Sound Horizon - Eien no Shounen

[Haze~]

Here's another one. It's just a feeling, but I feel like I've gone way off in some places. I'll highlight whatever I'm unsure of/had problems with.
Again, I'd really appreciate any help. よろしくお願いします～

Romaji:

[Saigo no kioku]

Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?

"Hito wa saa... muishiki no uchi ni yami wo terasu no wo saketerunda
Terasarezaru yami wa yori kuraku fukakunatteyuku tte shitteta kai?
Yami nante saa... kakaetenai you na kao wo shite hibi wo ikiteru
Sonna kimi no naka wa totemo igokochi ga iinda..."

Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?

"Donna yami wo mochiite mo yami no fukasa wa hakarenainda... demo
Sono koto ni kidzuita toki ni wa mou soko made todoku hikari wa idakenai no sa
Tatoeba kimi ga inakunattatte dare mo komari wa shinainda yo
Tada boukyaku to soushitsu no hazama de yureru dake... sore dake nanda..."

"Ubai tsudzukeru monogatari wo..."
"Wasure tsudzukeru monogatari wo..."
"Ushinai tsudzukeru monogatari wo..."
"Gensou no na wo katari soko ni aru genjitsu wo..."

Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?

"Kimi wa saa... jibun hitori de ikiteru tsumori nandarou kedo...
Kimi ga ikiru tame ni dore dake no inochi ga ubawareru no ka shitteru kai?
Soshite... sore wa kore kara mo tsudzuiteyuku monogatari...
Kimochi warui yo ne... sore tte sugoku kimochi warui yo ne?"

"Ee... doushitara ii ka tte?"
"...Sonna no kantan sa"
"Kimi wa mada wakaranai no kai?"
"Sou sa... inakunachaeba iinda yo..."

"...Nigeru no kai? doko made nigetatte muda sa
Boku wa kimi no naka ni iru... soshite kare no naka ni mo... kanojo no naka ni mo ne
Soushitsu no chiheisen wa daisan no gensou wo matoi doko ni demo arawarerunda
Kimi ga 'ikitai' to negai tsudzukeru furi
"Lost"(koko) kara wa nigerarenai no sa..."

Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?
Ushinau made, nigasanai...
Ushinau made, nigasanai...

"Kioku to wa yodomanai you nagare tsudzukeru mizu no you na uta na no sa
Tatoeba sono nagare ga tomatta to shite mo
Soko wa owari no bashou janainda
Kimi no naka no enban ga mawaridaseba mizu wa futatabi nagare gensou wo kanadedasu
Soshite kimi wa... nando demo "Lost"(koko) ni modottekuru..."

Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?
Ushinau made, nigasanai...
Ushinau made, nigasanai...
Nee kimi, ikiteru no tte tanoshii kai?
Ushinau made, nigasanai...
Ushinau made, nigasanai...

English:

[Last Memory]

Say, do you find life enjoyable?

"When it comes to people... They unconsciously elude the illumination of the darkness.
Did you know? The unilluminated darkness grows even darker and deeper.
Speaking of darkness... You're making an expression as if repressing its existence as you go by every day.
How nice is it being you..."

Say, do you find life enjoyable?

"No matter what kind of darkness it is you're utilizing, the darkness itself is unmeasurably deep…
But by the time you realize it, the light reaching all the way down there is no longer able to engulf it.
Even if you were to be no more, not a single soul would as much as fret.
You'd merely sway within the gap between oblivion and loss... That's all there is..."

"A tale of progressing theft..."
"A tale of astir lapse of memory..."
"A tale of constant loss..."
"Under a false name of an illusion, a reality which over there lies..."(1)

Say, do you find life enjoyable?

"When it comes to you... I'm sure you're convinced you're making it through life on your own...
But do you know how many lives are lost in order for you to keep living?
Furthermore... This tale is neverending...
Disgusting, isn't it... It's truly disgusting, isn't it?"

"Huh... 'What should I do?', you ask?"
"...The answer is simple."
"You still haven't figured it out?"
"That's right... Vanish..."

"...Trying to run away? Run all you want, it's no use.
I live inside of you... Inside of him, too... Inside of her as well.
The Horizon of Demises clad in the third illusion, and may appear at any given place.
Even if you fake a continuing will to "live",
You cannot escape from being 'Lost'."

Say, do you find life enjoyable?
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...

"'Memories', are like a song formed by water streaming relentlessly.
Even if the stream comes to a stop,
It doesn't end there.
With the rotation of your inner disk, the water will flow once more, and plunge into a symphony of illusions.
And thus, you... Will revert to being "Lost", again and again..."

Say, do you find life enjoyable?
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...
Say, do you find life enjoyable?
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...
I'm not letting you go, 'till you suffer loss...

