View Full Version : Original Fiction: White-Haired Beauty.

07-12-2006, 04:55 AM
A pond lay in the middle of a luxirious garden filled with roses of all different colours. It reminded me of going to the store and choosing your favorite flavor. I walked cautiously up to the pond that sat in the middle of the garden. It was decorated with white roses, comforting the pond was a small trickling stream that flowed down several rocks and into the pond. I crouched down on my weary feet and put my fingertips into the clean pond water. The water was icy-cold upon my fingers, it was like a terrible rash that burned so much it was cold. Suddenly out of my knowledge the water began to go brown.. no red. Crimson red. The colour of blood. The trickle of a stream was turning into blood as it flowed. I fell backwards onto the soft grass that surrounded the pond and got to my knees and suddenly stopped with fright.
A lone figure began to rise out of the pond water, or should i say blood. It was a small girl about the age of 13 or so. She had risen fully out of the water and was hovering over the blood filled pond. Streams of blood fell down her body and landed into the pond. Her face was covered with pure white hair and blood. A small hand came of out no where and moved the hair aside. Poking out of the hair was a child's eye staring at mine. I just knelt there with suprise of what was happening. Her long slender arm raised to my height. Following her arm was a slim boney finger with a sharp white nail.. pointing towards my direction. At me.
I scrambled off my knees and onto my feet. I was panicing and breathing heavier than normal. Then she spoke with a tone of pain, of revenge "You." My eyes widened at the statement she had just taken upon me. The girl flew towards me with eyes widened and arms spread outward. She smiled flashing fangs. Fangs?! Right then I realised I should run and that was precicely what i did. But she caught me pulled me onto the ground and pinned me beneath her. A loud hissing noise came from her mouth and those fangs. She reared her head back, pulled the skin around her mouth back to give a full view of her fangs and rushed a strike to my neck.

"Ahhh!" I screamed as I woke up to a familiar place, a familiar room. It was just a dream. Just a dream. Thank God.
I pushed my doonas and sheets away from my body and slid out of bed onto a cold floor. It was winter and my house didn't cope too well with the change of weather. I stumbled across the room and opened a cupboard and slid on a jumper over my pajamas. I glanced over to the clock on my bedside table it read "6:00am". Yip-eee.

End of chapter one. Any comments or Advice to help me would be great! <3 Mystic

07-12-2006, 09:49 AM
WOW! Very good! Love the idea of starting with a dream. Let me know when you come out with chapter 2

07-12-2006, 10:27 AM
WOW! Very good! Love the idea of starting with a dream. Let me know when you come out with chapter 2Yeah! That's true! And can I know the coming chapter 2 too?

07-12-2006, 09:04 PM
Great story. Can't wait for the next chapter. <3

gothic tears
07-12-2006, 09:29 PM
That was so great! I love writing, you got skills with your stories.
Whats weird is that I'm 13 too. o.o haha, I like
Chapter 2 is gonna be great, I just know it! ^_^

07-14-2006, 02:01 AM
lol, i am turning 14 this year. i guess that is why i made that girl 13 :P anywho. thank you everyone for your comments. i am glad that you enjoyed my stroy so much. because of this i will be writing chapter 2. So keep looking and eventually you will see chapter 2. Just remember i have to go to school and such. lol. Coming soon!