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View Full Version : Naruto Fanfiction: Troublesome girl, you just don't get it, do you? I love you!



Hyku-San
08-19-2006, 02:22 PM
Chapter 1

Note: This is a few years after the show is set, all of the cahracters are 16 or so. OH, and Hyku is my own character, just so you know.



Hyku's bright, Gaara-red hair brushed her waist and her emerald eyes surveyed Konoha, searching out a certain face. "Ugh........" she sighed. She was looking for Shikamaru Nara. They'd been dating for about a year when he'd gone on some trip with his parents, and refused to tell her when he'd be back. "You'll like it better if I come as a surprise." he'd told her. "Like it better. Hmph." she said under her breath. Deedly deedly deedly deedl- "All right already, quit ringing!" Hyku said, snatching her cell phone from her pocket and flipping it open. "As soon as I read this text, I'm putting you on vibrate." she said, glaring at her phone. "Wha?" she text was from Shikamaru. Look up. was all it said. Hyku shrugged and glanced up. Some ways off, a tall boy in a green t-shirt and black pants that barely went past his knees stood grinning. "Shika!" Hyku ran at him, completely forgetting about turning her phone to vibrate. SHe hugged him hard, and he ran his fingers through her hair. "Told you you'd like it more if you were surprised." he said, grinning down at her. "Wait a minute!" Hyku said. "Down at me? You grew like 2 feet!" "Yeah, and you only grew 1. That's why I'm taller than you are." Hyku just grinned and snuggled against Shikamaru's chest. "You quit wearing that fhisnet and jacket." Hyku observed. "Yeah....it got old after a while. You changed to ya know." "I did?" "Yeah. You're taller, you're hair's longer, much longer might I add, and you're physically stronger." "How'd you figure that last one out?" "You nearly choked me when you hugged me." "Oops."

~Troublesome Woman~
08-20-2006, 03:05 AM
Short but sweet. Can't really tell what it's like yet... but so far, I like it. It's definately original... XD Which is great!

Can't wait for the next chapter...

Daenerys
08-20-2006, 03:21 AM
Yeah, you should try a new formating stategy.

Like for example format it like this:

Hyku's bright, Gaara-red hair brushed her waist and her emerald eyes surveyed Konoha, searching out a certain face.
"Ugh........" she sighed. She was looking for Shikamaru Nara. They'd been dating for about a year when he'd gone on some trip with his parents, and refused to tell her when he'd be back.
"You'll like it better if I come as a surprise." he'd told her.
"Like it better. Hmph." she said under her breath.
Deedly deedly deedly deedl-
"All right already, quit ringing!" Hyku said, snatching her cell phone from her pocket and flipping it open.
"As soon as I read this text, I'm putting you on vibrate." she said, glaring at her phone. "Wha?" she text was from Shikamaru.
Look up.
was all it said. Hyku shrugged and glanced up. Some ways off, a tall boy in a green t-shirt and black pants that barely went past his knees stood grinning.
"Shika!" Hyku ran at him, completely forgetting about turning her phone to vibrate. SHe hugged him hard, and he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Told you you'd like it more if you were surprised." he said, grinning down at her.
"Wait a minute!" Hyku said.
"Down at me? You grew like 2 feet!"
"Yeah, and you only grew 1. That's why I'm taller than you are." Hyku just grinned and snuggled against Shikamaru's chest. "You quit wearing that fhisnet and jacket." Hyku observed.
"Yeah....it got old after a while. You changed to ya know."
"I did?"
"Yeah. You're taller, you're hair's longer, much longer might I add, and you're physically stronger."
"How'd you figure that last one out?"
"You nearly choked me when you hugged me."
"Oops."


and so on and so forth.

I really suggest being more descriptive. You have to realize that the characters can't read what you're saying, so they don't know you said he was looking down at her, you can't have a character respond to your descriptions.

Hyku-San
08-20-2006, 07:05 AM
Yeah, you should try a new formating stategy.

