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UltimaChaos
04-12-2005, 06:09 PM
well, i posted another poem a while back and got some good reviews on it. if you're new to me, it's called "Cold".
(sorry, it's a little long)

Life: Desire and Dissatisfaction

I search for my life.
Whether in my home with family
or in the virtual world
of Super Smash Brothers.
The line between reality
and something else is quite
thin for everyone indeed.
It's painful to think
that you've crossed the line
but you desire more out of life
if you find yourself stuck
in sanity and true reality.
People fear death
and that is the reason
that people desire a perfect
life, which surpasses the fear
and horror of death.
A lonely boy
with a broken heart,
sitting on a hillside
during the darkest part
of the night.
The only comfort he has
is the comfort of the
light of the night's moon.
He tries to express
his love for the one
but she doesn't hear him.
The pain he feels
surpasses the loneliness
of isolation in life.
He is like this
only for the sole purpose
of his desires for a life
beyond belief,
and it has engulfed him.
For his sword is his
giver of thsi life
and it was also, if needed,
the taker of life.
So before you take your life
to new heights of desires,
watch for the line
between desires
and dissastisfaction.

BrittyBott
06-03-2005, 02:34 PM
Your poem shows that not all good poems need to rhyme. Excellent.

hameht
06-03-2005, 03:07 PM
It's really well written. It hits you hard with pure emotion. I love it.

Faroelove
06-03-2005, 03:17 PM
You ave a talent for using poems to express things.

iMud
09-15-2006, 05:08 AM
Wow! I've never read any other poem in my life that shows such knid of emotion so clearly. As if, you really have those feelings.