View Full Version : Original Fiction: Lovers War 1 (Revised)

Blood Assassin
10-11-2006, 05:12 PM
Well...Here I go...My first sort story...:

Chapter 1, The Book

A lonely figure, around the age of Eighty, which at that time should have died fourty years ago. Sitting down He would begin to finish writing the book, a book on his life, the book which held all of the secrets that wielded his past. The old fire's embers finally burned out by the long hours from which it was lit. Leaving an eerie blood red glow. The man looked around wearily as he leaned back in his comfortable arm chair. His eyes closed, as his breath softened....Suddenly, out of nowhere a loud bang immersed from beyond the window, with a shrill cry of pain, and two more bangs. The last cry was cut short. He quickly flew from his chair to the window, looking out, he saw nothing. His tired form, picked up his cane, as he walked out of the rooms door, walking towards the entrance. He opened the door, and stepped out, one quick glance, and he saw one of his servants lay dead on the floor, her body lay mutilated on the floor, her arms cut off by a dull blade, her throat sickingly sliced open....

....That, brought back the flashback that was short lived, as a shadowy figure emerged from behind, the figure strikes, sending the old man crippling down to the floor, leaving nothing behind but a loud yell of shock, pain, and horror. He groaned as he opened his eyes, to a bright red light, he looked up, and to his astonishment, and utter horror, his manor was on fire. He quickly ran into the building, his clothing catching aflame, as he thrusted the hot door open, grabbing his book from the drawer, he thrusted open the window, and threw it out the opening, just as a beam fell on top....The book landing face open, and turned to the first page read. "As the life I have lived, begins, I will leave with the opening statement." May god...Love...And honor live...As for me...I die for my love...Charlliot Megan....The only one I will, And Ever love...I will reunite with you shortly...

...As the chilling begging opens, the screams of pain die down...As the old man slowly becomes cremated in the intense inferno that was the flame, the book...Is picked up by a boy, no older then 15, witness the old mans vain attempt at saving his book. He slowly began to read....

Chapter 1, The Book END

10-11-2006, 10:49 PM
Good job, I really like it....It is sooo descriptive, when I was reading it, the images popped up in my head! This is an awsome writing!

10-12-2006, 12:02 AM
Correct all the typos, get rid of all the words you used improperly, and it might be worth a good read down the line.

10-12-2006, 11:06 AM
WOw, it's pretty good. ^_^ i like it! whoa... hope it's horror...guess it's not horror.. only action and romance... oh well, it's good! i like it~!

Blood Assassin
10-12-2006, 11:22 AM
Well...The book is SO BASED on horror I thought I should leave that word out of it. o.o Its actually an entire horror based story...

Heartless Soul Eater
10-12-2006, 06:19 PM
wow really great im going to read the second chapter right away