through her veins. Thankfully she would be slow, to his advantage. Gaia slowly opened her fists, glowing spheres of blue energy swirled above her palms. With a flick of her fingers the two spheres hurled towards Theron.
In that moment Alice appeared from around the corner. She ran across, knocking Theron to the ground, only just saving him from the blow of energy balls. She then stood up and turned to face Gaia, who had moved a couple steps closer. She picked-up a piece of slightly pointed wood from the pile of timber, looked Gaia in the eyes and charged with all her in-human strength. The wood sunk at-least 25cm into her stomach; ripping and staining her red dress with red blood. Alice let go and stood back to admire her handiwork. She spun into a side-kick, which pushed Gaia back a few steps and the wood in an extra 15cm, making the wood visible from her other side.
Gaia crouched and fell on her knees to the ground, her hands grasping the piece of wood imbedded in her stomach. She let out a painful scream as she wrenched it from her. The wood had lef a gapping hole in her stomach, Alice could see the back alley girl though Gaia. Gaia got to her knees and once again clenched her fists, only to open them with two new crackling blue spheres that replaced the last two.

04-25-2007, 06:17 AM
It's really interesting.
Can't wait for more.

04-25-2007, 05:16 PM
It was good. Rich in detail. I quite liked it but I want to know how his wife was killed. I find those parts pretty intresting. Good job.

04-26-2007, 05:08 PM
ooh you're very supensful but...I thought maybe you were a little vague.