View Full Version : Original Fiction: Americus Girl Wonder

04-13-2007, 10:52 PM
A girl with blonde hair and blue eyes(Americus) was walking with her friend with green eyes and brown hair(hallery) . They each have hair that go to the knees . There both wearing there school uniforms a white shirt ,blue flower in hair,cross neklace,blue skirt with light flowers on it heel shoes 1 inch high, cute blue socks.

Americus-So how was your summer hallary ?
Hallery-It was good you?
Americus-Great I got the hang of everything so now I have to learn to dance with grace and love with japan fans.
Hallery-Sounds hard
Americus-its not really once you think about it
Hallery-Um I'll think about it ok

I want to know how this is so far if you like it if you dont

NOTE;This story is going on

ok bye

04-13-2007, 11:28 PM

I don't know where to begin, but I'll just say that the only thing you've done is vaguely describe two characters and then had them engage in a very brief conversation. So in order to give you a real opinion, it would be nice to see some kind of plot, there's not much to work with.

Also your writing how a play would be written, not a short story.

04-13-2007, 11:39 PM
that is the way i write a story so live with it please

ill write some more later today ok

05-24-2007, 03:12 PM
....I agree with teh Brookeh. It was...very shallowly playish. Um....you lacked any kind of creative writting AT ALL. It is, I do decree, teh suxors.