Kanji:

(最後の記憶)

ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？

「人はさぁ...無意識の内に闇を照らすのを避けてるんだ
照らされざる闇はより昏く深くなってゆくって知ってたかい？
闇なんてさぁ...抱えてないような顔をして日々を生きてる
そんな君の中はとても居心地が良いんだ...」

ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？

「どんな闇を用いても闇の深さは測れないんだ...でも
そのことに気付いた時にはもうそこまで届く光は抱けないのさ
例えば君がいなくなったって誰も困りはしないんだよ
唯忘却と喪失の狭間で揺れるだけ...それだけなんだ...」

「奪い続ける物語を...」
「忘れ続ける物語を...」
「失い続ける物語を...」
「幻想の名を騙りそこに在る現実を...」

ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？

「君はさぁ...自分ひとりで生きてるつもりなんだろうけど...
君が生きる為にどれだけの命が奪われるのか知ってるかい？
そして...それはこれからも続いてゆく物語...
気持ち悪いよね...それって凄く気持ち悪いよね？」

「えっ...どうしたら良いかって？」
「...そんなの簡単さ」
「君はまだ解らないないのかい？」
「そうさ...いなくなっちゃえば良いんだよ...」

「...逃げるのかい？　何処まで逃げたって無駄さ
僕は君の中にいる...そして彼の中にも...彼女の中にもね
喪失の地平線は第三の幻想を纏い　何処にでも現れるんだ
君が『生きたい』と願い続ける限り
『Lost』(ここ)からは逃げられないのさ...」

ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？
失うまで、逃がさない...
失うまで、逃がさない...

「記憶とは澱まないよう流れ続ける水のような詩なのさ
例えその流れが止まったとしても
そこは終わりの場所じゃないんだ
君の中の円盤が廻り出せば　水は再び流れ幻想を奏で出す
そして君は...何度でも『Lost』(ここ)に戻ってくる...」

ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？
失うまで、逃がさない...
失うまで、逃がさない...
ねえ君、生きてるのって楽しいかい...？
失うまで、逃がさない...
失うまで、逃がさない...

(1) - I asked a Japanese person about this one, and that's what I got, but it just keeps throwing me off.

[EJTranslations]

Very nice job! Sound Horizon lyrics are so tough, aren't they? ... Meaning that I can't give useful feedback at 3 AM, but I promise I'll take a look at this and the other one tomorrow.

[EJTranslations]

Okay, now that I'm actually awake, here we go! This is mostly really nitpicky stuff, feel free to ignore it.

>When it comes to people... They unconsciously elude the illumination of the darkness.

I would reword this slightly and say something like "they avoid illuminating the darkness." As it is now, it sounds like the darkness itself is (paradoxically) illuminating something.

>"No matter what kind of darkness it is you're utilizing, the darkness itself is unmeasurably deep…

I think the translation of this line is fine, I just want to say that the word is "immeasurably." (Also, "utilizing" sounds so corporate to me, but that's just personal preference.)

>"Under a false name of an illusion, a reality which over there lies..."(1)

I think your friend's interpretation is right, but the meaning might be clearer if the sentence were reorganized a little--something like "The reality under the false name of an illusion which lies over there" or "the reality which lies over there under the false name of an illusion."

>But do you know how many lives are lost in order for you to keep living?
>Furthermore... This tale is neverending...

I feel like your current translation doesn't make the connection between these lines clear (the sense I get is something like "A lot of people have died for you to keep living--and it's not over yet!" i.e. more people are going to die for this reason in the future), but I don't have a specific suggestion for how to improve on that. Also, I feel like the sense of "neverending" is a little different from "これからも続いてゆく," which doesn't technically say that it will never end, just that it isn't ending yet/will continue from this point.

>The Horizon of Demises clad in the third illusion, and may appear at any given place.

Did you miss out a verb here? ("The Horizon of Demises is...")

>With the rotation of your inner disk

This line is weird as hell and I can see why you're unsure about it, but I can't see any way of interpreting it other than how you have. Revo just does these things sometimes.

[Haze~]

>I would reword this slightly and say something like "they avoid illuminating the darkness." As it is now, it sounds like the darkness itself is (paradoxically) illuminating something.

Now that you mention it, it does. I'll definitely have to replace that one if it ends up being misleading.

>I think your friend's interpretation is right, but the meaning might be clearer if the sentence were reorganized a little--something like "The reality under the false name of an illusion which lies over there" or "the reality which lies over there under the false name of an illusion."

I like that second translation you suggested, so I'm gonna steal it~

>I feel like your current translation doesn't make the connection between these lines clear (the sense I get is something like "A lot of people have died for you to keep living--and it's not over yet!" i.e. more people are going to die for this reason in the future), but I don't have a specific suggestion for how to improve on that. Also, I feel like the sense of "neverending" is a little different from "これからも続いてゆく," which doesn't technically say that it will never end, just that it isn't ending yet/will continue from this point.

I'm out of ideas regarding the first two lines. As for that "Neverending" - how about, "And what's more… This tale is long from being done spinning…"?

>Did you miss out a verb here? ("The Horizon of Demises is...")

Whoops!

Again, thanks for all the feedback! I feel a lot better about that 円盤 line now...