Like for example format it like this:

Hyku's bright, Gaara-red hair brushed her waist and her emerald eyes surveyed Konoha, searching out a certain face.
"Ugh........" she sighed. She was looking for Shikamaru Nara. They'd been dating for about a year when he'd gone on some trip with his parents, and refused to tell her when he'd be back.
"You'll like it better if I come as a surprise." he'd told her.
"Like it better. Hmph." she said under her breath.
Deedly deedly deedly deedl-
"All right already, quit ringing!" Hyku said, snatching her cell phone from her pocket and flipping it open.
"As soon as I read this text, I'm putting you on vibrate." she said, glaring at her phone. "Wha?" she text was from Shikamaru.
Look up.
was all it said. Hyku shrugged and glanced up. Some ways off, a tall boy in a green t-shirt and black pants that barely went past his knees stood grinning.
"Shika!" Hyku ran at him, completely forgetting about turning her phone to vibrate. SHe hugged him hard, and he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Told you you'd like it more if you were surprised." he said, grinning down at her.
"Wait a minute!" Hyku said.
"Down at me? You grew like 2 feet!"
"Yeah, and you only grew 1. That's why I'm taller than you are." Hyku just grinned and snuggled against Shikamaru's chest. "You quit wearing that fhisnet and jacket." Hyku observed.
"Yeah....it got old after a while. You changed to ya know."
"I did?"
"Yeah. You're taller, you're hair's longer, much longer might I add, and you're physically stronger."
"How'd you figure that last one out?"
"You nearly choked me when you hugged me."
"Oops."


and so on and so forth.

I really suggest being more descriptive. You have to realize that the characters can't read what you're saying, so they don't know you said he was looking down at her, you can't have a character respond to your descriptions.
thanks for the advice, formatting is definatly not my strength in writing. I'll try. Did you re-type that whole thing?

Hyku-San
08-20-2006, 07:43 AM
Chapter 2 - Touchy Touchy



"It's sickening, pure and simple."
These disgusted words came from Ino Yamanaka, watching Hyku's and Shikamaru's reunion.
"Aww, give it up Ino, everyone knows you want to be where Ku is."
Chouji said, chowing down as usual on his chips. Ino glared at him.
"Don't call her that! You can't be her friend?"
"And why not? She's nice, and unlike you, she lets other people get their ideas in. Shikamaru trusts her, and so do I. Shikamaru's my friend; I'm happy for him."
Ino looked murderous. "Did he even bother to see you before he went looking for her?"
"Don't talk like that when you talk about Hyku, and as a matter of fact he did."
"Hmph." Chouji just rolled his eyes and offered her some chips.
"No way, Chouji, full of calories and I don't need comfort food."
"You need comfort one way or another. Have you ever considered being nice to Shikamaru?"
Ino only stomped off, still mad.

"Huh? Did you hear that?"
Hyku looked around, searching out the sound. "I thought I heard something.....sounded like some one stomping."
Shikamaru looked around as well. "I don't see anyone. You always did have an over-active imagination." Shikamaru tousled Hyku's hair, and she laughed.

"I can't beleive this!" Thud. Thud. Thud. Thunk.

"Ok.......I know that voice from somewhere." Shikamaru said, looking puzzled.
"Oh no, it can't be her!!" Hyku groaned.
"Who?"
"Ino Yamanaka."
"No kidding? I haven't seen her in ages!" Shikamaru stared at Hyku, disbeleiving.
"Beleive it, I ought to know that voice by now. Every day, if I saw her, she'd stop and go on and on about if you really liked me, you'd tell me when you'd be back. Or she'd point out that she was on a team with you and she knew you better than I did. Aww dang it, I've been around Naruto too much now I"m talkin like him!"
"What did you tell her?" Shikamaru thought this could be interesting story, Hyku and Ino face off.
"I don't her I didn't give a care what she said about you and no matter how much she bothered me about it, nothing can change the way I feel towards you." "I hope that's a good feeling." Shikamaru said.
"It is." Hyku said, grinning.

~Troublesome Woman~
08-20-2006, 09:21 PM
That's great, but normally we post the different chapters in different threads. So you don't post the whole story under one thread. You do like, Troublesome girl, you just don't get it do you? I love you! (1), then Troublesome girl, you just don't get it do you? I love you! (2), and so on. I'm not sure, but I think that's how the rules go... I'd ask Brody Farrell...

Hyku-San
08-21-2006, 07:28 AM
oooooooooh ok. :D in the other forums I use you're asked to do it all under one post Thank for telling me