View Full Version : Original Fiction: School Crush Part II

Sakura Holic
07-11-2006, 08:55 PM
Month past. It was December 16. Last day of school before vac. break. I gave out candy canes to my friends and other friends I made from these past months. I got a gift from Risa. AKA Sarah Lee. We called her by her nick so we wont get confused on which Sarah we are talking to or talking about. But nothing from Brianna. Just a card. I have Risa and Brianna a card and some candy canes. I gave jacky one too.
The bell rang...I told Risa that I wanted to give a set (card and candy) to Edward...but I was too scared. I keep thinking what if he said "No Thanks." BUT1!! Risa has to take the card and the candy cane away from me and gave it to him!
"Thanks Vicky."
Edward thanked me! In my heart, I was rejoicing..Outside, I was blushing red.
"Em...no problem." I answered.
"Thankyou. Merry christmas." he said. and walked out. I walk to the other direction and he shouted thankyou again with his hadn up in the air as a wave.
"Merry christmas Edward..." I whispered to myself. And I walk to the cafetirea where I wait for the school bus.
I entered the cafe full of people talking...Got to my bus area and picked a seat. Threw my bag on the table thinking how lousy it was what I said to Edward.
I could've asked if he likes me..I could've confessed that I love him....stupid me....
"UGH!!" I threw my forehead on the table with a bang.
"Geebies! Dont hurt yourself!" Jessica. A 7th grader. First day, I meet her at the bus stop. We talked but didnt really considered her as a friend.
"Sorry...." head still on the table, I sighed. It's painless.
"Hey Vicky!"
That..voice..I know that voice!! I looked up.
"Edward!!" I paused. "What are you doing here?"
"I take the C-9s and C-8s area. I see you live in the C-10-2 area...."
"Yea..I live in Likini street." I spoke covering my forehead.
"C-9S! C-8S! YOUR BUS IS HERE!" yelled out one of the staffs in the mic.
"Gata go." Edward ran and grabed his bag on the table where he was sitting, and walked with his friends.
"Bye..." i said..but too late for that..
I grabed my bag and started walking to my bus stop area where the bus awaits me.
I was home. Alast. No one home though... Not until 5. Not going to do homework YET. So I might as well go and call Risa.
"VICKY!!" Shouted Risa.
"Oww...." I said painfully as I cover my ear.
"How did it go?" Risa asked how did it go...how did what go?
"What...?" I answer.
"After school I saw you with Edward in the cafe. So?"
"Uh..oh...We..didnt talk much.." I put the phone on speaker and place my head on my arm.
"Aw..that's ok. Listen...do you want to see Aeon Flux in the next two weeks with Me, Brianna, Rosalind , Janis and Daniel?" Risa asked me. I answered.
"I'll ask my mom."
"....Did I mention Edward might come?"
I was in shock. Never mind about asking mom...It was going to be ONE answer.
"NO NO NO NO NO! Never mind! I DON'T want to go!" I shouted. Changed my mind I wouldnt want Edward to know I love him..and I make it too obvious.
"What!? And all of the sudden you change your mind?" Risa yelled at me.
"Yes!! I changed my mind!" I yelled back at her.
"Hello?" there was a voice on the other line. Sound like a guy. No..IT IS a guy.
"Who is this?" I asked.
"Oh..I didn't tell you...This is Daniel." Risa spoke with laughter.
"Daniel? You mean your-" Risa interupted my sentence
"oh....right...sorry." I said softly.
"What?" Daniel is all confused.
Risa and I both Shouted.
"Ok...well...Edward just text me...and he saids he's not going." Daniel sighed.
"Yea!! haha! What now risa?!" I shouted.
"Darn..." Risa spoke in disapointment.
"Wait...does Daniel know something?" I asked Risa.
"Uh..." is Daniel and Risa's answer.
"I thought I told you not to tell..."
Risa said that he figured it out. Daniel said that she told.
"OMG I swear...." I paused..Then sighed. Decided not to finish the sentence.
"Well..got to go bye!" Risa hung up...
"Daniel!" I called him to get his attention.
"Did you know that Risa likes you? I mean...Love you?" yes...I know I shouldnt..but SHE started it.
"S-s-she does?" Daniel ask in a funny tone.
"Yea...you should talk to her often.."
We both got silent. Im guessing he has nothing to say.
"Well..I got to go...C ya!" I hung up leaving Daniel. I put the phone in charge and went online to look up the movie Aeon Flux.
Part 2 was finished. It's kinda long huh...Hope all of you like it. Enjoy~

07-12-2006, 01:52 AM
Nope, not too long. I think this is a much better version. Your sentences are generally fairly short, I like that in syntax. But you may want to add a bit more descriptions. I know that will be hard to pull off in first person point of view of a middle schooler (they dont generally notice those things), but it's worth a try.

07-12-2006, 09:50 AM
Great, great, great can't say nothing else because cappy said everything anyways I really liked it and keep writing, I really enjoyed it.

Sakura Holic
07-12-2006, 01:20 PM
Thanks you two. I'll try my best on part 3.
I have more parts to go...since it's a long story...
@ @

07-12-2006, 03:10 PM
Meh, don't worry, I got time. lol Always pleased to read a fellow writer's work.

07-20-2006, 10:27 AM
very good Sarara again

07-20-2006, 10:29 AM
it wasnt really long but i like it its cool keep it up

08-19-2006, 12:29 PM
I think its GREAT i love it more than the first one

i cant wait for the third part

08-19-2006, 07:58 PM
Great job!!! I'll go start reading the third one.

08-20-2006, 08:32 PM
Wow! Yez, This is better than the first one. It had lots of improvements. Gotta go and read part 3 and 4. Buh bye!